Monday, June 7, 2010

Go To Bed!

I sat on the floor of the girls' room while Clay, Brooklyn, and Lexi gathered around to hear me read them a story. Actually, they didn't so much gather around as they just tried their best to remind me why some parents eat their young. Clay bounced up and down on a suitcase because he has a genetic defect that doesn't give him the ability to sit still for more than a nanosecond. Brooklyn whined repeatedly that she couldn't see the pictures. In between the whining she interrupted the story with her questions. Lots of questions. In fact, I left her in her room two hours ago and I think I still hear her asking questions.

"Is that the owl?"


"Why is the owl sad?"

"Because the monkey landed on her baby owl."

"Why is there only one monkey?"

"Because there just is."

"Where are the elephants?"

"There are no elephants in this book."

"Why aren't there any elephants in this book?"

"Because it's not an elephant book."

"Why not?"

"And they all lived happily ever after, goodnight!"

"That's not the end, Mom! You have to read about the lion! (Duh)"

Hey, can't blame a tired mom for trying. So, after I gave Brooklyn her traditional "fishy kiss", I kissed Lexi and then threatened them to stay in bed told them goodnight. I left and went to Clay's room where I played the same game I play every single night of my life. It goes like this - I walk over to his bed and lean over to kiss him goodnight, but instead I kiss his stuffed monkey. As giggling erupts from the corner of the room where Clay is hiding, I exclaim, "What the? Hey! This isn't Clayton! This is a monkey! Where's Clay?" Yep, that never gets old.

After getting the youngest three tucked in, I usually head to my room to read email or write. Before my butt even hits the chair, Clay has gotten out of bed.

"Can I have some water?"

"Same as every night of your life."

He fills a cup, drinks half a teaspoon (yep, he really needed that water), then jumps like a kangaroo back to his bed.

Twenty-eight seconds later, he's up again.


"Yes, Clay?"

"Ummm, I just want to ask you a question."


"Ummm, Mom?"

"What?!" I snap because I get cranky when I hear my name repeated again and again for no particular reason.

"Ummm, Mom, is tomorrow going to be a good day?"

blink blink pause

"GO. TO. BED!"

This continues for the next five hours with each child taking turns getting out of bed just to be told to get back in bed. They don't tell you this part when you fill out the Mommy Application. Grandmas tell me I'm going to miss this when they're all out of the house. But I never hear these grandmas offer to come tuck my kids in to bed. Coincidence? I think not!


misssrobin said...



Um, . . . I forgot.

Then go to bed!

No. I remember. Um . . .

Seriously, I'm going to start yelling. Go to bed!

Okay. Okay. Wait! I remember. Um . . .

GET YOUR BUTT TO BED! (while chasing them from the room)

I'll admit I'm sometimes a bad mom. I'm okay with that.

Anonymous said...

You want a good elephant book for Brooklyn, you've gotta get "But No Elephants!"
Grandma Tildy lived all alone. She worked hard every day. She had no time to play! One day a man came to her house. He was selling pets. "Would you like to buy a canary bird," asked the man? "Very well," said Grandma Tildy. "But, no elephants." it memorized!

Anonymous said...

Hey Dawn traditionally in my house I get the.... Mom??? Yes Trinity what hurts tonight.... My belly, my toe, i got a cut 2 months ago at school and it hurts. Also I'm excited to let you know that not me has officially moved out yep u got it he's gone.... Its officially the dogs now... I asked my little one if she could get teh spray paint out of the garage for me. She proceeded to inform me that(her exact words here) "Maybe dad took the lid off of it and left it in the yard where the dogs umm yea the dogs sprayed white paint on the grass" clever doncha think?? Funny thing is I didnt even notice said grass until I mowed the lawn, and even then I wouldn't have noticed if she hadn't given me the heads up to look for it :)

WeaselMomma said...

What they miss is the nostalgia, not the reality.
Have you tried benedryl?

Sharon W. said...

You'll miss it alright but it'll be a happy I know that for sure, since my kids are in their 30's. Pay backs are when you see their kids doing the same thing to them. Have a nice day.

Gayle said...

Really love this post Dawn. I feel like I hear Ms. Gayle, Mom, and Aunt Gayle about 5 million times a day....and they are all still in school. What is my life going to be like Thursday when they get out? I'm scared!
Every child in my neighborhood uses my hosue as command central, so it should definitely be intereesting, espescially considering I work from home.

Anonymous said...

When my kids were little and not wanting to go to bed, I finally caved in and told them they could stay up as late as they wanted, only they couldn't watch TV, listen to music or be in bed. They could read in a chair, in a room where we were NOT with them. Joy-for a few days when they thought they were getting away with something. It got old really fast and before long, they were going to bed earlier and earlier. Although I must admit that one night we went to bed while our son was still up "reading". The house secure, we left him and found him asleep on the chair the next morning.

Carol from Iowa said...

