Shopping with Savannah

I went shopping with Savannah the other day. We went to a really big mall out in the suburbs of Chicago. With almost 300 stores, we were sure we'd be able to find some things that met our criteria -
A. that fit
B. that didn't require a second mortgage to afford them
C. that were "cool"
D. that weren't slutty (my criteria)

First off, let me say that I love shopping with Savannah. I really do. And I think she likes shopping with me too. Then again, Savannah's a smart kid. She knows if she goes with me, I'll buy her clothes and really, what's not to like about that. Hmmm, well, she may complain to her friends about how lame I am, but at least she pretends to enjoy shopping with me while we're out.

So we went to the mega-mall to look for a couple dresses that would be appropriate for church or other occasions that would require something nicer than flip flops and tank tops. Thankfully Savannah isn't big on name brands. She likes to look in Abercrombie (which is pronounced Abercrombie, not AMbercrombie. Get it right, people! If you can't say the name of the store, you shouldn't be shopping there. Just sayin'...) Anyway, she likes to look in the fancy schmancy, where-the-cool-kids shop kinda stores, but she's just as happy with a shirt from JCPenney or Target, thankfully.

We started our excursion at JCPenney where we found several a few one dress that didn't expose too much boobage. And it was on sale too! Score! Mission accomplished in my book. But we headed out into the mall to window shop and look for a shirt for me that did show too much boobage and talk about boys get some lunch.

As we passed a store called Hollister, Savannah asked, "Can we go in here and look?"
"Sure!" I answered good-naturedly. I was enjoying my time with Savannah and wasn't ready to head home quite yet. I looked at the store and realized it wasn't a store at all! It was club. I was pretty sure it was some sort of nightclub. Do you have these stores by you?



I swear I couldn't figure out how to get in. There was a door, but the entrance was completely blocked with a rack of clothes. Hmmm, maybe if I step up onto the this porch-like area? Nope, that's just a window. Hmmm, really where's the door? Well here's the deal folks, if you can't figure out where the door to a store is and you feel the need to ask the bouncer salesclerk how to get in, YOU ARE TOO OLD TO BE SHOPPING IN THAT STORE.

Savannah rolled her eyes at me, took my hand and dragged me through the secret portal into Hollister. It took 10 minutes for my eyes to adjust to the nightclub-like dimness in the store. Apparently keeping the store in the dark not only saves on their electric bill, but it keeps customers from seeing just how tiny their shorts are, how amazingly tight their shirts are, and just how many pictures of half-naked guys there are in the store. Oh, I was just informed that there are just as many pictures of half-naked girls too. I have no idea why I didn't notice them.

And stores like Hollister, Abercrombie, Aeropostale, Gap, etc are really quite smart when it comes to advertising. They print the store name all over all their clothing. Teens everywhere are advertising the stores for free. In fact, they're paying the store to advertise for them! Personally, if I'm going to pay that much for a sweatshirt, I want it to say "Dawn Meehan" or "Dawn rocks!" or "Dawn's the awesomest!" But that's just me.

Since I'll never be young enough and thin enough to wear their surfer clothes, I turned on my heel to leave the store when the most awesomely awesome thing caught my eye. They have a huge wall covered with a screen onto which a live webcam shows a beach in California. I want one of those for my house! This would be so amazing for those of us living in the frozen tundra Chicago in the winter. I want one!

OK, so after I had sufficiently embarrassed Savannah in a number of stores, we decided to go to California Pizza Kitchen for lunch. Do you guys have these restaurants? I guess in California, they're probably just called Pizza Kitchens, huh? While we were there, I kinda, a little bit, sorta hit the person behind me in her head. Then I might have possibly flipped a knife off my plate, nearly drawing blood from a poor passerby. Yeah, remember the embarrassment at the store, Savannah? Doesn't seem so bad anymore, does it? I think it'll be awhile before she goes shopping with me again.

