Thursday, September 25, 2008

My Kids Are All Nuts (and that includes my husband)

At Savannah's orthodontist appointment today, I stayed out in the car with the little kids because they were all off-the-wall insane. I parked the car and let Savannah go inside by herself to get her braces checked. While I sat there, Clay and Lexi unbuckled from their car seats and started jumping around like super balls. Brooklyn and Clayton screeched and laughed and snapped their blankets around, hitting one another. Lexi repeatedly blew up the balloon she'd gotten at school, then she let all the air out in a giant spitty breeze. Again and again and again.

And again.

I got up and buckled Clay back in, threatened to superglue him to his seat, and told Lexi to sit her butt back down now. Then I scrounged around, looking for something to keep the kids more busy and less, you know, insane. I found a couple fries under my seat that had probably been there since we went to Sonic. I considered feeding them to the kids for a minute promptly threw them out. What's this? Goody bags? Yahoo! I found 3 goody bags that were leftover extras from Jackson's birthday party! I looked through the bags and pulled out some candy and pretzels (Yeah, yeah, I put some pretzels in with the toys and candy. My kids have already made fun of me for this so you don't have to.)

So the pretzels kept the kids occupied for a good 2.4 seconds. And then they started to go into orbit so I did what any other normal, well-adjusted, sane mother would do. I turned the radio full blast to drown out the cacophony from the backseats. Unfortunately, like most normal, well-adjusted, sane kids, they were not about to be outdone by the radio so they just raised their own voices a few hundred decibels.

Then, the most wonderful thing happened. A train came by! A train came by about 3 yards from our car! The kids were silent! They stared out the window at the train you could practically touch from our van. I mean, it was almost as close to us as the train that came by every half hour, all weekend long, when we were camping. Why is it that every campground we go to is situated mere feet away from a busy railroad track anyway??? Sorry, I digress.

So this train held their attention and kept them mesmerized as it rattled by so close it shook the car. And then finally Savannah came out and told me they wanted to talk to me. We switched places and I went in. Her orthodontist is one of those funny guys who doesn't have to think of something humorous to say; it just comes out. Everything out of his mouth elicits a laugh. Well, maybe not everything out of his mouth. I mean, if he were to, say, throw up, that wouldn't make me laugh, but you catch my drift. He asked where Savannah had disappeared to and I replied, "She's in the car watching the little kids who are off their rockers."

"Are you still feeding them?" he inquired.

"Oh, is that what I'm doing wrong?"

"Yeah, you gotta stop feeding them. Eventually they slow down that way. Either that or harness them to a stake in the yard and just let them run around in circles. Hook them up to a generator and let them power your house."

I love this guy! He's a wealth of helpful information and ideas! I think I'm going to try that last suggestion. Talk about going green! Kid power! Who needs electricity? If we could harness the energy of your average toddler, I'm certain it could power a city block. Think of the possibilities! And say goodbye to gas for $4.00+ a gallon! Just equip cars with hamster wheels and let the kids go!

What? At least I think of good ideas! Unlike Joe and the kids. I'm not sure how it started, but at dinner tonight, they brainstormed different uses for the pitching machine.
"You could put rocks in it and shoot them at the neighbor's house."
"Oooo! Oooo! I know! How about paint balls?"
"We could shoot knives out at the garage and see if they stick!"
"Oh! How about ketchup?"
"No! I've got it! Waterballoons!"
The kids and Joe all laughed uproariously and almost fell off their chairs while I sat there rolling my eyes at the sheer stupidity of the conversation. Yep, that's my family.

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Michelle said...

Good to know I'm not the only mom with wee ones who are transfixed by any train. We live right near the train, two line actually... a busy one and a not yet so busy one(can anyone say EJ&E?). I constantly use the train as a distraction, and it WORKS.

And if you figure out how to harness that toddler power, let me know!!

Dress Down Mom said...

I found a goodie bag at the back of our van today! I ate the M&M's myself while no one was looking.


Anonymous said...

And I was just telling my husband today that I have NEVER seen a fat toddler! Love your style, Dawn, keep it coming!

