Thursday, June 12, 2008

An Apple a Day....

An apple a day......

...would probably crack my tooth, give me diarrhea, and make my face break out in a rash.

I really didn't have enough fun going to the gyno and getting my mammogram last month, so I went for a physical today. Actually I called back in February to set up the appointment. This was the soonest they could get me in.

Yesterday while I was out, the doctor's office called to confirm my appointment today. They left a message requesting me to return their call to confirm the appointment. I didn't get home until after office hours last night because the kids and I were out at a sprayground and then at a baseball game. Thus, I didn't return the call to confirm that I'd actually be at the appointment I had waited 4 months for. So, they called again this morning before the sun was even up. I don't answer the phone when I'm sleeping, so they left another message telling me to call back when the office opened at 9:00am and confirm my appointment. When I got up, I called them back, navigated their phone maze and left the message that I'd be there.

Then I asked them to call me back and confirm that they'd received my confirmation.

I don't know why, but stuff like that bugs me. Just like my pediatrician's office that INSISTS on seeing my insurance card every time I go. It doesn't matter if I assure them that it's the exact same card as it was 4 days ago when I was there, they still need to physically see it again. Maybe there's something wrong with me, but it's little stuff like this that makes me nuts.

Anyway, I went to this physical with the mindset that I wasn't going to like the doctor. Good attitude, no? I had the most wonderful doctor ever and then he moved to some remote island or Montana or something where he could really help people who needed it. Hello? What about your patients here? What am I - chopped liver? (which I'm sure would make a fine sandwich if you mixed it with chocolate syrup, mayonnaise, and corn niblets.) I envision him making housecalls in a Little House on the Prairie kind of town. Anyway, his noble move left me without a doctor for several years because I just knew I wouldn't find another doctor who would compare. And really, except for the times the kids have shared their strep throat germs with me, I haven't needed to see a non-OB doctor for years.

It's hard to tell from just one meeting, but I think this guy has potential. I like him so far. Well, except for the part where he told me I was insanely fat need to exercise for good heart health. I didn't like that part so much. Or the part where I opened my mouth and said, "Ahhhh" and he said, "holy mackerel, just how many cavities do you have in there?" "Do you floss everyday?" What, is he a dentist too? Oh and speaking of dentists....my tooth fell out on the way to the doctor today. It. Fell. Out. I freaked out! In fact, I freaked out so much that I didn't notice the Road Closed sign and I drove the wrong way into oncoming traffic! While holding my TOOTH in my hand, freaking out! Yeah, that was fun. A construction worker kindly pointed out that I was going the wrong way. "Hey! You can't drive that way! The road is closed, moron idiot ma'am!"

So I turned around, drove the long way to the doctor's office, pulled into the parking lot and managed to pop my tooth/crown thingy back on. Sort of. By the time I got in the office (10 minutes late thanks to the closed road) my blood pressure was 430/280 which, come to find out, is a bad thing.

Anyway, here's my diagnosis: I'm tired because I have six kids and I don't exercise because bad things happen when I try. (Did you click the link? No? Then how can you know what I'm talking about? Go back and click it. I'll wait. insert nice elevator music here Back? Good.) I guess I also have carpal tunnel syndrome. So that's why my hands always fall asleep. Who knew?

I have to admit that I was impressed with how long he took to talk to me. I didn't feel rushed at all. He asked questions and actually listened to what I had to say. That's very important to me. You know - because I like to talk because I want to feel like the doctor understands what I'm saying and cares about it. I think a lot of doctors miss this. You start to tell them about something that's bothering you and they cut you off mid-sentence because they already know everything and don't need to hear any details from you blah blah blah. I suppose you could attribute it to "the system". Doctors probably have to see a certain number of people a day and don't have time to spend more than a couple minutes with each one. Still, that is one thing I cannot overlook when searching for a physician. In fact, I'd say his bedside manner was way more important than distance, hours, fees, etc. OK, I digress as usual.

Let's see - where was I? Oh yes, then I had 52 vials of blood drawn. After that, they sent me to pee in a cup. I must say that I haven't peed in a cup non-pregnant in years. I don't even remember the last time. Man, it is MUCH, MUCH easier to go IN the cup as opposed to ON your hand when you don't have a giant belly in your way.

So, here we go -
Stupid pap - check!
Stupid mammogram - check!
Stupid physical - check!
Stupid dentist - calling tomorrow....

I'm not going to anymore doctors for 10 years unless I'm dead. Now it's Joe's turn to get those tonsils yanked so I he can get a good night's sleep.

