Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Another Episode of Insane Googlers

It's time to do a post about the crazy things people google that bring them to my blog. Before you ask, I use statcounter.com to see these phrases. Enjoy...

Clay goose poop
Things my son has picked up off the sidewalk

easy way to make a toilet cake
Why would you want to make cake for a toilet?

balmex in the carpet
Oooo, so close! The answer we were looking for was Desitin on the couch.

9x13r2d2 cake
Cake or math formula?

spam cordon bleu
Yeah, making it French-sounding doesn't change the fact that it's SPAM!

Stomach stapling mouth
Hmm, interesting concept - stapling your mouth instead of your stomach to lose weight.

Because I said so couch
Does it look something like this?


Causes of diaper rash on pineapple
??? I didn't even know that was possible

Bird poop in house good luck?
No, that's just what people say to make you feel better because a BIRD POOPED IN YOUR HOUSE!

Does matthew perry have a tattoo on his ankle
Oooo, did someone say Matthew Perry? Have I mentioned how I brushed up against him? Yes? Well, I'm mentioning it again.

The diarrhea song lyrics from parenthood
When you're slidin' into first and your pants begin to burst, diarrhea (cha cha cha) diarrhea (cha cha cha)

Doritos anal seepage
Let me guess, you're taking Alli?

The weirdo's blogspot
HEY NOW!

Staple swallowed child


Get rid of smell of rotten food in a backpack
Impossible. Just throw it out. Not that I know from experience or anything. A-hem.

Moms diet plan
Breakfast: caffeine
Snack: handful of kids' animal crackers
Lunch: realize you haven't eaten when 2:00 rolls around, make a healthy salad, then finish the kids' macaroni & cheese and hotdogs as you clean up the dishes
Snack: gum
Dinner: too busy driving the kids around to eat, grab a cheeseburger on the fly
Snack: wine, lots of wine

michigan
tangerine! (Oh sorry, I thought we were just doing random words)

When mom is mean
Did you google this, Savannah?

Safe to bring laptop to Disneyworld
Yes, bring the laptop; leave the kids behind

haircut pixie cut youtube butt pixie haircut
the first 2 lines of a Haiku?

Hilarious why did the chicken cross the road jokes
According to my kids, the chicken crossed the road because a bat farted on it. I know, I know, but if you tell your kids, they'll crack up. Trust me.

Superglue to get kernel out of ear
ideas that may seem good at first, but after the alcohol wears off, you realize just how stupid they were

what is a “mom's time-out” when you’re about to go off the deep end
lock yourself in the bathroom with a glass of Chardonnay. Or so I've heard...

you're, like, really really pretty. and i'm, like, really really proud of you
Awww, this was written just for me, right? Right???

what happens if i leave l'oreal preference hair color in longer than the instructions say?
You hair turns out looking orange like this...


DISTURBING GOOGLES
tracing digestion of pizza
uniqua's butt
weird stuff in toilets
Boys in dresses


I HOPE THESE ARE SONG LYRICS OR YOU PEOPLE ARE JUST INSANE

the day you died, the day i tried, was hard to face as there i lie, buried beneath the covers wishing to be one and all.

a book about a person who is a cleaning person, but he see this girl that he loves and does many things while her friends want her to go with another boy that he doesn't like


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oooo, Oooo, Oooo, head on over to my review blog HERE to see my review of the HP WIRELESS printer! I have a giveaway starting at 12:00 AM (PST) on February 4th. Leave me a comment (after midnight PST) for a chance to win this awesome printer!

27 comments:

TuTu's Bliss said...

LOL I need to get a counter like that :)

Dan said...

You get much more interesting searches than I do. Mine seem to result from highly illiterate searchers who cannot spell.

I want your's - they are much funnier.

MaBunny said...

omg Dawn, those are funny, as are your comments following them!
and a bird pooping in your house is not lucky. I have a bird I know - but USUALLy she will fly a few laps then poop when she lands, whereever that may be, but most of the time its in her cage, lol.

grandmatomato said...

I cannot imagine how your blog keeps being a choice on some of the searches you wrote about. Now then how many people today will try and see if they will work? Look forward to reading your blog every day.

Brenda said...

Now that was some quality googling! I try to think back to your posts and figure out why on earth they come up. Some I can remember but others.......

Mokki said...

