I got to see my brand new baby niece, Ryan, a couple days ago! Isn't she cute? She's sooo tiny! Makes me want another one. But then I'd have to change the name of my website to Mom2My6PackWithAChaser. I can't figure out if my cute little nephew, Dominick, is trying to make a point or if he's just telling my kids, "Shhhhh!" after they were mauling him.
Congratulations Aunt Kelly and Uncle Ross! 
This is the conversation that took place on my way to baseball.
CLAY: Go faster, Mom!
LEX: She's going faster than Daddy.
CLAY: Mom is more faster than Dad.
LEX: Yeah. Mom's car is faster than Dad's.
CLAY: Yeah, Mom has a fast car. Why is Mom more faster?
LEX: Because Mom has more gas.
CLAY: Ohhh. Yeah, Mom has more gas so she goes more faster.
LEX: Yeah. Dad doesn't have enough gas.
CLAY: Do you need gas to go fast?
LEX: Yeah, you need lots of gas to go faster.
CLAY: Ohhh. Mom has lots of gas.
(By the way, I'm pretty sure Joe has more gas.)
My friend just got this email forwarded to her with a list of ways you could use vodka. I thought it was very helpful and wanted to share it with you guys.
1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The stuff dissolves adhesive.
Or you could just drink the vodka and then rip the bandage off. Six of one, half dozen the other.
2. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
Kinda gives the term "beer goggles" a new meaning.
3. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
Because when you cut yourself shaving, it feels so much better to get vodka in your cut.
4. Spray vodka on wine stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.
This is an example of irony.
5. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
Then walk around smelling like an alcoholic all day.
6. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
But does it give you great body like the beer shampoo from the 70s?
7. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka and spray bees or wasps to kill them.
Or get them drunk and angry.
8. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water into a Ziploc freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshing ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes.
Again, I'm guessing there's a little more pain relief in the ingestion of this ice pack.
9. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.
Or drizzle over sorbet, chocolate cake, or flan for a sweet floral flavor with citrus notes.
10. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.
Yes, this is exactly what doctors recommend. Along with: a half an onion placed under the bed of a sick person will draw off fever and poisons; red ribbon should be placed on a child who has been sick to keep the illness from returning; placing a hand in front of your mouth when sneezing will keep your soul from escaping; seeing an ambulance is very unlucky unless you pinch your nose and hold your breath until you see a black dog.
11. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.
does wonders for your breath too
12. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.
because everyone carries a flask of vodka to the beach with them
13. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin. According to the Mythbusters (both Jamie & Adam AND Austin & Jackson) this myth has been BUSTED!
14. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.
This is even better if you take a swig of orange juice at the same time.
OK, my brain is tired. I need to get to sleep early tonight for the Great Baseball Extravaganza tomorrow. Nine hours of baseball woo hoo! So, your mission, should you choose to accept, is to come up with a snarky comment for this last vodka idea. Leave me a comment with your best retort. The winner will receive a bottle of vodka a Starbucks card. What? Vodka tastes icky and it doesn't ship well.
15. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
I can't wait for school to be out! Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking. Sometime in July, when I'm bribing school officials to institute year-round school, I'll deny ever saying this. But for now, I can't wait for school to be out. This is the only time of the year that I'm on the same page as my teacher friends. We're all counting down.
We have one day over 60 degrees and the kids think it's summer. As I'm folding laundry, I see the little ones streak by me in their bathing suits.
"Hey! Where do you think you're going?"
"Outside. Mom, can we go swimming?"
"Where? In the mud puddle by the swingset?"
"Will you set up the pool?"
"Sure, let's have a pool party." My kids learn all about sarcasm at an early age.
"Awww why not? It's really hot out here."
"Because I said so."
"But whyyyy?"
"Because I'm mean."
Clayton decided that since it's summer, it's high time he learned how to ride a big 2 wheeler. So he climbed up onto Joe's tool bench, found the appropriately sized wrench and proceeded to remove his training wheels. He did just turn four afterall. He then (and this is the really impressive part!) returned the wrench to my husband's tool box, and placed his training wheels upon the work bench. They know to return my husband's tools to their proper place! However, they paint maps of Florida with my spatula, dig in the sand box with my ladle and give their hermit crabs baths in my Tupperware and then lose my kitchen gadgets. I've got to ask Joe his secret.
Anyway, he hops on his bike and takes off. Ta Da. Nothing more to it. The kid is nuts. Jackson was the same way. But when Austin was 4 or 5, he tried to ride a 2 wheeler and fell off. He got back on and fell again. He then threw the bike down, said it was stupid and stomped off. He didn't try again for a year. Savannah, when learning to ride without training wheels, tried and fell and tried and fell and tried and fell about a thousand times. She was one giant walking bruise, but she learned to ride that thing!