39 comments:

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I didn't have to click. I remembered the post. I must be a true fan.

You are putting me to shame. I need to go do all those things, but I keep hoping I get pregnant instead.

Anonymous said...

You know my mom was just telling me today that she wishes she could find a good doctor that would listen to her problem rather than just say its nothing and give her meds. She has been having stomach issues which all of a sudden her stomach has gotten really really hard one doctor asked if she had her gall bladder checked and she said no and that was it they gave her meds so yeah she has that problem of the doctors thinking they know everything. It's nice to know she's not the only one... congrats on getting all those appointments finally done it's been 3 years for me guess its time for me to get on the phone and make appts myself. have a good one---sasha

Mystii said...

OMG ROFL.... Dawn, I hate doing ALL of those things too. I had my annual boob squishing today and later this month is the pap *sigh*. I guess it's good to know I'm not the only woman that feels that way. But hey at least it's all downhill from here *LOL*

Anonymous said...

Sunday sound out Q: Who is the most trouble making, hard to deal with, kid? (If not all of them) (Hee Hee!)

:D

Michelle said...

Oh, Dawn -- bummer about your tooth! Here's hoping it's something easy to fix.

Fingers crossed that the 52 vials of blood come back with all good results. That or that your vampire doc has a good snack.

Raising Country Kids said...

Really? Montana? I actually live in the Little House on the Prairie, and we really do need a good doctor around here. Do you have his cell number?

Seriously, a good doctor (and one who listens) is hard to find these days. . . but even more difficult to schedule with. I was supposed to take my daughter in for an ear check a week after she was diagnosed with an ear infection, and the receptionist said she could fit her in next month. Hello? That three weeks too late!

Anonymous said...

Hahaa!! you crack me UP!! Especially the "pee all over the hand" part!!

Yeah-- you need to get Joe checked out-- will help HIM (and you) get a good nights sleep.
Humm-- as if you never had one in the first place-- I'm sure SOME kid is gonna eventually end up in bed w/ yall!!

Debbie said...

Ok...I have 2 things.
First: the whole give your darn insurance card everytime junk! My new thing, when they hand me the paperwork and there is the part about insurance group number, policy number, etc; I now write: PLEASE SEE COPY OF INSURANCE CARD. It really ticks the office people off, but I feel SOOO much better! Why write all those numbers down, when they take a copy of the darn card??
And second: the solution around here, because my husband "puts off" going to the doctor for his snoring....he now sleeps in the closet, on a twin mattress. That's right...I can't not get sleep and deal with the kids the next day. Welcome to your new room. :)

BoufMom9 said...

LMAO! Ok, first, I didn't need to click that link because I absolutely remember what happened when you feel on your butt in the ice! I knew just what you were talking about.
Second, OMG! I am so with you on hating that my ped needs to see the darn medical cards EVERY time! UGH! It.is.so.annoying! I have been going to him for 14 years and used the SAME card!!!

My BIG fear is having a tooth just fall out! Rather than laughing, I was sitting here with my hand over my mouth making sure my teeth are secure.

3girlsmom said...

Hysterical. Yes, I went back and read the exercise story. Also hysterical.
The exercise story reminds me of my first and only walk with my size zero neighbor. I was gasping and feeling lightheaded and she was skipping and smelling flowers and flaunting her size zero shape.
Needless to say, I've stayed away from exercise with her - ok, exercise, period.

ScrapSmith said...

First I must say... I work for an eye dr. and it IS so important to see that darn ins. card everytime one comes in - granted, maybe not if the visits are two days apart, but ins. plans can change in a month and it's so much easier to get the info when the pt is right there instead of calling a pt. later and leaving message after message for them to return the call with the new ins. card info. It's an annoying process to get ins. claims submitted and processed and paid and having that darn little card helps out a ton! Plus it's amazing how many people really don't know what their ins. is or their coverage or even how to read their card. Okay, off my soap box.
Secondly, I too put off going to the dr for the yearly visit. BIG mistake! I just went and have found out that I'm anemic, have high blood pressure, need an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety and really should be on birth control. So now me, a person who really doesn't take Tylenol unless absolutely necessary, well I'm now on 5 pills a day - UGH! I still have to go in for a mammo, but at least my pap was normal! Woo hoo! We're in this boat together sister!! I hope your results are better! : )

Mabunny said...

Good for you that you got your physical. I need to call my doctor and schedule y annual pap.. I'm about 3 mos overdue, and I need to get kiddo into the dentist too. Fun Fun, she leaves in 10 days for summer camp, so she will probably go after that:)

Rick said...

