Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Driving Me Crazy


I had to grab a couple things from the grocery store yesterday, so Brooklyn and I stopped at our local Jewel. When we walked in, Brooklyn ran straight for the carts with the car attached to the front. You know, those carts that little kids like to "drive". I usually say no when she begs for one of those carts because the baskets are small and don't hold as much as a regular cart. Plus, they're up higher than other carts. I literally have to stand on my tippy toes to reach the groceries in the bottom of the cart when it's time to pay for them. And these carts are roughly the length of a football field, so it's hard to see around to the front of them and I inevitably end up running into shelves, displays, and slow-moving people. Okay, so maybe I hit the slow-moving people on purpose, but only when they're standing in the middle of the aisle taking up enough room for twelve elephants, and they're completely oblivious to everyone around them.

Anyway, since I only had to pick up a few things, I acquiesced and let her jump into the car cart. I guess Brooklyn was being British because she hopped in the right side to drive. Actually, "hopped in" probably isn't the best way to describe it. These carts don't have doors. Kids have to climb in through the window. So, to put it more accurately, she swung herself into the driver's side (if we were in England, that is) Bo Duke style, then she shouted to me, "Andiamo, Mama!"

"Andiwhat? You speak Italian now???"

"Mom", Brooklyn said in this patronizing tone of a person talking to someone who is completely stupid. "It's not Italian. It's Spanish."

"I see. My bad."


So, Brooklyn steered as I pushed the cart around the store. If anyone got in her way, she beeped her horn. I'd push her really fast toward a display and I'd shout, "Quick turn! You're going to hit the hamburger buns!" Now, she used to play along and turn the wheel really fast to "steer" around the burger bun road hazard. But yesterday, she wasn't in the mood for playing, I guess. She turned around and looked at me and in her best teenager voice said, "(Duh) I was turning (duh) the wheel (duh) to the left (duh) and you were still pushing the cart into the buns, Mom! That's NOT how I was driving!" She was most indignant. I stood there blinking. I was being reprimanded by a four-year-old for being a bad driver.

I finished shopping without teasing Brooklyn about crashing into any more items. When we got in line to check out, she turned around and excitedly showed me the cup holder in the car. "That's for my coffee!" she happily announced.

"Oh how cool you have a cup holder," I agreed.

"I have TWO cup holders!"

"Oh good! You can put your coffee in one and your chocolate milk in the other," I said.

"Mom!" she said as if I had suggested she put her sippy of arsenic in the cup holder. "That cup holder is for my husband!" She enunciated "husband" so everyone in the store could hear her.

I started laughing. "Your husband, huh? I didn't even realize you were married! What's your husband's name?" I asked.

"Bob."

"I see." I giggled to myself as I started unloading groceries from my cart. As I placed items on the conveyor belt, I overheard Brooklyn talking to someone.

"Get in the car NOW or I'm leaving without you! Why don't you have any shoes on?! You're killing me! Get in the car!" Brooklyn was yelling at, well, I wasn't sure who she was yelling at, actually. No one was around us.

"Who are you talking to, Brooklyn?" I asked tentatively.

"I'm talking to my kids. They never listen," she replied, sounding just like an exasperated parent.

I looked up guiltily at the cashier and the lady in line next to us. "I have no idea where she comes up with this stuff," I stammered.

I don't think they bought it.

30 comments:

Kim said...

I love this!! My son is only a year and a half old, and he already perfectly mimics my exasperated "oh nooo! noo no nooo!" that he hears every time he breaks something. lol

WeaselMomma said...

I'm sure that the cashier didn't buy it, but at least they got a great laugh for the day.

Kris Roach said...

That is hilarious!!! She is a real hoot!!! I always hated the car buggies...too. They are hard to maneuver and I always felt like a bad driver, because they were as long as a school bus! Isn't it funny to hear yourself through your child????

Shari said...

I'm sorry to laugh but that was hilarious!!!!! Love it!!!! Brooklyn you crack me up.

Garima said...

Heeh.... So cute!

Sara said...

Haha! (I HATE those car carts. They're such a pain to steer.)

Catmeat said...

The look on Brooklyn's face is priceless :)

THE SARCASM GODDESS said...

Too funny!

Losing Brownies said...

OMG! I love it! Its amazing what they pick up huh? I can only imagine what my little one will say someday.

Emily said...

My son is also four, and I hear myself come out of his mouth on a daily basis. "Mommy, how many times do I have to tell you?!?" is the most recent one. Yesterday, we were having a coastal storm, and he told me it was "Raining dogs." I assume he meant CATS and dogs, but the ommission made it all the more cute. :)

I love the part about the cup holder for her husband. What a great imagination!

MaBunny said...

LOL! Thank goodness Nicole has outgrown those car carts. That is funny though - and I'm sure they totally bought the not knowing where she gets this stuff comment:)

Wendi said...

That's the beauty of little kids! They can always seem to find the most innocent and yet cute way to embarrass you in front of the most people. LOL!

