Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The Weird Things People Google

I just realized I haven't done a post about the strange things people google that land them on my blog in a long, long time. Sooo, I checked my stat counter and this is what I found...


I'm 30 years old and live at home..my parents won't let me shut the door with my date
Stop complaining. You're 30 years old and you live at home. Be happy you have a date!

jeff foxworthy anal leakage
and this brought people to my blog because...?

how to spell phenomenal
D A W N

mom and boy have a very boring day
I know I google stuff like this all the time. I just love reading about boring days!

what to pack fer my 8 yer old lunch to scholl
Pack yourself! Seriously, go to school with your child. Pay attention in English class.

i'm running away
Wait for me!

how to make a pretend driver's license
also entitled - how to land yourself in jail and pay a hefty fine

testosterone surge; guy stuff
Understandable how this brought them to my MOMMYBLOG!

do you have to get approval at self checkouts for condoms
Not if you know how to use the self checkout properly. Read my tutorial!

felt marker stain removal woo hoo!
Yeah, I get pretty excited about removing stains too.

sunglasses as headband dmv picture
Hey! Some people look good with sunglasses on their heads. Some people think it's setting a fashion trend. Okay, okay, some people just forget their sunglasses are on their heads when they get their driver's license picture taken.

accidentally washed and dried cigarettes
and I thought diapers were bad

when you are bored blog
Hey now! This brought someone to MY blog??? I think I resent that.

how do you get balmex out of a carpet
a strategically placed potted plant

i can only see my 6 pack when i lie down why?
Really? How did you manage that? I can see mine all the time. Even when I shut myself in the bathroom and lock the door, they find a way in.

things you don't say to your husband
"Does this make me look fat?"

what do you do when windows movie maker has xs where the pics are supposed to be
Scream, swear, and throw the computer through the window. At least that's what I did. Although, come to think of it, it really didn't help anything.

how to tell if your a mom
Do you spend all day in a minivan driving kids here and there?
Do you find yourself humming Jonas Brothers songs?
Do you know all the characters on Phineas & Ferb?
Is your house one giant mess during waking hours?
Do you have peanut butter, macaroni & cheese, and fruit snacks in your pantry?
Have you ever uttered the phrase, "Because I said so!"?

getting rotten chocolate milk smell out of the car
Buy a new car

dont want to buy a book just want help or suggestions on how to potty train a puppy

You do realize that putting the words "buy" and "book" in there will bring up an assortment of books you can buy on dog training, yes?

i don't know the real author of this but it is what my mother and father always said to all seven of their children
Ummm, because I said so?

can't swallow a dentist
Who can?

And in the category of LESS IS MORE - Google a tenth of those words, people!...

if someone backed into my car and bent the license plate do i call my insurance company

the doctor said on the colposcopy test that it look like oreo cookie crumps with white
This one also falls into the EW category and the Learn How to Spell category

new glasses or my glasses or her glasses or her contacts or her contact lenses or new contacts or my contacts or new contact lenses or my contact lenses
Or wow, or speechless, or oh wow, or seriously???

time to come out, he told me & i said i'd only been in for 6 minutes & he said that's not true. you've been in the whole day & i shrugged & said all i could remember was the last 6 minutes.

Holding A Heart I Hope Now That I Took It Out, You Will Keep It Cuz I Don't Have A Clue How To Put It Back. And If You Don't Want It Cuz It's Full Of Blood. Don't Worry Cuz I Can Wash It Off, And Put A Ribbon
Uhhhhh? What not to put on a Valentine's Day card?

16 comments:

Sarah said...

Hi, I stumbled across your blog when I saw a link to it from a friends and loved the title. Don't often comment on anyones blogs, but have to say, I LOVE yours. You are the one that I make the time to check each day. Thanks for helping to remind me of the funny side of parenting!
Sarah

Anonymous said...

WOw.. those are great!
new glasses or my glasses or her glasses or her contacts or her contact lenses or new contacts or my contacts or new contact lenses or my contact lenses

I do not like green eggs and ham?

Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

Holy Cow, who knew that anal leakage could bring new readers to a blog... gonna post about anal leakage right now!

Lisa said...

If people knew that you can see how they got to your website, would they search for ridiculous stuff?? Too bad more bloggers don't do this!

Sarah said...

These kinds of posts always crack me up...thanks for starting my day with a smile. :) Seriously, what are these people thinking???? We have people at my work that type entired e-mails as the subject line and it just cracks me up. Don't understand it. Hope you have a good day. :)

KingerMom said...

OMG ahahahaha This is Great!

The thing people come up with are so amazing!! LOL

I've been reading your blog for a couple weeks now and i think you're awesome.
I have 1 question, have you ever packed up those kids and moved houses?
I'm moving across Canada soon and i have a 4yr old and a 15 mos old.. Any advice?

Donna said...

Well Dawn you did it again.
I smiled alot reading these things.
I have missed them so keep them coming.
I love your comments too !!!
Hugs to you from Indiana.
Donna

Kristen said...

Dawn,
You crack me up!
I have been following you for months,I dont comment as often as I should...but really...most days you give me a giggle, so that is why I continue to read.
THANKS!

jessica said...

I seriously love these things. I have a blog called "Motherhood is Poop" and I get some really crazy stuff when I check my search phrases. Sometimes I think I don't want the people who did those searches anywhere near my blog!! :)

Chick Hatchers said...

OK, how to you get these statistics and how do you increase your searchability? I'm seriously inquiring. I would love to increase my traffic a little and know who and how people get to my blog. Thanks!

And if you are up to checking out a Purim celebration (where the book of Esther is presented interactively in Haiku) and a fun kid's celebration (games for the younger ones) then dress the kids up in royal garb and come on out to Olive Tree Congregation in Prospect Heights on Saturday at 10:00 AM (service, then celebration following - like 11:30?) Although Purim is a Jewish holiday, this congregation is Messianic, so they believe Jesus is the Messiah! We don't attend there anymore (too far away) but we'll be there and we'd love to meet you and the kids.

Kymberlie
mychildsview.blogspot.com

Jennifer said...

Do you spend all day in a minivan driving kids here and there? Yes
Do you find yourself humming Jonas Brothers songs? No
Do you know all the characters on Phineas & Ferb? Where's Perry?
Is your house one giant mess during waking hours? Yes
Do you have peanut butter, macaroni & cheese, and fruit snacks in your pantry? Yes
Have you ever uttered the phrase, "Because I said so!"? All the time.

Carrie said...

I just thought of something I hadn't ever thought of when you've done this in the past... When I google something, its kind of a private thing. Like, I never expect that there's someone else on the other end that would ever SEE it! I started thinking of all the different ways I've worded things to try to come up with the EXACT information I'm looking for. Anyway, you've made me paranoid, Dawn. But I still got a good laugh from the eyeglasses or contacts or....

Beth said...

"i can only see my 6 pack when i lie down why?
Really? How did you manage that? I can see mine all the time. Even when I shut myself in the bathroom and lock the door, they find a way in."

Oh Dawn, you are simply too good.

Mary said...

I passed your mom test. Sadly I answered yes to every question.

Dream Curator said...

I got to your blog searching for "I dreamt that" and "in my dream." I don't think you'll see it on your counter because I use Google's email alerts.

Pammie said...

I'm guilty of typing a book into the Google search term box when I'm looking for something. My Sweetie has watched me do this and he'll snatch my laptop from me and do the searching for me. He's the best researcher on the search engines. I think it's all the time he spends working (goofing off like he's working)on our family internet business.

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