Tuesday, May 7, 2013

An Open Letter to all Male Members of any Online Dating Site

Dear Hopeful Single,

I’m not writing because I’m interested in you. I’m writing because I feel sorry for you. Your online dating profile makes me cringe; it floods me with embarrassment for you. Your emails help me to understand why you’re single. Now, in real life, I don’t go around judging a person based solely (oh, and speaking of sole, it’s soulmate, not solemate, and honestly, you really shouldn’t even be using the word at all) on their ability to write and take a decent photograph, but on an online dating site, that’s all I have to go by. When I receive a couple dozen emails, winks, and likes a day, I have to weed through them and yes, unfair as it may be, I skip over those of you who start emails with “Hey Hotstuff”, have pictures of your dog sitting on your Harley, and have phrases such as “herpes-free” in your profiles.



Mark said...

Indeed,you are both awesome and funny. I am just sitting awake at 4 AM enjoying a wonderful moment due to your last TWO postings (both of which you ought to include in your next book: The Dawn Collection)
You may remember me as the Ex Libris Guy(or maybe your memory has dimmed what with having to shepherd SIX kids)
I DID want to send you this quick note simply to convey my thanks to you for sharing your unique wordsmithing.
This is definitely NOT an invitation to MY local Starbucks,unless by some slight chance you ever find yourself in Western Massachusetts (plus, I am 18 years older than your stated guidelines)On a positive note, I do NOT fish,walk on beaches,own watercraft and my
one child is 27 and hopefully completing Law School.
Nonetheless "Baby Sister", you have always been a pure delight(even in thankfully few crises which you were brave enough to share with your readership)
Thanks again,
Mark in MASS

Bonnie J. Toomey said...

Great post, God Love you, I thought I had a lot (four) but six, wow! Happy Mother's Day!

Bonnie J. Toomey said...

Very funny - I enjoyed your take on online dating! Happy Mother's Day!

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