Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Wanted: Someone Who Has at Least a First Grader's Knowledge of English to Edit Want Ads

I spent part of my morning looking through some classified ads. I was hoping to see an ad that stated, "Wanted: a stay at home mom to do a little internet surfing from home. Starting salary $75k. Must not have any computer knowledge, must not be able to converse with adults on any subjects beyond diaper changing, fourth grade math homework, and the best spit-up stain removers. Being out of the work force for 13 years a plus. Must be willing to tune out your kids in order to hang out on the computer for 2 -3 hours day.

Surprisingly, I didn't see any such ads. What I did find were several ads looking for freelance work. Now I don't know about you, but I don't think I would want to work for a company who misspelled the word "once", not once, but twice. I'm certainly not perfect and make my fair share of typos, but if you're placing a want ad, you might want to do a little proofreading. Please.

We are seeking editors/writers to write entries (around 500 words) on a blog for writers. Bloggers should be proficient with American English usage and terms, as well as be used to using WordPress. We want people who are motivated and interested in writing/the English language, what you have learnt and how you perceive the writing/publishing world. You will need to write at least 2 posts per week to the blog.

Hmmm, what have I learnt about the English language...

I need 2000 articles on various sources for magazine publishing. The right provider should have good writing and grammer skills.

I guess spelling is optional?

Should also have a creative writing side, developing articles people will enjoy reading. All articles must be 1000 words or more on various topics I will provide.I don't do escrow or advance payment. I will pay through PayPal. I required a Net 15 day payment policy.

and now what do you require?

We would like to offer you the job in our international tourism company - Clubfreedom- like an independent marketing consultant. Unlimited cheap vacations, $6000 salary once a month and less,

$6000 once a month and less?

personal site and much more is quaranteed.

quarantined? guaranteed? Anyone?

I need a few opinion essays for my Intro to Ethics class as I don't have enough time to finish them. I need the following:- 6 x 250 words' reviews which are based upon articles which I will provide from the textbook.

Yes, this sounds ethical.

we are looking for a german copywriter for web content, we will provide 3 keywords per page, then the copywriter should good copy around these keywords, 600-800 words and each keyword should appear 3 times.

Oh, I shouldn't bad copy them? How about capitalization? Is that bad too?

Our company is looking for a company or freelancer interested in a join venture on a gaming project.

We'll be joining on this venture?

We have already domains, company made specially for the project, servers and the idea of the project. All information will be granted onced we have choosed the right company to work with.

No comment

We are offering a % of the business (from 20 to 30%) your work will be to do the whole gaming system, gaming design, website, databases, system admin, affiliate system etc.. we already have the whole idea, all we need is a company that can make it real. We wont provide any investment on the gaming part, thats your work. Companies interested must be in contact 10 hours a day, 5 days a week throw msn, skype, aim or gtalk.

How does one throw MSN?

Company selected will sign a contract with our company before starting and onced

There's that word again. Onced upon a time...

finished and tested all systems, we will invite you to our offices in Madrid or London so you can know us and sign the final contract. Our company will pay for your flight and stay doesnt matter where you are from.Company must respect dead lines,

What exactly are dead lines?

we need serious people.We prefer young people, unmarried who love to work for a better future, as married have too many responsabilities and that could deliver in not meeting deadlines.

So, you don't like married people, punctuation, spelling, or capitalization?


Frannie Farmer said...

I love it!
Sounds like our jobs searches AND results are quite similar ...
Thanks for stopping by my blog!
I hope I have spelled everything correctly ... oh the pressure!

Leann I Am said...

That is too funny! I know I'm not PERFECT at this whole 'English thing' but I guess they should hire someone like you or I to proofread this stuff. There's a job...

Trish said...

I had something similar to this on my blog not too long ago. Here is a link to the page that had my spell checking ass in an uproar:

Genie books said...

Heehee, if I taught English I would use this next week to see if the freshman picked up on their mistakes.

Michelle said...

Oh, I'm so with you on this one! Have you read the book Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss? If not then you'd love it...it's a whole book about this stuff. My husband calls me the Apostrophe Police (!)...my personal latest peeve is that the entire English Speaking World seems to have forgotten basic things like plurals and apostrophes...the local fresh produce store frightens me with huge cardboard signs advertising their fresh PEAR'S, APPLE'S and ORANGE'S. While one store at our local shopping centre is offering a special deal on BOOK'S, CD'S and DVD'S. ::Shudder:: I know I make spelling and grammatical errors too but this is ridiculous. The WORST is when it comes in the form of a school Newsletter from my son's Catholic Primary School..it's now half way through the school year here and I refuse to accept that his teacher ever completed any form of higher education before she was let loose on those children...

jenerekfamily said...

What a killer!

Anonymous said...