I Need New Friends

This is the first year I've ever gotten a pool pass for my family. I've never felt comfortable watching all of them around water until this year. Finally, I feel that most of them are old enough and good enough swimmers that I can concentrate on the little ones and let the older ones go on their own. My first 5 kids have never been afraid of the water which is not necessarily a good thing. I mean, I didn't want them to be scared, but a healthy respect for water would've been nice. From the time each of the first 5 kids could walk, they'd make a beeline for the water and jump right in without a second thought. Joe and I have spent many years chasing after little ones to keep them out of the pool, and jumping in after ones that we didn't catch in time. Thankfully, Brooklyn is a bit more timid. She's not scared of water, but she's never taken off for the high dive either.

So this year, we've been spending a lot of time at the pool and I've come to the conclusion that I'm way too fat to be hanging around the pool my friends are far too thin. Really, who are these moms who wear bikinis to the pool? Have they had extensive plastic surgery? Do they live on water and carrots? Do they work-out 8 hours a day? Or are they the worst kind of all - the kind who are just naturally thin even though they never exercise and they live on pizza, donuts, and beer? As I'm standing there talking to my friends, I non-chalantly glance over their shoulders, trying to find someone, anyone, who looks worse in a bathing suit than I do.

Then it hit me. That's why I have so many friends! I'm the token fat-girl that everyone likes to hang around to make themselves look better! They don't like me because of my sparkling personality, my fascinating conversation skills, or my sense of humor. Nope, they stand next to me because the extra pounds on their thighs don't look so bad when compared to my tree trunks legs. They may think they have a little arm jiggle, but when they see me wave to my kids and my flabby arms actually catch a breeze and inflate like the sail of a boat, they feel much better. Somehow the tiny bit of extra skin on their stomachs doesn't seem so bad when they overhear someone ask me when I'm due and I answer, "Three and a half years ago."

Yep, I either need to move someplace much colder where I can wear jeans and sweatshirts every day or I need to start working out and losing weight. Nah, I'll just find some fatter friends to hang around.

Pool Pass

Family pool pass $200
Super-size bottle of sunscreen $14
Swimmer's ear drops $6
Assorted swim toys $35
Having the kids get so tired from swimming all day that they do this by 8:00 -

Priceless!

Sunday Sound Out

Frooooom Chicago, where Dawn has less than 48 hours to finish the rewrites on her pregnancy book tentatively titled "You'll Lose the Baby Weight (And Other Lies About Pregnancy & Childbirth)", it's Sunday Sound Out!

When are you going to do another video blog?
Here's my latest video blog where I pull Lexi's tooth. Yep, I'm one of those moms. I hate to see dangly little teeth and insist on pulling my kids' teeth when they get that loose. Thankfully, due to the lure of money from the tooth fairy, my kids usually happily let me pull their teeth for them. You can check the video out here...


I'll have some more video blogs coming soon. I didn't give them much to work with however, because I lost a tape! I had an hour of awesome material and I can't find it to save my life. I'm still hoping it'll just appear one day soon.

Here's a SSO question for you--how do you ever find time for yourself? I just had my 3rd baby 6 weeks ago, and I have a 3 year old and a 5 year old. Since the baby arrived, I can barely find time to eat a sandwich or spend 5 minutes checking my email during the day. My only reprieve is when my husband is done working and I basically throw the kids at him and say "They're all yours!". I'm having difficulty even finding time to fold a load of laundry without one of them needing SOMETHING, or else I have a squabble to break up before there is bloodshed, or the dog needs to go out NOW, or we're late for something already. I never knew adding one more kid to the mix would add 10x the work! How do you handle it with SIX?!?! You are my hero for the simple fact that you're still sane after all that.
Duct tape and rum.
Ok, seriously, I'll tell you what people told me back when I was in the trenches with 3 young kids. It will get easier! Of course, if you're like I was back then, you won't believe a word of it. Going from 2 to 3 was the hardest leap for me. It's tough. You don't have any time to yourself and you won't for a while. But it does get better. I promise. One day you'll be able to read an entire book that doesn't rhyme. And yes, I have 6, but 2 of those are teenagers and they help me a ton. Hang in there. Come here for a laugh. Trade stories with your girlfriends. And know that it does get easier.