I don't recommend going to the doctor when you're dead. You'll stink up the whole office and make it uncomfortable for the rest of us non-zombie types.

Patty said...

Glad you found a good doctor. I'm still searching for one. The one I've been seeing is in a busy practice. I love when you call and they can see you in TWO days! Hello, I'm sick today. I usually just go to the after hours place. Same day service.

Anonymous said...

Dawn, you're too funny..."Did you click the link? No? Then how can you know what I'm talking about? Go back and click it. I'll wait. insert nice elevator music here Back? Good" I usually click your links but I remembered this post and didn't but after I read this I clicked it and read it again and laughed all over again. Thanks for all the wonderful stories. (And for the constant reminders to go see MY doctors). You are so great! God bless you and your family.
Rebecca

Anonymous said...

Hi Dawn, My doctor quit or retired too. The only bad part is we can not retrive our medical records from him. It was said they were at his home. I would really like all my son's records since he was born. I am still trying to get them and it's been a year. Kristine in Michigan.

AKB said...

It's Friday morning, just thought I'd remind you to make that all important phone call to the dentist. I am sure that you have already done it, but just wanted to check and be sure. Dental health is so important.

You make me laugh when I am sad, much like Last Comic Standing, which is on my DVR (protected mode) for the days I need it.

I just had the worst vacation of my life and we had to leave early because my 6 yr old had a unexplained fever for 5 days, spiking at 103.4 for 2 of those days. We drive home in a 28 hour spurt to make sure that I was near my hospital and her pediatrician if something worse was to happen. Thankfully, she is now mostly recovered and is wanting to eat and play outside again. I came home to a week-10 days of your posts and I felt so much better.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are a great woman and you do deserve the best in life, but then your posts would not be so funny, so I wish the quirky life you already are living so we can enjoy it more. Bless you, Dawn and your lovely family too.

AKB

Katy said...

I'm reminded of a line from Something About Mary...The last time I had a pap smear, the guy needed leather gloves and an oyster shucker.

http://mynutvillage.com/

Cookie said...

Glad to hear you are getting things checked off that list. I agree it is hard to find a good doctor. I moved 2.5 years ago and still haven't found one that I liked! I had a dentist that I liked but then he moved. I was sad, but went to see the guy who replaced him and OMG! This new dentist is soooo cute! (More about that on my blog ;) )
OK, and the gripe about having to show your insurance card every time, I totally agree! I also hate those forms that make you fill out the insurance card info 3 different times and then still take a copy of the card! That gets my blood pressure up just thinking about it!

Outnumbered2to1 said...

Oh, I feel your pain. I haven't gone to a dentist in two years and my ob saw me three years ago for a six week check up after my last baby. This year I had to do the whole gammit of doctors and dentists to catch up on care. It sucks but man, aren't you so relieved when it is over?

Anonymous said...

If you found a Dr that listens, stay with him! I've resorted to the Walgreens Doc in a Box lately (which isn't that bad - they give drugs freely and you can conveinently get the rx filled right there!) b/c my dr's office has too many patients and can't get you in for 2 weeks, even when you are deathly ill. Glad you made time for yourself, even if it was the drs ofc! stay healthy!!

PS - do you use an external mouse or do you use the touch screen on your laptop all the time? I had carpel tunnel until I switched back to a mouse - it's MUCH better now.

Michelle said...

Love your blog. I do have to speak up for pediatricains and other doctors needing to see your card every time. you would not believe the number of times people say their insurance has not changed, but it HAS!!! Do you have any idea what that does to us billing wise? So while I am sure YOU would never make that mistake, plenty of folks do. Ok, I am getting off my soap box now.

Anonymous said...

This isn't pertinent to today's post, but I had to tell you to check out this webpage for today and yesterday --- you'll just love it since it IS relevant to your toilet paper issues.

http://www.comics.com/wash/pickles/

Meta

I am Trish Marie said...

I love when they take my ID and insurance card to make copies and give me the forms to fill out in the meantime. You know, the form that asks for all the information on my insurance card. The one they currently have in their hand, making it impossible for me to get the information off of it.

The Gang's All Here! said...

Maybe, just maybe, he took such extraordinary care of you because, after all you ARE THE DAWN of Because I Said So fame and have acheived world-wide bloggity celebrity status. Maybe he was afraid to do otherwise cuz his wife is as addicted to this blog as the rest of us crazy moms are! :)

And a side note, it looks like I'm about to join the ranks of crazier than normal moms. We just this morning accepted a referral for a gorgeous daughter from China - she's a little over 2 and will make little Gang member number 5!!!!!