They probably wanted to find these cakes by seariching for "toilet cakes" :D

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2009/01/wasted-cakes.html?showComment=1230873840000

Beth said...

I really liked the one about the superglue and corn. I actually think that could work, but your comment was funnier.

Oh, and i also want to win an hp printer.

=)

Tina in Ohio said...

Re: Mom's time out:
There is actually a brand of wine called Mommy's Time Out. Check out the label at Mommystimeout.net. Great concept, no?
(I'm not trying to sell the stuff; I just got a bottle as a gift and I think it's fun!)
That would be a fun giveaway, but I bet you're not allowed to use alcohol for prizes, right?
Tina

Brooke said...

Umm. This made me spit out my coffee from laughing so hard. Thank you.

Patois said...

I love this keyword wrap ups, especially your responses to each. Matthew Perry.

Kim said...

On the:
"9x13r2d2 cake
Cake or math formula?"

I suspect the person was looking for a Star Wars cake of R2D2 that was for a 9x13 pan.

Since you do such cool cakes, it brought the person here.

If you want to see funny R2D2 cakes, go here:
http://www.greatwhitesnark.com/2008/07/02/top-five-awful-r2-d2-cakes/

Julie Sturgeon said...

Some folks think it's funny but it's really hot and runny, diarrhea (clap, clap,clap)

Thanks. A. Lot. I needed that running through my head today.

Goldibug said...

You always post the funniest things! It truly is amazing what people search for. Btw...thanks for having a fantastic giveaway for the HP printer. I'm so excited that I have a chance to win!

Sofia said...

lol...your post made me laugh so hard I almost wake up my son! hehehe
your blog is awesome! ;)

Jess said...

Hi Dawn - a question which I'm hoping is not too invasive. How have you allocated chilodren to bedrooms? I note from previous posts that you have a 4 bedroom house, and that Savannah and Lexington share a room. From your recent 'bedrom cleaning' post it looks like perhaps Jackson and Clayton share a room? Does Austin have his own room? When Brooklyn isn't sleeping with you, where does she sleep? My husband and I are weighing up adding an extra bedroom to our house or having kids share a room..... PS Thanks for your blog! I read it every day and wanted to thank you for taking the time to keep writing for us!

RefreshMom said...

That's funny. The main things that get people to my blog via Google are "Gloom, despair, and agony on me" and "no food in the house. What can I cook?" Doesn't that make it sound like I have a really depressing blog?

Andi said...

Oh, Dawn! You make my day! I just sent a email to Manic to tell her how much I loved having her in my life and I'll tell you the same. On a good day, bad day, any old day, you make mine great! I laugh so hard I cry, and for a mom to three kids, that is all the recipe asks for. I know several people would agree with me! Your children and Joe are very lucky!

XOXO

Goldibug said...

You just recieved an award! Come over to my blog and pick it up!

Tricia said...

Sunday sound out from a fellow mom of six.. did you know there is a LOVELY wine called "Mommys time out" I would tell you to google it but er um.. but I promise its out there.

purplelizard692@hotmail.com said...

hahahahahaha people are so weird. the ppl who google of course.. not you..

MotherGoose518 said...

Can not. Stop. Laughing.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Too stinking funny!!!

Michelle said...

Ahh, I love these. I wouldn't say they're my FAVORITE posts because your fam cracks me up so much... but I definitely enjoy them. I've got an advice column to google going on with my searches right now... or so it seems.

Amber said...

The correct answer in my house was Desitin on all the white walls and towels. Wanna know how long it takes to find it all? We had moved a year later, and found that boxes and furniture still showed signs of leftover smears that were never found. Love your blog!

Tracy Fiebranz said...

Ok, my 14 yo actually DID laugh at the chicken crossing the road joke! KIDS!!! :-P

Anonymous said...

My daughter thinks your sofa matches my chair. It does look like a match. Just thought I'd share that with you.

Have a great day.

Sherry

Jessi said...

Lmao! You've certainly got some great ones there. :D

Peldyn said...

I just peed my pants laughing! People search for the weirdest things.

Who's Visiting My Blog Right Now?

 
Home About Dawn Blog Books News & Events Press Kit FAQS Photos Video Fun Mom's Time Out Get In Touch

Dawn Meehan 2008-. All Rights Reserved.
Site Design by Pulse Point Design