Wednesday, June 18, 2008

You Guys Are so Weird I Said

I took the gang to the dentist this morning. The good news is that he was able to cement my crown back where it belongs while I was there. (You know, since I'm the queen) The bad news is that I have to go back to have my 2 cracked teeth fixed. Oh yeah - and 1 more cavity filled. I used to have good teeth. I did!
And then I had kids.

The kids were actually pretty good while we were there. The thing is - even if they aren't being "bad", it's still kinda crazy when they're all together in the same little room.
I mean, Brooklyn was whining, "I wan' a toothbrush! I wan' toothbrush!"

Meanwhile Clay was asking, "Is it mine turn? What's he doing? Is that mint flavor? Is he brushing his teeth? What is that? Why is Jackson making faces? Does that taste bad?"

Lexi was lining up her Littlest Pet Shop toys and telling me, "This is Lola and this one is Cheeky and this is Kiki and this is Lala and this one is Kuku and the pony is Keeku and this dog is Fluffy..."

Jackson was trying to talk while the dentist was cleaning his teeth. "Mo ca I go pay wi Ti-ee whe we're duh?

Then there was Savannah saying, "Mooom, Clayton is trying to take the fake teeth out of the kangaroo."

And Austin was just laughing like a hyena because, well who knows why he was laughing. He's a strange kid.

So no one was being bad, per se, but when you combine that much activity and noise, it can seem like they're all being rotten and crazy. There was a time when my dentist would have taken the drill to his ear drums. Thankfully he now has a child of his own and has learned to tune out that kind of cacophony.

My dentist has a treasure chest filled with toys for kids to drool over fight over go absolutely INSANE over choose when they're done with their cleaning. Now the idea is to bribe a young child with these toys. "Hold still and let the dentist look at your teeth and then you can pick out a toy!" These are not really for 10 year old kids. Jackson doesn't get this concept.
"Mom, can I get a toy?"
"Sure Jackson, knock yourself out."
"Mom, these toys are all babyish."
"No kidding."
"They're aren't good toys in there."
"Ummm, that's because they're not really for 10 year olds!"
Then the dentist piped up with, "What, do you think there should be Gameboys in there?"
"Yeah!" Jackson replied excitedly, half expecting the dentist to pull out a Gameboy for him.

So everyone has clean teeth and they're set for another 6 months. And Brooklyn got a new toothbrush so she's happy as can be since toothbrushes are way better than any toy on the market.

Then I took Jackson to the doctor to have his cast taken off. His arm wasn't smelly and gross at all. I love waterproof casts! He just needs to wear a brace for another 3 weeks.

Tonight at dinner, Austin decided to speak in third person. Actually, it was more like he was giving us a running narrative of the evenings activities.

ME: Savannah's last regular season softball game is tomorrow.
AUSTIN: And I have three more games, Austin said happily.
ME: Austin said happily???
AUSTIN: Yes, Austin agreed.
ME: Why are you talking like that?
AUSTIN: Talking like what? Austin asked.
ME: Ugh. Do you want some more spaghetti?
AUSTIN: No, I'm full said Austin.
SAVANNAH: Austin you're a dork.
AUSTIN: And I'm also stupid, Austin replied.
ME: Seriously, what's with the narration?
AUSTIN: I have no idea what you're talking about, Austin said, confused.
ME: I have the weirdest kids.


SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Our pediatric dentist has 2 kids. When somehow the subject came up about whether she was having more, she said, "Oh, no, I'm done. You know, 2 is a lot to handle, at least if you want to raise them right."

So...what was she saying about me?

Jacki said...

I have absolutely no idea who you are (found your link on a friend's page) but you had me hooting! And I don't often laugh out loud at blogs. I certainly hope one of my kids speaks in third person at the dinner table one day. HA! hilarious!

Queen Telling said...

lol The narration is something my six year old would do. But then he swears he is from another planet so okay. :)

Suzanne's Blog, Jane's Blog said...

