Time Out From Your Regularly Scheduled Humor

OK, a few readers have emailed me and left comments like these this week...



Anonymous said...
I am not trying to be mean or judgemental, but you never say anything about disciplining your kids for negative behaviors that need to change. When kids do stuff like Clay and Brooklyn they are seeking ATTENTION! Which means you need to step up to the plate.



First off, if you want to send me hate mail, you really need to go through the proper channels. In the future, please use my hate mail form HERE. Thank you.

Secondly, I don't ever say anything about what I dress myself in every day; do you think that means I walk around naked? I don't say anything about what I feed my kids for dinner every day; does that mean that I let them starve? Because I don't waste everyone's time by going into the boring details of discipline, doesn't mean that discipline doesn't exist. Understand?

However, to satisfy the curiosity of non-mean readers, here's my MO when it comes to discipline.

1. Whenever possible, I let the kids experience the natural consequences of their actions. For example, Jackson got mad one night, threw a fit, and whipped his iPod Touch (that he bought with his own saved money) across the room, shattering it. Now he doesn't have an iPod. If he wants another one, he'll have to save up a lot of money over a long period of time.

If the natural consequence will endanger the kids, of course, I have to go to Plan B. If one of them runs into the street without looking, for example, I'm not going to let them get hit by a car in order to teach a lesson.

2. When natural consequences aren't safe or feasible, I try to apply logical consequences. If I find that one of them was using their phone during school, I'm not going to make them clean the bathrooms; I'll take away their phone for a period of time. If someone has made a giant mess, then they need to clean it up.

3. Consistency! I think it's super-important to say what you mean and mean what you say and be consistent about it. Don't tell your kid they're grounded until they're 30. You're obviously not going to stick to that one. I mean, who wants their 30-year-old still living at home, pouting in their room without TV or phone privileges? If you take away a privilege from your child for a week, don't let their incessant begging wear you down and make you go back on your word in four days.

4. Teach! The biggest part of discipline is teaching appropriate behaviors. Yes, following up and punishing for infractions is part of disciplining, but in my opinion, a bigger part is teaching expected behaviors to begin with. Not only tell your children what you expect of them, but model those behaviors yourself. I don't attempt to control my kids. You can't control them and even if you could, why would you want to? What happens when they get older? Who's going to tell them what to do and control them then? Their peers? No, you want to teach them the skills they need to make wise decisions. When they mess up (and they will), you apply appropriate consequences, making THEM responsible for THEIR decisions.

6. Lighten up. Honestly, I have the advantage of having a fairly wide age span between my oldest and youngest children. I write stories about Clay and Brooklyn getting into stuff all the time now. Just a few short years ago, I wrote stories about Jackson getting into stuff with his sidekick, Lexi. Ask any of my friends. It was all about the messes they made and the crazy stuff they did. And guess what. Jackson and Lexi don't come up with all the goofy experiments and messes they did a few years ago. They're older. They've learned. As will Clay and Brooklyn. I'm not about to go postal on them every time they make a mess or do a crazy experiment. They're kids. Kids do goofy things. They learn by exploring. They LEARN by exploring. And with redirection, unconditional love, appropriate consequences, patience, and a SENSE OF HUMOR, you'll all survive and thrive.

Do I do all those things perfectly? Heck no! I'm human. There are times when I let something slide that I know I probably shouldn't simply because I'm too flipping tired to deal with it. Are there times when I get unnecessarily mad over some trivial thing? Heck yes! I'm not perfect. I do the best I can with what I have to work with.

Are you happy now, Clark? See how boring that was? That's why I don't write about discipline. It doesn't make you laugh. Now back to your regularly scheduled blog about the goofy things kids do that don't really matter much in the long run.

Sunday Sound Out

I need to take a minute to thank everyone who has sent me email the last couple months. I've gotten the most awesome notes from people who have read my book and taken the time to tell me how much they liked it. I want you to know that I read every single email I get and I appreciate them more than you know. I just haven't been able to keep up with all my mail and respond to all of them. But THANK YOU so very much!!!

