Friday, June 27, 2008

Mom! I Need Underwear!

I had an interview with Lisa Belkin for her XM radio show Life's Work. I sounded like an idiot myself. She asked me, "What have you learned from blogging?" I stammered on for an eternity at least 20 minutes and I didn't say one single thing that made sense. It was a train wreck - I was sounding like a moron, but I just couldn't shut up. At one point, I think I told her that speaking in public makes me feel like throwing up. Then she said something along the lines of, "I see you're a keynote speaker at the BlogHer conference." I was like, um no, I'm not. I'm speaking on a panel, but I'm not a keynote speaker. She was sure she'd seen it on the BlogHer site though. She was wrong, but it made me more confused and delirious. This is not me just being hard on myself. Oh no. This is the honest to goodness, sad, pathetic truth. And to top it all off, at one point during the interview, Clay burst into my room and shouted, "Mom! I need underwear!"

Lovely. Now the world can hear my insanity up close and personal on XM radio.

I had been invited to a roundtable discussion with 5 time Olympic medalist, Janet Evans. I was really honored to be asked to participate. I mean, here I was talking to the folks from Johnson & Johnson, Janet "gold medal, tons of swim records" Evans, and these other prominent bloggers: Christine, Kariana, Heather, Jill, and Jennifer.

This discussion was to take place at 1:00 Pacific Time. No problem. I tried to dial in at 11:00 Central Time and couldn't get through. I couldn't figure out why. 1:00 Pacific = 11:00 Central. What's the problem? So I called the organizer of the event.
"I can't seem to get into the conference. Any clue what I'm doing wrong?"
"You're an idiot." "You can't log on until the conference starts."
"Right. I'm trying to get on now and I can't."
"Wow you're dimwitted!" "It starts at 1:00 Pacific Time."
"I know. That's 11:00 Central."
"Are you for real??? "No, that's 3:00 Central. Pacific is 2 hours behind you."
Then I saw her roll her eyes at me through the phone.
"Oh my gosh. I know I'm not mathy, but that was pathetic even for me. I'm so sorry. Duh. I'll talk to you in 4 hours."

We were invited to ask Janet questions and I came up with these thoughtful nuggets - "I heard, on your website, where you said you got up at 4:15 every morning and swam 12 miles a day. If that was my kid, I would've told him, "No flippin way am I getting up at 4:15 every day to drive you to the pool. Pick another sport."

Now, let me tell you - this conversation revolved around Johnson & Johnson's (official partner of the Beijing Olympics) "Thanks Mom" campaign. You know - as in "thanks mom for driving me to the pool everyday so I could become a gold-medal-winning Olympic athlete." Do you see how my comment was just perfect for this theme? I'm such a dork. In fact, that wasn't even a question at all! Just a stupid comment.

Then I came up with another, equally fabulous, comment. I believe it went something like, "I saw the video of you flying through the air on Celebrity Circus and the mom in me wanted to shout, "What on earth do you think you're doing?! You're going to crack your head open! Get down from there right now!"

Score another well thought-out comment from yours truly.

Actually, it was an enjoyable conversation. Janet is not only a 5 time medalist (4 of those are gold), but she's a motivational speaker (no, she doesn't live in a van down by the river).

She wants to be a role model for her daughter Sydney and she wants to inspire young athletes and let them know that doing your best (and not winning) is what makes you a champion and is what's important. Her plans are to travel to the Olympics in Beijing on behalf of Johnson & Johnson and hang out with the moms of the athletes because, let's face it, if it wasn't for the efforts and sacrifices of the parents, those athletes wouldn't be there in the first place.

I admitted that I have difficulty finding the time to get in the shower some days, let alone taking care of the kids, the house, the laundry, dinner, shopping, etc. Then I asked her how she managed to find the time to write a book, do motivational speaking, teach swim clinics, be a mother and wife. She told us that her parents, much like they were when she was training for the Olympics, are still a huge support to her.


