Friday, February 20, 2009

"Mom R U there?"

After I picked the kids up from school, I drove Lexi to a birthday party. Actually, scratch that. I drove Lexi to the store to get a present for her friend because that's how I work - I can't remember to shop for a present ahead of time, oh nooo. Nope, I have to go out 15 minutes before the party to get it. One of these days I'm going to stock up on kid presents or gift cards so I'm always prepared for birthday parties. One of these days.... Yeah, like one of these days I'll be totally caught up with my laundry. LOL! Ouch, I think I pulled something laughing over that one.

OK, so I run to the store and before Lexi and I get in line to check out, Joe called me to ask me something about the kids. A few seconds later, Savannah texted me.

"I'm cleaning out the closet like you wanted. Should I pack away the snow boots?"

I texted her back, "NOOO! If you pack them away, it will snow every day for the next month."

Three minutes later, I got another text from her. "Dad is broken and doesn't know what's going on. He's confused."

OK then.

Two minutes later - "Now he's yelling at us."

"Well what do you want me to do about it??? Stop doing whatever you're doing to make him yell."

Ten minutes later, Savannah called me. "Mom, Jackson's playing video games!"

"Oh ok, let me just forget about Lexi's party. I'll turn around and drive back home through rush hour traffic and deal with it. GO TELL YOUR FATHER!!!"

Twenty minutes later, Joe texted me. "Is Jackson grounded from video games?"

"Uh yes!"

Five minutes later, Joe texted again. "How long is he grounded for?"

"Until he's in college. I don't know. I haven't decided yet."


Tell me why is it that moms are the only ones who can deal with any crisis that arises? (And yes, I know I'm generalizing here. I can do that. It's my blog.) Why, when we're on the other side of town/at work/in a meeting/on a business trip, does everyone feel the need to call us to put out the fires? Why is this? I'm just trying to understand why it seems like a preferable idea to call me when I'm half an hour away, than it is to just ask their father a question.

Is it because I'm too demanding and insist on things being done a certain way? Is everyone afraid of making a mistake and making me mad? I admit I can be kinda anal picky about how things are done. But let me tell ya, I don't care how things are done when I'm gone. Not one little bit. As long as the house doesn't burn down and the kids are still alive, it's all good. Heck I don't even care when there are little itty bitty pieces of paper all over my bedroom floor. I don't care that the kitchen is piled high with dirty dishes from Austin's latest baking experiment. Nope, it doesn't bother me at all when there's an open bottle of honey on my bedroom floor. It's no big deal when the kids (and by "kids", I mean "Brooklyn") smears a tube of my chapstick on my comforter. Nope. I don't mind. Nosiree.

52 comments:

Grannysaurus said...

You have dared to ask the unanswerable questions. When my kids were little I used to wonder why there was always a crying child waiting for me outside the toilet/bathroom door when they were happy when I entered and their father was doing nothing and was VERY available; and why when I was mowing our yard they had to come downstairs and get me to turn off the mower to sort out their problems when their father was upstairs (where they had just left) and was sitting down reading/watching TV, and was VERY available. I have never found answers to these questions.

Laura ~Peach~ said...

it is simply because you are the mom and dont bother stocking up on cards and gifts if you do you will be like me and YEARS later recall where you hid them away from yourself and your teen wont want them to give out... BLAH

Bekah said...

Good post! Just the other day I was trying to go to the bathroom when one of my children knocked on the door and started telling me something about another sibling. I looked at him and said, "Hello, your father is right there in the living room, can't he help you out?". My child just looked at me and said, "oh yeah"......

pednurse said...

lol I've got one for you! My DH & DS went camping last weekend (yes, when it was FREEZING outside....go figure!) & I got a call at 10:30 AT NIGHT from the middle of the forest from my DH asking me to deal with DS who was sick! Umm....what am I supposed to do over the phone from THREE hours away??? And it's not like he's some little kid either or DH is a new dad or anything...nooo.....DS will be 11 in 2 weeks! So at least your's is calling you from civilization! :)

Amy Flippin Blankenship said...

