Tuesday, May 20, 2008

How Did You Find Me?

These are the actual, untouched keywords (spelling errors and all) that weirdos people actually googled. For some reason, these keywords brought them to my blog. Scary, isn't it?

can you wash mold out of a bookbag
I don't know, but I can wash chocolate milk out of a backpack.

knock knock
Who's there?

preschool screaming
better than screaming while they're at home

i'm the best because god said so quotes
What is "narcissism"?

not because if so why i said

No, you've got it all mixed up. It's "Because I Said So".

cos i don't want to ok blud
In English please?

don't play ball in the house
Where have I heard this before? Oh yeah, I screamed said it 20 times today.

oldest boy bathed
but did you have to remind him thirteen times?

polish for butt
Do you think they mean "the Polish word for butt"? Or are they looking for butt polish?

why does sweet food make my throat tickle
I don't know. Why does sweet food make my butt expand?

styrofoam noise
is the most horrible sound on earth!

a drawing of a creepy bunn

i'm trying to diet but its so difficult blog
Oh man, that's my middle name! Well, it isn't really. That would just be weird.

spilled milk on carpet in vehicle - smell makes me gag - what will remove odor?
Nothing. Sell the car.

cold cough brandy remedy old folks
Oh. Brandy, huh? I heard it was vodka that cured all.

okay to give raisins to toddlers
Umm sure

i know a song that gets everybody's lyrics
A song that gets everybody's lyrics? Now that's one talented song.

how to fix stopped up toilet when a plunger doesn't work and a snake
Take the snake out of the toilet. Or better yet - call your husband to do it.

pee behind the shed
Well, that would be an improvement from where Clay peed yesterday. Into an empty plastic bag. Don't ask.

polishing butt
Yep, I guess they're looking for butt polish. I never knew there was such a thing.

raisin in toddler's nose
Ummm, I change my mind about giving raisins to toddlers.

how to drive a teacher crazy use humor and sarcastic
Oh yeah, teachers love this.

how do you get a bunny to go outside with r
with r what? Don't leave me hanging like this!

radiator building ghostbusters
A radiator is building a ghostbuster? You want to know how to make a radiator out of a ghostbuster? Or are you looking for folks who both bust ghosts and build radiators?

how much is pineapple?
It depends. Does a sponge live in it?

why people make fun or laugh of other people
Generally it's for googling strange keywords

decorate a cake once purchased start to chew all of the gum and spit it in your grocery bag

petrified pickel
I found one of those! Oh wait, nope. I found a petrified pickle.

the bugaloos cartoon from the 80’s
Oooo, I know this one! Shows that were created by writers who were high.

can laughing really get me a six pack
Oh if only it were that easy

spam cordon bleu
Delicious, nutritious and made with the goodness of Spam!

house working is so time consuming
just now figuring this out?

are you there god its me dawn blog
No, I believe the title is, "Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret".

butt in polish
Seriously? Another one?


Turtles In Northern Florida said...

Lol...I just looked at mine yesterday and some of them had me rolling! I think yours take the cake though! Thanks for sharing.I usually enjoy your blog with my morning coffee but I am glad I took a sneak peak tongiht!Ü

Glowstars said...

Sorry, but I'm gonna have to ask. Why was Clay peeing in an empty plastic bag?

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! I am hoping the butt-polish folks are just one person... three ppl out there in the world looking for butt polish are three too many!

plainprecious said...

don't play ball in the house

Shouldnt that line have directed them to the Brady Bunch website?

HeathSaw said...

I love these posts, Dawn! I bet those peeps are looking for the Ghosthunters. They are plumbers which I guess maybe sometimes build radiators. I am not a dork though!

Unknown said...

Guess what I now feel the undying need to know what butt polish is

Anonymous said...

OMG Dawn,

I love the one about Clay peeing into an empty plastic bag. My almost 4 year old son Reece has been doing that lately and I just don't get it!!!!!! What is the deal anyway??

