I'm sorry I've been MIA again. I'm sick. Every last inch of my body hurts. My head, neck, throat, back, hips, legs all ache. If you've been reading my blog for any amount of time, you know my theory is - If you ignore it long enough, it'll go away. I don't go to the doctor unless I absolutely have to. Well, I went to the doctor this time. Yeah. I feel that bad. And you know what? The doctor did a strep screen and it came back negative. She then told me, "Drink plenty of fluids and go home and rest." I laughed in her face. And really, all my trip to the doctor did was reinforce my theory that if you ignore it long enough, it'll go away.
So I came home, lay down, and immediately fell asleep. I didn't wake up until 5:00. Well, except for all the times, the kids came in my room. Like when Brooklyn came in and stole the gum from my purse. And the time she came in and pilfered an AMC gift card from my purse. She told me she was going to ride her tricycle to the store and use the movie theater gift card to buy a cell phone so she could call her friend, Emma. Austin told her, "Emma doesn't have a cell phone." Brooklyn said it was okay because Emma could use her home phone. Austin pointed out that Brooklyn, also, could use the home phone. This was the point, she started wailing like someone had branded her with a hot poker.
Then there were the times that Clay and Jackson ran through my room chasing each other with the intention to do bodily harm. I did what any responsible parent would do. I closed my eyes and rolled over in bed.
There was the time Savannah came in my room and said, "That is SO gross! You're soaking wet! Your pillow is wet! Gross!" Like I didn't know I was sitting in a pool of sweat as my fever finally went down.
There was the time, I mumbled to Austin to please change the laundry so I could have clean, dry sheets tonight. Austin's fifteen.
"So, I just put the sheets in the washing machine?"
"Well you have to put detergent in with them."
"Is this detergent?" he asked, holding up a bottle.
"What should I set it to?"
"Oh, I think I've got it. Oh wait. It won't turn on. How do you turn it on?"
Yep, his future wife is going to love me.
Oh and let's not forget the time I heard the little kids in the bathroom. The water was running and they were talking about fishing. I was scared. I dragged myself from bed and kinda leaned against the wall so I wouldn't fall over from the dizziness, and made my way to the bathroom. By the time I got there, they'd already left the bathroom and were playing outside. They were fishing, all right. In the fire pit. Filled with water. Their poles were the roasting sticks for the fire pit. Their fish were latex gloves filled with water. Once again, I closed my eyes and made my way back to bed.
And most recently, Jackson decided to make a cherry pie. It looks like there was an explosion at a grain mill in my kitchen.
And on that note, I'm lying back down, closing my eyes, and hoping my fever stays under 104 tonight.