HAHA..I buy the birthday presents on the way to the parties too. :)

Karen said...

Gah! I hate being the one that takes care of everything. I mean, I'm making dinner while on a conference call and trying to call the dogs inside before they run off, and the kids ask if they can go to the mall tonight, expect me to get them milk, and want me to sign a permission slip for school. Kids? Can you not see your father on the couch watching TV?

Erin said...

I would be laughing if I wasn't crying from the hard cold truth.

Oy Vey!

Lately I've taken to "Mommy Time Outs." When I announce I'm taking one of these the kids get these quizzical looks on their faces and stop talking. Or keep talking wondering what I mean, but I don't care because I'm already locked in the closet. Thankfully they are too young for cell phones, yet.

jamiebentley said...

I think what it all comes down to is YOU ARE THE BOSS! I learned this early on with my parents. My 5'tall Mom was the boss and what she said goes. My dad didn't know when I was grounded, but in NO WAY would I even TRY to trick him. I was afraid of her wrath. Scared of my little Mom and not my 6'2" Dad.

Ruth said...

Um right! You sound real convincing :)

Nicole said...

Oh, you have hit the nail on the head! Last night, I dropped one kid off at dance class. I had one hour to myself (never, ever happens) so I decided I would get my hair cut, hit the grocery store and the post office without being disturbed. HA! My phone rang at every stop! And then as I was pulling into the garage my teenage son was calling, from inside the house! You are so right Dawn.

Denise said...

I thought I'd be super smart and buy presents to store, just throw in a gift bag and then head to the parties. Yeah, can't find them. Same with cards. I thought I'd be smart, buy get well cards, anniversary cards, etc. Guess what? Can't find them either.

We've learned a few things: 1) It doesn't pay to be organized; it costs more because I have to spend MORE money. 2)I'm not very organized. 3) My kids must have a stash of hidden toys and cards.

Beverly said...

I wish I had a dollar for every time we've had to stop at the store on the way to a birthday party so we could buy a present. I've even had to buy wrapping paper (this was before those cute little bags), tape, AND scissors--then I'd wrap the gift on the hood of the car in the parking lot. Glad to know I'm not alone!

MaBunny said...

You go girl! Your house sounds a bit hectic , but full of love!

Tanya said...

That's sounds like every weekend at my house (hubby is only home then) He is always calling asking where something is and I just want to say look before calling - you are a grown man. Glad to hear it is just a "MOM" thing we all go through. Hope my son outgrows it or my daughter-in-law is gonna hate me.LOL!

Anonymous said...

My family does the same thing and I have become wiser. I turn off the cell phone and if I go away for a bit I don't bother calling home because I know what will happen - there won't be a single question about how things are going for me and am I having a nice time, rather I will be inundated with everything that has gone wrong. I figure that my husband is an adult and although they have all leaned on me in the past it is time for them to exercise their decision-making skills and assume their responsibility. And yes, sometimes there are emergencies like the time my husband got blood poisoning while I was away but they dealt with it and I didn't know anything about it till I got home. Everyone survived and my away time was not compromised.

Six-Pack Momma said...

Whenever I leave 'dad' in charge, everything goes to pot. Sometimes I wish there would be more consulting going on.

Like the time he lost my 6 year old. She said she was going to Savannah's house....he assumed it was the 10 year old Savannnh. It was 9:30 at night and he couldn't find her. Duh...she was at the Savanah's house that is HER age. Had he called me to ask where she might be, I could have told him.

And then there was the time that my four year old and eight year old were throwing javelins, aka: large bnranches, at each other at 10:30 PM! One hit my four year old's eye and required sticthes.

So yeah, they call because they know you can handle things better. Someday maybe my family will learn. Oy.

Anonymous said...

ssq. did you explain to your husband your indea about giving the kids chores and that jax was grounded? Or did you assume he would know?

Karen said...

One of the great mysteries of life. I was just talking to another mom about this phenomenon the other day. I get those calls ALL THE TIME when I'm not home!!! What is wrong with asking the dad who is just down the hall??? I don't get it either.

