Although I can't seem to stick to any kind of healthy eating plan for more than a week at a time, I'm nothing if not dedicated to helping my readers lose weight.
My cupboards were pretty bare one night when Austin was looking for a snack of some sort. He ended up with this. No, it's not a placenta. It's a can of cranberry sauce. He had a couple bites and decided he wasn't that hungry after all.
Something that spewed from Linda Blair's mouth? Nope. It's the homemade split pea soup I made the other night. It tasted much better than it looked.
Here's another tasty way to lose weight. Just munch on a pool noodle. Low calories and extremely filling.
Or instead of eating your fries, drop them on the floor of my car.
Then make a mud pie on the picnic table that Joe just cleaned with bleach water.
You know it's probably not a good idea to smear mud all over the table, so take Mom's Mr. Clean Magic Eraser and clean up your mess with it.
Wash it all down with a cool refreshing glass of water and sand.
Then, instead of eating your turkey, make a creative Halloween mask out of it.
The Amazing Lunchmeat Man! Da-da-da!
Follow my handy diet tips and you'll be thin and svelte in no time. Of course, you'll probably be extremely sick too, but being thin comes with a price.