Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Inner Workings of My Mind

I was walking outside with someone. I'm not sure who it was, but I know she was a friend. We were walking along on a grassy hill. The sky was overcast, but it was breezy and warm outside. I picked up some cardboard, an empty 7-Up case and an empty Dr. Pepper case that were lying on the ground. A man came walking by pushing a grocery cart with those exact same things (some cardboard, an empty, smashed 7-Up case and an empty Dr. Pepper case) in it. I thought that was strange. As my unknown friend and I walked along this grassy hill, we noticed there were all these really deep holes in it. There were perfectly round holes every foot or two and each one was several feet deep. I warned her to watch out, but her foot got caught down in one of these holes in the ground.

Then we had to run to catch a boat that was leaving for New York. I had some drinks and I took my shoes off on the boat. I arrived at the hotel in New York and people got off the boat and went to check in. I didn't check in though. I wanted to, but just didn't/couldn't for some reason. I'm not sure why because I really wanted to go up to my room. I was holding a ton of bags that I was having a hard time juggling. Instead of checking in, I sat down to rest for a while and realized that I couldn't find my shoes. I saw a couple friends from high school there. These were friends I hardly even knew in high school, but there they were, acting like we were the best of friends. There were a whole bunch of very nerdy kids. They were band geeks and had all sorts of instruments with them. I mean, really super-geeky people that I don't know in real life.

I finally found my shoes. A lady had them with her wig and she was totally bleaching them out. My shoes and her wig sat in some sort of unit on the floor. Apparently it was a wig and shoe bleaching machine. They were my giraffe print clogs, but when I got them back, you could barely see the print because they were so bleached out.

I finally went to check in with my tons of bag. They were actually the exact same bags I was trying to carry at the blogger event last week.

Next thing I know, I'm in Paris at this indoor mall that was made to look like it was outdoors. There was a gelato shop with tables and chairs all around it "outside" (really inside a mall) with potted trees and stuff. Brooklyn was with me and she tried some. Austin was there and he tried some too. I couldn't decided which kind to try. They showed me several burlap bags (bags???) of gelato with different flavors. I finally decided to try the citrus nut one. (Blech! Where do I come up with this stuff?)

This is when I realized that I was in Paris and I had never arranged for anyone to take care of my kids at home. I had just left them all. (Yeah, yeah, I know Austin and Brooklyn were eating gelato with me a minute ago and now they're at home. I never claimed my dreams made sense!) I really freaked out. No one would be there when they got home from school! Could I call and get someone to go to my house before the kids got home from school, I wondered. And then it hit me that Brooklyn was home all alone right now because she's not in school! No one was going to take care of them and I was in Europe! How on earth did I forget to call someone to care for them before leaving?!!!! I freaked out in my dream! I couldn't believe I'd forgotten! How do you plan a trip to France and forget to arrange childcare for six kids?! I ran around telling people what I'd done. I didn't know what to do to fix it. I kept asking people to help me. I tried texting my friend several times, but they never answered. I thought maybe my cell phone didn't work in other countries and decided I'd have to look into that in the future. I remembered that Savannah and Austin were taken care of, but I'd totally forgotten to arrange care for the other kids. And then I woke up.

All I can say is - if you analyze dreams, please don't tell me how psychotic this makes me.

24 comments:

artsymommachic said...

LOL the part about the burlap bags then the (bags???) afterwords CRACKED me up!!

Sandy in Illinois said...

Dawn, You can relax. If the dream happened within the last few days, you couldn't have gotten to Paris anyway because of the volcano ash flying all over. Our friend Carol Jordan had an actual trip planned for Paris leaving last Thursday. It was all re-scheduled until next October. Perhaps by next October, you will have remembered to arrange childcare. Pleasant dreams in the future.

DeeAnne said...

physchotic no.. Stressed out and overworked YES...

*hugs* Hope you are feeling better for having written this.

Shelley said...

I don't think you're psychotic at all. In fact, I think it's perfectly normal to be having "anxiety dreams" with everything that you've got going on. You're doing everything yourself now, and you're worried that you're going to forget something or not do something you're supposed to do. You've got so much on your plate that you don't know how you're going to manage it all without "forgetting" things (like you did the kids in the dream). I'm sorry, but I think you're totally normal. Except I have no idea why gelato would would be in burlap bags. :)

rthling said...

Well, I wouldn't say that I analyze dreams, but it sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed with the prospect of having the entire responsibility of caring for the kids fall on your shoulders.
I cannot even imagine what a terrifying burden that is for you right now.
I've been thinking about you and praying for you to have peace in this storm. Remember that God is there, and He will carry your burden, because He cares for you.
Lean on Him in the dark hours, when you are not zipping hither and yon, (apparently to Paris!) because those are the times when the darkness will feel most lonely.
And PS. You look fabulous in your new profile picture! I really like your hair long.