Manic Mom said...

Ya gotta love your family.

And they gotta love ya back!

So that's good.



Misty said...

My great idea was to come up with a television or computer that was powered by a stationary bike. That'd sure cut down on TV time if my high-energy 5, 8 and under had to pedal their way through a Pokemon or Ben 10 show. Go kid power!!

Katy said...

Oh harnessing a toddler's energy! My 3 year old is non-stop. We've repeatedly been told that if we could just harness her energy we'd be able to solve the energy crisis....There has to be a way! We must design it ;-)

melech said...

ARRRRGGGH! Finish the story!! Why did the dentist summon you? IF it was only to pay his bill..don't bother replying..BUT...IF he discovered some WISDOM TEETH that have to be addressed..OR..some orthodontia/endodontia (so that he can finish the college payments for his own kiddies)well..then I am the perfect person to ask advice from...
Before I forget, do you guys have one of those nifty portable DVD players that you can schlepp with you for future "outings" with the noisy crew? That wouold surely hold everyone's attention..and you would NOT have to rely on train schedules.

DAWN said...

You had me stressed just reading that! When my son was little he had a backpack that had an assortment of things to keep him busy (books, cars, whatever else that he was into at the time & would fit in his little backpack). That little backpack went with us alot! Now it's nintendo ds & ipods!

becky said...

my batter blaster came yesterday!! this weekend i am going to enjoy some waffles or pancakes!! thanks so much for the give away!!!!!

Brenda said...

I remember when the kids were little trying to take them all into an office. We took about all the chairs in the waiting room! I don't know that I've ever been that close to a train. Sounds like a great orthodontist.

A Moment in the Life of a Mother said...

Spounds like you had a fun I am so happy to hear that you all have dinner together. That seems to be a time forgotten by most. Parents would probably know more about the things their kids are doing if they took time to eat their dinner/supper together. Glad to see you still get together.

Kelly R said...

Hi Dawn-
A friend of mine sent me this link from Disneyland giving away free passes for your birthday. I thought that perhaps you or 3 million of your friends might be able to take advantage of this offer. Hope the cold is getting better!

Sandra said...

Uh, what did the Ortho want?
We live near train tracks so we see them often. I love the sounds they make. The trains, not my kids. I liked the super glue idea.

Anonymous said...

You know if you wanted to harness that energy, they would all sit there like lumps. What? Run to make the car work....I am too tired......I don't feel like it. At least maybe that would be a way to get them to sit down. :)

Have a great day!


Anonymous said...

Hey Dawn,

I enjoyed reading about your car adventures. So, where was Austin this whole time?

I have 5 kids that are almost exactly the ages of your top 5 kids. I sooo feel your pain. I would rather keep them in the car then try to occupy them in an office setting. And yes, I think I just might feed them the leftover french fries. That adds 1.8 seconds of quiet!

At dinner, my family plays the "Would you rather" game. ya know, such as (this was one of last night's): Would you rather give a 30 minute speech to 60,000 people OR would you rather run stark naked across a football field in front of 60,000 people?? That was one of my husbands. Of coarse, the game can be either the gross out kind or the scary kind. The things these Daddy's think up... let's talk about running naked somewhere and THAT gets my kids started!

Don't worry...You are part of the club... the "my family is NUTS" club.

Loved the story!

~Lisa K, Dallas, Texas

Anonymous said...

sso q: Sooooooooo...., if you gave the kids the pretzals what did you do with the candy? Hmmmmmmm?

Anonymous said...

sso q: how many kids did you plan on having when you married Joe? (Im guessing it was not always 6!)

Debbie Yost said...

I just left a comment on your diet post about french fries and moved on to this one and saw that you DO have old french fries in your car! I'm shocked. :)

Leah C said...

You know, they do have see-saws and bikes and things in third world countries that do exactly that--harness kid power to create electricity for their schools. If you find out where to buy one of those, I bet you could make a ton of money, and quit paying any utilities for your home! So if third world countries have these, why can't every school in the US have them? Energy crisis, BEGONE!

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