Do you remember your dreams? I tend to go in spurts when it comes to remembering my dreams. I'll remember vivid details about dreams for days or even weeks on end, and then I won't recall a single dream for weeks at a time. Lately, I've been remembering every detail of my dreams. Last night, I had a recurring dream. Maybe some of you have had this same one?
I dreamt that I needed to pee, but I couldn't find a bathroom anywhere. Everywhere I went, the bathrooms were full and people were waiting to use them. At one point, my friend Julie and I met another mutual friend's mom. For some reason, she was a little old lady (in real life, she is not a little old lady). This sweet, little old lady looked like she should be baking or knitting or sitting in a rocking chair with a shawl about her shoulders regaling the younguns with tales from days of yore. Instead, she sat at a table talking to us and dropping f-bombs that shocked the heck out of me and Julie. She told me it was good I was getting divorced so I could marry Doug. (I have no idea who Doug is in real life.) Just an aside here - no, I didn't have pizza, pickles, and ice cream before bed. I have no idea where this stuff comes from.
We decided we'd better get up and use the bathroom before beginning our long drive. I have no idea where we were going, but I know it was going to take a long time to get there. I couldn't find an open bathroom though. I walked in a stall, but the toilet was missing. There were people standing in lines and blocking the other stalls.
Then I saw Jonathan Merkh, the vice president of Howard Books and for some reason, I wanted to avoid him, so I ducked behind a potted plant. (Sorry Jonathan, I would never avoid you in real life. I can't control Dream Dawn.) Then I found a bathroom but the door wouldn't lock and there were tons of people standing around outside the door because there was a party going on. A girl told me that it cost $2001 to use that bathroom. I didn't believe her so I checked the price list and discovered that you could also tan in the bathroom for as little as $5.
The same girl told me that people behind a two-way mirror would make a videotape of me while I was in the bathroom. I turned around to check and see if there was indeed a two-way mirror in the bathroom. Not that I really cared, mind you. I mean, I really had to go! But when I turned around to see the mirror, I noticed there was a bed in the bathroom and a coat and three Greek fisherman caps had been left on it. I found it strange that people had left their coat and hats behind. (Yeah, it didn't phase me that it cost thousands of dollars to use the bathroom, or that people hung out behind a two-way mirror in the bathroom, or that there was a bed in the bathroom. The only strange thing was that there was a coat and a couple hats there.)
Next thing I know, I'm in the hallway of a school and it's filled with all these school desks. I saw a sign for a bathroom, but the desks were blocking the door. I pushed my way between the desks and saw Jonathan again. I quickly turned the other way so he wouldn't see me. My friend Doreen called to me. She was sitting at one of the desks. I told her I was trying to get to the bathroom, but she informed me it wasn't a bathroom. (I'll show her! It's MY dream and if I want it to be a bathroom, then it'll be a bathroom!) I didn't believe her and continued to move toward it. There were tons of drawings taped to the wall and covering the door of the bathroom, so I started pulling them off. After moving the drawings, I saw that the sign didn't say "bathroom" after all. It said, "damaged water slide" and there was just a hole in the wall and not a door to a bathroom.
This is the point when my alarm clock went off. I woke up and immediately thought, "OH MY GOSH I HAVE TO PEE!" I don't know how I made it to the bathroom in time! This is not the first time I've had a dream like this. In fact, every time I have a dream in which I have to pee, I can't find a bathroom, or all the bathrooms are out of toilet paper, or have broken doors. Then I wake up and really, really have to go! I feel so frustrated in my dreams that I can't find a darn bathroom, but I guess I should be thankful. What would ever happen if I found a perfectly acceptable, functioning bathroom in my dream? I'd probably relieve myself in bed! Oh ew! I guess it's a good thing that I go on an all-night quest for a working commode after all.