ClistyB said...

geeez, how old is that gal, I thought she was way older, but looking at that picture, she looks early thirties. I shoulda been a swimmer!!

Anonymous said...

Lucky lucky you.
Now your comments were what all us moms are thinking in the back of our head while we are getting up at unGodly hours to take the little twerps to thier sport. don't feel bad. Know that you are daying what we are thinking.....

Veggiemomof2 said...

But the comments you made to Janet are so typical of your blog & the way you think....just like other normal moms! :) That's why we all love you so much.

My Semblance of Sanity said...

I doubt (highly doubt) you sounded like a MORON! The Q & A would probably have been dry and boring without your Mom-comments, call 'em Momments! LOL!

So, you asked a question of the SWIMMING MOM that I would have asked. Although, I would have asked if along with a Gold Medal did she also win extra hours in the day? If that is the case - sign me up! Is there an Olympic Grilled Cheese Making Event? I know I could ACE that one!!

Question: Are you like me and feel GUILTY when you ask people to watch your kids? I HATE IT! I would rather drag them to the store, tantrums and all, than inconvenience someone else with MY children. I know that is silly but it's the way my brain works!

Lisa said...

Dont believe her folks -- she was a fabulous radio guest. And the best part was Clay needing underwear. It was only fair -- I was taping that particular show while waiting for the carpet repair people to ring my bell at any moment to undo the damage done by my poor dog who got stuck down there in a thunderstorm (which terrify him...) So between me and my stinky basement and Dawn and her adorable commando son we proved the point that being a parent means you are always a little bit insane. I had a great time talking to you Dawn. And the interview came out fabulously (we did shorten your answer about what you learned from blogging, and I really do apologize for thinking you were a keynoter rather than a panelist. But you SHOULD be the keynoter... Maybe next year...)
Lisa Belkin

candi said...

Um.....she has, what? Roughly 83% fewer children than you do. I think you are a wonderful inspiration to stay at home moms and even to those who work outside the home. And you found the time and energy to write a book too. I think it's fantastic that you've been asked to join this round table discussion. You'll be great.

Anonymous said...

I constantly make comments like the ones you make, but mine are too people I see everyday so they can make fun of me on a daily basis.

Then again why not make an ass of myself, at least I don't have to worry about where my daughter gets it from when she pulls down my top to expose the top of my breast where my tattoo is. I swear kids are great and us moms ROCK!

Jennifer, Snapshot said...

Thanks for the link.

I need to get my thoughts up, too.

This cracked me up. I think that everyone appreciated your comments. It was kind of (too) serious.

I seriously wanted to mention her six pack that I was watching on the Celebrity Circus, but I thought that might be weird.

And don't feel bad about the time thing. I told myself a billion times, "1pm PST = 4pm EST" and I still thought that I'd try to log in and find out I had missed it.

Colleen said...

Well I'm doomed, then. I'm speaking at a (non-blogging) conference in August. If you can't do it, then...ACK!

Rick said...

That's so cool you were invited to share in that kind of discussion/event. I'm proud of you girl. You keep on climbing! (Do I sound like some kind of motivational speaker that lives in a van down by the river?)

El Spagueti Volador jr. said...


Umm...I dont know why i am putting comments in this blog, well, im a 15 year mexican boy and well im looking at some blogs to get some ideas for my blogs XD and well, i started watching your blog and im very amazed about your blog, i never imagined a mom writing about her children in a blog, its interesting and funny. I hope you win in any category of BCA. Good Luck:)


Visit my blog and vote for it

Brenda said...

You were asked to be there because your blog is so important to women. It makes us feel like there are others out there just like us and to see the humor in every day things. Things that otherwise can sometimes drag us down. Thanks Dawn.

Michelle said...

I'm with you on the 4:15am thing. But given the level of athletic talent displayed so far, I don't think I'm in any danger of that!

And that includes my parents being a huge help and support to me (thanks, Mom and Dad!)

Jessica said...