Hey. I would like to send you my book to be signed i might sound stupid but what does SASE mean? Also can you give me the address to send it to please. thanks
SASE stands for Self-Addressed Stamped Envelope. Just send me return postage and the return address so I can mail the book back to you. You can sends books here -

Dawn Meehan
836 S. Arlington Heights Rd.
box 230
Elk Grove Village, IL 60007

Or you can always order a book signed by me HERE.

Also another question if someone wanted to get an autographed book from the website you posted. Is it signed by you? or just a sticker put on.
It's signed by the one and only me! :D

Did you make any special efforts to potty train your children or did you wait until it was mostly their idea?
Oooo! I wrote a potty training post almost 2 years ago HERE. I really pushed the issue with Austin because I was stupid he was my first and I didn't know any better. It was disastrous. The other 5 trained themselves. They ranged in age from 2 to 3 1/2, but they all potty trained overnight with very few accidents when they decided they were ready.

Dear Dawn, no, seriously, how do you strikeout words? I try, but it's not on my blogger options!
OK, pay attention because it seems like I get this question every stinkin' week often.

Before the word you want crossed out, type the "less than" sign, then letters D, E, L, then the "greater than" sign.
After the word you want crossed out, type the "less than" sign, then this slash /, then the letters D, E, L, then and "greater than" sign.

Dawn-when was the last time you went 36 whole hours without changing a diaper? You must be amazed with all the extra time you have now ;-)
Nope, my time is now just spent setting Brooklyn on the toilet seat and wiping her butt.

Yay, Joe! Do your kids realize what wonderful parents they have??? SURE they do, right? ;)
Oh yeah. They tell us all the time how great we are. They thank me for watching out for their health when I make them eat their vegetables. They thank me for teaching them cleanliness when I make them clean their rooms. They thank me for teaching them responsibility when I make them do their homework and chores before playing. They thank Joe for making them ask before rummaging around his work bench and taking his tools. Yep, they just think we're awesome.

I don't get it! You could (and still can) eat off my mother's floor, but I'm not sure my floor is fit for even a mouse!
You could eat off my floor! You know, because there are so many crumbs and stuff stuck to it. There's probably a whole meal down there.

#14 For husbands only. Eat your ice cream as quietly as possible, because clinking the spoon against the bowl and making chewing sounds while eating your ice cream can sound like "nails on a chalkboard". At least to this wife!
Good point, Jen! I'd almost forgotten about that one. Maybe we should let the guys take the kids camping by themselves this summer. You and I could head to a spa. ;)

How many hours a day do you spend cleaning up after your children??
Far less than I spend trying to teach them to clean up after themselves!

With mess after mess how do you not just shut down and leave it where it is?
Yeah, ummm, about those pretzels that spilled on the floor a couple days ago...

And now, I must get back to my book and finish it up before my editor reads this and realizes I'm still not done with it!

Step One, Step Two

"Thanks for taking us to the pool, Mom. Can we go back tomorrow? I'll help you out tonight. I'll give the little kids baths, ok?"

"Thanks Jackson, that would be great. And we'll see about the pool tomorrow."

So, after Jackson "helped me" by bathing Brooklyn and Clay, I walked in the bathroom to see this...



Let's go inside and take a closer look at the pile of wet towels and clothes, shall we?

Oh my gosh! Could it be? Did the kids actually change the empty roll of toilet paper? Oh my gosh, I think I'm having a heart attack!



Oh wait. There's the empty roll on the floor. I knew it was too good to be true.
Step One: Teach the kids to change the roll of toilet paper.
Step Two: Teach the kids to throw out the old roll.



a water bottle - Makes perfect sense to me. You never know when you'll be peeing and get a sudden unquenchable thirst.

