Tuesday, June 22, 2010

My Brush with the Law

I had to run to Target for toilet paper and laundry detergent, you know, because I go through like a roll of toilet paper and bottle of detergent a day. Of course, I left with not only the tp and detergent, but a couple pairs of capris (so I don't have to wear shorts in public and scare poor innocent people), like $100 of makeup, Diet Coke, Twizzlers, orange juice, shaving cream, mint toothpaste (did you know there are people who think cinnamon toothpaste is weird? I know!), generic Advil, you know, I just realized that I don't really need to share my entire list with you. It really doesn't have anything to do with this story. My only point with the list is that I bought way more than I went in for. As usual. Ok, moving along...

So, I'm driving home from Target and suddenly there are these lights behind me. I look in my rearview mirror and see a cop weaving around cars trying to get...where is he trying get? Is he trying to get to an emergency? I move to the side to let him pass. He doesn't pass. He gets on his loudspeaker (probably because he likes to hear himself talk) and says, "Driver, move to your right up ahead." What? He's pulling ME over? What did I do? I actually wasn't speeding for once at all. I pulled up and over to the side. He took time to touch up his makeup, finish his fries or whatever the heck police do that takes them so long to get out and walk up to your car.

"License and insurance card," the officer, who looked like he was eighteen, said.

"Hi to you too! Beautiful weather we're having, huh? Not into general pleasantries and small talk, I see. Okay then," I rambled as I searched for my cards.

"I stopped you because you rolled through that stop sign back there," he said. I snapped my head around to look at him and opened my mouth to tell him he's an idiot and that I've never rolled through a stop sign in my life. Speeding - yes. Rolling through stop signs, cutting people off, tailgating, failing to wear a seatbelt - never! I somehow managed to clamp my mouth shut and say nothing as I started searching for my insurance card. He looked on as I thrust my cards at him, all the while clenching my jaw and biting my tongue.

I bent over to clean up the stuff I'd tossed out of my purse while looking for my license and muttered under my breath, "I did NOT roll through that stop! He's full of crapOhYou'reStillThere," I finished as I straightened up and saw the officer with way too much hair gel still standing at my window. Oops.

"You know, I usually just give a warning for stuff like this, but after that comment, I'm going to give you a citation when I go back and review the video."

He walked away. Me and my darn mouth. Just never know when to shut up. But I seriously did not roll through the stop. Wait, did he say "video"? It's on videotape? YES! He'll see that I did nothing wrong! But he'll probably still write me a ticket because I said he was full of crap. Darn mouth!

A few minutes later, he walked back to my car, unceremoniously handed me my license and insurance card and mumbled, "I can admit when I'm wrong." With that, he turned on his heal and left.

Oh yeah! I'm innocent! I'm right and he's wrong! I'm awesome! He probably just pulled me over so he could check me out. Yeah, that's it. He thought I looked hot driving by and tried to think of a good reason to stop me. I'm sure that's it! My happy dance was interrupted by a text from Jackson, who was at home, that read, "Ha ha, you were pulled over! Are you going to jail?" Boy, news travels fast!

When I got home, I realized that the officer forgot to give me back my insurance card. I searched through my purse where I'd put my license. I dumped my purse out and double-checked everything. Grrr, he forgot it! I toyed with the idea of speeding around town and blowing off stop signs in an effort to flag him down, but opted to call the police department instead.

I explained to the officer on the phone what had happened and that the officer who was WRONG about my blowing off a stop sign, FAILED to return my proof of insurance. He asked me, "Are you certain you don't have it?" Ummm yeah. That's why I'm calling. Duh. He got in touch with the cop who had pulled me over and called me back. The officer insisted that he'd returned my card. I gave up and decided to just call my insurance company and ask for a copy.

About an hour later, I drove Austin to his baseball game. Know what I saw in my glove box? Where I put it. Where it's supposed to be. Yeah. But unlike the officer, I can't admit when I'm wrong. What? It's MY blog!

31 comments:

Leanne said...

So Funny! I absolutely LOVE officer stories, and this is a good one! (And yes, it's YOUR BLOG! You don't have to admit anything!) I once got pulled over on my way to a Halloween party. It wouldn't have been that bad, except I was dressed as "Elizabeth Taylor...on her way to Betty Ford Clinic" in a huge moomoo w/pill bottle around my neck. He didn't find me as hysterical as I found myself. Ah, well. You win some, you loose some! LOVE this post!!!

kalibug said...

Great post!! I couldnt wait to see how it ended with the cop.

Michelle Faith said...

What a sad day it is when the cops who pull you over start getting younger then you! Bet he felt like an ass.

Amy Sullivan said...

So glad I found your blog! I hear so much of myself in your story...especially the trip to Target! Good stuff.

Natasha said...

AHAHA! FUNNY! Heh, he sounds like he IS full of crap... lol. Idio-dummy. Erm. Yeah, sounds like something I'd say, too. (About what you said, not him)

Back for More said...

Hilarious! I wonder what made him think you rolled it in the first place (and also, why didn't he check the video before coming up to you in the car).

On another note - I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who spends a fortune in "add-ons" when I'm shopping with Target. Seems with kids its even worse than when I'm by myself (which now is pretty much never).

My only saving grace is that Target is a town away. They're going to be building one in my town in about a year. I've already started saving.

Anonymous said...

This was funny until the last two lines, then it was hilarious!! Keep up the good work!

Rebekah said...

This has absolutely nothing to do with your post, but I thought you would love it! (Even if you don't have these kind of problems)

All the wrinkled Ladies, sung by Anita Renfroe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaruNs_7okY

Miss Vintage Vixen said...

LOL! Oh Dawn! Did you really say that? xD Ha ha ha!

Chick Hatchers said...