Anyway, the older kids think it's summer too. Baseball games often last until 8:30. By the time they get home, grab a snack, shower, and finish their homework, it's 10:00. They're tired and don't want to get up for school in the morning. Of course, because it's so summery outside at a balmy 50 degrees these days, Savannah thinks she doesn't need a jacket at her softball games.
"Don't you want your UnderArmor? Are you sure you want to wear your softball shorts? Why don't you at least put on a t-shirt under your sleeveless jersey?"
She looked at me and rolled her eyes. She rolled her eyes! She said, "It's hot outside," but what she meant was, "Are you daft, old woman? How did you ever make it this far in life? Clearly, you're stupid."
Of course, I fully exercised my right to say, "I told you so!" when, shivering, she broke down and asked me to get her sweatshirt.
And the middle kids also think it's summer. They're done with school. Homework takes them 2.3 minutes to do these days. They've forgotten how to read. I can actually see their brain cells going into summer hibernation.
Me? I'm just tired of getting them up and off to school and I'm tired of battling with them to get homework done, especially on baseball days. I'd rather sit outside around a campfire and talk until late at night then sleep in and not worry about homework for a couple weeks. I love summer!
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Did I tell you guys I finally got new couches? They've been in pretty sad shape since this incident, but I didn't want to spend any money on new ones because I know the kids are just going to trash them. We had people over the other day. Our couch swallowed one of our guests. We tried pulling them out, but the only things we were able to retrieve were Kix, granola bar wrappers, change, a pencil, a piece of chewed gum, part of a blackened banana peel, a petrified cheese stick, three socks, a cow, a harmonica, and an empty toilet paper roll. At this point, we decided it was probably time to bury our old couch and get a new one. Thank you to Suburban Correspondant at The More, The Messier for her suggestion of Ektorp furniture by Ikea. This furniture has slip covers that are washable! Do you know what this means? It means, if when the kids throw up chicken, mashed potatoes and undigested corn all over the couch, I can wash it Joe can wash it! When Brooklyn drools chocolate on the cushions, I can just pop them into the washer. When Clayton sticks his hands in my container of powdered sugar like a gymnast getting ready for his routine on the bar and then somersalts across the love seat, no problem, I can stick the covers in the wash. Not that this has happened or will happen or anything. I'm just saying hypothetically. Just in case. Oh, who am I kidding? I just got them on Sunday and they're already covered in chocolate and powdered sugar and chock full of crumbs. My "No eating in the family room under penalty of death" rule is certainly working.
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One more thing - Jenny at Three Kid Circus is having a contest where you can win a new Wii console, Fitness game, and balance board! Just blog about (or leave her a comment with) your most embarrassing fitness purchase story. Do you have a treadmill that's now a clothes hanger? Did you require an ER visit after using the Thigh Master? Did you realize that Buns of Steal was not intended for use for people who have buns of pudding? Write about it and you could win! She's accepting entries until midnight, Friday, May 16th.
For all of you who asked - I've posted my senior picture on my blog before. How could you forget about the hair? I'm quite proud of the volume I achieved with my 'do. That must have taken half a super-size can of Aquanet and a hair dryer to get that look. And how about the four inches of eye liner. Lookin' good, Dawn. Lookin' good. You can see it here and here. But here's a bonus. A prom picture of me in my lovely, poufy, frou frou dress. (Thanks for supplying the blackmail photo, Brenda) Note the matching flower comb thingy in my hair. Gotta accessorize, no? And no, that isn't my husband. He was my boyfriend at the time - Don. Don, Dawn. Dawn, Don. No, it didn't get confusing.
Now, I'm off to Dunkin Donuts for free iced coffee day. I highly recommend iced coconut coffee with a little cream and sugar. Mmmmm.
So thinking about my upcoming high school reunion, I dragged out my yearbook and started looking through the pages. I was really surprised at the things people wrote in my yearbook. I guess some things don't change in 20 years. Here are a few things my classmates wrote. (Apparently I did a lot of laughing in high school. That could explain my grades...)
Dawn,
Hey girl, it's been a long year, but your laugh has kept the class awake.....
.....you are a really sweet person who thinks up good excuses for ditching gym.
Art has been fun. You have the most creative laugh I have ever heard.
...It was great having you in my class and hearing all your stories.
....PS laugh for me, Dawn!