Today, Austin had his confirmation. I think it's cool that confirmation Sunday fell on Pentecost.



I can't believe my baby is getting so old! He's far surpassed me in height (which isn't saying much, I know). I'm wearing high heels in this picture! And he'll be graduating 8th grade this month. I don't know how that happened. I swear I was just pregnant with him yesterday.

And now for your questions...

Uhhh got a ticket [to BlogHer] this weekend for free? How? And why didn't you tell me? I'm one of those procrastinators on the mile long list and it's in my own backyard!
I never said it was free! Oh no, I had to pay a premium for waiting so long to register. I just lucked out when they got to my number on the waiting list. Anyone going to BlogHer, look me up and say "hi"!

So does a Nintendo game survive being washed?
Surprisingly, yes, it did survive. It might have just been a fluke though. I don't recommend washing your DS game cartridges.

What I think is the most precious is that you could tell which kid it is [Brooklyn with the blue mask/wig/mummy getup] ....mine did stuff like this and I had to identify the kid on the old camera by the furniture and color of the walls....sigh
I'll let you in on a little secret. I didn't know it was Brooklyn until I saw this picture with Clay in the background...



And I always have to look at background clues to tell pictures of my kids (when they were little) apart. See what I mean...








Happy Birthday to your girls! How did you cut the lip gloss cake?
With a knife

How hard is the lipgloss cake?
Like you said - it's cake. Cake is generally pretty soft.

How did you get all that gunk [Desitin, Vaseline & bubble juice] off your floor?
Gasoline and a match

I've got three with a birthday all within two days of each other (two are twins) and I was debating if we do two celebrations or one. Making two separate cakes seems like a good idea to make the day special for both of them without getting birthday overload. DId you invite friends to this double celebration or was it just family?
This was just family and family friends. I usually double up for Savannah and Lexi and do one party for them because their birthdays are 7 days apart. It saves me time and effort and money, and this way, our guests don't have to block off 2 weekends and drive out for a party 2 weeks in a row. And so far, the girls have never minded sharing a party. I let them each pick out a theme and we decorate and use cups and napkins and such from both themes.

SSO question: Where do you get all your cake ideas? And do you just put them together out of your own brilliant mind? Or do you find directions somewhere? And just how would you go about making fondant foil?
I get a lot of my ideas from the Wilton books or from watching cake contests and Ace of Cakes on Food Network. I find some ideas online too. Austin suggested I make a big Hershey bar for Savannah. I liked his idea, but decided to do a kiss instead. The lipgloss idea just came to me because Lexi loves lip gloss!

Did they actually try their indoor slip-n-slide? Did it work? It's kind of ingenious really, for a 5-year-old and a 3-year-old. :)
Oh yeah they tried it! No, it didn't so much work. And "ingenious" was not quite the word I'd use.

So, um, what flavor was the Hershey kiss one?!
You'd think chocolate, right? For a girl who loves her chocolate, it's surprising that she doesn't like chocolate cake. Go figure. It was "funfetti".

What kind of punishment did you give Clay and Brooklyn for the mess they made with the bubbles, rash creme and vaseline? Do you bother anymore? I'm wondering because I don't know if they do things like this because they know they can get away with it or because they don't care if they get punished? I don't have six kids, but sweet Jesus, my boys would never think of doing some of the stuff you write about because they would be in so much trouble! Plus I'd make them clean it up and that's almost worse than the punishment!
I threw Brooklyn in the tub because she was covered head to toe with diaper cream. Then I put Clay to work helping me clean up the mess. Unfortunately, he just kinda smeared it around and made more work for me so I sent him to his room. After Brooklyn was bathed, she had time out too. The thing is - the kids didn't do this to be bad. I think sometimes kids get into stuff because they want to explore and experiment and learn and they don't always think things through. That's a learning process that takes time. (Some people never get it!) When they do stuff like this, it's irritating but I don't get too mad.

