Tuesday, March 4, 2008


This is what I found today. Look familiar? LESS THAN 24 HOURS LATER, THE ROLL IS EMPTY AND JUST HANGING OUT WAITING FOR SOMEONE ME TO CHANGE IT! OK, I know we've had some diarrhea issues at this house lately, but come on! A whole roll in less than 24 hours?!

"Um kids, do you see how much toilet paper is left? Now, do you see the size of my butt? Do you see the problem here?"

The kids were still laughing about the fact that I'd said the side-splitting word "diarrhea" as they broke out in song.
"When you're sliding into first and your pants begin to burst,
When you're sliding into home and your pants begin to foam,
When you do a little dance and it's gooey in your pants,
When you don’t feel like a winner and your butt blows out your dinner,

Yep, good times, good times here in the Meehan house.


Robin said...

You're not alone my friend! You're not alone.....

The Craftypigs said...

Amen, Amen and Amen.....it isn't just your house honey, it's just one of many curses of Mommyhood. We care so we change the empty roll. I'm convinced the rest of my house is happy to just drip dry....of course they're all boys so that makes perfect sense. And what doesn't drip off, they "shake" off. So we're sunk either way. I'm either out of TP or stepping in pee droplets. I try to always have a roll at least within an arm's reach while balancing on one cheek and foot trying my very best not to fall off the potty while grasping hold of the valuable necessity. Happy wiping!

Wannabe mom of 6 said...

Oh the memories lol! The words have changed since I was a kid, and my husband too it seems :) Maybe it's an area thing :)

Anyway.. I remember
When you're sitting in the bush, and you feel a sort of mush,

and my hubby remembers..
people think it's funny when it's really hot and runny,

lol. Pass em on to your kids for a laugh, and to drive yourself insane :)

Heidi said...

Oh my goodness! I don't think I've ever heard that song before--that totally cracks me up. I love kids!

Miriam said...

Yep. I live in a home with a nearly-51-year-old male, a 17yo female, and a 14yo male. I still am the toilet paper roll changer 95% of the time.

Might as well go out and commit harikari now, Dawn. It never changes, no matter how old they get. :-)

Anonymous said...

Ok, I've never commented before, but I just HAD to for the diarrhea song. Here's how my first grader sings it.
When you're sliding into first and your pants begin to burst,
When you're sliding into second and you need a disinfectant,
When you're sliding into third and you lay a juicy turd,
When your sliding into home and your pants begin to foam,
Lovely, huh??

Lucille said...

*I don't know what is best:

A. I could be the FIRST POST on Dawn's blog!?
B. I laughed so hard that I actually remember singing the song her kids did!


C. I also laughed that I remembered that episode of Mad About You!

thanks for the nightly smile Dawn!


Mom Of 3 said...

All I can say is LMAO!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I have this on my list of things to blog about--the special skills that only I possess--they're not always the ones you would think!

I feel your pain!

Anonymous said...

Oh you just have to love the no paper on the toilet roll trick that only males or kids seem to do. Worse time for it to happen is when you urgency need to pee at 3am and you are half a sleep and you realise there is no paper left and you have your pants around your ankles, and to get a new roll you have to open up your car boot because you remember that you never brought it in with the rest of your shopping!

Lucille said...

Have to ask - I was just over at Mamas Like and I saw that the comments are followed by last posts. Pretty cool! Is that a Blogger thing or an add-on? Love to know how you did that - perhaps you'll share or contact me on that? (leave me a comment on my blog is you care to chat)

Yeah right - like you have time to attend to our every whim! I could be one of your kids! But hey - I would change the paper roll for ya!


roniarch said...

Man I miss that show. So many things in it that are oh, so true! Who would ever think that anyone would want to watch a show of someone else playing out there own lives:-) Talk about relating to people.

My biggest bathroom pet peve is all the toys that accumulate at light speed on our small counter top. They overtake the bathroom in no time flat. Aargh! What can one do? Also the hair dye (hubby's, not mine) that splatters all over and leaves little speckled stains on everything.

merlotmom said...

Totally with you on the TP roll thing! I'm just amazed and impressed that you know all the words to the diarrhea song. Oh, and sooo love the MAD ABOUT YOU clip. I loved that show.

Rick said...

You seem to communicate with your children on a different level than my mother communicated with me. Just can't imagine Mom singing the Di...... song to me.

