Sunday, October 29, 2023

The Taming of the Frizz

I have thick, coarse hair. I always have. When I was a kid, my mom kept my hair short. I looked like a boy - a boy in cute little smocked-top dresses. Maybe she really wanted a boy. I don't know. 

My mom would also have the hairdresser "thin" my hair by using thinning shears. The only thing that really accomplished was making my hair look even frizzier with all those shorter strands sticking out.

After amassing a portfolio of cringe-worthy pictures from youth, I decided to keep my girls' hair very long when they were little. I loved braiding it and trying out complicated updos on them. 

With age (read: copious amounts of gray hair) and decades of coloring, my hair has gotten even more unruly. Of course, living in Florida, where on any given day, the temperature is roughly the same as the surface of the sun with 100% humidity, doesn't help. 

I've pretty much given up on styling my hair. I don't have the time, patience, or the arm strength to blow it out. I occasionally, rarely, straighten it with a flat iron. It'll look cute until I walk outside, at which point I look like Monica in Barbados.

By the time I make my way through the parking lot from my car to my office, my hair has grown to Hagrid proportions.

By lunch, I'm Roseanne Roseannadanna.

And when I leave for the day, I look like Diana Ross circa 1975.

I have to drive home with my head hanging out the window because my car isn't big enough to contain my mane. It's a struggle.

Most days, I just embrace the frizz. I mean, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right? I put some sort of anti-frizz goop in my hair and throw it up in a clip. I could probably open a store called Frizzy Hair Solutions with all the defrizzing/smoothing/curl enhancing products I own. I don't know that it would actually provide "solutions" per say, but it would give customers plenty of products that promise to tame frizz. I've tried expensive salon products, and I've tried Suave products, and everything in between. I can say with confidence that it doesn't matter how much it costs, all products work the same. Or don't work the same. In my experience, no product completely tames the frizz (although I am partial to Suave's anti-frizz smoothing serum as it works pretty well and doesn't cost a ridiculous amount of money.)

So recently I went and got my hair all chopped off. I tend todo these spur-of-the-moment things  and then I cry and ask myself why I'm such an idiot. After a couple years of growing it out, I chop it off again. It's a never-ending cycle of stupidity.



It took a while, but I've gotten used to the new 'do, and I've gotta say, I really like it short. It only takes me a couple minutes to flat-iron it and that Suave anti-frizz stuff really does work now that I've gotten rid of all the dry, damaged ends.

Suave didn't pay me to write this. I think when I did do some writing for Suave years ago, I came to love their products (and more importantly, the price of their products) so I still use them.

Friday, October 27, 2023

The Great Chicken Wars (Part XIV)

I really never want to leave my office, but alas someone has to be there for The National Geographic special on hyenas eating wildebeest lunch duty, and I've been voluntold to do it. And every time I leave, I come back to a little surprise. Like this:

This cup is a replica of the ones Kelly gave everyone who came to her America's Got Talent party on The Office, so of course, it's awesome and hilarious that Phoebe gave it to me. But seriously, when did she take this picture of me? And what's with my hair? And why do I look like I have no teeth?? What face is that? Do I make this face all the time? Is this just my regular face? Seriously, why does it look like I'm missing my dentures???

And who could forget this gem? Again, this references Pam's (from The Office) speech upon winning a Dundie for the whitest sneakers. "I feel God in this Chili's tonight."

Then there was the time that I came back and saw this fun post-it note on my desk. It wasn't just the post-it though, oh no. Phoebe also changed my Pandora station to mariachi radio. Olé!

And then there was the llama piñata extravaganza.

After I covered her desk in llama piñata wrapping paper, she painstakingly cut out dozens of llama piñatas and taped them all over my desk. And Rachel's desk. Some of us took it better than others. I believe Rachel's comment was, "I just can't with you two."

"You TWO???" I asked, indignantly. "I had nothing to do with this!"

"How'd she get the wrapping paper, hmmm?"

"Oh. That. Well, um . . " I trailed off.

There was the time she filled Dan's office with balloons. He was less than amused, but honestly I have no sympathy for him on that count after he put the snake under Phoebe's desk.

And there was this picture that took me MONTHS to notice . . .

I suppose, if I'm totally honest, I may have done a couple things back to Phoebe . . .

This picture is another reference to The Office.

And there was the time I tried to get her to join a 12-step program for chicken addicts . . .

Sadly, the school-year is nearing the end and Phoebe is moving on to bigger and better things. I doubt the new SRO will share my sense of humor. I have a feeling school is going to be a lot less fun next year.

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