Nice. You can't tell, but there are approximately 52 gallons of water on the floor.



The floor was also covered in unripe raspberries the kids picked and put in their pockets.



And is that the most disgusting thing you've ever seen? That's how much dirt, sunscreen, and bug spray was on my kids last night! It took me forever to scrub the tub clean! And that was after cleaning up from their snack this afternoon...




Note the dustpan. The kids spilled pretzels, got out the dustpan and brush and ran outside to play. Close, kids. Really close. But you have to actually brush the pretzels into the pan and throw them away before playing.
Step One: Teach the kids where the dust pan is located.
Step Two: Teach the kids to actually use the dust pan.

How to Eat Ice Cream

My 4 youngest kids asked if they could have bowls of ice cream before going to bed tonight.

I told them, "Yes, but just a little bit and SIT AT THE TABLE TO EAT IT!"

Clearly, I made the mistake of omitting the following stipulations.

1. Don't squirt chocolate syrup on the floor.
2. Don't squirt chocolate syrup on the counter.
3. Don't squirt chocolate syrup on the table.
4. Don't squirt chocolate syrup on each other.
5. You know what? Just leave the chocolate syrup in the fridge!
6. Don't lay the lid from the empty ice cream container upside down on top of my books to be mailed out.
7. Don't leave the ice cream scooper on the floor where it fell.
8. Don't put ice cream in your hair.
9. Don't drop a huge spoonful of ice cream on your pajama pants and then smear it around.
10. Don't lick the spilled ice cream off the table; use a dish cloth!
11. Don't leave your bowls glued to the kitchen table with ice cream!
12. Don't leave your spoon, covered in ice cream, sitting on your chair.
13. Don't stir your ice cream until it turns into soup and then slurp it up from your bowl like a cat.

You may not realize you need to specify all these rules, but I'm telling you, if you don't, you'll be sorry. Feel free to add any others you think your children may need such as, don't finger paint with the ice cream on the wall or don't have a contest with your brother on how far you can fling ice cream off your spoon.
Forget the ice cream. Forget all meals. I think I'm just going to buy a trough, set it outside and fill it with kibble every day. No fuss, no muss!

Pearl Girl Winner!

The random winner of the book, Pearl Girls (Encountering Grit, Experiencing Grace) is.....

Number 82!

MarcomMom said...
I am so inspired by great women writers. Would love the book and will share it with others.

Congratulations! Please email me at mom2my6pack@aol.com with your shipping address. Thank you to everyone for taking time to check out this worthwhile book. If you didn't win, you can order your own copy HERE. And remember, ALL the proceeds are going to benefit Hands of Hope and Wings, 2 excellent charities committed to helping women and children.

Snap!

I teach Sunday school throughout the school year, but get a break from the classroom in the summer. I'm always so excited when summer comes because I tell myself that I can now go to worship service and hear the sermon and find out what's going on in the church. In reality, when Sunday rolls around, more often than not, I decide to sleep in. I know, I know, save the lectures. Honestly, this is a big reason why I teach Sunday school during the school year - so I'll get my butt to church! Otherwise sleeping in would be far too tempting week after week. What can I say? I love sleep and I get far too little of it these days.

Anyway, last week on Sunday, the kids and I slept in like lazy heathens. Joe went to church by himself. On the way home, he called me, "Hey, I'm on my way home and I have a surprise for the kids!"

A surprise for the kids? I'm thinking that he picked up donuts. Cool! I don't have to make breakfast!

I was wrong. This is the surprise he brought home...





Yep, that's right - a big ole snapping turtle.

"Surprise!"

"Umm, does this mean there are no donuts?"

This guy was out in the road as Joe drove home from church so instead of picking him up and plunking him back in the water, Joe opted to bring him home for a little show and tell before loading up the kids and the smelly turtle and returning him to his watery home. I think I've figured out where Clay gets his curiosity about critters.