Survey would not have been the same if your joyous laughter had not filled the room. I will always remember the time that I had to walk out of class because I was having an uncontrollable fit of laughter after listening to you laughing. Keep laughing Dawn and keep making other people laugh.
.....keep laughing. OK, seriously, thanks for being my friend and I hope your life is filled with much happiness and laughter. You have uplifted my life in many ways.
...you are totally funny. You made art class something to look forward to at the end of the day....
What can I say? You've got a weird laugh (that's a compliment). I mean, this class would be total boredom without it....
And this one was especially funny to me. I about fell off my chair laughing at this one...
"Dawn, you turned out some very nice work this year. The keyword is some! But despite that, you're a nice kid, great laugh, talented girl. Thanks for taking my class.
Mr. Upin
Forget about the tranquilizer remark. You turned out OK."
LOL! I remember him threatening me with a tranquilizer because I laughed too much in his class! Ahhh good times, good times...
Despite the fact that I truly don't remember most of the kids I went to school with (in all fairness, there were more than 600 kids in my graduating class) I guess I made an impression on a couple of them. At least 20 years ago. That's good.
You never know when something you do or say will impact another person's life. Not that all those people who signed my book remember me or the fact that I apparently laugh like a hyena, but still, at the time I impacted a couple lives in a positive way. We can all do that. Every day. Take time to spread some laughter and joy! You never know who could really use a smile. :)
It reminds me of this commercial. I don't know anything about Liberty Mutual, but I love these commercials. Those little acts of kindness can have a huge impact.
(You can start by giving your kids a laugh. Just show them pictures of you from your yearbook. My kids haven't stopped laughing at my picture yet.)
I have my 20 year class reunion coming up in October. You know what this means, right? I have 5 months to lose like 100 pounds.
I thought I'd be able to tell my fellow classmates, "Yes, I have a best selling book that came out this summer." Now I'm just going to have to say something cool like, "I have a blog", which is another way of saying, "I'm a great big computer dork."
I went to Classmates.com, looked at the list of fellow graduates and recognized like 5 names. Seriously, I swear I don't remember anyone. This realization was somehow disturbing to me. Did I have any friends in high school? I'm pretty sure I did. I remember hanging out with people after school and on weekends. I have all sorts of signatures in my yearbook. The thing is - I don't know who 90% of the signatures are from. The names are completely foreign. Have I just completely lost my mind? What is my deal?
Since I apparently don't remember a single person I went to high school with, why should I even go to the reunion. Who am I going to be reunited with? I don't have any old flames from high school that I'd love to see. There are no bullies with whom I'd like to get even. There are no popular kids I'd like to see all fat and lonely now. There are no outcasts to whom I need to apologize for making fun of. There doesn't really seem to be a point to going. I'm still best friends with my best friends from high school and we see each other on a regular basis. So, should I go to the reunion and walk around, staring at people's name tags and feigning recognition when they come up and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in 20 years! Remember me?"
Or worse yet, maybe no one will remember me! They'll talk to each other and ask, "Who's that loser in the corner? Do you remember her?"
I think the key to enjoying your high school reunion is making up stuff.
What are you doing these days, Dawn?
Well, I work for NASA.
Really? Wow, I'm surprised. Didn't you fail math like 3 years in a row?
So what are you doing with yourself now?
I'm in a circus. I train elephants.
What do you do for a living?
I'm a CIA agent.
What have you done with your life since high school?
I'm still trying to pass algebra 101.
I invented bubble wrap.
I'm dating Charlie Sheen.
I live in Punxsutawney. I'm in charge of feeding the groundhog.
I spent 12 years in Africa learning how to communicate with giraffes.
I have six kids.
That could make for an interesting night. Until people started comparing notes, at which point they might come to the conclusion that I'm insane. Although having the entire graduating class thinking I'm off my rocker would be worth seeing the perplexed looks on their faces when I tell them that I'm a rodeo clown.
Yep, I definitely think I'll be going to this event. If nothing else, it should provide me with blog material. But I promise I won't make Joe go with me. I imagine the only thing more boring than going to your class reunion is going to your spouse's class reunion.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY
to all the moms, grandmothers, aunts, godmothers, friends, and other mom-like people out there! 
Baby Austin
Baby Savannah
Baby Jackson
Baby Lexington
Baby Clayton
Baby Brooklyn
Big fat belly with bruises from shots
The whole gang. I love being a mom!