Anonymous said...

You're funny! Thanks for the morning laugh.
Did you pick a winner for the snarky vodka comment?

CohoesMom5 said...

What is it about boys and their need to pee anywhere but a toilet? Maybe just because they can?
My son also peed in a plastic bag - when I found it, stuffed in his desk drawer, it was 3/4 full. I have no idea how long he had been using it but I'm glad he was able to seal it tightly.

Karen said...

Your sense of humor always brightens my day. And what is it with polish butts?

Brenda said...

None of the search words for my blog are ever funny...wait..I'm not funny...oh yeah.

Debbie @ Three Weddings said...

How about m&m's or orange peels in the nose. Yep, I got stories for both of those and I'm sorry to say neither are related to my children.

Michelle Kemper Brownlow said...

I would love to know how many of those "googlers" stayed and read your blog, laughed their butts off and went about their day totally forgetting that they actually were looking for something else!

You may have been the only SANITY those people knew that day!!!!!
Scary, huh?

Anonymous said...

my favorite is butt polish! LMAO. :)

TheHMC said...

These always crack me up when you do them.

You'd love one that I got a few weeks back. The search words were... are you ready for this?

"Granny getting some"

And it brought them to me because of a post I did about getting some KY from my grandmother and aunt LOL! You'd totally have to read it to understand, but imagine my shock and horror.. those keywords? Come one now, EW!

Beth Branch said...

I just heard about your blog a couple days ago and it is already one of my favorites. Lightens my day every time! I thought I did some weird googling, but these take the cake!

Don Mills Diva said...

I love your search term posts - cracks me up!

Anonymous said...

Haha, funny! :D I found you by the e-bay link that travelled around these mom-forums. :)

Anonymous said...

I believe the Polish word for "butt" is Dupa

Cookie said...

That is so funny! I love that your blog comes up no matter how many different ways your search for "butt polish!"

I checked my list and discovered that someone who googled, "slug fertilizer" came to my blog. And no, I don't run a slug infertility clinic :)

Cookie aka the other Dawn

Threeundertwo said...

Completely hilarious. I had to go check mine, which aren't nearly as funny. Thanks for the laugh this morning!

Rachel said...

These are absolutely hysterical.
Warm brandy, honey and lemon. Great cough/cold medicine :-) Granny used to give it to us all the time.
I need to check on my google search words although I doubt they'll be as humorous.

ummmhello said...

Gawd that made me laugh!

Dutch Momma of 4 said...

I know butt in Dutch?!? Does that help?
Thanks for the laugh, these are always toooo funny!

mometo2 said...

Dawn, how do you go about seeing what people google to get to your blog? I just started mine and this would be funny to see what they google.

Anonymous said...

How many people googled "butt polish" to see what they were looking for besides me? I am still laughing....

Miri said...

laughing got you a six pack. laughing only got me four. hunh. i'm confused, where do babies come from again?

MJ said...

AHAHA! Coworkers are staring at me, I'm laughing so hard lol!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laughs!
Did you pick a winner for the vodka comment? My vote goes to the woman that posted at like 1:42am... can't remember her name, but she had the long comment. She was pretty funny.

SSO question... how did you and Joe meet?

Kristine said...

It's been a while, but you managed to do it, Dawn. I laughed & had to wipe away the tears! Thanks, I needed a good laugh today!

Anonymous said...

Since you didn't put your response in the form of a question, even though you are correct, you don't win the prize.
I am sort of frightened there are people looking for butt polish - or dupa polish. Of course, it is coming up on bikini season and nothing is better than a nice shiny butt out on the beach
but the one with the cake decorating, gum chewing, spitting in the grocery bag....that's the best.

Anonymous said...

I'm no chef or anything but isn't spam cordon bleu an oxymoron?