Man Who Catch Fly with Chopstick, Accomplish Anything

I asked the kids to leave me alone this afternoon so I could get some work done on my book, so naturally, they came knocking on my door every 10 minutes. I gave them specific instructions to let me work in peace unless someone was on fire, spurting blood, or had any bones protruding through their skin.

KNOCK KNOCK: Mom, can we smear soap all over your car and leave it to dry in a nasty film and then spray each other and the windows of the house with water and then leave the hose, bucket, sponges, and soap on the driveway all day wash your car?

KNOCK KNOCK: Mom, can you take us bowling?

KNOCK KNOCK: Mom, can I go to the pool with my friends?

KNOCK KNOCK: Mom, can I call Allyson?

KNOCK KNOCK: Mom, I know I'm grounded, but can I go to Timmy's house?

KNOCK KNOCK: Mom, Brooklyn wants to wear her bathing suit.

KNOCK KNOCK: Mom, can we flood the backyard make a pool out of the sandbox?

KNOCK KNOCK: Mom, Clay just hammered his finger and he's screaming. I think it's broken.

KNOCK KNOCK: Mom, Brooklyn's eating gum off the ground.

KNOCK KNOCK: Mom, can we use some string cheese and an old pizza box to try and catch a mouse in the garage have some cheese for a snack?

KNOCK KNOCK: Mom, I have to go potty again.
(This was the only interruption I didn't mind today. For some reason *Shhhh, I don't want to jinx it, but...* Brooklyn took it upon herself to potty train today. She's been completely dry for about 36 hours. She even pooped on the toilet for the first time ever today. I'm not sure why today was the magical day, but I'm not knocking it.

Then, at one point, Clay was hanging out in my room this afternoon. You know, because I asked all the kids to leave me alone for a while. He was watching a fly buzz around my window. He sat still and watched, seemingly fascinated by the insect. Then, quick as lightning, he reached out and grabbed it! I kid you not! Mr. Miyagi would be proud! Oh well, at least it's better than the handful of worms he brought me yesterday. At first glance I thought he'd found some critter's intestines.



Needless to say, I got very little work done today.

Sunday Sound Out

Happy Father's Day to all the dads and grandpas and dad-like guys out there! Here's one for you! :)



Ok, did the hamster really go through the wash?
Uhhh no. We've never had a hamster. The gerbils, on the other hand...

I knew IF I was sharp enough,eventually I would catch you in a FIB!! So..You're a THIRTY-Something,eh? NOT according to the photo you just posted standing next to your little BROTHER! The JIG is UP,Meehan!What are ya REALLY? 20? 21?
Ok, you're officially my new best friend.

By the way: Where are those ExLibris stickers?
Well, all the ones I've seen have dorky images and I don't really want to order up a bunch of "From the library of" stickers. However, you can order an autographed copy of Because I Said So HERE or you can mail me your book along with a SASE for return shipping and I'll sign it and send it back to you.

Dawn, whatever you do, start saving for college now. Otherwise you'll end up doing what we're having to do - sell things (ie, husband's beloved project cars) to pay for her tuition. =D
That's ok. I have a plan. All 6 of them are going to get full rides to the universities of their choice. What? It could happen! (See? I could TOTALLY write fiction!)

Is he [Austin] the only child that looks like your husband? The rest seem to look like you.
I dunno. Most people say that the first 5 look like him and Brooklyn is more like me. I don't think Brooklyn looks like me. Unless..... you don't think they're talking about her attitude, do you?