On the other hand, a couple days ago, Clay brought a ball in the house and was tossing it up in the air. I told him twice to take it outside, but before he went out, he managed to hit and shatter a picture frame on the wall. I was mad because it wouldn't have happened if he'd listened to me and taken the ball outside where it belonged. For punishment, I couldn't make him clean up the glass because that would be dangerous. Instead I took a few dollars out of the birthday money he'd been saving for a toy and told him he had to buy a new frame.

I think there's a difference in deliberately disobeying and kids just doing goofy kid stuff. I try to separate the two and respond accordingly. I like when there are natural consequences to their actions. I try to apply logical consequences when there aren't. Do I do it consistently and perfectly? Heck no. Do I sometimes say, "Are you bleeding? No? Then I don't want to hear about it! Work it out!"?Heck yes. Do I sometimes tell Joe I simply must run some errands and then make a speedy getaway so he can deal with it? Heck yes. I never claimed to be perfect.

If it weren't for Clayton you wouldn't have half of the material that you use to write about. Aren't you glad God gave you the wealth of material in the form of Clay?
Honestly? YES! The funny thing is - my friends remember when I used to tell "Jackson stories" all the time. Jackson grew out of that stage and I know Clay will too. Sooner than I can imagine, I'm sure.

Do you own a steam carpet cleaner??
I probably should, shouldn't I? It would sure come in handy.

And has your website always been "the official site of ..." or is this new? Are people trying to create fake Dawn sites?
"fake Dawn sites" LOL! Not that I know of and yeah, it has said "the official site of author Dawn Meehan" since my website was designed in October.

Controlling Your Bladder is Easier Than Controlling Your Kids

To the person who left me this comment... "Sweet, a Mormon who has ads for coffee on her site.. Just proof the mighty dollar can buy anything." First of all - I'm not a Mormon. And I have nothing against coffee. In fact, I love coffee. Well, I love cups of coffee flavored cream anyway. Nor do I have anything against Mormons! Secondly, I'm not all that familiar with the Mormon religion, but I'm guessing that passing judgement on people you don't even know is not part of your doctrine.

Someone (I'm guessing without kids) wrote and told me something along the lines of, "You'd better not let your kids make too much noise on the plane. There's nothing worse than a parent who was irresponsible and had more kids than they can control."

Well shoot, I need to keep them quiet? Now here I was planning on letting them run up and down the aisles of the plane yelling. I was going to let them bring a guitar too so they could bang it on everyone's head as they walked past. Movie anyone?

As far as "controlling" my kids. Of course I don't control them. Nor do I want to control them. I want to teach them to control themselves.

Hal Runkel, author of, Screamfree Parenting, states in his book, that we as parents are not responsible for our children. What? We’re not responsible for them? Reading that statement, I immediately love this guy. Hooray! If Hal Runkel, licensed marriage and family therapist, says that I’m not responsible for my son when he doesn’t do his homework, or my daughter when she talks back to me, or my toddler who flings himself, screaming, onto the floor of the doctor’s office, then I’m 100% behind his Screamfree method of parenting.

Reading further in the book, Hal states that although we are not responsible for our children, we are indeed, responsible to them. I knew there was a catch! What he means by this is that we are not responsible for our children's choices and behaviors. We are instead responsible for ourselves and our actions. Hal teaches us to focus on ourselves and our behavior - something we can control. If we want a child to make good decisions, we have to model that behavior for them. How can we expect a child to remain calm when we fly off the handle and scream and yell at them when they choose not to cooperate? We can't be in control of the situation if we aren't in control of our own behavior and we can't possibly expect a child to calm down and get control of themselves if we're screaming like lunatics.

The concept is simple really. For example, when ABC was at my house filming, they asked me, "Do you fight with your kids to do their homework every night?"
I said, "Are you kidding? No way. That's their job. If they choose not to do it, then they're the ones who get in trouble at school. I have enough responsibilities than to take on their schoolwork as well."