See there, I can't even spell it out in public.


P.S. It's now obvious that your children aren't reading your own blog either.

TONYA said...

On Monday night I decided I should go to the bathroom on my way to bed (it was around midnight) so in order not to wake my husband I went into the main bathroom instead of the ensuite. I sit down, look to my left and immediately burst out laughing thinking of your post as I looked at an empty roll.

Now what you need to do is count the squares out like my dad attempted to do when we were little ones who insisted on blocking up toilets every chance we got LOL

Dawn said...

No, no, no, Rick. I don't sing these songs. I politely roll my eyes while my kids roll on the floor in hysterical laughter while singing.
And my kids DO read my blog often. Who do you think helped me remember all those lyrics? I certainly don't have the memory space for stuff like that.

Jules said...

So this video from YouTube is obviously a teaching video, right? I think my kids REALLY need to see is since the Toilet Paper Roll Fairy visits my house WAY too much.

Just Because

Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

So help me, you could live in a cave, 100 miles from the end of nowhere and the kids would learn that song. Then they would grow up and grumble when their kids learn it.

The fun just never ends at your house, does it? You lucky, lucky girl.

Anna said...

It's not just Kids... My former roommate, 19 or so at the time did not know how to change that roll as well. I spent over a week, trying to teach her by not changing the roll myself but going into the bathroom prepared with my "secret TP stack", until I got tired of it. She never seemed to bother and didn't even say anything. What do you think they do instead? Using fir cones? Not wiping at all? Ahhh, gross...

Grayci said...

What??? You mean you don't HAVE a magic toilet paper changing fairy?? You MUST pick one of those up at the supermarket next time...saves a lot of time. :P

Sue said...

You are not alone in the bathroom dept. My kids don't know the diar. song and I don't think I will sing it to them either, although it will be in my head all day!
I love "Mad About You". It should be in reruns. So funny!

lawnajo said...

I always keep a roll or two within arms reach for that very reason. We are old fashioned and have a spring-loaded holder. My husband must be afraid of it, because he will start a new roll, but he balances it on the nearby towel hook instead of replacing the empty tube.
I Love "Mad About You"! Re-runs of that show got me through my first pregnancy in 2003 (it was the episodes of them getting pregnant and having their daughter).

Anonymous said...

There are four of us in this house, myself, my two girls aged 20 and 17, and my flatmate. We go through FOURTEEN toilet rolls a week, sometimes more.


Amy said...

Like you, I have the same problem...But I think it is a gift...Even in public restrooms...I always manange to enter the stall that has NO toilet paper. They put cheese wheel size rolls in those public stalls, but I have the gift of always entering the stall just after the last square of paper was used.:)Every single time....So now, I carry a Charmin to go roll in my purse.
Maybe you could get some to keep in your pockets just for you to use, and see how long it takes your family to change the roll themselves.:)

I love your blog. Thanks for making me laugh!:)

Brenda said...

Maybe your family could make a Charin commerical!! Not until you are all well though. It would take to long if you were all running tot he bathroom.

Anonymous said...

See, I've found a solution to the empty TP roll problem! We don't put the roll on the dispenser anymore! (We've still go the old spring loaded dispenser rods and my son has this habit of taking them and playing with them and forgetting to bring them back) I keep a 6 pack of TP under each bathroom sink, right next to the toilet. When it gets down to 2 rolls left, I add another 6-pack. We just sit the current roll on the top of the toilet.

Anonymous said...

Hi Dawn, I wonder if anyone else does this...Squezze the roll so it won't roll around as fast? So the kids won't use as much paper. I remember my mother teaching me that trick. Kristine in Michigan.

Tina in Ohio said...

What, you didn't know how to spell the whoopie cushion sound effect that is inserted between the two "diarrhea"s in the refrain?
I'm looking behind the empty roll in your pictures and really liking the paint color on the wall. Do you happen to remember the name of the color? I painted 30% of my house in "desert camel" because it came out like your bathroom color on a few small walls, but once I paid someone a zillion dollars to paint the walls that I couldn't reach, it suddenly looked goldish. (Yes, I know...DUH!...it's called DESERT CAMEL. What did I expect? Live and learn, and learn to live with it.)

Michelle said...

I sang a different version of that, with the chorus: "diarrhea, cha, cha, cha". So, in my house, the condition is known as "cha, cha, cha."