Sandy in Tucson

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much. I very much needed that...after yelling at my 6 year old because she woke up the 17mth old "acidentally" a good hour and half too early and now he is incredibly fussy. I just left her downstairs with the baby so she could listen to him fuss and whine about basically everything while I came upstairs to sit at the computer for a few minutes.

I needed a very good laugh. Thank you.

Shari said...

Seriously, I am about to roll on the floor laughing. Your responses just crack me up. I wish I had your sense of humor!

Anonymous said...

Welllllll, I found you thanks to the infamous Ebay auction that was a hit with my local homeschool mom's group. And I have been laughing ever since :0)

Anonymous said...

There is a diaper rash product called "butt paste" Perhaps that's what the "butt polish" people are looking for?

Rebekah D. said...

I'm laughing my butt off! Maybe now it's ready to polish, too! Too bad laughing won't give me a six-pack, but I guess nothing gives you a six-pack when you're a week away from your baby due date. But for the record, a six-pack CAN get you laughing! Or at least, so I hear...

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry if yuo've already answered this question, but how do you find out how people found you?

Heather said...

"How Did You Find Me?" - I found you very funny.

Thanks for making me literally laugh out loud.

(And there's really a diaper cream called "butt paste"??)

Veggiemomof2 said...

I wish I had a good story like one of those, but I found you through a friend who loves your stories!

Tom said...

I'm sure the googler seeking a drawing of a creepy bun is my oldest daughter. That is exactly her style. Or maybe the one about tormenting teachers with sarcasm, although she gets a healthy dose of that from her dad.

Anonymous said...

Preschool Screaming What I do when they come to breakfast in dirty clothes.

Anonymous said...

How come my google searches aren't nearly this funny? The most amusing one that I had lately was "Can I buy a rubber room?" It got me wondering.

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

OMG I'm in tears I am laughing so hard! Thanks for sharing!

nutralady2001 said...

There are those "butt" words again...some people are obsessed with them for some reason LOL

Elizabeth F. said...

polish for butt? That's so weird. I'm going to have to check mine and see what searches land people on my blog as well. Interesting!

Sunny said...

wow, you are really really googleable.I just made up a word.:-)

nomi said...

my husband wants to know what's so funny! I couldn't even explain I was laughing so hard!

Rick said...

Are butts known to have a particular nationality?


Anonymous said...


I'm wondering if they are looking for sexy polish butts, or want to polish their butts... or want to read about polish butt polishers. You know immigrants will take about any work they can get. haha

It probably came up because of the time you wrote about your son putting the butt-paste diaper ointment into the grocery cart and while at the register you picked it up and loudly stated, "I didn't know you were out of butt paste!"

This was very entertaining. I have to show the list to my friends.

Maridy Carpenter said...

Your blog always makes me smile, usually makes me chuckle, but today, I was laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my cheeks. Not only are the google search words weirdly hilarious, but your comebacks are most entertaining. Thanks for the good work. Keep 'em laughing.

Cheryl said...

This is so hilarious! Maybe that person Googling butt polish was looking for "Butt Paste". When my daughter heard of that, she thought it was so funny, she had to go right out and buy it as a shower gift for her friend! Of course she gave her a cute baby outfit, too. :-)

Unknown said...

I'm sure this has been asked before, but I'd love to know how you find out what google hits link to your blog. It would be interesting to see.

Lavender and Fireflies said...

Because I'm curious and stupid, I had too google "butt polish," "polish for butt," et. al. Hilarious.

Anonymous said...

These are my FAVORITE of your posts! I am laughing out loud!

Anonymous said...

Not only is it "Are you there God, it's me, Margaret."

Its also: "Are you there Vodka, it's me, Chelsea."

SterraRee said...

I recently found your page and am in love with it!
I found it after typing "what to do with pokemon cards" in Google =)

Christina said...

My friend Renee, Mommy to those Special K's, told me I had to come read this...Me and my husband cracked up...butt polish hahahahaha

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