Thought you'd be happy to know that your posts are the highlight of my days. It sure helps me just knowing that you and your family are making it through these crazy days together - still loving and laughing through it all! Three cheers for bigger, crazier families :)

TheHMC said...

Wow.. you're making me feel like a loser now, what with keeping up with all of your doc appointments. I haven't been to the dentist in.... um.... uhhhhhh... crap... I don't even know. 2002 maybe?

And for that exercise business? Dude...two words. "Wii Fit". Seriously. No gym, no money to the gym every month.. the Wii will cost you a pretty penny if you don't have one already, but in all honesty.... it's great.

In fact, I just did a review on it and you can check it out on my blog(even though I know you don't get much time to read other blogs)... just posted it today. I hate the gym because of the whole "exercising in front of other people" thing.


Good luck with that tooth, too. I would've flipped out.

zltdvfw said...

that's a strange process they have... i work for a dr. and we get so many calls a day that we tell them to only call back if they need to change something about their appointment. and if you have copies of the insurance card and have verified before hand, why take the time too look at it again? they must be guttons for punishment - all those tiny obnoxious things add up and just end up stressful.

i can't believe i even just wrote about all that...i need a vacation.

Sam and Rachel Tramontana said...

Dawn, glad you like your doctor ... the good ones are hard to come by. (Hey kinda like men, huh?)

I have a comment, not related to your post here, but something funny to share. You posted awhile back about the things people google and they end up on your page? Well someone from Pittsburgh googled "girls playing smelly mud photos" and ended up on my blog! If you google it, mine is the second one listed. OY VEY! How embarassing for me, but what the HECK were they POSSIBLY looking for? Maybe they need to find use the butt polish after they've been playing in the smelly mud taking photos, I don't know! The things people google! Have a fun day, love your blog...read it daily!

Anonymous said...

Wanted to let you know that I sent the box and a few things out to your family. sent you an email explaining other stuff. let me know when it gets there.

Chat with ya latter. ;)
Jenn

Anonymous said...

Okay, I tried a million times to leave this comment on the SSO post, but unsuccessfully...I really must know, and it fits under "medical"--maybe a SSO question? You mention you had migraines before you had kids. Does that mean they went away after? Because it is the reverse for me. Between pregnancy, lactation, and not sleeping more than two hours in a row for eleven months, my migraines went from twice a year to twice a week. So my question is, do you have some secret? Did you make some healthy, drastic lifestyle change? Did the hormones just work out for you? Or is it that mommies just aren't allowed to get a headache and spend twelve hours in a dark, quiet place? Please share your secret, Doctor Dawn. :)

Roni said...

Glad you went to the Dr. I must say I have been a reader for a while now. I didn't have to click.. I remembered it lol.
On another note.. I know you sometimes do blog about how people find you, well I do things in Paint Shop Pro. I am currently working on a header for a "group" I am in called insane moms. I did a search with words " mom and kids grphics" one of the results was your pokeman card aution posts on ebay lol.

Katrina in Ohio said...

I'm glad to hear the new Doc has potential. when my husband switched jobs, my doctor wasn't on 'the plan' any longer. I've refused to switch and pay a higher copay but I don't care. I adore my doctor. In fact, I liked him so much that I skipped taking my son to a pediatrician and just took him to my doctor. He just has that something special. My 5 year old loves going to the doctor. If I have to go and leave him behind, he gets mad! LOL..My older boys like him, too.

Brenda said...

Murphy's Law seems to really apply to every doctor visit you have!

Anonymous said...

The thing that bugs me most about going to the doctor is that you have to fill out 5 pages of paperwork answering questions about your medical history and the reason for your visit, and then NO ONE READS IT!!! Instead, they ask you the SAME questions (a select few) when they see you, even though you just spent a 1/2 hour answering them on paper. At my last appointment, they asked me what was the first day of my last period. I said, "I don't know, but I just figured it out in the waiting room and wrote it down on that paper you're holding." (And my husband's a doctor!)

Michelle from Georgia said...

OK...is anyone going to comment on you driving into oncoming traffic. I think I had a little panic attack just reading that! Glad you are made it and didn't even drop or swallow your tooth. You gotta take care of those pearly whites (or in my case, coffee and sweet tea stained brown)
Thank you for sharing your life w/ us. I love to get one last chuckle at night after everyone is ASLEEP!!!

