The Official Stocking Stuffer of 2020

“This post brought to you by Air Wick, all thoughts & opinions are my own”

For Thanksgiving a few years ago, all six kids and I loaded up my minivan and Savannah's car and we headed over the (Ohio) river and through the woods Indiana windmill farms to grandmother's house (or rather a hotel near grandmother's house because really, we are a big noisy bunch and when I moved out many years ago, my parents locked the door behind me and hired a bouncer to keep me out.) But really, there were a bunch of us and everyone thought it might be better if we stayed in a hotel. At the time, my ex worked for a hotel and was able to get us rooms. A lot of rooms. Savannah had a room, Austin and Codi had a room, Jackson and Clayton had a room, Lexi and Brooklyn had a room, and I had a room.

Whenever we go home to Chicago, we have a list of places we absolutely must visit. This list is mainly restaurants. Lou Malnati's, Rosati's, Portillo's, and Jarosch top everyone's list. But one place that's only on my kids' lists is White Castle. I personally think the only reason to eat at White Castle is because you're 21, partied a bit too much, it's 3:00am, and it's the only place open. Ahem. But my kids love those little sliders.

When your kids get not one, but two cases of burgers filled with grilled onions, something diabolical happens to their digestive systems.

So after that little pit stop, we arrive at the hotel. Savannah tosses her suitcase in her room and takes off to meet friends. As we unpack the car and settle in, one by one, the kids start announcing the inevitable. "I have to poop."

(Side note: did you know that I mention "poop" in 80 blog posts? EIGHTY! I actually searched. This is what happens when you have kids. Poop happens! A lot!)

So, the litany of "I have to poop" starts. My response, as always, is, "So go. And you don't need to announce it."

"But I don't want to stink up the hotel room."

"Maybe you should've considered that before getting 60 cheeseburgers."

"I know! I'll use Savannah's room!"

My son grabbed the spare key for Savannah's room and took off for her bathroom.

This is how the visit went. Anytime someone needed to poop, they used Savannah's bathroom because she was out with friends more than she was in the hotel. 

No problem. Until Savannah got back and realized she had no toilet paper, on top of the fact that her room smelled like the elephant habitat at Brookfield Zoo. She was not happy.

To this day, when one of the kids has to poop, they sometimes announce, "I need to go to Savannah's room," despite the fact that Savannah hasn't lived with us for 4 1/2 years. I bet Savannah's thrilled that "Savannah's room" is code for the bathroom.

But Air Wick has a product that will make life SO MUCH SWEETER especially when you're staying in a little hotel room or as a guest in someone's house! Or on an airplane or a train! Or at work! Or at your own home. Okay, basically everywhere! It's V.I.P Pre-Poop Spray. The spray is scented with spectacular smelling essential oils like lavender, lemon, and rose. It comes in a little bottle so it's easy to toss in your purse, spray before you ‘go’, and voilà, smelly odor embarrassment syndrome avoided. And each little bottle packs 100 uses of impressive stink-banishing power!

V.I.P spray now resides in both of my bathrooms. My kids like to decipher the acronym, V.I.P. Very Important Pooper, Very Intense Poop, that poop made a Very Interesting Plop, Virulently Insalubrious Poop . . . . Hey, it's the pandemic; I don't judge their entertainment these days.

Here's a pro-tip from me to you: You need this V.I.P. spray for the holidays, especially if you're going to visit family, or if you're having family over. I know most of us are avoiding gatherings this year, but the people you live with/your immediate family will thank you for supplying your bathrooms with this spray also! Just add it to your Walmart grocery pick-up order (which may be the greatest invention ever) and you're set! Bonus pro-tip:  You want to permanently ban White Castle and chili dogs from any and all road trips henceforth. Trust me on this.

I've dubbed this Air Wick V.I.P. spray the elf-approved, official stocking stuffer of 2020 because somehow poop and 2020 go hand-in-hand, don'tcha think?

AGAIN?!