That clip is totally a classic. Nobody is like Chris Farley. I've tried the "living in a van down by the river" approach to motivate my 3-year-old. He doesn't get it and already things I'm a dork. Always makes me laugh, though.

Karla with a K said...

Ok, Dawn, hilarious as always - and that is why you are asked to participate in discussions, etc.

Michelle (My Semblance) - can I answer your question? Have another child - the guilt disappears!
jk - actually, for me it is more the exhaustion, at times, takes precedence over the guilt. I am always grateful when I can find a friend I can swap kids with for things like appointments or kid-free errands. But I take just as many kids in as I give away when someone else needs a hand. We moms have to stick together. I think it's hard when you try to "do it all" yourself. But everyone's different.

BoufMom9 said...

I just loved that you threw in Chris Farley to the post. LOL That is a CLASSIC SNL moment! heehee

I seriously don't know how those parents of athletes do it (although I have a hunch that they don't have 9 children, for starters. LOL)
But seriously, how the heck do they do it??? INSANITY!
AMAZING as well! Talk about devotion.
:) Debi

Anonymous said...

Hey Dawn! Another great blog!

Just so you don't feel bad, I'm mathy and I ALWAYS screw up the time difference thing. It doesn't help that I live in Arizona which does not do the time changes. Sometimes we're 3 hours behind the East Coast, sometimes we're 2 hours behind, and most of the time I'm not sure which. It makes my conference calls interesting sometimes...

Sandy in Tucson

The Woman said...

I just don't get time zones, since our governor decided to put us on day light savings time, something we have NEVER been on I'm lucky I know what time it is here. :)

Robin said...

Don't be so hard on yourself! The things you say are what make you...YOU!!! Without your wit & humor you wouldn't be where you are to handle 6 kids, author of what I'm sure will be a New York Times Best Selling book, cyber-friend to many. We love you just the way you are. The comments you make to people remind me of the stuff I'm always asking/saying to people. I should have been a reporter because I'm not afraid to ask the real-life questions or say what I'm really thinking. I love that about YOU!!
I wish I had heard the interview. I bet it was great!!

Feisty Irish Wench said...

MOM! I need underwear! is why my kids do their own laundry. Yes dear because no one wants to see your contents if you're in an accident.

And the Chris Farley thing...I cracked up because just the other day my sister and I were talking and "in a van down by the river" came out of my mouth.

david santos said...

Excellent post, my friend, excellent!
But! Nice, nice and very nice Baby!
Happy forever.

Dorothy said...

Your interview is who you are and why we come back...your a down to earth mommy, wife, and friend.
Don't change or alter your style...It's what makes you successful.

Dorothy from grammology
remember to hug your gram

Anonymous said...

I love your blog, a friend at work told me about it and I started at the begining back in 2007 and made it to present day in about a week. I wanted to ask you a question though. My mother in law can not find real tupperware anywhere and I was wondering who you sold from beacuse she hates the type that you can buy and the super market.

Stretch Mark Mama said...

I drive my kids to the library. Does that count?

(I can hear their motivational speeches now...)

"I owe all my geekiness to my mother..."

Mary said...

Ugh. I drove my daughter to swim practice 3 times a week at 4:45 am. I didn't enjoy being the mom-taxi at that time of day. I was really glad when she didn't want to be on the swim team any more! I need my sleep more than I need an Olympic swimmer for a daughter! I have priorities!

And I need some underwear too.

Valarie said...

I would love to leave some witty, thoughtful comment, but I can't c
currently see through my tears to type anything....(well, anything more than what I have, ofthat is)

Michelle from GA said...

I love Chris Farley.
Thanks for the reminder of how funny he was and how old we are!
After 11 wonderful years of marriage, my DH and I have added a few (a lot) more pounds on so when we try on clothes we "used to wear" we always quote the line, "fat guy in a little coat" from Tommy Boy.
Congrats on your chat w/ Olympic gold medal royalty. She was awesome on that circus show when she was swinging from that cloth thing.

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