I was TOTALLY thinking that he was just checking you out before I even got to that part of the story. That's got to be it. But it would'v ebeen better if he really hadn't given back the insurance card. 'Cause then there'd be that element of wonder ... anyway, maybe he's thinking about you tonight. Or thinking you tried to get him in trouble. ok, moving on now. g'night.

Gotta get rested up to go to Lincoln Park Zoo tomorrow afternoon.

mychildsview.blogspot.com

misssrobin said...

You win!

Glenda said...

I listen to audiobooks in the car, and have been known to sometimes drive around the neighborhood a few times if I'm at an interesting part. So one night I come home from the store and am driving around ... and around ... and around. And then there's this flashing light behind me, and a cop pulls me over.

Apparently somebody thought I was staking out the neighborhood - being as it was 1 in the morning - and had called the police.

I told him I had just been listening to an audiobook and he was as sweet as could be. Asked me where I lived ("two blocks that way") and why I was driving around ("just came back from WalMart - it's easier to shop at midnight - and I wanted to finish this chapter of my audiobook, see?").

I'm sure there's a log book somewhere that says "Old lady was driving around at 1 am listening to Harry Potter."

hrunars said...

hahah brilliant! Lucky to have that tape and not get a fine!

(and cinnamon toothpaste? whaaaa? Yuck!)

Jen@Scrapingirl said...

Don't you just love getting pulled over? When the dumb cop told me I rolled through a stop sign, which I didn't see cuz was hidden behind trees, he had the nerve to ask me is the signs in my city mean the same in other cities. What a jerk!! He could see I was a bit nervous, so he decided to be a ounk. But came around to him and he was fired for doing very bad things. HA!!

WeaselMomma said...

It's so good to know that I am not the only one that this stuff happens to.

Missi said...

To funny, I love reading your blog. My mom got pulled over for speeding one evening & when he asked her if she knew why he had stopped her she answered "because your having a bad day?" Yes she got a speeding ticket too. (Hi Mom....she reads your blog too)

My husband is a police officer & I rode w/ him doing patrol one evening. Their cars video system would come on to record the previous 30 seconds after turning on the lights/sirens. He told me to not say anything that I wouldn't want recorded because his supervisors could review any recordings. LOL It was like watching a live version of the show Cops w/out the police chases etc w/ my hubby the star. I could hear hubby & pulled over person talking because hubby was miked.

I'm glad it all turned out good for you w/ no tickets. Thank goodness for videos huh?

Lise said...

I was stopped by Doogie Howser for rolling through a stop sign 1/10 mile past my house. And another cop stopped in the other direction to see if Doogie needed any assistance. I got a warning ---and teasing from my kid in the front seat

Dawn said...

Rebekah -
Loved, loved, loved "All The Wrinkled Ladies"!!!
Thank you for the laugh!

And yeah, Dawn, he was a bit full of himself, maybe? But I give him credit for admitting his mistake. Some wouldn't.

Dawn in MI

Yvonnebarb said...

I too went to Target yesterday and spent way more than I was planning. I was exchanging 2 pair of shorts. and ended up with 3, a new shirt and a bunch of other stuff. In the last week I've made 3 trips to Target that have totaled close to $500. In my defense we are getting ready to go on vacation and we are driving so I've been buy car charges galore and other things to keep the kids occupied and my husband and I from going insane. Actually I think we may already be there because well, we did decide to drive.

Days Like These by Tanyetta said...

tooo funny!!!!!!! so glad you got OFF! :)

Jensamom23 said...

Tee Hee!

Meg said...

And here I was thinking that maybe Officer Too-Young was wrong about the insurance card possession and brought it by your house later on with another apology and to ask you for a date. Dang. O well. Glad it all worked out.

Anonymous said...

so how did Austin know you had gotten stopped?

Lesley said...

Ha! This is one of my favorites posts of yours thus far! Love it!

Kristy said...

I read but don't comment often. But this one had me rolling and laughing my head off to the point i was in tears and my 4 kiddos were looking at me like i had lost my mind. Thanks for the great laugh! Glad you didn't get a ticket and found your insurance card!

Anonymous said...

Hi Dawn, One time I was pulled over and when I was about to leave he honked his horn. He walked up again with my license and insurance..Oops :) He asked if I was in a hurry to leave? I said no I was just trying not to run over that dead possum in the front of my car! He asked me if I wanted him to remove it? After a moment I said no thanks. I wish I would have let him just for the story. As I drove off we were laughing and saying " That was impossumable" LOL Kristine in Michigan.

Happy WAHM said...

LMBO...loved it! I am like you...speeding...on occassion but rolling through stop signs...never. That's a pet peeve of mine...I almost get nailed daily trying to leave my subdivision bc of people who either roll through the stop signs or pretend that they do not even exist....Thanks for the giggle!

Anonymous said...

I was stopped once and he told me I was driving wierd. I told him I was driving the speed limit!!!

Natasha said...

OH MY GOSH!!! I know I already commented once, but, have you SEEN this? It is AWESOME! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYukEAmoMCQ It reminded me of you xD ESPECIALLY the last line in it :). You've most likely seen it, but still...

Natasha said...

Okay, seriously, it is KILLING me--Where did you (or were planning to) go the day of the "Get Ready!" post?!?! I GET the point of the post, but you can't just leave us with a cliffhanger like that! Please? =]

Lyuda said...

ha ha!! Those moments where the cop is wrong makes all the days of law-abiding feel worthwhile, doesn't it? :) I especially love it when somebody thinks I'm too slow (when I am going just slightly above speed limit) and tries to race me, only to have a cop pull them over. I always have this urge to stop and say: HA! IN YOUR FACE!! (and laugh very loudly at them). I wonder if I could do that..or do you suppose that is illegal? LOL

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