Monday, March 31, 2008

But They're the Best, Jerry! The BEST!

I went out shopping this evening because I decided I didn't have anything to wear on my trip to New Jersey (except for my new maternity shirt, of course.) I went by myself because if you need to try on clothes, you just don't want to bring kids with you. Anyway, I found a pair of pants that fit! That in itself is a miracle since I'm pear shaped and they just don't make pear shaped clothes. I'm also short, so unless I wear my tall shoes (and I do whenever I'm with Austin and Savannah because they're as tall as I am now!) my pants will drag on the ground. The pants I just bought have legs that roll up and button on the sides. For most people this would mean instant capris. For me it means that they fit like normal pants.

After my huge score in the pants department, I decided I was starved as I've just had 3 pieces of toast in the last 48 hours. It's not that I'm still so sick, but after throwing up (which is the worst thing on earth!) I'm just scared to death to eat. I figure the less I put in, the less that will come out should I suddenly feel the need to hurl again. So, anyway, I was really hungry while shopping so I stopped at the food court, walked up to Frulatti, and ordered a chicken salad sandwich with a side of fresh fruit. Instead of sitting there in the food court looking like a pathetic dork eating by myself, I decided to take my dinner to the nail salon and get a pedicure.

OK, I sit down, dip my feet in the water, sit back and relax in the comfy massage chair. If you've never gotten a pedicure, I highly recommend it. I usually go with my friend, Jen maybe 3-4 times a year. It's wonderfully relaxing and pampering. So, anyway, I'm sitting there soaking my tootsies as I open up the container with my sandwich. The Frulatti girl apparently didn't understand the whole concept of a "side" of fruit as she plopped my sandwich right on TOP of the fruit. Ewww! The only thing more disgusting than a soggy sandwich is throwing up. And my honey-wheat bread soaked in watermelon juice looked just like that! So because I didn't want to look like a dork eating by myself in the food court, there I sat getting my feet done while trying to hang onto a soggy chicken salad sandwich that was falling apart and plopping into the container. I am SO classy.

I gave up on the sandwich and leaned back, enjoying my back massage. I have GOT to get me one of those chairs. The woman giving me the pedicure looked over at her friend and said something in Vietnamese. I'm pretty sure she said, "Check out this woman's feet! Ewww! Have you ever seen drier heels? Disgusting. And her nails are awful!"
Then her friend answered, "Oh I know! Very gross! But did you see the way she was eating that sandwich. I got nauseous watching her."

I had visions of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine is convinced the nail technicians are talking about her.

I finished my enthralling evening with a trip to the grocery store because we were down to onions, chicken broth, and waffles at home, and I couldn't leave my family with nothing to eat while I'm gone. God only knows what Joe would cook for dinner with that list of ingredients!

50 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wait a minute...you wrote that you didn't have anything to wear except for your new maternity shirt...does that mean you're pregnant?

Julie said...

I've just started eating again after my week of death also. My stomach was all shrunk, had the whole OMG I'm so full thing for about a day. Too bad I stretched it back out again already!

I think my favorite Elaine moment is the whole "can you spare a square"..

Dawn said...

Ummm no, it doesn't mean I'm pregnant. It means I'm a dork who buys maternity shirts because they fit over my butt.

GE is me said...

Oh my goodness, I probably would've felt the same way-the whole Elaine thing, but I would've been upset about my sandwich & gone back after my pedicure. Too funny.
Have a good time in Jersey.

Anonymous said...

A day out by yourself?!?! Shopping, lunch out, and a pedicure?? Lucky, lucky girl!! And they have to be talking about you don't they? What else do they talk about? I always have the secret fear that they're talking about me too, but I try to convince myself that I'm not that interesting!! :)
-Alice

Meredith said...

Hey at least they weren't saying this to you...the last time I went the lady first asked me when my baby was due...and I promptly told her my baby was 3...then she told me that I had bushy eyebrows like a man and I needed to was that and my man mustache...she then gave me the worst manicure and pedicure that didn't even survive until the military formal I was attending that night!!! And she gave me such a complex I cried the whole day so I had big puffy eyes under my man eyebrows

Becky said...

You're my kind of classy, Dawn, lol. Those kinds of things always happen to me.

Shellie said...

Everything but the soggy sandwich sounds fun! Hope you have a great trip.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I'm reading this, thinking about Elaine in the Seinfeld episode and lo, you mention Elaine in the Seinfeld episode. Classic!

Kelly said...

haha! that is too funny about how you think they are talking about your feet. Good news! They're not: they're talking about mine! :)

Melain said...

I found you at Blogtations. You're delightful!