Francine said...

I have always loved your blog ever since the Pokemon eBay auction. I just joined facebook and I would love to post some of your pieces there. Ya think that might be possible soon?
Fran

AuntyM said...

You are needed.
The household does not run well when you are not there.
On one hand, that could be considered comforting, but on the other hand, it would be wonderful to have some time to yourself without any interruptions.
Turn your phone off or tell everyone not to text or call you unless it's a life or death emergency (and if they do and it's not, then there WILL be a life or death situation when you get home, LOL).
After all, you are the boss....

Cristie :) said...

That's sooo funny! It's right back to that fact that the Dad's just don't have a clue. Now we've lived in our current home for 2 years and I've ALWAYS said that the kids are to stay out of the master bathroom...there are two others to use in the house! Well lastnight my DH and I got into it because he's using the kids bathroom do to the fact that he allowed our son to use ours. DH and myself exchange words and he has NO CLUE as to what I'm talking about our even when that rule started! Of course when he was plunging the tolet, stocking up on tolet paper (it was bone dry), and scrubbing the remains off the side of the tolet I think he remembered....UGGHHH!

Mom Taxi Julie said...

LOL My oldest does the texting to me too. But she is "telling" on her dad lol.

Anonymous said...

HAHA! That's so funny and SO how my life was when my kids were little (I have 3 that are 18 months apart)! I used to tell my hubby all the time it's a good thing these kids have a mother because you don't have a clue! By the way, my kids are 16, 18, 20 and Dad still doesn't have a clue!!! MEN!! Judy

tales_from_the_crib said...

hilarious as always...keep 'em coming, they remind the rest of us that if we're insane, at least we've got company :P

Janet said...

I ALWAYS do the shopping on the way to the party. That way I only buy ONE thing and we don't have time to "just look" and end up spending money we don't have.

Lesley said...

It doesnt go away when they get older either!
HUSBAND "have you spoken to our son today?" ME: "Yes"
HUSBAND "How is he?" ME: ok *THINKING - Why doesnt he ring and ask himself*

SON: Aged 33, left home years ago, occupation: Priest - yup a priest. And I still get frantic phone calls when he is ill, had a car accident (Ok can understand that one!), how to cook steak casserole from fresh rather than a packet, is the cat OK because..... etc. etc. etc. LOL!

Nina said...

your "I don't care" things made me laugh. this morning as i was getting dressed I watched my son shove his finger into a makeup pencil and then carefully draw on my night stand...and I just watched him and thought, wow, that might have bothered me before, now I'm just happy he's occupied so I can get dressed because before that he wasn't letting me put him down...sad what we are reduced to by our children, huh? :)

Oh Boy...Oh Boy...Oh Boy said...

I agree that'd be totally annoying but I tend to have the exact opposite problem. It's a bit different since my husband is the one home all day with the kids. But sometimes I come home and find the oddest things and when I ask about it I'm told well I didn't know where ___ was so we made do. Obviously there's a lot of things this is fine for but when it happens often and involves the nutrition, hygeine etc of your kids, it really would be better to just call! You'd think there could be some middle ground between coming home to find your baby wrapped in curtais as a make shift diaper, eating oreos and drinking koolaide; and getting a call every thirty seconds but maybe we're just expecting too much! :)

Jennifer said...

I don't have a cell phone. Problem solved. :)

Rose said...

My husband has been known to call me at work to ask me where "X" is. And by x please know that I mean - his belt, his left shoe, the kid's pants, or any other thing that I couldn't possibly find unless I were there. Except that even when I'm away I still have a better chance of finding anything than him. Go figure.

I am also guilty of shopping on the way to the party or, worse, claiming that we forgot the gift at home and that the child in question will get it at school/daycare/camp the next day. Shhh, don't tell anyone about my shameful secret. K? Thanks.

Cheryl said...

