I have the best idea for an invention! Now, if I could only find someone to make my plans into reality! I think a lot of people could use this. I could make millions with it! Parents the world over would thank me for coming up for such a useful, helpful, sanity-saving invention! Let me explain...
Scene One: your 5-year-old
Can, umm, I have, umm, wait Mom, when are we, umm, when are we going to go to the store?
In a few minutes.
Mom, can I have gum if I'm good?
Mom, look at this! Mom? Mom, see what I can do?
Mom, can, umm, Mom, can you do this? hopping on one foot with other leg behind his neck
Mom, do you know where my puppy is?
Where did you put it? Look in your bed.
Mom, do you like my puppy?
Yes, I like your puppy.
Can I feed my puppy?
Only PRETEND food!
Mom, umm, what do puppies eat?
Real puppies eat dog food. Stuffed animals eat pretend food.
Mom, why is this white?
I don't know! 'Cause it's a white dog!
Mom, umm, I forgot what I was going to say. Oh yeah! Mom?
Umm, I forgot again. Oh yeah, Mom?
Umm, what's my puppy's name?
I don't know. Did you give him a name?
Mom? Umm, Mom, can I have a sucker?
Yes (Maybe it'll shut your mouth for a few seconds. I didn't say that out loud, did I?!)
Mom, will you get the candy down for me?
Mom, Brooklyn won't let me, umm, Brooklyn won't let me have any.
Mom, can you set up Wii for me?
Mom, look at this! Mom, are you looking? Mom, see what I can do? Mom, umm, should I play bowling or baseball? Umm, Mom, look at me! Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom!!!!!!!!!!!!
Calgon, take me away!!!
(Actual audio from Clayton which has been transcribed for your reading pleasure)
Scene Two: your 15-year-old
Hey there! How was school?
Do you have a lot of homework?
How did you do on your math test?
How do you think you did? Did you know the answers?
Weren't you cold walking home with just your sweatshirt
OK then. Nice talking to you.
My invention will take half a preschooler/young child's words and transfer them to a teenager. Voila! Now you have two kids who each speak an appropriate, middle-of-the-road amount of words. This invention could conceivably work for husbands and wives as well! Oh the possibilities are endless! Think about it! Husbands who can say more than a dozen words a day and wives who can say less than 40 million words a day! It will revolutionize relationships everywhere!