Your dentist will see all 6 kids at the same time. Thats great, I have 4 and they will only see 2 at a time, so that makes 3 trips for cleanings for me and 66 miles on my car.

Theresa Hernandez said...

Weirdest, perhaps, Theresa commented, but, Austin might find some competition in my five-year old twins. It'd probably be a draw. I think it has more to do with the male of the species than almost anything else.

Robin said...

I think Austin is hilarious!! Glad to hear everyone had a clean bill of health....except for you that is. Sorry to hear about your teeth. = (

AlaneM said...

Austin is a funny guy but I can imagine that driving me nuts after 5 minutes or so.

Going to the dentise used to be a nightmare for me. Then I had kids. Now going to the dentist by myself is a treat & taking the kids is a nightmare.
Go figure!

jodi-mother of six said...

Great post...a "day in the life...." type of thing. You'll look back on these posts and smile and grin and remember fondly. Honestly, it's true!!!

Karos said...

OK, I love Austin. He'd fit right in at my house where our 18-year-old Asperger's stepson, and my two younger kids make a news show (think WKRP on meth) with a cast of characters, including my daughter, anchor Joanna Largelips. They go around being weird like it's a badge of honor.

Yay, dentist and NEW TOOTHBRUSHES!

Michelle said...

Weird maybe, but at least they're happy right? And they had no cavities, it appears.... *sigh* And I forgot to call my dentist today to make my appointment.

BoufMom9 said...

OH! I LOVE Austin! What a funny kid! :)
I soooo know what you mean about being in a small room with lots of kids!
When we had the Whooping Cough scare, our ped had me bring ALL NINE KIDS to his office and had us sit in his 4x4 cell (back room) together. UGH! the kids weren't fighting, but instead playing "I see something...RED!" Well, and 6 kids guessing, plus 2 babies all equals LOUD! LOL

Anonymous said...

Hi Dawn,

Being a Mom of 5 kids, I have decided that my crew just flat out scares people. Just like your kids, even when they aren't being "bad" but just all doing something all at once, the noise level can be overwhelmly loud.

Austin sounds like a hoot. Does he keep the other kids in stitches? My 13 year old gets a kick out of being a total goof just to get a reaction from his siblings. I must ask though... Does Austin have short term memory loss like most 13 year olds? I have had too many Moms tell me that when Boys hit 13, someone (who knows who..) steals their short term memory capacity. My own example.... "Tyler, please unload the dishwasher." "Sure Mom," he responds then walks in the opposite direction of the dishwasher. "Umm, hello, Tyler? The dishwasher is that way...". "Oh, yeah...", he responds.

Tell Austin, he's a goof but a funny one! Maybe HE should start a blog??

As always... Thank you sooo much for the laughs! You rock, Dawn!

~Lisa, San Antonio, Texas

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

omg that is SO funny about Austin! I'm totally going to do that tomorrow just to bug my kids! haha

Lisa said...

No matter how you slice it, six kids is still six kids, and even when they're good, they make noise, and jump around a lot, and people who aren't used to it can get nervous.
Our dentist used to hand out cards to the kids in her "no cavity club"- free frozen cokes at burger king!
She stopped when I threatened to send one to Jay Leno.

Anonymous said...

I just love your blog, said Cheri with a smile on her face.

Mary said...

I choked on my drink reading your conversation with Austin. I should know better than to read your blog while consuming a beverage.

Laurie said...

I too took my kids to the dentist this week. Why is that so fun?? I think we think it will be easier to schedule the appointment for all of us at once, but's not.

swissjordanmom said...

It shows that he's reading or listening to stories! Great job Dawn!

VanderbiltWife said...

I was really sad when the toys in my dentist's toy chest stopped being cool. I think I still got one because I was afraid of hurting his feelings.

Is it bad that sometimes I narrate my life, too? But I usually do it in my head. I always thought it was the plague of being a writer. Maybe Austin has a career as a novelist ahead of him!

Amy said...

Very funny post, Amy said! :)

Serial Mommy said...