When I read about your family I always feel like I'm reading my future. My kids already come to me with everything even if my husband is sitting right next to them doing nothing. Fortunately they can't use a cell phone yet. Does your family bug you about every little thiing when you are out of town as well?

Vivian M said...

I have often wondered that very same thing. Like for instance, when hubby calls me from his job to ask me what he should have for lunch today. And it does not matter what I suggest, he never likes it and ends up making his own mind anyway.
Let me know when you find the answers or the cure!

Robin said...

I think you need a break! And a date night out maybe?!?!? I know I'm ready for Spring so I can shoo the kids outside. Messes seem to be a bit easier to clean up when you can use the garden hose to do it!

= )

Debbie Yost said...

We trained them too well! Then, we regret it. It's a vicious circle. :)

Sherry said...

I never have understood why the kids will bring their cup to me wherever I am in the house asking me for more milk when their dad is in the KITCHEN! HELLO! ;-D

Anonymous said...

Why is Jackson grounded? Did I miss something here?!

Anonymous said...

Dawn, I have been known to buy birthday gifts at the last minute for my own kid's party, realize I'm out of cash for both toy and wrapping, and end up "wraping" it in the plastic bag given at the checkout stand. You are not alone, nor is your story the worst. :-)

Anonymous said...

Do these guys take classes for this? LOL.

My husband is the same way. As long as no one disturbs his TV show he dosen't care what is going on in the house.

I think the one thing that really irks me is when he picks the kids up from school, I can count on him calling me to see if I care if he stops at the gas station and gets the kids a snack. The man is 42 years old. You would think he could decide this on his own.

I went on a field trip with my 8 year old to the library the other day. He stayed home with my 10 year old (who is homeschooled) and my 7 year old who was home from school sick. Hubby called me three times in 15 minutes. One time was to ask if our 10 year old daughter could go shopping with our 21 year old daughter. I then put my phone on silent.

I will never understand how this man runs two business but can't handle the simplest task when one of our children are involved.

Candi said...

I always figured it was the clothes I wore that made everyone think I could save the day. See, they thought the rubber suit meant I was some kind of super hero. I was the only one who knew they had run out of rubber padding two cells down from mine and the clothes were for my own protection.%)

Michelle said...

Yeah.... that sounds about right. "What, this animal was taken away?" "Oh, she isn't allowed to eat X today?" "Oh, you told her that can't Y?" And it isn't like we haven't had these conversations before. But at least everyone's alive when you get home, right?

And by the 7 inches we're supposed to get by tomorrow, should I assume that the boots were put away or that the mere question of putting boots away incited this?

Candi said...

Me again with another afterthought.
Do Not, I repeat DO NOT buy presents and cards and put them up somewhere. That's a really bad idea. 20 years from now, when you finally get Brooklyn through school and/or married off, you will find the time to clean out areas you've always wanted to but never had the time, and you will seriously question your own sanity with why you have this bag of Barbie clothes sets and electronic handheld games with dried battery acid oozing out the seam of the screw on backplates that have permanently fused themselves to a stack of Happy Birthday! cards so yellowed you wouldn't give them away if there were no more cards left in the universe. I knoiw this because I threw that bag away a few years back and only remembered what they were for when I read your post! Motherhood. You gotta love 'em - well, you do - you sure can't put 'em back where they came from! 8)

Rick said...

Generally, I never generalize, but me think your problem is with the guy that invented cells phones. Otherwise you would be a woman out of reach. Might I suggest you take your "beef" up with him.

noexcuses said...

Wait until you are at the brother's volleyball game and you get the call that the last remaining hamster has died. They are crying, you start crying, everyone around you is staring at you like you have two heads... c'mon dad...take care of business!

But then, who is going to repair the Lazyboy chair that dad watches TV in? I wouldn't know what to do! If he can't watch his favorite show from his favorite chair, he might have to play with the kids! Oh, heavens!

Great post! I hope you are enjoying your time away in Madison!

mmmmmmmm said...

That's exactly why I don't have a cellphone. Ever considered getting rid of it? ;-)

TnT's Mom said...