I'm a little worried about what happens when my son takes a ballroom dance lesson and busts out laughing when they announce the "cha-cha."

kmorales4 said...

Everybody sing...

When you're climbing up a ladder and you feel someting splater
When you're standing on your floor and you feel something poor
When you're lying on your bed and you feel something spread

Anybody else got a verse?

Nicole said...

Is it sad that my 28 year old husband sings that song when he gets a "sick stomach"?! Men aren't any better than kids! I'm the only one in my house too that changes the roll, I once left the brand new roll my lovely husband got out sitting on the counter where he left it to see how long it would take HIM to change... needless to say we went through that roll too before it got changed.

b said...

I am reminded of a joke:

Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

A: Nobody knows. It's never happened.

Perky said...

You forgot a verse---

The word sounds pretty funny
But it's really gross and runny!
Diarrhea (uh uh)
Diarrhea (uh uh)

You can't forget the "uh uh" part of the chorus! It just doesn't sound right without it!

LaskiGal said...

Oh boy . . . this brings back memories! And, so does the song :)

Too funny!

Anonymous said...

Woo Hoo! A video! Now I can show my hottie hubby that I AM NOT THE ONLY WIFE ON EARTH THAT DEALS WITH THIS INSANE PROBLEM!!!!!

On a side note, I once spent the day going to the closet, getting my own squares off a roll, going to the bathroom, and then waiting for one of the others to realize there was no paper....and when they screamed "MOMMY! There is no TOILET PAPER!" I would go "That stinks...."and walk away.

Anonymous said...

The worst is going home, (my brothers still live at home with my parents), and I am still, 20 years later, the one to put the roll of paper on the holder....It nearly killed my mother. She burst into tears of joy...then realized it was me and not one of them! She thinks that she has failed as a parent!

Also, I hung my own towel up after my shower.....the poor woman's heart stopped.....And then she went around proclaiming me as her favorite child...

Jill said...

I do remember singing that song as a kid, but our version of the lyrics went-

People think it's funny, it comes out really runny
People think it's gross, but it's really good on toast,

Go ahead, say it.


I just asked my kids what verses they sing, and THEY'VE NEVER HEARD THE SONG!

Until now, that is.

Mabunny said...

OMG!! My sides are hurting from laughing so hard!!! I've never heard that bodily function as a kid or an adult, lol. Definately not going to let my kiddo read this post, cause I dont' think she knows thta one and then i'd be hearing it all the time, lol.

Hope everyone gets to feeling better.
My hubby and kiddo forget the toilet paper roll thing all the time, but I don't go to their rescue.

Take care and have a great day Dawn


Aemelia said...

OMG I love that Mad About You! Thanks for digging it up.

ShellyBlake said...

OMG where did you find that Mad About You clip?? That is definately one of my all time favorite scenes...and it's because I think about it EVERY time I have to change the TP out! I'll even set out a new roll when I see it's getting low...and after it runs out, he (dear husband) just uses it w/out changing the roll. Is it just NOT in their ability? Thanks for the laugh Dawn!!

Denise... said...

More verses (and now I have new ones to sing to the kids!!!)
When you're sittin' on the rug and you really need a plug
No pain, no strain, just sit and let it drain,

SubWife said...

Maybe it's the picture, or maybe it's just me, but your rolls of toilet paper look huge, like paper towels. If you don't mind sharing, which brand of TP is it? When you buy TP, do you have any preferences? I am still in search for that perfect TP.

Lisa M said...

I'm debating letting my kids read the lyrics...too funny! but I know they'll be singing it to me for the next 10 years!

Anonymous said...

You forgot this one:
When you're feeling kinda green
And your pants begin to steam...

My brothers and I used to sing that song ENDLESSLY! We drove my mom crazy with the grossness and the toot noises in the chorus.
(btw I found you from ExpatMom)

Kelli said...

I only new a couple of those verses so thanks, our family needed to know the rest. hehe

Anonymous said...

As I read your toilet paper fit, I was thinking about the 'Mad about you' clip that you posted the next day. LOL Great minds think alike. My husband is notorious for not changing the toilet paper roll and I am sure my son will follow the footsteps when he is big enough to do so.

Anonymous said...

"Um kids, do you see how much toilet paper is left? Now, do you see the size of my butt? Do you see the problem here?" ROTFLMAO!!!!!

Kimmykay said...

