Monday, July 12, 2010

The One in Which Lexi Pukes & Can't Flush It

I woke up (sorta) this morning when Brooklyn crawled into my bed, crying. I couldn't force my eyes open, so I just sorta blindly reached over, patted Brooklyn, and promptly fell back into a deep sleep wherein I resumed my dream of chasing after a cute little black girl who was about five-years-old and had adorable pink bows in her hair. I was trying to catch her so I could give her the earrings I'd gotten for her. She and her mom got on a water taxi. I just missed it, so I walked on the water, really fast (the only way it works is if you go really fast) to catch them. I heard more crying. Who was crying? Oh, it must be Brooklyn. She's still crying about her dream. Poor baby. I reached over once again and made patting motions in her general vicinity while murmuring something about it being okay and it's just a bad dream. I cracked open an eye and Brooklyn came into focus. Brooklyn wasn't Brooklyn at all. She was Lexi.

"Lexi?" I croaked. "What's wrong?"

"I have a headache," she sobbed.

Uh-oh, I thought. Lexi gets migraines. If I catch them early enough, I can give her medicine, she'll go to sleep, and the headache will go away. Judging by her crying, it was too late for that. When I don't catch it soon enough, she throws up. Every time.

"Why didn't you wake me up and tell me, honey?" I asked as I hopped up to get her some Motrin. Too late. She was on her way to the bathroom to barf. Good morning.

Oh but it gets better. As I stayed far away from the bathroom poured Lexi some medicine, she flushed the toilet. Nothing. The barf just swirled around the bowl a bit, refusing to go wherever nasty toilet-stuff goes.

Lexi cried some more as another bout of nausea hit her. I told her to use the other bathroom while I quickly slammed the toilet lid closed. The lid fell off the toilet and clattered to the floor. I had just fixed the lid last night by smacking it a few times with my hammer. It seemed to be staying on, so I thought I'd done well. In fact, I fixed my slow-draining sink too! I was all, "Look at me! Oh yeah! Just call me Handy Manny! I rock! Woo hoo!" Until I tried to put the trap thing back in and may possibly, perhaps have snapped the whole darn closing mechanism thingy (that's the technical term) causing a projectile piece of errant plastic while doing it. But that's another story. Back to the barf.

I carefully, plopped the broken lid on the toilet and lifted the top off the tank. There was no water in it. Hmmm. I wiggled some pieces and hit it a few times. I bent down and made sure the water was turned on. Puzzling. Then I heard Lexi cry some more so I grabbed a diaper wipe, headed to the other bathroom and, without looking, threw the wipe towards her. "There, gag, you go, gag, sweetie, gag, gag." She grabbed the wipe and cried that that toilet wouldn't flush either.

I tried the faucet. Drip drip. No water anywhere. What the heck! I paid my water bill. I'm pretty sure I paid it. I had to have paid it! I left barfy-girl and ran to my desk where I pulled out my water bill. Yep, it had been paid. I called the city and left a message, inquiring as to what their problem was and why my child had no water with which to flush her vomit. (They never did call back.)

By this time, everyone was waking up. Well, everyone but Austin who I'm beginning to believe is a vampire. And, of course, everyone had to go to the bathroom.

"Hang on," I insisted. "Just let me throw on some clothes and I'll take you to the store so you can pee."

"Can I just go outside?" asked Jackson.

"I guess so," I relented, all the while cringing at the thought of him peeing outside in front of all the neighbors. As if they don't think we're weird enough already. I don't understand the attraction of peeing outside. I don't understand boys.

As I took a quick Polish shower (diaper wipes, perfume, and gum), Savannah dumped a bunch of ice into a bowl. "This will melt and then we'll have water," she beamed.

"Uh yeah. Or, ya know, we could just get some water while we're at the store," I countered. She wasn't amused.

So I headed outside to the car with the kids (except Lexi who was sleeping off her headache, and Austin who was avoiding sunlight so he didn't sparkle). On my door was this notice...

Yeah, thanks for the notice, guys!
But the good news is that the water came back on while I was out getting turtle supplies and telling Brooklyn that she couldn't have a pink dog. Lexi woke up headacheless. And someone was nice enough to flush all evidence of vomit before I got back home.


Anonymous said...

Good Night Sweet Dawn, THANK YOU for the countless laughs!!

Dawn said...

Thank YOU, anonymous! Good night! :)

Shannon in Cali said...

aww poor Lexie. The water company should have knocked on the door not just hung a notice ugh! As far as boys go my 3 yr old is obsessed with peeing outside not so easy now that we just moved into an apt complex tho.
Im glad your water is back on and someone flushed before you got back home. Hehe at Brooklyn wanting a pink dog! Also glad that Lexie is now headacheless..

Marjorie said...

Poor Lexi, I hate migraines. I would have been POed about the water thing even if I don't have the same reaction to barf that you do.

Anonymous said...

I puked in the bathroom of a bus while in a foreign country, and there was no water. I couldn't even wash my mouth off. Puking requires water!!

Lorelei said...

Was it the sparkly vampire who flushed the evidence before you got back home? Vampires are such nice people! And so sparkly! ;-)

Jen@Scrapingirl said...

OH MY GOSH!!!! That is about the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. The puke is far from funny. I have an allergy to puke also. :) But, I think someone is watching you and know you write a blog, so they plan all these crazy things so you would have something to write about.:)

Anonymous said...

Who needs to understand them--this is the advantage of boys. When we had the big flood in TN in May we were supposed to conserve water as much as we could. The road out of our neighborhood was also closed. The boys did their part by making sure our shrubberies were protected from neighborhood dogs. ;)

noexcuses said...