Ok, this has nothing to do with your post, but I wanted to say that you look awesome in your pic on your facebook badge. It's beautiful. You look like a teenager! Love it, love it, love it! (Tried sending you an email to tell you how beautiful you look, but not sure if it worked and I just wanted you to know!) Have a great day!

Mark said...

Written from AMHERST,MASS at 7:45AM

I am covered in coffee. That little statement of yours about "why parents eat their offspring" did it for me! So, as I am putting on a new clean shirt and tie,I happen to glance down and spot the new photo of you!

Where do you find the time for jogging and gym memberships? You have easily dropped 30 pounds, and I am both jealous and ..nah! just jealous!
I also notice that your writing has become surprisingly MORE humorous. I mean, you were already an improved reincarnation of Erma Bombeck, but now...YOU,dear girl, are unstoppable. I definitely can see Pullitzer Prizes in your future.
Seriously, I just wanted to let you know that your sudden transformation from GREAT WRITER to GENIUS Wordsmith took me by surprise. Might I suggest that next time you include stuff so funny that coffee through the nose is a good possibility, that you include a little disclaimer:
CAUTION: Better set that coffee aside until AFTER reading this!

You are just getting younger,thinner,more talented,and,surprisingly MORE patient with those challenging kiddies! YOU are one very special lady!

Jennifer said...

I give my daughter one Benadryl every night. She has always had trouble sleeping and her doctor said it was alright. It seems to help.

Anonymous said...

I admire you Dawn - I know I don't have the patience for 1 kid, let alone 6! I can't believe you're still so positive after everything with Joe (how's that going by the way), the books and being a mum. Love you and the kids stories. You always make me smile with something that's happened when you could so easily curl up and whinge. You go!

Anonymous said...

After Mom would hear a chorus of "Moms" for no apparent reason, you would shortly hear her issue a statement of, "That's my name, don't wear it out!" I'm 63 and I can still hear that as clearly in my head as if it was yesterday."


Michelle Faith said...

Ha! Why did the monkey sit on the baby owl?
When my 12 yo came down of the 11th million time last night I found myself seeing in colors and screaming "Its 10:30 you better be sleepwalking son!"
And the kid still wakes up before do they do it?

Tess said...

This is why my 3 year old is still in her crib! She doesn't crawl out and goes to bed easily. I am scared that if I convert to her toddler bed, bedtime will be a nightmare that I'm not prepared to deal with!

Joanna said...

You're an awesome mom, really. I don't know how you do it alone. Bedtime is the hardest time of day at our house, so we've finally had to tell each of the kids the following:

"Good night! I love you! See you in the morning! Nice mommy is going to bed now. If anybody gets out of bed, mean mommy will be the one you'll have to deal with!"

It works, I promise!

Spuds said...

I'm chuckling at your nightly routine.... chuckle, chuckle! We actually have a chart of wound severity that has to be followed. Non-bleeding, invisible ow-ies fall at the Level Two injury level. Treatment= wet piece of toilet paper stuck to the spot. Hey, it works and it cleans up well.

Quotes from the Sandbox said...

This is soooo funny because it's so true!!! Think every parent can relate on one aspect or another. My very 'thoughtful' 5 yo the other day asked me, "Mom, when you became a mom did you ever think it would be so much work?!?" To which I replied, "No, its a trial by fire thing. If anyone ever told you what it was really like, I'm not sure how many people would apply." To which I got a blank stare and "Huh?" Yup, sometimes it's an eat your young day. :) Thank you again for the laugh.

Kari said...

My favorite stall tactic is when my son has gotten out of bed for about the 10th time, wonders into my room, I look at him, roll my eyes, tell him he better get in bed, to which he bats his baby blue eyes, smiles and says, "I love you mom, can I have a hug?" Works everytime. lol I give him his hug, tell him I love him, and then I tell him if he gets out of bed one more time, he is grounded from anything that gives him pleasure!

Aleta said...

Ahhh... so its not just me - we had a sleep over last night - 4 giggly girls from 4-7 years old! OH.MY.GOODNESS. They did't go to sleep until midnight, DH was up telling them to go back to bed at 3:30am. At 4:30 he was yelling again to go to sleep. And at 5:45 I threatened them with life and limb that I would beat every single last one of them if they woke the baby! LOL! Plus side... they are all sleeping right now for a nap!

Que said...

You are right about the stuffed monkey gag not getting old! I will say this, though... My wife doesn't appreciate it nearly as much as I do. Because when she leans over to kiss me good night and finds the monkey in our bed, her humor button switches completely off. And then it turns to anger when she hears me in the corner laughing. So tell your son to enjoys it while it lasts! His future wife will not appreciate it as much as he.

Anne said...

Oh, so funny and so true!! My girls come out of bed so quickly sometimes, I swear they must have just bounced! And they must have water, and something always hurts. And they say "mummy, mummy" over and over again without getting to what they want to say, and it drives me nuts, too :) Thanks for the laugh!

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