Ah, we love that song PLUS the

Beans, beans, the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot

As my husband says, they will learn it somewhere. snort.

Valarie said...

That Mad About You clip is CRACKING me up!

Stephanie said...

I sooo needed a good laugh today! I remember that clip from when the show was on, love it! In our house right now we have a roll with no tube b/c my 2 year old unrolled the whole thing when SAHD wasn't watching. I'm sure you've had your days with unrolled paper as well.

Anonymous said...

YouTube has everything you can think of....even the DIARREAH SONG!

This is from the movie Parenthood with Steve Martin...


MP said...

BEAUTIFUL...I haven't thought about that song for a million years...and I LOVE the ugh ugh part :-)

Cari said...

Add a line to the song...
"When you're sliding into third and you feel a great big turd...."

Gross, I know, but I just had to chime in.

I've also heard that girls have no concept of how many squares they should use. Fact or fiction, I'm not sure. It seems like an accurate assumption, though. What do you think?

Anonymous said...

I must be too old or had a deprived childhood because I've never heard the diarrhea song. With five younger brothers, I've heard practically every "poop, pee, BO" song/"joke" that exists. Thank God they've finally aged out of the belching/farting contests!


Anonymous said...


Guess I'm SO OLD that I can remember a time when TP came in only one size...but, then again, it DID come in several different colors (yellow, blue, pink, green) to match your bathroom. Now it's ALL white; however, there's one-ply, two-ply, cushioned, strong (vs. weak? EW!), ultra, aloe, single, double, MEGA, etc., rolls.

With all the different types of Charmin to squeeze, it's no wonder poor old Mr. Whipple recently died! His heart must have given out on him!

Anyway, I've found that if I buy the SINGLE rolls instead of double/Mega rolls, they're gone within 2 days...and that's with just me and DH! I've found that single Rolls are just a few continuous sheets with a FLUFF filler in between each layer to make 'em look big!

So, although applicable in SOME cases, "Size doesn't matter" does NOT apply to TP rolls. Go with the MEGA size! Even with six kids, it should last a whole lot longer... I PROMISE!

Of course you COULD try threatening them. Either TP consumption is drastically reduced and empty toodle-eeews (from the noise the kids made when they used them as pretend instruments) are replaced by the last user or they'll be wiping the old-fashioned, country way...Sears catalogs or dried corn cobs...their choice!

Nancy Binky

Jenene said...

When I saw your first post about the TP I thought of that Mad About You clip right away! And now I know what I have to look forward to when I become a mother. I'm not even married yet, but I often change the roll for my DAD, and sometimes I even have to do it at work!!!

roseys madhouse said...

its a bit of a mystery isnt it? They can change their underwear everyday but seem to have trouble changine ONE roll of toilet paper?
Mind you I was putting a load of washing on this morning and I found my 7 yr olds undies TWO PAIRS!!!!! together he had tow pairs on at the same time. I asked him do you really think I like washing that much?
I love "Mad about you" I just watched a few on you tube now thanks for that.

Anonymous said...

Okay, it is really gross not to have paper . . . but what does a kid do when the roll is empty? After exiting my father-in-law's pharmacy I was strapping in my 5 yr-old. I saw some chocolate on his hand and was reaching for a wet wipe while I asked where he got chocolate. He said he didn't have chocolate, but there wasn't any paper in the bathroom at the store! He just used his hand! Blech! AND since his hands were dirty he didn't want to touch the faucet to get it dirty too! Oh, good times being a mom! Now, what else did he touch on his way out to the car?

Kathi S. said...

Our extra roll of TP is on the toilet tank. My husband does not replace the roll either. He will reach behind and use the new roll and leave it on the sink.

I think you should video you kids singing the diarrhea song like from the Sound of Music. Each one could have a solo!!! Maybe dress them up in TP!!! You could make $400 (or something like that) if it made the first page on youtube. We would all go watch it so you would win.

becky said...

WOW! I especially loved the comment from "lawnajo" up there!! We have an old one, too, onto which my husband balances a new roll. It takes MORE TIME to get a new roll to stay on there and not fall off than changing the roll in the first place!!

I honestly had not thought of that song since my babysitting days ended 8 years ago! THANKS! No one has included this one:

When you're sitting in your Chevy
And your pants feel really heavy.
All the Alli users sing along now..

Sorry. TMI. I just remembered all of the comments from that weight loss discussion around New Year Resolution time...