I have a friend who doesn't have any kids, not for lack of trying, it just hasn't happened. She tells me that she really rethinks being a parent by going out with me and my broode, or another friend of hers who has 13 (I only have 4). While they aren't "bad", in fact, I know that my kids are really well behaved (and she tells me the 13 kids are too) they do behave like kids would. It's very tiring at times (multiply that a couple of times over for the mom of 13, ugh!) but at least you know they aren't the ones running up and down the aisles screaming "I WANT THAT!!" and then sitting in the cart screaming their heads off or telling their parents that they WILL buy that for them! I had a kid like that go through my lane (I'm a cashier at Wal-Mart) and I really wanted to give him a pop on the mouth for talking to his parents that way! They just ignored him, and apparently, that technique was working great! I digress, I totally understand about the "not bad but being kid" thing. And Austin is hilarious and creative. Tell him I said that.

Jess said...

So this comment has nothing to do with your post but… I read this article in the Trib and thought of you. Algonquin and Lockport are both getting a Sonic.,0,6796223.story

Sassy said...

Okay, that running narrative is pretty freaking funny! Go Austin :) Keep being strange. You'll be a wonderful adult who thinks outside the box someday.

It's fun to bank said...

Hi, I'v just come across your blog and it is highly amusing, I can imagine I'm going to spend some hours reading back through all your posts. I have to say it's one of the funniest blogs i'v read, you've got a talent!!!

Sondie said...

My youngest, Joshua is a repeater, but hasn't talked in third party yet. He drives me crazy when he starts repeating everything I say and then laughing like crazy. Maybe I should pull this trick on him. I wonder how he'd react? LOL!

I love reading your entries. Keep I can keep smiling!

Chelf said...

Let me guess: Austin is learning about 3rd person in school. He is supposed to be writing that way, so he thought he should speak that way?

I think your kids are charming, said Chelf.

Becky said...

Hahaha, My brothers and I do the narrative thing ALL the TIME when we are together...and we are 22, 19, 18, 12 and 12.
See, so you can look forward to it forever!
It's even better when my 2 older brothers are around also.

Domestic Spaz said...

Austin is Awesome. Seriously!

Never a dull moment with kids around. :)

Tara@From Dawn Till Rusk said...

Children + dentist/doctor/anywhere where you want to at least give the impression that you are in charge = DISASTER.
I dare not go to the dentist with either of mine anymore. The last time I took my son he declared to the (male) dentist: "my mum has two bottoms!"

kmorales4 said...

Hey, he made me laugh. I think Austin is a comedy genious, said Karen the opinionated.

Joanna said...

That made my day reading about Austin's weird commentary. It's a good sign that he can do that so well...he might just make a fantastic author someday (just like his dear mother!). By the way, do any of your kids play any musical instruments? String instruments? If so, how do you work that with practicing? Are you involved in that at all? or do you just let them loose?

Christina said...

I am sitting here laughing so hard about the narration.....that is the funniest thing!

Mabunny said...

Glad your dentist has learned to cope:)) Glad all have clean teeth and are doing well. Thats pretty funny with Austins narration, :)) Have a great day Dawn!

Kool Aid said...

Ok, Dawn, you did it. You got me to start my own blog. I'm blaming you for this new addiction :)

Although I'm sure mine won't be nearly as entertaining as yours.

Elleah said...

That conversation at the end is daughter is 7 1/2 months old, so it sounds like I have lots to look forward to when she's older!

Susan said...

Oh....My....Gosh....I wouldn't have been able to control spaghetti spewing out of my nose listening to Austin's conversation!! What a hilarious and creative kid!

Heather said...

Your kids crack me up! Great writing too!

CageQueen said...

Dawn, I love and adore your blog despite not having children of my own...yet!

I have a question for SOO:

Given that finances play the largest role in determining where you live, have you guys considered moving now that your writing career is off to a successful start? I'm sure any day now the older two kids will be dying for space of their own.

P.S. Your house always looks great in pics-better than mine and all I have is a husband and two dogs!