This is what I found today. Look familiar? LESS THAN 24 HOURS LATER, THE ROLL IS EMPTY AND JUST HANGING OUT WAITING FOR SOMEONE ME TO CHANGE IT! OK, I know we've had some diarrhea issues at this house lately, but come on! A whole roll in less than 24 hours?!

"Um kids, do you see how much toilet paper is left? Now, do you see the size of my butt? Do you see the problem here?"

The kids were still laughing about the fact that I'd said the side-splitting word "diarrhea" as they broke out in song.
"When you're sliding into first and your pants begin to burst,
diarrhea
diarrhea
When you're sliding into home and your pants begin to foam,
diarrhea
diarrhea
When you do a little dance and it's gooey in your pants,
diarrhea
diarrhea
When you don’t feel like a winner and your butt blows out your dinner,
diarrhea
diarrhea"

Yep, good times, good times here in the Meehan house.

Welcome Home, Honey!

My husband came home after work without doing any side jobs this evening. He's been working nonstop for weeks now, so we were thrilled when he said he'd be home for dinner tonight. He walked in from work, tired and wanting to sit down for a few minutes and relax (read - go to the bathroom for a great quantity of time.)

Upon entering the bathroom, he saw, much to his surprise, the toilet bowl filled to the brim with water. In a change of plans, he grabbed the plunger and tried to get the water to drain. No dice.

Now we live in an areas with old trees. Old trees that have roots that run for miles and miles underground and wreak havoc with the sewers. Hubby went outside, took a peek in the access hole in our yard and lo and behold, the water was up to the top. Wishing he'd just stayed at work, my husband, defeated, grabbed his tools to rod out the sewer.



Several hours pass as he grabs out tree roots and cleans out the pipes. Still the toilet wasn't flushing properly. Frustrated, he yanked the entire toilet out of the bathroom. A perfectly reasonable response to the situation, no?



He carried it outside and started flushing it with water from the hose. Finally, after much rinsing and manuevering the toilet to get it to drain, this came out...



In case you were wondering, it's not a good idea to put wads of paper towels and pencils with giant star shaped erasers in your toilet.

It Never Ends

First, a little plug for my Ebay auctions. If you sew, check them out.

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My husband is Mr. Fixit. He remodels bathrooms and kitchens, he paints, wallpapers, does plumbing, electrical, drywall, removes asbestos, and installs flooring. He does this in everyone's house but ours. He just finished remodeling our bathroom after fifteen years. For fifteen years that bathroom sat there untouched, a breeding ground for mold so thick we opened our own penicillin factory. The bathtub leaked and the windowsill in the shower was rusted. ( I'd like to know what idiot thought it was a good idea to put a metal window in a shower stall!) It was only a matter of time before someone sat down on the toilet, only to fall into the crawl space because the floor was all dry rot. But alas, the cobbler's children have no shoes....

So, Mr. Fixit went to do an estimate on a job at a coworker's house tonight. The homeowner's bathroom had significant water damage. The drywall had to be replaced from the floor to about three feet up the wall. My husband asked, "What happened here?"

The homeowner replied, "Well my kids ran out of toilet paper so they thought that paper towels would be a good substitution. When the paper towels didn't flush, they tried flushing again and again.

Mr. Fixit looked confused and asked, "Aren't your kids in college?

"YES!" she replied. "It never ends! The stupid stuff never goes away! They don't get any better as they get older."

There goes the remaining shred of hope I had for my kids.

Why Can't I Swim in the Toilet?

After a long, hard day of manual labor, i.e. playing with blocks, throwing your sippy cup on the floor, taking all the books off the shelf, and emptying out the toy box, it's nice to relax in a lovely whirlpool bath.
























"Come on in, Mom! The water's just right!"
And just think, if the urge to go happens to hit while you're splashing away, well you're in luck!

I hope this doesn't give you heart palpitations, Denise. Rest assured, I threw her in the "other" bathtub and scrubbed her down with Lysol and sandpaper after snapping those pictures.

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Here's a joke from the kids...

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!