SDKD (Stupid Drivers of the Kiss 'n Drive) is no laughing matter. It could affect anyone. It doesn't discriminate between race, gender, or religious affiliation. If you, or someone you love, is affected by SDKD, please pay attention.
Now, the Kiss 'n Drive is not a difficult concept. You pull up, drop your kid(s) off, and drive away. Simple really. But for some reason, it completely baffles seemingly normal, intelligent, grown adults. Why is this? Well, let's take a look at where it goes wrong.
1. LINE UP IN FRONT OF SCHOOL, MAKING USE OF EVERY SPACE.
See how all the cars are lined up in front of the school? What's that? Yes, I know it's a medieval castle. Just pretend. See how the yellow car is pulled up to the very front of the school? Yes, I know it's still a castle. Work with me here! Concentrate on the line of cars! See them? Good! This is the proper way to line up.
Pull all the way up to the car in front of you. Don't leave gaping holes. Make use of all space. This lets other cars pull in behind you.
2. YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE FIRST IN LINE TO LET YOUR KIDS OUT.
Every car in line should stop, let their children out wherever they are in line and then drive on. If you are not first in line, and thus closest to the door, you STILL NEED TO LET YOUR KIDS OUT. Yes, I know that might mean that they'll need to walk an extra twenty steps. Guess what? Who cares?! Your kids can walk a freaking twenty steps! It won't kill them! They could use the exercise! YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE FIRST IN LINE TO LET YOUR KIDS OUT!
Let's suppose Elmo doesn't let his kids out of his dump truck, but the cars behind him do let their kids out. When the yellow and blue cars move on, Elmo will pull up to the first position and stop to let Elmo Jr. out. Meanwhile, the cars behind him will be stuck there, waiting for Elmo to get his act together even though they already dropped their kids off like good little Matchbox car drivers.
Now let's see another mistake parents make...
3. PULL UP AS FAR AS YOU CAN.
Look at Mater. What's wrong with this picture? Besides the fact that the school is a castle! Yes, that's right, Mater didn't pull up to the front of the line. He just stopped right there for some reason. You know what happens when Mater does this?
A huge pile-up of cars behind him. Do you really want to be responsible for Thomas cracking his face on the bumper of a yellow car? I think not.
Here's another problem that affects some (and by "some", I mean a stinkin' LOT) of people.
4. DON'T DAWDLE IN LINE. SAY GOODBYE AND MOVE ON!
See this mother and son? Yes, I'm aware they're sitting on top of the car. The doors don't open. Once again, work with me, people! I don't exactly have Steven Spielberg's movie budget here. In this picture, the mom says goodbye and junior heads off to a fun-filled day of learning. Ta-da!
Let's see what happens when a parent doesn't say a brief goodbye...
Meanwhile, this is how the drivers behind them are feeling...
5. DON'T GET OUT OF THE CAR!
If you have the burning need to get out of your car to stretch your legs, talk to other parents, help your child open the door, or have a Chinese fire drill, you need to use the parking lot (that's the place where you can PARK.)
6. YOU DO NOT NEED TO WATCH YOUR KIDS DISAPPEAR INTO THE BUILDING BEFORE DRIVING AWAY.
Once your children are out of your car and walking into the building under the supervision of the teachers, you don't need to watch them until they're inside, coat hung up, and seated at their desk. I promise you, ninjas won't attack your child on the way inside.
(Just pretend they're ninjas and not a knight, a Lego guy & a pilot. I make no promises about knights, Lego guys and pilots since, as everyone knows, they're inherently evil.)
If you, or someone you love, is affected bySDKD (Stupid Drivers of the Kiss 'n Drive), please pass this important public service announcement on to them.
Clock photo was taken from Robbert van der Steeg's Flickr stream.