Kristina said...

wierd? maybe. But more normal than the rest of us want to admitt!

michelle in mo said...

I guess the apple doesn't fall from the tree! LOL! Sounds like he'll be following mom in his "comedy work"!

Keeley said...

Austin is AWESOME! I have to tell my son about that. I hope he thinks it's a good idea and tries it himself. =)

Maybe I can do something like that myself.

"Turn off the TV" encouraged Mum
"Turn off the TV" repeated Mum, with slight frustration
"Turn off the TV" Mum firmly commanded, with a slight raised tone.
"If you don't turn that TV off now I'm throwing it away!" yelled Volcano Mum with lasers shooting from her eyes.

You know what my problem is? I don't just unplug the dang thing after they blow me off the first time. I'll try that next time. =)

angeldust47 said...

Question -Do you still sell on ebay as that is how I first heard of your blog.
And if so, what is your selling name now - just so I can have a good laugh....(in the nicest sense!) :)

Rick said...

"Yes, I am weired," Austin replied. "I get it from my mom."

(Rick looks on from his computer screen with a proud smug on his face.)

The Girl Next Door said...

thank you thank you thank you for making me laugh out loud. I cannot even imagine such a trip to the dentist. I do remember my sadist dentist who only gave toys to cavity-free kids. Like my brother who NEVER got cavities despite NEVER brushing while I brushed 48 times a day and had 10 cavities per trip (ok maybe I exaggerate just a tad....).

B&K said...

Hi Dawn, I am typing to you right now from Joliet, as we have traveled all the way from Calif. to visit my in-laws, who live in Crest Hill and Naperville. We passed the sign for the Brookfield Zoo, so I know you can't be far from here. We may take my niece and nephew there tomorrow. We went to the Navy Pier in Chicago today and I saw a family with several kids, which of course made me think of you. I can't remember if you've said which 'burb you live in, but you must be close by, so I wanted to give you a shout out and say hello while we are in your neighborhood. I always look forward to reading your blog, which is one reason we took our laptop with us on our vacation!! Enjoy your summer and thanks for taking us along for the ride! Hugs, Karen

Stressed Out said...

Oh my Lord!! I used to work at a dental office (Now I'm a nurse in OB and believe me - it's an improvement!)

I have 4 kids and our dentist is a DOLL who will schedule all 6 of us in an afternoon (good thing, because we drive 25 miles each way to see him) and funny enough, they do us either 1st thing in the morning or last thing of the day so that the office is empty except for us. (Do you think he's trying to tell us something?)

I feel your pain, but someday - like me - your kids will learn to drive and YEARN for the day they can go to the dentist alone (but I tell them if they go alone, they have to pay, so I get her to watch the younger ones while I have someone else's fingers in my mouth!)

Ah, Dawn, I continue to see my life in your words...

Anonymous said...

I clicked on the link (aren't you proud of me?) about Brooklyn's toothbrush, and I'm so impressed--even back when you only had 7 comments per post, you were still so funny and such a good writer! I love that you didn't change just because all of a sudden people were reading your blog! You were a true undiscovered talent.

Manic Mom said...

You don't have weird kids, you have cool kids, replied Manic Mommy, laughing heartily, while she debated whether she should go to bed and get up at 4 a.m. to finish packing for their trip or just stay up till 3 a.m. and do it now.

"I just can't decide so I might as well read some more blogs," she finally said.

Best Parent Ever said...

My 10 year old has the same commentary! So funny!

Sharon-shutterbug said...

ROFL! Austin is HILARIOUS! I have 7.5 kids myself, and I swear, they don't do half as interesting of things as yours! (Thank goodness??!)

Shellie said...

Austin sounds so much like my Gigio. What fun insanity.

Sue said...

Are you sure your dentist wasn't hitting the ole' gas on himself while all of you were in there? Wow, he must have had some dinner conversation at his house!

Sara said...

As a teacher, I applaud the different ways Austin was able to say "said" :-) He must be a great writer!

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