Thursday, December 2, 2010

The One with all the Butts

So, I broke down and got a new furnace yesterday. The guy who installed it is a family friend who works for a heating and cooling company. He and his wife are good people so I know he gave me the best deal he could. And I'd rather give him the money than some big company.

He was in the middle of removing my old furnace when Clay piped up and said very loudly (Clay only has one volume so of course, it was loud), "I hope I don't see his buttcrack! When we picked Brooklyn up from preschool today, there was a guy working on the wall and he was lying on the floor and we could totally see his buttcrack! It was hairy too! It was DIS-GUST-ING!"

Clay was right. If the guy at the preschool had had his pants down any farther, they would've been OFF. It wasn't pretty. I'm sure there are a couple dozen preschoolers scarred for life now.

My eyes quickly darted over to my friend to see if he'd heard. The sight of him chuckling to himself assured me he'd heard every word. Much to my relief, however, his shirt was neatly tucked in, not so much as an inch of crack showing.

His buddy, who showed up to help him a few minutes later, on the other hand, had not learned the importance of the shirt-tucking technique. I really think the buttcrack issue should be covered in any heating and cooling school. And any plumbing school. And electrician school. And auto mechanics school. Really, any member of the blue collar community should learn how to tuck their shirts in, pull their pants up, or at least work those glutes and wax those butt cheeks so we don't mind seeing their butts hang out so much. What? I'm single! I can look at butts. Not that I did or anything. But I could. You know, if the opportunity arose. Just sayin'. Not that I really even care about butts. I'll take a nice, strong, muscley pair of arms over a butt any day. I mean, I guess a guy should have a butt in addition to the arms otherwise, he'd just look weird. And his pants probably wouldn't fit right if he had no butt. I have no idea why I'm talking about butts. I'm blaming it on the 15 years of diaper changing. Okay, moving along...

Hmmm, you'd think I'd have a point here, wouldn't you? It's late and I just spent the last ten minutes talking about butts. Oh yeah! My point is just that it's really nice to have heat again. It's been in the low 20s here in Chicago. It even snowed yesterday. Isn't it funny how you never even notice things like heat until they're gone? Then you learn to fully appreciate them. (Although I'm still ready to move someplace that doesn't require a working furnace.)

Now, I have to get some sleep so I don't sound like an idiot (or more of an idiot) while I'm speaking at the luncheon for Wings tomorrow. It's not too late to go! You local folks can join me for lunch tomorrow (Friday). It'll be fun. I promise not to talk about butts. I can't promise that my date, Brooklyn won't talk about butts though.

Here's a link with details about the luncheon and trunk show. Check it out. And you can buy gently used, fashionable, chic baby clothes and gear while you're there. If you have no need for baby items anymore, you can bring your gently used or new baby items to benefit Wings. It's for a great cause! Hope to see you there!


Tammy said... This company sells a shirt that is "The Cure for Plumber's Butt." LOL

Sharon said...

I know what you mean, our electric was out for 8 days when we had an ice storm. One of the problems of living in the country, the electric company thinks we KNOW how to do without, but in all fairness they did a wonderful job. We were also with out water since we have a well and the pump runs on electric also. I say a HUGE thank you everyday for how easy we have it now. I don't know if I could have or wanted to suvive 100 years ago. Glad you got your new furnace and are warm now.

Lesley said...

So glad you have heat again, and I think you made the best choice! Good luck at the luncheon, if I were in Chicago I would go...but alas...I am in Maine. :)

Dana from Alabama said...

Did you end up going with the fancy tax credit furnace or just a regular one?

Also, I'm from the South, so I'm not quite sure about furnaces. Is what you call a furnace what we call a heater? A big unit that pumps hot air through the vents? Or are they different?

Anonymous said...

here's the solution to plumber's crack-|8004|long%20tail%20t%20shirt||S||2965952071

DeAnne said...

I hear ya on the buttcracks....I have a dear sweet friend who likes to wear low rise jeans, and her buttcrack is ALWAYS showing. I don't have the heart to say anything, guess I'm a bad friend, lol! However, I don't see how people don't know their crack is showing, I mean wouldn't it be cold?! I'll let someone else tell her....such as her buttcracking jokester kids. They see people with a buttcrack showing and they'll scream "Say no to crack!", but they never notice their moms! Also, funny story (I know I'm going off on a buttcrack tangent) but shortly after my daughter was born, I was watching her kids one day, and as I was changing her diaper, one of her boys (who had never been around a girl baby) said "Whoa.....her buttcrack goes all the way around!" LOL.

Round Belly said...

my 92 year old grandmother learned to watch football because the players had cute butts.

Sarah said...

You are hysterical! Glad things are warm in there now. :)

Unknown said...

There is a billboard on a road I frequently travel for those longtail work shirts. It cracks me up every single time I see it.

Vivian M said...

So glad you are not freezing anymore! And with a new furnace, you just might save a bit on your heating costs - it is probably more energy efficient than the old one.
As for the plumber's crack....I thought that was part of the job requirement. ;o)

V1nce said...

It's for hairy butt-cracking!
If you want to show it off!
You gotta rip that hair off!

If you want the girls to see!
What separates that hiney!
You gotta make it pretty!
A shag rug on your bum's real ugly!


(A V1nce original (c) 2010)

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