This post made me laugh because it is so true! My boys will walk right by their dad to get to me to ask me a question, get me to resolve a problem, etc. Hello...your dad is right there not 4 feet away, he is capable of helping you. But no, Mommy it is. Also, my oldest essentially "tattles" on his dad, coming to me to tell me that daddy did something a different way than I do it (didn't fix breakfast the way I do, didn't tuck him in the way I do, etc.) Yes my darling son, that would be because Daddy is Daddy not me and it is ok for him to do things differently than me. (Although I will admit it has take me a long time to be able to let go and just roll with the way Daddy does things (I admit to having some, umm, control issues,), but hey if I can do it then they should be able to deal too!)

Darla said...

It's simple: Moms are the "glue" of the house. Nothing sticks together without her and therefore nothing is fixed properly without her. She's the nurturer. Dads role is just as important but different. He's the "backbone" and breadwinner (speaking generally).

Even though I'm glad for a break when I don't have to "fix" issues, I will admit I would feel pretty left out if the kids went to dad instead of me. It's just what we're made for.

Mum-me said...

I get a phone call from my HB whenever I go anywhere and leave a child or 3 at home with him. Sometimes its just to tell me that someone split their drink or cut their finger. I am always amazed, and usually say "Do you need me to come home? Because I can't until I'm finished here." And he always says "No of course not, I just thought you would like to know."

Why!?!

Stressed Out said...

ok- maybe [for once] I'm feeling HIGHLY organized, but I do have a rubbermaid tote in my attic with "instant" birthday gifts in them. I do have a card organizer in my desk drawer filled with cards for all occasions [including mass cards for deaths]... so why is it that I was in the Hallmark store at 11:30 a.m. last Saturday (2/14) buying my dh a valentine's card and then left it lying in the bag for the next 5 hours until he came home from work and I had to give it to him before we went out to dinner??? Because [all together now] I'm a moron! (I forgot I had them! I remembered when I got back into the car after the Hallmark store!)
Oh, yes, and then we went out to dinner last Saturday and went to the restaurant we wanted to go to and couldn't get in because - I forget to make reservations! So we went to another restaurant where I know the owner and got "squeezed in" even though we didn't have reservations. And, throughout all our evening, I got texts from my son who was sitting for his sisters and messages from my daughters about my son who was sitting. Ignored them. All of them. No one texted/said the house was on fire or blood was spurting from a dismembered body part. I figured no harm, no foul. They were all alive when I got home and appreciated us walking in the door. Of course, we then had to listen to them each whine and moan and tell their side of the story, but at least we had 2-1/2 hours of relative peace and quiet in the meanitme!

Shelley said...

Oh, I so feel you on this Dawn. Before my job got outsourced to India (I know, right?), my kids would call me at work with all sorts of stupid things. Someone is hogging the TV, someone needs to go to the store for posterboard, do we have any cinnamon, blah, blah, blah. Ummm...you know that tall guy in the house? That would be your dad. He is AT HOME. And I am AT WORK. Perhaps you could ask him your stupid questions, because I'm 15 miles away, and he is THERE IN THE HOUSE. Gawd.

Sara said...

Swear to God, Dawn, sometimes we live in the same house.... lol Except I run a daycare, and I buy kids gifts for their birthdays. I have 2 boxes of toys and other things that I can go through for birthdays. I LOVE having them; it's much better than running to the store at the last minute.... (trust me, been there, done that, lol).

Karla with a K said...

Dawn,
Hope I'm not reiterating what someone else may have said (I'm a SLOW reader, so I can't plow through all these.)

But I am so glad to see your reply to "How long is he grounded for?" as
"I don't know. I haven't decided yet."

My kid just doesn't get that one. But sometimes I have to cool down before finalizing the consequence. Glad I'm not the only one, even though your reason for not knowing may be different than mine.

Anonymous said...

Dawn, You need to go here!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESe-AysF9mw (The Mom Song) and then here http://jmontagno.wordpress.com/2008/04/30/the-dad-song/

Feel better?

Tracy

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