I have to question your assessment of pedicures. Relaxing? REALLY? Cuz that didn't sound very relaxing. That sounded about like all the pedicures I've ever had. Me, constantly reminding myself that I'm there to relax, but mostly just feeling uncomfortable and slightly scrutinized by the Asian women who clearly hate their jobs. Not to mention the shameless up-selling in accents too thick to be understood. I'll get one with friends a couple times a year, just to be social. But in the "relaxation and pampering" department, it ranks somewhere between grocery shopping and taxes. But that's just me. :)

Mum-me said...

My 'baby' is nearly 2 and I still wear my nice maternity shirts. I am glad I read your post today because it reminded me to have another pedicure soon - they are so relaxing. And luckily my beautician only speaks english!

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

As long as you left Joe some lemon-lime Kool-Aid, I'm sure he'll rustle something up.

Robin said...

I love pedicures!!! And I bought a maternity dress once...not knowing until AFTER I got it home. I was excited because it was a size smaller than I usually wear....the maternity part explains why it still fit me. I wore it anyway!!

Stella said...

I ALWAYS think the techs are talking about me and my feet when I get a pedicure! And I always think of that episode!

Mabunny said...

LOL glad you found pants that fit. My MIL is very short, so when she sees capris on sale she scoops them up and voila, instant normal length pants for her.
She says she is about 5 ft on a good day, lol.
Also glad to hear you are feeling better.
Pedicures ROCK:))
Have a great day

Barb said...

I'm long overdue for a pedicure. They are just the best. Last time my 28 y/o was in town we went and got them together ~ too much fun. Have a great trip. Look forward to hearing all about it.

Cayce said...

You mean, your husband actually cooks when you're away??? My children eat nothing but pizza while I'm gone. But hey, atleast they get to eat, right?

Brenda said...

So how short, I mean, tall are you? I absolutely love a pedicure. I went to Wallie World and bought one of those PedEgg thingys and it does do miracles on my feet. Incidently, I think at my last pedicure they may have been talking about you too. I'm not sure. ; )

Jennifer said...

Tell Joe to add Lemon Lime Kool Aid and he'll have a gourmet meal! And I have been known to throw a maternity shirt on (unknowingly) from time to time. They look just like every other piece of black clothing I own

Klass said...

LOL. It's not classy, it's klassy.

Those kind of luck usually happen to me too

maggiebsmocks said...

I used to hate eating alone in public places. Now, I understand that I am the envy of busy moms. That is a good thing ;)
I look at it like a woman flashing a big diamond. I'm flashing my peace and quiet. See... it is all about the mindset!
Oh, I know what mean about the nail salon. I HATE IT when they do that!
Enjoy the day!
maggieb!

Dawn said...

UGH! I think you sent your sickness over the Lake to our house. All 3 of us were hit fast and hard within a few hours. I think we'll live, however. But it was a classic case study of women having a higher pain tolerance than men. My hubby groaned all night long... My 15yo son did better!

Some day, I'll get a pedicure! After I've soaked and pumiced my feet really well for a few days...

Dawn/ Michigan

Sue said...

Sounds like Joe could have made some delicious waffle soup.

anti - ethnocentric said...

As funny as you write your paranoia to be, your nail people really were not talking about you. I'm really friendly with my nail people and I'm also learning the basics of Vietnamese so I can talk to them in their language. They don't talk about their customers when they're doing the asides to one another in their own language. They're gossiping, yes, but about their coworkers, their children, who's dating who--and in my case, my life is interesting to them since I am a regular so sometimes the ones who are better at understanding and speakig English will translate something I've just said into Vietnamese so the rest can understand.

You're a client and they forget about you the second you leave until you come back, lol. Who the cute girl at Station 5 is seeing is much more interesting to them. :)

Rick said...

The whole concept of some stranger pawing over my feet while they sit there and chit chat with someone else, in some unknown language, just never appealed to me.

I think that I would rather eat a soggy sandwich.

http://organizeddoodles.blogspot.com/

Colleen said...

Can we cut a deal? You cut off the bottoms of your pants and send them to me. I always look like I'm waiting for a flood.

When my good friend & I go to get pedicures we laugh until it hurts, making up the dialogue we imagine the nail techs are having. And it's good exercise!

Anonymous said...

Hi Dawn, I hear you on the soggy bread thing. I Hate soggy bread. I can't even eat a hot beef sandwich with gravy on it or a sloppy joe. As for the cracked heels try using Kerasol. It is sold in a tube at Meijers. Put it on at night for a week and you can wash those callouses right off with a washcloth. And why do they make maternity tops so darn cute? Kristine in Michigan.

