Thursday, November 12, 2009

My New Invention

I have the best idea for an invention! Now, if I could only find someone to make my plans into reality! I think a lot of people could use this. I could make millions with it! Parents the world over would thank me for coming up for such a useful, helpful, sanity-saving invention! Let me explain...



Scene One: your 5-year-old



Mom?

What?

Can, umm, I have, umm, wait Mom, when are we, umm, when are we going to go to the store?

In a few minutes.

Mom, can I have gum if I'm good?

We'll see.

Mom, look at this! Mom? Mom, see what I can do?

Wow!

Mom, can, umm, Mom, can you do this? hopping on one foot with other leg behind his neck

Not likely.

Mom, do you know where my puppy is?

Where did you put it? Look in your bed.

Mom, do you like my puppy?

Yes, I like your puppy.

Can I feed my puppy?

Only PRETEND food!

Mom, umm, what do puppies eat?

Real puppies eat dog food. Stuffed animals eat pretend food.

Mom, why is this white?

I don't know! 'Cause it's a white dog!

Mom?

Yes?

Mom, umm, I forgot what I was going to say. Oh yeah! Mom?

What?

Umm, I forgot again. Oh yeah, Mom?

WHAT???

Umm, what's my puppy's name?

I don't know. Did you give him a name?

Mom? Umm, Mom, can I have a sucker?

Yes (Maybe it'll shut your mouth for a few seconds. I didn't say that out loud, did I?!)

Mom, will you get the candy down for me?

Yes

Mom, Brooklyn won't let me, umm, Brooklyn won't let me have any.

sigh

Mom?

What?

Mom, can you set up Wii for me?

Yes

Mom, look at this! Mom, are you looking? Mom, see what I can do? Mom, umm, should I play bowling or baseball? Umm, Mom, look at me! Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom!!!!!!!!!!!!

Calgon, take me away!!!


(Actual audio from Clayton which has been transcribed for your reading pleasure)



Scene Two: your 15-year-old



Hey there! How was school?

boring

Do you have a lot of homework?

No.

How did you do on your math test?

I dunno.

How do you think you did? Did you know the answers?

I guess.

Weren't you cold walking home with just your sweatshirt

grunt/eyeroll combo

OK then. Nice talking to you.


My invention will take half a preschooler/young child's words and transfer them to a teenager. Voila! Now you have two kids who each speak an appropriate, middle-of-the-road amount of words. This invention could conceivably work for husbands and wives as well! Oh the possibilities are endless! Think about it! Husbands who can say more than a dozen words a day and wives who can say less than 40 million words a day! It will revolutionize relationships everywhere!

26 comments:

Brenda said...

I'm thinking if you combine those 2 conversations that it would we even whackier....

How was school?

Um um uh mmmmmmm boring. I can hope on one foot. Watch mom...

Natalie said...

Oh, Dawn, that's a good one! I like this idea. I don't have a teenager, so maybe I can "lay away" some of my 5-year-old's words til later.

Jo-Ann said...

Oh I want one! Sign me up!

SEQLDbyfoot said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkUQYA5u9uI

Sounds like a normal teenager!

Anonymous said...

Hi Dawn!

I like the idea of your invention. However, there may need to be some necessary modifications. For example, a husband who can hear actual words said to him (which he claims he can't hear) and words he can hear said under the wife's breath (which he claims he can hear).

Amazing how that selective hearing thing works. Good thing I love him.

Sandy in Tucson

Donna said...

love it!!

bubblebutt1975 said...

I'd totally buy one!!

Anonymous said...

Since my oldest is 14 and my youngest is 4, I think I would be first in line to buy one of these! Next I think you need to invent something that slows a door right before it slams shut.

Anonymous said...

Yes please!! Can I place my order now?? :)

The Only Girl said...

Sign me up! I'll definitely take one of those.

rskmom said...

roflol!

Desiree said...

Oh my goodness! I'm laughing so hard my cheeks hurt!

Keri Jackson said...

This is great! Except at my house it is more than one kid saying MOM at the same time! I have 3 little ones all wanting to tell/show me something at the same time right when we walk in the door from being at work/daycare all day!!

Tiff said...

Fantastic invention! May I pre-order one or three? Can I have them before Christmas? LOL!!!

Jenny said...

I think you are definitely on to something there! :) Good luck!

Kristin and Co. said...

You totally have to google "Stewie bothers Lois" or "Stewie mommy". It's a 30 second clip from Family Guy (I'm sorry, but I have watched show and it's just downright funny that the baby Stewie is always plotting to kill his mother)...I promise if you haven't seen this one clip, it is worth everything. :)

Debbie said...

Amen, sister!!

Keeley said...

Haha, great invention. =D =D

Also having a teenager and a preschooler, I feel your pain.

In fact, because my children grew out of naps very young, I instituted "Quiet Time" for two hours a day just so I could escape being attacked by the preschool wall of words.

Shari said...

I'll take one as well!!!

Michelle said...

LOL My oldest is 10 and my youngest is 1.. * I'm a Mommy of 5.1/2 lol...(I've learned not to applaud walking and talking...matter of fact I think they all just TALK TOO MUCH! lol. So if the day comes, one of them sit down and doesn't talk for a while, I may be happy ;D Point is, as a Mother I so totally LOVE your BLOG!

Jillybean said...

When you get this produced, please let me know. I have a 14 year old and a 4 year old.
I had conversations with both of them today that were nearly identical to the ones you just described. (Except the 4 year likes to show me how well he can count to 100. Repeatedly)

Amber Narae said...

Dawn, we really need to work on making this a reality...

Alyssa said...

Ooh, love it! Since I am another of those strange moms with a kindergartener and a high schooler simultaneously, I feel just the same way!

Merrie said...

You're a genius! lol

CAM Creations said...

Brill i want one too

jill190 said...

I get just the same answer from my newly teenage boy except I get "Cool!" for my answer to my question. I know that the boys can talk.

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