They can choose to do their homework and reap the rewards at school, or they can choose to avoid their homework, and suffer the consequences of turning in an incomplete assignment. There is no reason for us to yell and scream and try to persuade our children to do their assignments. All that does is raise our blood pressure and make those little veins on the sides of our heads stick out. Besides, we can't remember our kids' names when we're mad and yelling and it's really hard to be in control when we have to spit out five names before we get to the right one!

Although the idea of having little robot children who obey our every command without a second thought is really, really appealing , it's actually not what we should strive for as parents. Hal uses the example of the movie Ella Enchanted his book. (If you haven't seen this movie, it's really cute and well worth renting, in my opinion.) In this movie, Ella is given the gift curse of obedience. She must obey. She has no choice but to do everything she’s told to do. This curse of obedience forces her to do some awful things in the movie. Think about it. Even though the thought of a child who obeys your every command, sounds heavenly, would you really want this child to grow up doing what everyone tells them to do? What happens when their peers tell them to have a cigarette? Take drugs? Steal a CD? I don't know about you, but I certainly don’t want my child to simply follow along and do what they’ve been told. I want them to use their brains and think of the consequences before making a decision. I want them to make wise choices because they've learned about consequences from experience.

Back to the homework example - I don't want my kids to do their homework because I've yelled at them to do it. I want them to choose to do their work because they know they'll get a good grade if they do and because they know they'll have to make up the assignment, or get an incomplete, or get a detention if they choose not to do it. Natural consequences.

I don't yell at my kids to eat dinner. They can choose eat what I've cooked or they can choose to not eat. If they choose not to eat dinner, they suffer the natural consequences of being hungry. No yelling. No fighting. They're responsible for their choice and they accept the consequences of their choice. Simple, right?
Well, in theory, it's simple. In reality it's hard. It's a simple concept that's difficult to master.

Like Hal warns parents against "emotional reactivity", author of 1-2-3 Magic, Dr. Thomas Phelan tells parents how to avoid the "Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit Syndrome" by teaching them to not become involved in an emotional struggle with their kids. He goes on to say that parents make the mistake of talking too much and getting too emotionally involved. "Did you just hit your sister? Why did you hit your sister? You know you shouldn't hit your sister. Hitting's not nice. How would you like to be hit? You wouldn't like that. Hitting hurts. It's not nice. I can't believe you just hit your sister like that! Look at me when I'm talking to you! Do you think hitting is a good idea? Would you like it if I hit you?!........"

Anyway, my point is - you can't control kids and it's probably not a good idea to try. You can however, control yourself, teach your kids, and give them choices and consequences and that, in my opinion, is how you discipline.

Now, I know many of you probably won't agree with all this and that's fine. I'm not saying there is only one way to discipline your kids and this is it. Far from it. In fact, I think there are a lot of sound ways to approach discipline. I think a huge key to making anything work, however, is consistency. That and, of course, a sense of humor about the little things and maybe a little Captain Morgan. Just kidding. Sort of. :D

Oh yeah, if you don't like my blog or you find it offensive, that's fine. You don't have to agree with me. But here's a tip for you - you don't actually have to read it and you certainly don't have to take the time to leave me a comment. It would be pretty silly to waste your time that way, don't you think? For those of you who actually do have a sense of humor however, read on!

Oh yes, for the folks who asked - nope, no one else is throwing up, thankfully! I, however, have a fever and feel like mud. I'm definitely going to bed before 4:00am tonight! (My baby thought it would be fun to stay up and party last night.)

Come check out MAMASLIKE for interesting finds from work-at-home moms!

P.S. I just heard from Mimi, Julian's mom, that cancer cells were found in her little boy's spinal fluid. :*( If you're the praying type, please say one for healing for Julian, peace and comfort for his family, and wisdom for the doctors treating him. You can read more at Carepages.com under "Julian's World".