Que said...

You know the sad but true part of this story. The shopping cart car she was "driving" will never have any catalytic converter problems. And that's just NOT fair.

Purple Quilter Queen said...

Oh how funny Dawn! Apparenly kids do listen to us - just not to the stuff we want them to retain! Too funny! Enjoy the 1-kid shopping experiences. Jenn

Dayna said...

Those carts are a pain, but I've given up and allow my kids to ride in them. It keeps them contained...until one decides to hood surf as we cruise the aisles.

I hate it when kids repeat what we say...it's always the mean stuff, never the nice stuff. I'm sure people think I'm a horrible ogre!

peg said...

Those car shopping carts assure me that the people who have flunked out of engineering school actually do get jobs. They don't steer and when you try to turn a corner, you inadvertantly wipe out 3 little old ladies. The last straw with those carts was when my son was 3 and he begged me to let him ride in it. Half way through the store he decided he was lonely up front by himself and wanted to sit in the regular kid seat in front of me. So here I was trying to steer this foolish cart with my son not even sitting in the race car part. Nothing will shorten a shopping trip like using one of those carts. I'll scratch off items off the list if I have to make a hard left turn.

Mum - Mainly Upbringing Monsters said...

Oh no! Could it be that Brooklyn is growing up?
No way she just watches other people to much!
My 6yo was showing his daddy a picture of a house he'd drawn for "Me & my woman"
then my hubby explained that girls grow into women but he didn't understand. He asked if he had to get a girlfriend & live with a woman.
Hubby explained that girls grow INTO women & my sons reply?
"Yea! Then I'll be a sexy man!"
UGH! The things kids come up with :-)

jdb in AZ said...

When my son was younger than Brooklyn he went around church saying, "dabbit! dabbit!" oops. Definitely time to clean up my language before people figured out what he was really mimicking.

This was the same kid who when I gave him to the count of three to behave, I'd say "one" and he'd put his hands on his hips and obnoxioulsy mimic, "two!" Looking back, the sad part is that those were the good ol daze.

Grand kids are our reward for allowing our kids survive the teen years.

Henry the Blog said...

My Henry had problems pronouncing words. When Skittles (which he adored), ran their ad "Taste the Rainbow", Henry didn' exactly get it right.

So we're in one of those heinous mini-car-carts one day in the candy aisle when he spots Skittles.

"TASTE THE LESBO!" he shrieks. Over and over again. I really considered just leaving him there.

Erin @ HenrytheBlog.com

belindasbaubles said...

Well at least she wasn't scolding Bob. That would have been scary, divorced before first grade.

V1nce said...

I jump in those carts all the time. Sadly no one will push the 40+ year old guy around no matter how much I cry. Nice men with badges usually offer to give me a ride in their cart, but I'm not stupid!

That's when the runnin' and the chasing usually starts...

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Peeking in and checking in before I hit the sack--getting caught up on my Dawn Fix! I'm sure you're still up cuz it's not even 3 a.m. there yet. Only like 2:30 a.m.! Miss you, love you! Hope all is well in your midwestern land. xo from the desert of hell! hahaha

Erin said...

I hear you about those carts. Obviously a 6 ft man designed them.

My daughter, also, seems to have picked up some crazy sayings, from ... well, somewhere. My favorite is "Lord have mercy". Just don't know where she gets it from.

Robin said...

Those carts are ALWAYS hard to steer! They've got that ONE wheel that just won't go the way you need it to.
Did it seem weird to shop with just 1?!?!
Brooklyn is starting to look much older. :( She's growing up too fast.

Betsy said...

Seriously, I just snorted oatmeal through my nose. At work. Note to self - do not read Dawn's posts while eating. Or at least don't do it at the office. This'll learn me!

I have a 4 year old son (going on 17- really, what's with the 4 year old teenager attitude?), who always insists on getting the police car or firetruck cart when we go grocery shopping - fortunately, the cars in our store don't have horns that work - he'd be a menace!

Rachel said...

freakin' HI-larious! and i SO know what you mean about the evil truck carts... they are evil. i feel like i'm driving a limosine. okay, a really ghetto limosine... they're rickety, and loud! my kids always fight in them, the 5 year old likes to hang out the side or climb on the top... yeah, all in all, a BAD idea. i've often cursed whoever invented those.

The Gibson's said...

I hate those shopping carts, you need a workout before using them because they are so hard to turn. And they need breaks because once you get moving you can't stop them. They are a pain. My four year old little boy NEVER stays inside them and runs around anyways. Wish they had straight jackets inside carts instead;)

Marla said...

Oh, that was hilarious. I'm the same way, I have no idea where they get the things they say from. I hated those shopping carts with a passion as well. I'm so glad my kids are too old to fit in them now.

MONICA said...

This was great! I was laughing out loud! Is she her mommy's daughter? hee hee! I only have a 2yo boy so I love these stories of little girls!

sassynach said...

That's hilarious!!

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