Monday, June 6, 2011

House for Sale

I've only had four showings for my house since I listed it despite my parents' efforts in burying the now zombified St. Joseph statue in my yard. I decided the lack of interest has nothing to do with the economy or the real estate market. It's simply because my listing description is far too dull. See what I mean?

This is the best 4 bedroom, 2 bath, 2 ½ car garage, ranch home for the price in town. New roof, new 95% efficient furnace, new thermo windows, siding, and doors, new electric panel (circuit breakers), remodeled bathrooms including Jacuzzi tub, tile floors, and fixtures, newer water heater. Large patio, nice wood playground set, storage shed, heated 2 ½ car detached garage, kitchen pantry closet, refrigerator with ice maker, washer, dryer, stove/oven, microwave, and dishwasher all included.

Dull. Realtors really shouldn't be allowed to write those. Writers should write them. So, here is my new and improved listing. Doesn't it make you want to buy my house?

I, with my new husband, moved into this house nineteen years ago. We figured we’d stay in the cute little house for a couple years until we started having kids at which point, we’d move to something a little larger. You know what they say about “best-laid plans”? No, really, do you know what they say? I can’t remember the saying. I think it goes like this, “Don’t make plans or God will laugh at you and show you His plans which are never anything like yours.” Or something like that. Anyway, we ended up having six kids and staying in this same little house. We were cozy (which is a nice way of saying we were packed in like sardines), but it made us a close family. A few times, over the years, we toyed with the idea of moving out of Chicagoland to where we could get a larger house for less money, but we always decided that we loved our town too much to move. We have roots here. Our friends and family are here. We have great schools and a fantastic park district here. Everything you could want is a stone’s throw away. And the incredible city of Chicago with everything it has to offer is a quick train ride downtown.

Why am I moving now, you ask? To make a long story short, I'm now divorced and despite the fact that our judgment for divorce clearly states that my ex needs to provide child support and health insurance for my kids, he’s interpreted that notsomuch as an obligation, but as an optional element to the agreement.

Sooo, although I love my home and my town, I was forced to find someplace more affordable to live, along with a job that includes medical benefits. It’s all good though because I did indeed find a cheaper house and a job in Orlando. It's a great house and I suppose, in time, I can even get used to all the rednecks down there. Seriously, you know those People of Walmart pictures? I’m pretty sure they’re all taken there! On the bright side, I’ll probably have the most teeth out of everyone in my subdivision. Kidding! Just kidding. Mostly kidding.

But my house here is in walking distance to preschool, grade school, middle school, high school, community pool, and many playgrounds/parks. Shopping, library, and park district buildings are all super-close. Located in a nice, quiet, well-established neighborhood. One neighbor flies her “W” flag year-round which is undoubtedly jinxing the Cubs, and another neighbor likes to mow his lawn while wearing short-shorts (he really, really shouldn’t ), but other than that, the neighbors are great. Chicago is just a short hop down the Kennedy. We have the Cubs (and that other team), the Hawks, Lou Malnati’s pizza, Garrett’s popcorn, the Sears Tower, Lake Michigan, museums, restaurants, and Oprah. Yeah, so she doesn’t do the show anymore, but you could probably stalk her anyway. The weather is absolutely, perfectly gorgeous at least twelve or thirteen days a year. We get a little (cough cough ton) of snow, but I’ve never, in all my 41 years, seen a snake, an alligator, or a bug as big as a Buick.

And the best part about owning this home is that it’ll be a priceless landmark someday. You know, since I’m going to be famous when I grow up. Stop laughing. It’s true! I’m telling you, this house will be worth some serious money one day because of the whole fame factor. Oh yeah, and I'll throw in a possibly possessed statue of St. Joseph for free.


Kimberly said...

Love this! If we were interested in house-hunting outside of our area (Chicago is a bit too far from KY for me to commute to grad school), I would totally buy your house because of your description alone. Especially the potentially-possessed St. Joseph statue.

Maybe you should post your house on eBay with that description... ;)

SUchipmunk said...

Does your listing have lots of pictures?? Pictures are really important to potential buyers it seems. Love your description!!!

Sharon said...

Dawn if your book writing career doesn't work out I would suggest writing real estate listings. Seriously, it's not the house it's the economy. I hope things improve soon for you. Have you considered renting the house?

Chris said...

Ditto to what Kimberly just said. As I was reading your post, I thought that this would be perfect for an e-bay listing. Why not try? Maybe someone who doesn't read your blog is moving to Chicago and surfs e-bay. I say go for it!!

Janice said...

Get some flower pots and put them on the stoop and maybe a window box under the window in front of the driveway. Have realtor take another picure of the front and rewrite that dull ad.

Laura~peach~ said...

I say find a way to post YOUR description and it will sell in a heartbeat!
all of the great things the hood offers cancel out the snow... I think... maybe... but as a southern redneck who probably should be in one of the people of walmart pics at one time or another... what do I know LOL
good luck selling and look out I come fromthe mid west but the south will RUB OFF onto you or maybe get into you or some such and soon you will be a proud DAMN YANKEE like me ... :)

WeaselMomma said...

I love your listing. You should throw it up on Ebay!!!!!!!!!!

Shay said...

I love your real estate description, much better! :)

Laila and Minchie said...

Like Janice said, the front of the house needs some color in the form of flowers. Curb appeal is a huge factor. Keeping you in my prayers it sells quickly.

Anonymous said...

My suggestion is to make it a combination of the two. The realtor info is stuff that people want to know. But from your ad, what really "calls" to me is the part about walking distance from so many things, and a small commute to others. The area can sell your house just as much as the house itself can. My SIL currently lives in a great part of Denver where everything is walking distance from her tiny little 1920's house. They have their house up for sale right now. Lots of interest thus far, not because of the house - it's cute and updated but tiny and expensive - but because of the area that it's in. Her realtor is maximizing on that by including photos of the area, including what they consider bonus things to be within walking distance from.

aceiatx said...

You should totally put that on Craigs List!

Robin said...

Much better listing!! I agree with some other readers who've suggested that you sell the house on ebay.....hey it worked for those Pokemon cards!!! Keep the faith Dawn. Someone will come along to buy your house. said...

I would definitely beef up the location, location, location. Combine "all appliances included."

If it's an award winning school district, list that too!

How much competition do you have in neighborhood. Also, if you are not in short sale, then list that too! Or, if you are in short sale, and have already started negotiating with bank, list that too! Good luck,
(but I am a licensed agent in CO) :0)

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