Brooke said...

I think you are just worried about your kids... Just one of those crazy stress dreams. Mine usually involve walking around HUGE parking lots looking for my car. My other "favorite" is I drive my mini-van off a bridge and I have to rescue my 3 young (non-swimming) children (unbuckling carseats, etc).

Andrea said...

I agree with the other posters that your dream is just a manifestation of the anxiety of having to do everything for your kids now with zero help. I remember when my son (my first child) was born, I had a dream that I left him in the cart at Walmart to go to the bathroom and when I came out he was gone! I woke up and had to go into his room to make sure he was still in his crib! Of course I would never have just left him in the cart when I was awake just like you would never forget to arrange for someone to care for your kids.
Even though these dreams may make you think you are a bad mother, you are actually doing a wonderful job and you must remember that. It's hard to be the rock for six kids but you are doing an amazing job and your kids are going to thank you one day for being such a great mom.

Anonymous said...

I'm impressed that you remember it in such detail! I always dream that I'm in a play and I don't know my lines and I can't find anyone with a copy of the script for me to look at. It feels SO real every time!

Michigan Mama to 2 said...

Holy moly . . . if I had dreams like that I don't think I'd ever fall asleep.

I dreamt I rented a banana costume once for Halloween. What does that mean?

Donna said...

Years ago I did analize dreams and I did a great job at it.
But, all I can tell you now is that you are having anxiety attacks like the others have said. You are under alot of stress and dreams can get so crazy at times.
You are doing a wonderful job and all will work out for you and the kids. God will watch out for all of you.
Now ignore that dream and go have a glass of wine :)

Hugs, Donna from NE Indiana

Donna said...

To Michigan Mama to 2 ...you were hungry.....hehehehe

Linda N said...

When I am doing too much and not taking care of myself, I always dream that I forgot the baby and went shopping or on a trip. I am always panic stricken because being a mommy is my most important job. I have learned that the "baby" is me and I need to pay more attention to my needs during those times. So, try to get some me time whenever you can and make it a priority on a regular basis.

Anonymous said...

I'd say you have too much going on! Cut back on the coffee and catch up on the sleep and the bizarre dreams will cease!

Anonymous said...

What on EARTH did you eat before you went to bed? WANT SOME!

Devon said...

it sounds like all those bags you were having a hard time juggling are a metaphor for all the things you are juggling in life.

Debbie Yost said...

What? No one tried to kill you? What kind of dream is that? :-) The last dreams I remember had to do with Michael from the Office and snakes crawling all over me. I'll take the Michael one over the snakes any day!

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Purple Quilter Queen said...

Sounds like you've got one too many balls up in the air!

Luann said...

I am CONSTANTLY dreaming I have too much to carry or I'm moving and packing and everything won't fit.

I never dream I've left my kids unattended, but I DO dream that I've left cats I had years ago in apartments I had years ago and I just realize I have to go feed them. Remarkably they are all still there and still alive. go figure.

Kristine said...

I have to agree - it just means you are super stressed out! The weird parts - just laugh at them! It's boring when dreams make sense anyway.

Anonymous said...

Dawn, I wasn't in your dream? LOL Kristine in Michigan.

Julia in Sweden said...

Ooo, that dream made ME run in and check on my kids...
Dawn, seriously, give yourself a break. (Yeah, easy to say, right?). The bottom line of your dream is anger. What if you were to do what J is doing - cutting the entire family off. Then what would happen to the kids? As you said - moms never quit! Your children are lucky to have you! If I wasn't so far away I would stop by, clean your house for you AND watch the kids while you were at a nice spa and spent the night at a hotel with room service. But since I can't, well, i'll wish it for you anyway. Miracles do happen, every day.
You are one of the strongest persons i've ever comed across!!!

Original Vegemite Girl said...

When I bought a townhouse, I dreamt I had bought a haunted castle that dripped blood from the walls.

When I became pregnant, I dreamt that the baby rolled off the balcony and got lost under the bushes.

When I was stressed out doing stats I dreamt there was a direct correlation between the number of statistics I ran and the end of the universe (small thinker that I am...).

Each time I think of moving I dream the new house becomes a labyrinth of corridors, dusty rooms and an ever expanding garden.

Lately the work environment is isn't going so well, so I've dreamt of industrial sabotage.

I've concluded that our nightmares are the only time that our fears can win. We're asleep and vulnerable and AHAH out they come.

Trust you to do it in such style in Paris! But because you've dreamt it, the fears can't win.

Raising a glass of wine to you as you conquer tomorrow's challenges and beat those fears (oh OK two glasses of wine).

Alright. You deserve three. Vineyards.

Cheers Dawn.

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