Saw the photos with Audi (that's what we call my nephew Austin) by the Fisher Price Basketball hoop and was just wondering . . . with six kiddos how many Fisher Price Basketball hoops have you gone thru? How many Cozy Coupe cars? How many bouncy seats (a.k.a. baby catipolts)? Pacifiers? Diaper bags? Bottles? Tricycles? etc. etc.
Hmmmm, I've never stopped to add everything up. I'd say approximately 4.8 million dollars' worth of stuff. You know, give or take...

lol, if you didn't have to fight to get her dressed, then why does she still look upset? or is that just Brooklyn? lol LOVE the boots:)
Uhh yeah. That's Brooklyn. The other day, she wore one sandal and one dress-up shoe all day. Clomp click, clomp click, clomp click was all we heard as she walked through the house. When it came time to leave for baseball, Jackson was adamant about her changing shoes. He wanted her to wear 2 matching sandals. She, of course, threw an all-out fit. I told Jax to let it go. Well, she fell asleep in the car on the way to the field and Jackson took that opportunity to change her shoes. I carried a sleeping Brooklyn to the bleachers and sat down to watch the game. As she began to wake up, she looked at her shoes (or the lack of one dress-up shoe) and started screaming again. There's a reason why she's the last.

And as a mom preg with her 6th I must ask how does 6 compare to 5?
I know people say this all the time, but really it's true - once you have that many, what's one more? Going from 5 to 6 really didn't make much difference to us. You're a pro now. You've got the whole parenting thing down pat and you've got (hopefully) a little bit older kids who can help out some. It'll be a piece of cake for you!

What are your plans for "enjoying" another funnel cake? Too bad you didn't barf into a towel. You could have just thrown it away. It is too hard to throw away a shower.
I got food poisoning when I was pregnant with Austin. It was right after I'd eaten at one of those places with burritos the size of your head. I've never been so sick. I didn't eat Mexican food for a good 8 years after that. I don't think I'll be looking at another funnel cake for some time.
And your towel plan gives me an even better idea! Next time (oh please God don't let there EVER be a next time!) I'll just puke in the street then I can simply walk away!

Actually, wouldn't it be pretty easy to clean the shower? Just wash it down the drain with some sanitizer thrown in.
Perhaps for a normal person. If I hear, see, smell, or even think about vomit, I throw up. If I was stupid enough to open the shower door, I would've thrown up all over the bathroom floor. I'm not kidding. Thank God, Joe stopped by and cleaned it up for me.

Click HERE to head on over to my review blog for a chance to win a gift package from Baby Einstein!

Click HERE for a chance to win a copy of Pearl Girls!

Pearl Girls

My friend Margaret McSweeney is the inspiration behind the book, Pearl Girls: Encountering Grit, Experiencing Grace. Margaret is one of those incredible people who just blesses everyone fortunate enough to meet her. And if you so much as ride in an elevator with her, you WILL meet her. She's one of those outgoing people who is just full of joy! Anyway, she has assembled some of the best female Christian writers on the planet to add their wisdom to this amazingly inspirational book. You'll find stories from Debbie Macomber, Shaunti Feldhahn, Melody Carlson, Robin Jones Gunn, and many, many others! For some reason she asked me to contribute also.

This book, I'm certain, will bless the lives of the people who read it, but not only that, it's going to bless a whole lotta people near and far because all proceeds are being donated to two charities. One is Hands of Hope - "Hands of Hope is a community of women helping women and children in crisis, with a current focus on Africa." The other is Wings (Women in Need Growing Stronger) - "WINGS helps homeless and abused women and children by offering integrated services that meet their needs for shelter, education, guidance and support."

I was fortunate enough to meet Rebecca Darr, the Executive Director of Wings and later was given a tour of one of Wings' safe houses this past winter. I was surprised at not only how nice the house was, but at the services offered. Wings does not just provide a safe place to stay for women and children escaping domestic violence. It provides education, and help in finding employment. Wings doesn't kick the women and children out of the safe house after a couple weeks or months and leave them to fend for themselves either. They find them housing and continue to work alongside them.

Rebecca is on the far left

This book contains over 60 essays from some of the awesomest writers. (Yes, it's a word!) I know you'll find it inspiring! Get a copy for yourself and all the wonderful women in your lives. It's not only a book that will bless you, but it'll bless the lives of women and children struggling to survive in Africa and women and children fleeing from domestic violence here in the Chicago suburbs. You can get a copy of Pearl Girls: Encountering Grit, Experiencing Grace HERE.