Emiliy said...

Hi Dawn! I've never commented here before, but I had to do this assignment for my anthropology class in school (yes im a student. i'm young and i'm not a mom but i still like the humor because i have younger siblings!) anyway, i had to do this assignment on what stay at home mom's would make if they were getting paid for their services and i thought you would be interested. keep in mind - i had to do this as if my mom were doing it, and she works in addition to all the stuff she does, so you'd be making way more because you have twice as many kids and are probably much busier. anyway, (btw i'm warning you there is math involved)

Chauffer - $10.85/hr, 2 hrs/day, 7 days/wk = $151.90
Nurse - $23.13/hr x 10 hrs/wk = $231.30
Chef - $14.50/hr x 3 hours/dy (1 hr preparing breakfast and packing lunches + 2hrs dinner minimum) x 7 d/w = $304.5
Cleaning Services (housework) - $200 for 3 hours at at least 6 hours per week = $400
Cleaning Services (human waste) - $55/hour (one hour at least per week) = $55
Child Care - $300/wk per child (my mom had 3 children) = $900
Tutoring - $40/hr x 1 hr/dy x 7 d/w = 280
Psychologist - $125/hour x 5 hr/wk (that was just for my drama! at minimum!) = $625
Bookkeper - $15/hour - my mom would have paid my dad ten times this to do this for her. He probably spent 3 hours a week, so 15x3=45.

151.90+231.30+304.50+400+55+900+280+625+45=
2992.70x52 = $155,620.40/year.

and no sick or vacation time.

Tasha said...

I wanted to say i love your posts. they make life seem so much better. Things can be going to you know where in a hand basket all day long, and i get on your blog and i can not only laugh at the excapades that have happened at your house, but at mine as well. Thank you for making the chaotic life as a mommy bearable again, and for reminding me daily, lol, that i'm not the only one having probs w/ the kids and the things they get into and do. Most importantly thank you for helping me see the humor in all the day to day antics of being a mom. You are a real inspiration to this mom, and all my friends as we are avid fans.

For the mom, that has migraines going from 2x a year to 2x a week. Hang in there, i can feel your pain. I have to go in for my yearly or bi-annual MRI for that very reason. It got to the point that if i had another migraine that would not go away and i had to come in to the docs office that i was gonna be admitted to the hospital. With great detective work on my part, and sheer frustration on having them so frequently i figured out what triggered mine, which is NOT hormonal, like alot of womens. i found out that being exposed to one of my allergens at a really high level, my kids on their REALLY bad days to the point i call their daddy and have him take em to work w/ him, since thankfully it always seems they do that when he can take them to work w/ him on construction jobs, and the weirdest one, and the worst one was weather. by that i mean i found out that certain fronts really set me off. thankfully my oldest sees something change in me about 2 mins before it happens, if she's home and not at school, and she warns me it's comming.
Back to what triggered it, i found out that it's the barometric (sp?) pressure. When it's falling rapidly, or we have no barometric (sp?) pressure i get the worst of the worst migraines. they don't go away completely til it's over, but thankfully i have a GREAT doc. all i have to do is call and say got a bad one and i'm headed in and they are ready for me no matter how booked they are, w/ what i call my miracle drug. They give me a shot IV of toradol. It has to be IV tho or it don't work. if i can catch it, ie when my kids warn me one is comming, or right as it hits and can take the PILL form of it, it gets rid of it. However it's not a drug your doc can call in for you. it has to be a written prescription. All the other pain killers on the market didn't help. For the daily migraines, however teh doc put me on inderal and pamelor and that kept all but the weather ones away.
Thankfully. There is also another method to treat them which involves them injecting a certain pain medication into the muscles of your neck when they hit and according to the ones that have had it, it works really well. After about 3 migraines being treated that way my friends have not had a migraine since, even if their triggers are running rampant, including hormonal triggers. i didn't mean to talk your ear off, but i hope this can help someone. i know how it feels to be suffering from those dreaded migraines.

Hugs,
Tasha

Anonymous said...

Hi Dawn, I have a really cute dentist. Everytime I go I think about the woman who got knocked out and he felt her up. My dentist don't need to knock me out for that. LOL Kristine in Michigan.

Anonymous said...

Have you ever seen a chiropractor for the problem with your hands?? I know it seems like a long shot, but you tingling in your hands, that "falling asleep" feeling may be related to a subluxation in your cervical area. It's worth trying out. Check your chiro bens. on your insurance plan. You may find improvement with a chiro. Maybe wikipedia it at the least. :o)

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