Friday, April 10, 2009

Meet Theresa

Today's guest post comes from another friend of mine from high school. Who knew there would be so many published authors in my graduating class! Her name is Theresa Rose and we were both in the drama club back in the day. But she got the good part in Bleacher Bums that I wanted and I was stuck as an extra. No, I'm not bitter or anything.
Here's her blog post -"Inside the Twisted (and Normal) Mind of a 7-year Old".

This morning I discovered the latest literary tome my cherubic daughter borrowed from her classroom. It's called Oh, Yuck! The Encyclopedia of Everything Nasty. And believe me, it is.

When I asked her why she likes reading about such icky stuff, my daughter rolled her eyes at me, as if to say, "Geez, Mom! Are you really that lame?"

When I pressed her for an explanation, she said, "Boys in my class are telling me these lies about gross stuff, so I decided to look it up myself."

(It was at this point when I became impressed with my little girl's outstanding critical thinking skills.)

"Like what?", I ask.

"Pee. And something you shouldn't write."

(She knew I was gonna blog about it.)

"Come on, just tell me", I say in my most hip-mommy voice.

She pointed to her groin area and said with a sheepish look on her face, "A boy's...".

I responded in a not-so-subtle growl, "They have penises in that book?"

She replied, "Yep. They look like a hot dog with crumply sides. Not like regular hot dogs."

(It was at this point when I called upon the Awesome Power of the Almighty to subdue the massive giggle fit that was dying to escape from my lips.)

After looking for the picture of the aforementioned human hot dog, it turned out that the book didn't have penises in it at all (at least that I know of.) However, the drawing of the girl eating a squooshy, crinkly hot dog was actually on the page describing Animal Testicles. Yes, Animal Testicles.

Em's also studying leeches, because she "wants to learn how they get into people's skin." She continued matter-of-factly, "There's also funny stuff in there about pee that's really, really funny."

After I picked my jaw off the floor, I perused the well-worn book for a quick sampling of other gross topics to which my daughter has been exposed. (Based on the condition of the book, it was apparent that many other second-graders have discovered this little gem as well.) Here are some interesting entries that immediately jumped out at me: Eye Gunk, Farts, Puke, Poop, Snot and a delightful little sidebar called "the Amazing, Exploding Zit". To be fair, Emma can learn about that last topic right in the comfort of her mother's bathroom.

Just when I was about to send a scathing email off to the Dean of Emma's school expressing my outrage at their literary offerings, I noticed that Acupuncture was listed in this book of All Things Nasty. I was relieved to see that it actually had a very intelligent, insightful, and open-minded way of describing this ancient healing method that I have personally received. It said, "You know what's the weirdest thing about it? It tingles, but it doesn't hurt and it really works. American doctors didn't believe it at first. But now it's becoming a commonly turned-to medical practice, and many American doctors are learning how to pin the pin in the hurting body part...Cool things, those needles!"

WOW. How righteous is that? I continued to read what I thought would be disgusting entries and found that all of them were written in the same thoughtful, knowledgeable manner. Oh, Yuck! was actually really good at teaching the facts about things that all kids are dying to know. Who'da thunk it?

Ultimately, if reading (and sniggering) about pee, poop, and body lint keeps my daughter learning about the miracle known as the human body, then I'm all for it. I just want her to read it in her room where I can't see the creepy pictures.

By the way, did you know that doctors used to drink a patient's pee to test to see if he or she was diabetic? Ewwwwww!!!!


Theresa Rose is an award-winning author, motivational speaker, and workshop facilitator whose mission is to educate, entertain, and inspire people to create juicy, abundant lives and become aware of their unlimited power. Her book, Opening the Kimono: A Woman's Intimate Journey Through Life's Biggest Challenges is a recipient of the 2008 Royal Palm Literary Award from the Florida Writers Association. Theresa is president of Serious Mojo Publications, a national contributor to, and regular columnist for Creative Loafing. For more information on Theresa's work or to read her popular blog "I Got Me Some Serious Mojo", please visit


Rick said...

"Yucky Stuff" There ain't a man alive that couldn't write 2 volumes on the topic. Never mind its accuracy. The information would be entertaining to say the least.

geelizzie said...

There were some books out when my kids were little called 'Grossology', and they really were fascinating. Great way to get kids who otherwise don't like to read interested in books. The grosser the better! One of the facts that I remember in particular was that people swallow a quart of snot a day and the little hairs in your nose actually move the snot around at a high speed but I can't remember what the speed was. And the parts about animals and gas was pretty interesting too, I think even flies fart.

Anonymous said...

"hot dog with crumply sides" - ha ha ha ha ha! Perhaps now is not the time to mention that the older the hot dog, the more crumply the sides...

I used to teach anatomy and physiology to adults learning massage therapy. There was a point at which I felt like I was teaching 8th graders. This was usually during the digestive and reproductive systems. The questions I'd get are not too different from the ones mentioned in the blog...

Oh, and as for trivia... Human beings discard 9 pounds of skin cells a year. In fact, most of the dust in the average home is actually skin cells. Unless you live in Arizona. Then most of the dust is, well, dust.

Sandy in Tucson

Michelle said...

Hilarious. I couldn't contain my giggle on the crinkly hot dog. I'm guessing that she didn't make it down to the gross something exhibit on Navy Pier a few years ago? They had a whole exhibit dedicated to allll that stuff. But that's all I know about it since I didn't go either :)

BoufMom9 said...

LOL Fabulous and know it's something my boys would LOVE!

Laura ~Peach~ said...

they did not drink it thaty tasted it if collected properly it is sterile... and a diabetics would be sweet...stilll GROSSSSSS LMAO... cool book your babe found there and great that she does not believe her friends and questions them...

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

OK, I was reading the post and it went right into the book about gross stuff and I thought it was Lexi who was reading the book! And then it was talking about penises, and I'm like, "Wait! Dawn doesn't talk about penises on her blog!", and then I thought, "Wait! Dawn has three boys. Surely the girls have seen what a penis looks like in a family with three boys!" (Because I have two boys and one girl, and my daughter KNOWS what a crinkled hot dog looks like.) THEN, I continued reading, and it said, "Em ..." and I was like, "DAWN DOESN'T HAVE ANY KIDS NAMED EM, AND WHAT CITY WOULD THAT STAND FOR ANYWAY!?!?!" And only THEN did I realize this was from your friend Theresa's post! Hahahahaha!

And when are you going to feature ME, cuz clearly, I am over-the-top hilarious!!!!

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