Thought of you the other day. Saw a mom at DQ with her six darlings! Hope today is a better day for you and your darlings!

Anonymous said...

I love how even in the midst of your trauma, you still gave us a "Friends" homage in your title!


Dodson Family said...

LOL...something you can look back and laugh about.....A LONG TIME from now, while you are drunk, but hey you will laugh.

Jennifer said...

Poor thing. I got migraines as a kid too (still get them as an adult). If motrin works for her, that's great but I find Excedrine Migraine much more effective. Something about the caffene mixed with asprin & the main ingredient in Advil takes away the pain faster.

April said...

Poor Lexi! Do they think she'll outgrow the migraines?

Unknown said...

Praising you for fixing your toilet and the drain.
You go girl !!!
And what a time to have the water turned off for you and Lexi and everyone.
Hope Lexi is all better now. Those migraines are bad... wish they would find a 'cure' and soon.
Donna from Indiana

KellyJMF said...

Luckily barf makes me laugh. Which was good because I had migraines, too. I was able to eliminate a lot of food and other triggers which REALLY helped. For me, MSG and shellfish and bright light (so hat and shades for me) were the controllable ones. Hormones and changing weather I have to live with.

Some other people find nitrates, nitrites, sulfates, and sulfites to be problematic. Some say chocolate, but it may be you're more likely to want chocolate when you're heading for a migraine.

Caffeine with whatever pain reliever can help too.

PS-found your blog so good and funny and touching, I went back to the beginning of time and read the whole thing!

HRH Mommy said...

sorry that your day started like this, but thank you for sharing so that my day may start with a laugh :-S

Rachel said...

Do you 7 live far from your extended families...well grandparents? Do Joe's parents at least see the kids? I can't even imagine what you guys are all going through.
I do love the blog and all your sillyness!

Unknown said...

It was a good move to put ice with the vomit. Cold vomit is not nearly as gross. (urp) I can't believe I read all of those comments on vomit.... It was like thinking about eating warm pudding with cat hair in it...(your welcome)

Robin said...

What a horrible, no good, rotten way to wake up!!!

My son, Kobe gets migraines too. Same thing, if we catch it soon enough and he can get some meds and sleep it off he's just fine but if it's gone too far....well, we've entered the barf zone. I, however, don't have the same reaction to barf that you do so it's not too bad - well, except for the one barfing!
Glad you've got your water back, turtle supplies purchsed and no pink dog! :)

Deelyn said...

OMG!!! You handled the vomit better than I would have! I would have stayed the heck away from the toilet entirely and there would have been no way I would have been able to throw the diaper wipe for Lexi! I can't even stand to HEAR someone puke! I really hate it when days start that crappy and chaotic. Sorry for you and Lexi., that was just absolutely, un-called-for, disgusting! Now I'm gagging just thinking about it. Dawn...where's that Wonder Woman whip?! You don't have to take that from him!

Freckle Face Runner said...

I like your "Polish Shower." My mother would call that the "PTA Shower"......Pits, Tits, and A$$.

Unknown said...

I'm in charge of all of the vomit in our house. It's not that I'm officially in-charge but it ALWAYS happens on my shift. And as a bonus (and the fact that we don't have money to buy more furniture) I always end up taking 1 (2,3,4,etc) for the team. It's not a pretty job but I'm hoping to cash in some guilt chips later in life.

ZippyChix4 said...

Migraines in kids are the awful. My son had migraines as a child...he figured out himself that aged cheeses triggered them. Well he realized that quesadillas started the pain and I looked it up and noted that aged cheeses are in fact a migraine trigger. Funny thing is that my other child is lactose intolerant and can only eat aged cheeses. Hmmmm, my dinners that have cheese are interesting! Thanks for the entertaining post

Natasha said...

Ha, yeah, that's why I am SO glad we have a pool ;D. We live down here in Louisiana, smack in the middle of hurricane country, so we can expect to have our water and electricity off for at least a week a year ;). Thankfully, even if it doesn't solve the sink predicament, if we need to use the bathroom we can simply grab a bucket, run outside, and voila! Water. Everyone has pools down here, practically, so that's usually the solution for that sort of thing.

Hey, don't you love pools? All the more reason for you to move down here ;D. You'd never see another snowflake in your life, have balmy, warm weather year-round, and get to eat tons of seafood. Of course, you'd have to overlook the fact that you'd have a few gators in your backyard, and, oh, can't we all use a ferocious hurricane once in a while?

Lol ;). 'Ya gotta love L.A.! And, no, I do NOT mean the city... grrr... Pet Peeve of mine...

Anonymous said...

I HATE Migraines, and I would have hunted the water guys down and made them deal with the vomit. Don't they know murphies law is the only one that ever rules in a house full of kids?
We get a utility vehicle with a loud speaker and an annoyingly happy tune to announce if the water is going to be turned off for maintenance in our area. Only thing is they turn it up so loud it distorts... so you have to hear it 3 times to make out what the heck it says.

DA DA DA! This is a public service water announcement... the water supply will be switched off between such and such and such and such. We apologise for any inconvenience. DA DA DA!

Glad all is well now.
Belinda in Brisbane Australia.

MaBunny said...

oh wow, poor Lex, and eww to the 'coudn't ge the vomit to flush'. Migraines suck

Frosted Fingers said...

Oh no!! What a way to start out the day!! Glad your daughter woke up without the migraine! I know how miserable those are!

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