Thank you to everyone who emailed me a mother's day greeting! I appreciated all of them and wanted to say "thanks" here because I just didn't have time to thank everyone individually. Thank you! :) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Those of you who have been reading my blog for some time now, know about Julian (carepages - juliansworld) and Coleman (carepages - colemanscott). You probably also know about Michelle from My Semblance of Sanity. Michelle is a mega-talented writer and artist and she has this great, big, servant's heart. Because she has become a big advocate for pediatric cancer awareness and research, she's started 4 The Kids to raise money for pediatric cancer research. Check out her designs for sale here and here and here. 50 - 100% of the proceeds are going to benefit pediatric cancer.
Or you could donate to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital. I have a banner over there to the right ----->
And, of course, you can always pray for those little ones battling this horrible, awful thing - cancer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dawn, so now that the Pokemon craze has passed how many hits does your blog average per day?
Ummm 6000ish on the weekend and anywhere between 8000 - 10,000 during the week.
P.S. If the ADHD med you tried for Jackson didn't work out, you could try using a different medicine. There are several different classes of ADHD meds available.
He's been on three different ones over the years. It's not that they didn't work because they worked beautifully. It's that he developed high blood pressure while on them. I'm certainly not about to judge anyone for their decision to use or not use medicine for ADHD. It's a tough decision with pros and cons on both sides and ultimately, you have to decide what's best for your child and your family. For many reasons (blood pressure included) we've decided to try an alternative (natural diet) approach to helping him control his behavior.
I just watched our local news about a woman in Salt Lake that her and her husband live off of the revenue her blog gets from posting ads. Does your blog make that much revenue?
LOL! Ummm nope. How awesome would that be though?
I have two kids...Ethan and Kayla...almost every day when I am talking to one of them I say the wrong name. "Kay...Ethan, did you take out the trash? "EEE...Kayla did you brush your teeth?" This drives them bonkers. Completey bonkers!! I mean I only have TWO kids, one boy, one girl. Easy enough right?? Apparently not!!Do you ever do the name mix up thing?? Please tell me that you do and that I am not alone in this??
I've taken to calling all my kids "Bob". It just makes things simpler.
If sorting through comments to find for the Sunday thing is the most time consuming..you could make some kind of special 'comment/question' box people to ask in. I mean I'm sure you'd still read through the 582 comments you get a day but this not only would make it easier for you but could a good catch-all for the questions that might get overlooked sometimes. Just a thought.
That's a great idea. I wouldn't know how to begin to do this, but I'm sure Kelli can when she sets up my website next month!
What I want to know is who took the picture of you at the sink!?!?!
I did! I'm just THAT talented!
ummm...did I miss something? Did Joe quit his job or is he just busier because you are busier?
He didn't quit his job. He isn't busier. In fact, he's working far less hours these days. That's why I have the nerve to expect him to help out more while I write. Even though no one thinks that me writing is a real job.
What is your husband's profession outside the house? I think its so wonderful that his schedule is so flexible that you can do all of these things. I'm really glad God has open all these wonderful doors for you. Congrats Dawn!
He works in the maintenance department of a school district. And yes, we're super fortunate that his job is somewhat flexible and he can take several days off each year.
If it were me in Joe's shoes, I might be a touch envious that my wife was suddenly a celebrity, and might be a touch miffed that suddenly everything is falling upon my shoulders.
First off - a celebrity? SNORT! So not.
Secondly - believe me, "everything" is not falling on his shoulders. LOL! Ouch, I think I pulled something laughing! That was a good one.
Ok, this is gonna seem like a stupid question, but did you dye your hair?
Ummm no. Why? Who told you I color my hair? It isn't gray. It isn't. Really!
So umm how exactly did you get up to the roof to see what was on the roof?
Get up on the roof? Oh gosh no! I just took pictures from the safety of the ground thankyouverymuch! I have an awesome camera. It's the best thing I bought last year.
Is that ice on the roof or is that just how the roofing material looks? Eek! Are you STILL getting snow? When does it ever stop snowing there? June? August???
It isn't ice on the roof. It's just the color of the shingles. And I think :::knocking on wood::: that we're done with snow for the season. Although I'm still wearing my winter coat to the kids' baseball games.
(SSO question?)Is new roof on "the" list, or *Joe's* list? Is that among his DIY capabilities?
That would be Joe's list although it's not something I'm losing sleep over. And it's entirely among his DIY capabilities. That guy can fix/make anything!
Now I wonder what they would find if they dug up your back yard?
Jimmy Hoffa, a T-Rex, hermit crab remains, Legos, Matchbox cars, Barbie shoes, my ladle, two Pokemon figures, a golf ball, a sippy cup, and King Tut's tomb. Just a guess, of course.
Sorry that I don't read ALL the comments so ignore me if I'm repeating a question....I was wondering...did your son ever "pass" the battery?