I have a copy of Pearl Girls to give away! Leave me a comment here, and I'll choose a random winner on Wednesday. Good luck!

Evil Funnel Cakes

I'm sorry I've been missing in action. I've had a umm, hectic week to say the least, but things are falling into place and getting better. And summer has finally hit in Chicago. We went from shivering in 50 degree weather at our kids' baseball games, to sweating in 89 degrees with 4000% humidity overnight. We've had so much rain that I spent yesterday searching for the schematics to build an ark that I printed out last year when my town flooded.

Two days ago, at Savannah's softball game, the little kids were lying on the ground coloring with markers. Clay got bored coloring and stacked 3 markers together in a kind of makeshift light saber. Because playing with weapons is always a good idea. Anyway, this looked like fun to Brooklyn who did the same thing. Except she decided she wanted ALL of the markers so she ran around, chasing Clayton, screaming and whining that she wanted his markers too. Right on cue, Clay took off teasing and taunting her just to make her scream a little louder because not everyone within a 15 mile radius could hear her.

Meanwhile, I was trying to videotape Savannah pitching so I didn't immediately intervene. As the inning ended and I started walking toward Brooklyn, the umpire (a teenage girl with an attitude) said, to no one in particular, "Someone better give that brat what she wants!" Little did she know I was the mother of said "brat". I looked at her and said, "Actually, no, I'm not going to give in to her demands." The ump muttered, "I'm sorry."

Then I walked over to Brooklyn and told her to scream a little louder.

After the game, I took the kids to a nearby festival for a couple hours. The kids went on a couple rides and I listened to the band with my friend Doreen for a little bit. When we left, I ordered a couple funnel cakes, brought them home, and used them to bribe the kids to shower and get ready for bed. I even Twittered about this. I believe I said something like, "Mmmm funnel cakes! I could live on funnel cakes!"

At 5:00AM, I woke up, sick to my stomach. Now, you have to know that I hate, hate, hate to throw up. I mean, I'm sure no one really LIKES to vomit, but I absolutely detest it! My friend Sue and I have talked about this. Whereas most people would get to a point of such pain and discomfort, they would welcome the relief that comes with vomiting, we would do anything and everything in our power to avoid it. I'd rather lie, writhing in pain all night then to give up and throw up. I'd rather have diarrhea every day for the rest of my life than to vomit even once. I pray profusely whenever I get that stomachache that tells me its contents are about to be evacuated. "Please God, I beg of you, keep me from throwing up! Pleeeeeaaaaassssseeee! I'll do anything! I'll move to Africa and be a missionary. I'll give up funnel cakes forever! I'll stop yelling at my kids! Just say the word, God!"

As my stomach continued to feel worse and worse, I began to think that God wasn't listening to me. And really, what was He thinking when He designed humans with the ability to put their digestive systems in reverse anyway? What an awful, horrible way to get rid of the contents of our stomachs! In fact, the whole digestive process is pretty gross when you think about it. Before I got too far into my analysis of human digestion and how I'm sure I could've done a better job than God at designing people, I got that uncontrollable urge and ran to the bathroom. After emptying everything from my mouth down to my toes, I hopped in the shower to cry like a baby cool off and feel better. But no, oh no, my stomach wasn't done rebelling yet. I continued to throw up in the shower. (Yes, yes, I do need to share the graphic details with you.)

Now, here's the thing. I can't clean puke. Not mine, not my kids', no one's. I can't do it. Not, "I don't like to do it" but "I CAN'T do it!" The mere thought of it, makes me vomit. So, I did what any other normal person would do. I shut the shower door, taped a sign to it saying, "Do not use", and went back to bed. It's ok. We have another shower. If anyone ever barfs in that shower, we'll just move to another house. That's my plan and I'm sticking to it.