My best friend and I have been rehashing all this for weeks now. We read a headline on myspace that said "everytime I here this song I no we are meant to be together." That klled me so badly that I emailed this girl I don't KNOW and told her how to spell.
My pastor has a thing about the way kids spell (and let's face it- it's not just kids these days). He says that people have died for our freedom to have an education, so why do we have kids saying/writing "dat" and not "that."
Oh and when did people stop learning the parts of speech, grammar and punctuation, etc.?
I remember being in 10th grade English and no one on my class, besides me, could define an adverb, adjective or pronoun. Now, I did go to Christian school for most of my life, but for high school I got to attend public. I did have a great education and I am grateful, but I was left feeling confused. I thought we go to school to learn. Do they teach the same things in public and Christian school or do I feel vaguely superior for a reason?
Needless to say, I am 26 now and nothing has changed much since my old school days. People still sound ridiculous.
Thank you for your hilarity and poignant, real point of view.
I'm watching "It's a Wonderful Life" and George Bailety just told his sick daughter's teacher how stupid she is. Talk about timing...
I'll be tuning in to your blogs each day... And congrats on that price you got on the Pokemon cards. Now you have a couple of dollars to hide from your kids... ;o)

Anonymous said...

All I can say is Jay Leno. You must send some of that in! FUNNY!!!

Amy said...

This stuff is too funny! I am at work laughing my head off, and my co-workers think I have finally gone off the deep end. It reminds me of the time I saw the sales sign that said "White Ladies Tennis Shoes 20% off!", White Ladies Tennis Shoes?

I love reading your blog. Just discovered it today, and I can so relate. I have 3 children, not 6, sometimes it just seems like 6!

Anonymous said...

I'm the world's best hall monitor when it comes to proofing! Apostrophe Overuse Syndrome (AOS) drives me nuts, too! One night I proofread the obituaries in our local paper and discovered so many hideous, careless, disrespectful errors that I wrote to the Editor!

Anonymous said...

What paper were you reading? xD

Anonymous said...

I once saw a want ad looking for a candidate with "attention to etail." I kid you not.

I also get really bugged by poor spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Apostrophe Overuse Syndrome drives me up the wall. Even worse-- the use of quotes for emphasis. When I see a menu offering "fresh" vegetables I want to ask why they're pretending their vegetables are fresh.

And-- a mistake that drives me crazy because it is so ubiquitous-- "different than" instead of "different from." I see that one in respectable publications more and more often; it's getting so common it will probably be standard usage soon.

Anonymous said...

I am a former teacher. When I was teaching in a junior college, I made my students very upset because I told them in every class, "Spelling counts." I will think I have died and gone to heaven if I see someone write "a lot of X" instead of "alot of X." That just drives me crazy!
I am the oldest of 8; I have 5 younger brothers and 2 younger sisters. I was basically the second mother to the older babies and I can so relate to what you write about your family life. Thank goodness almost no one is at work today because I'm chuckling out loud at your blog.

Anonymous said...

Improper English is one of my pet peeves, though I will freely admit that I, myself, am slipping in my old age. LOL

Bonnie said...

I haven't actually cried laughing in a long, long time. Oh my gosh, this was fantastic. Thanks so much!

Tamara said...

SO I realize this is an "older" post, but I'm commenting anyway. A friend at work consistently sends emails out that say "Supposeably" something or other is going to happen. I keep trying to explain that it is suppose to be supposedly but to no avail. So now I just crack up laughing when I read it.

Anonymous said...

ahhh yes!! The ones that really get to me are:
it's (it is) and its (possessive).
And you're and your
and Their and They're and There
I think internet chatting has had a HUGE effect on writing skills(or lack thereof).

Anonymous said...

With your permission, I think I will use this page in my tenth grade English class. They will have no problem finding the mistakes, however, I am more interested in showing them that people do care if you cannot spell or write correctly.
I sent an email to you requesting permission to use the Pokemon auction in my class. Please let me know, I will teach citations from ebay and blogs, and fully cite everything.

Anonymous said...

By any chance were you reading Craigslist? LOL

Anonymous said...

Must...Breathe...Laughing...Too...Hard... Whew! Back in college, my friends and I would stage dramatic readings of the classified ads. Of course, the most fun was to be had in the Personals section, but THIS could be so much more interesting! I'm thinking of getting the old gang together and to see how this would play. :)

Beth said...



Mystii said...

Oh, what a good read this was! I can't tell you how many times I've done the same thing while reading a magazine or newspaper. I know they check for spelling errors and grammatical mistakes, but the ones that get through are gut-busting funny!

You did a great job at the commentary... maybe you should do a regular blog bit on things you've run across in your travels and comment on them like it.

Lin-nay-uh said...

I thought you might like to know that just recently my husband and I were watching a show on the food network called Feasting on Asphalt. It's about a bunch of guys traveling up the Mississippi checking out the food and the heritage of people along the river. This particular episode featured a diner that had Kolaid and sugar added to their pickles. Sometimes it's nice to know where our kids get these crazy ideas.

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