I think you got me mixed up with Mimi. Her son swallowed a battery. My kids swallow stuff like staples. (And yes, Mimi's son passed the battery.)
She is so verbal for a 2-yr old!
Yes she is. This is the conversation we just had.
Is Daddy home?
No, he's a work.
He's at work?
Yes.
Ohhh. Daddy's at work?
Yes, Daddy's at work.
Daddy's not home?
Nope.
He's not home? He's at work?
Still yes. He's at work.
Ohhh. Daddy come home?
Yes, he'll be home later.
Ohhh. Daddy at work now?
Yes.
Daddy come home later?
Yes!
Ohhh. Where Austin now?
AAARRRGGGHHH!!!
I AM MAKING AN OFFICIAL REQUEST FOR A VIDEO FEED - A PEEK INTO A MEEHAN DINNER EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!!PUH-LEASE!!!!
I don't have a video camera and my regular camera only takes a minute or two of footage. I don't think I could capture the magic that is dinnertime in a couple minutes. But as soon as I get a video camera, that's the first thing I'll tape! Who knows - it may help some of you with your diets. Seeing a video like that is sure to curb anyone's appetite.
Um, Dawn, did you read about your competition today? Yup, there is some lady that is pregnant with her 18th kid.Granted they live in a 7000 square foot house, but still 18 kids?! And she is 41. I am definitely not competition for her. She can hold the title for the most kids! I'm quite happy with six. I cannot imagine having that many, but they seem to handle it wonderfully. From what I've seen on TV specials about the Duggars, they seem to be very organized and orderly. They have a system and a strong faith and they seem to function really well. Certainly everyone's entitled to their own opinions, but who cares if they want a big family? They take care of each other and those kids will probably all grow up to be productive members of society. What's wrong with that? <---that's rhetorical and if you have something nasty to say about big families, take it somewhere else.
Are any overatures being made by your publisher to have you write a second book? I signed a two book deal, so they're probably kinda expecting me to write that second book.
On the bright side, there's still going to be a book. Now you don't have to take any time away from your lovely family this summer!
True, but the kids were going to go on the book tour with me and now they're disappointed that isn't going to happen. But oh yay - that leaves more time for us to go camping this summer! I'm so excited! Oh boy! Camping! <---- read with heavy sarcasm.
Question: who's the boy on the cover of the book? He looks so much like the little guy on the ETrade commercials who buys stock...
I dunno. Some misc. kid who is a cover model and apparently trades stock in his spare time.
I suppose though while your waiting for your book to come out they may want you to write your second book?
Yeah, the second manuscript is due in January. Think I'll be able to finish it in time if I start it after Christmas?
Will Guideposts have a story about you in their magazine?
Hmmm good question. They were planning on running a story in their August issue, but I imagine they'll hold off until next spring now. Have you guys all read Guideposts Magazine? It's very inspiring, but I warn you - you must have a book of tissues nearby when you read it. Seriously. You've been warned.
what I really NEED to know is HOW in the world did that baby get chocolate all over her face, hands, and clothes but NOT the highchair seat? And which child is that anyway?
It's Brooklyn and I have no idea. She probably licked it off the high chair.
Oh, and do any of your kids have tubes in their ears?
Yep, four out of the six have had at least one set of tubes. They can officially hear, but they still don't listen.
I’ve got some bad news. You might want to sit down for this. In fact, go grab some chocolate before you sit down. This is big.
Ready? My publisher has changed their mind and they’re no longer going to publish my book.
OK, now take a bite of that chocolate. Take a deep breath. Actually, my book is still going to be published. Just not this summer. (I’m sorry, but you always give really bad news first. That way it doesn’t sound so bad when you deliver the sort of bad news.)
It’s true. Because of the Olympics and the upcoming election, my publisher realized that my book wouldn’t get much publicity if it came out in August because shockingly enough, there are people out there who would rather hear about the Olympics and the election than my book! I know!
Anyway, Guideposts is still planning big things for my book, but they’ve been pushed back a bit so they can launch it with style in time for Mother’s Day 2009. I know, I know, it’s a year away. But just wait until you see what they roll out to publicize the book. It’s going to be fabulous—and now they have extra time to think of even more ohmygosh over-the-top promo.
I kinda feel like an idiot after talking about my book and the tour and putting a countdown ticker on my blog!
My biggest concern was telling you guys. But I know how awesome all you readers are and I know that you’ll stick around and wait until next spring. Sooo, until next spring, I guess you’re just stuck reading my blog. Oh the horrors.
OK, now I’M in search of some chocolate!