SSO potential question: Any advice for a mommy of a 19mo about to become a mommy of two in nine days (hopefully sooner)?

Praying that you all get to being healthy again and that all surgeries get to go off as planned without any hindrances or complications...

Shellie said...

Maybe you need a stun gun? I found out at an interpreter's conference that you can order them on the net for about $25. It at least makes a great threat-Leave me TP on the roll or I buzz you all!

Brenda said...

I guess I should be lucky that my energetic 6 year old looks forward to this and jumps at the opportunity to change the roll. He actually tells me when a roll is getting low because his big chance is coming up!!!

Korkie said...

Okay .... once again. I have to look at the positive side.

No toilet paper = cleaner undies.

Think laundry woman ...... !!

Anonymous said...

When ds 22 last gf left tp roll empty that was the final straw. I can't wait to show him this.
Now if his dad could learn to replace the roll.

Dawn thanks for the daily laughs.

Patty in MD said...

I am crying laughing reading all of the diarreha posts to my husband. Who knew there were so many verses?

Sherry said...

I have had my kids call to me from the toilet to tell me they need more paper.... so I can take the extra roll from the back of the toilet and hand it to them.

Anonymous said...

So this JUST happened...I go to get ready for bed; hubby is already in bed flipping channels (again, don't get me started) and because of your past two posts, I actually looked before I used the toilet. TWO SQUARES left! I bring the roll out, and ask him if that would be enough for him to wipe his butt, and he says, "Dawn, can I please speak to my wife?" I guess I talk about you a little bit...please take it as a compliment!

On the flip side, when I had the "When do you change the roll or at least tell Mommy she needs to get a new one" conversation with my two sons, the four-year-old volunteered to stock every bathroom in the house, and thought it was the coolest thing ever that I told him where the big stash of TP was. Why didn't I think of that sooner?

And thanks for the Mad About You clip. I so miss that show!


Erica said...

when you're walking down the hall, it comes out on the wall...

when you're walking down to art,
it comes out in a fart...

thanks to all the brothers out there to teach their sisters the song! i'll have to tell my 4 boys that as they get older!

FosterMom said...

I love the Mad About You clip - that was a show my hubby and I absolutely loved. It was SO US! I really need to get the DVD's of those seasons!

Amy said...

That is one of my favorite clips of all time. I've refered to it many a time with my husband, but now I will be able to actually show him. Thank you.

Of course, it won't make any difference.

Chelf said...

I think I was close to 18 when I learned this song, and I learned it from my (only slightly) younger cousin.

You can't forget the sound effects:

People think it's funny
But it's really green and runny,
Diarrhea (ttthhbbttt, ttthhbbttt)
Diarrhea (ttthhbbttt, ttthhbbttt)

I LOVE Mad About You, for this and many more scenes just as funny.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I'd never heard that song before. I kept assuming it was a (gross) commercial jingle and just knew you were going to tell us what product it was for. Apparently not. My sheltered childhood raises its ugly head again!

And Tonya... beware teaching the kids how many squares they can use. After having my husband unstopper the toilets (yes, plural, and no I don't do plungers or puke) for the kajillionth time shortly after potty training, I explained to my son that he could have ONE square for pee and THREE squares for poop. If he needed more for poop, he could then use another three squares. At that point he HAD to flush the toilet. If he needed more, he was to come find me. It worked.

Unfortunately, I went to check on him two nights ago as we were getting ready for bed, and he was standing next to the potty, trying to rip the second square off the first to put it back on the roll and only getting a 1/2x1/4" piece each time. So slowly, little tufts of toilet paper were being replaced on the roll and falling into the heat register. Oops :) The good news is that we don't go through toilet paper all too often.


Anonymous said...

My son got diarrea at age 5 but called it "ballerina" I don't know why... but it sounds much nicer when having to discuss "that" issue. We all call it ballerina now...

Megan said...

Regarding the whole toilet paper roll, please go to this eBay item for a sign that says "Changing the toilet paper roll will not cause brain damage."


Jari said...


I too, am yet another mama, who is the only one capable of changing the roll. And our is spring loaded. The hubby will change it on occasion,like when it's sitting there because I was too busy to actually load it up. (yet I remembered to put it on the counter, with in reach of everyone)

And I adore Mad About You, thank you for the clip!!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Dawn!!
(It was on your license)

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