Julie said...

I just want to know where you got the pants - I'm short & pear shaped as well, and even when I buy petite length pants they drag on the ground....

Sorry about your sandwich - nothing worse than soggy bread.

Valerie said...

If you've ever gotten your nails done, I think you would enjoy this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsWrY77o77o

:)

Ashley said...

I'm thinking that he would make grilled onion waffle sandwiches with chicken broth au jus! To bad he doesn't have any lemon-lime kool-aid to marinate the onions in. =)

Becci Hethcoat said...

That is so funny...my girlfriend is always convinced that the pedi people are talking about her. I say who cares as long as they are making my feet look beautiful! Have fun at Oprah...wish I were going. I hope Mimi has a wonderful time. She really deserves it!!

Anonymous said...

Being that I am also "pear shaped" and short, PLEASE tell me where you got those pants!!!

Anonymous said...

That's awesome about the pants - I actually am wearing a pair just like that today! No where near capris for me - they're actually still dragging a bit on the floor! Glad to hear there's someone out there like me! I'm 5' on a good day. Love those tall shoes too! Have a fun trip!

Anonymous said...

Hey Dawn,

You crack me up!! You know, you frequently refer to yourself as a dork. You speak for all of us because, let's face it, we are ALL dorks! I so look forward to reading your blog everyday just to feel normal with the chaos that surrounds me with my 5 kids, one husband (thank goodness only one), one lunatic dog, one mouse, and countless wild animals that seem to live with us here in the Hill country of Texas.

For your SSO:

When is your book going be out in the bookstores? Do you plan to have book signings if so, where? Do you have plans to come back down to the Lone Star state?

Thanks soo much for sharing your life, your humor and your heart with the world here in blogville!

~Lisa, San Antonio, Texas

Lisa said...

Aeropostale and Vanity both have real petite length pants (none of that 30" crap...that isn't petite!). I am 5'1" and a little pear-shaped, too.

Anonymous said...

You might like this video since you are talking about nail salons. You have to watch a bit (2:20) to get to the funny nail part.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=9wlsTg2MCHg

Angela said...

Oh my goshness! That very thing happened to me the other day. Sans the soggy sandwich. My mother and I were getting pedicures and the girl doing mine turned to the guy doing my mom's and I just know she said something about my crusty heels. Then to top it off, they charged me $5 more!! Nowhere does it say "thick skin extra" LOL You have to shed your winter coat (or winter callouses) sometime people!

Amie said...

I didn't think anyone did that with pants (er capris) but me! I have two pairs of pants that roll up to be a normal length on me. I love them cause I can wear my cute little ballet flat shoes when I roll them up and tall shoes when I leave them down.

Anonymous said...

When I get a pedicure, I think they talk about my half grown-out leg hair. But I don't mind that they don't speak to me, or that they speak to each other in Vietnamese. That's my time to read People magazine and relax! Well, as relaxed as you can be when someone's picking at your cuticles.

Becca "Gater Mom" said...

Jersey?? When? Where? How? What? My SIL works for J&J in NJ and I live right near them. Are you going to Newark or somewhere else? Can we come stalk, er..., visit you? Please let us know!!!!

Sylvia said...

When you throw up does is make you have to throw up? I mean, you can't do your kid's puke so how in the world do you handle your own?

I've been wearing flip flops for the last three weeks or so (it's 82 degrees here in Phoenix today) and already my feet look like they've never seen moisture. Ug. I get it from my mom. She has the knarliest heels and I remember as a kid thinking how gross they were. If only I had known I would have been more compassionate! Pedicures are on the "when we are rich some day" list at about #2. :D

Christine said...

I read the first two paragraphs and I thought I must be at the wrong blog...nope, you were just setting the stage...LMAO

Susan said...

Okay so I'm 31 years old and I have never ever had a pedicure, BUT I have convinced myself that I am going to use the salon gift certificate my mil got me to go and get one within the next month. SO for the last two weeks I have been carefully clipping and filing and lotioning up my feet so that they are nice and pretty before I get there. Does that make any sense at all? I equate it to going to the gynecologist....everyone always washes and cleans up for those visits, isn't it the same for any other?

Melinda said...

You reminded me of a comedian I saw on youtube that talked about nail salons. Hysterical. Her name is Anjelah Johnson. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsWrY77o77o

StampingJoan said...

Dawn,
Peddies are the best! I love getting them and could sit forever in those massaging chairs!

I have found a great tool for those horrible heels! Go here!

http://www.qvc.com/qic/qvcapp.aspx/view.2/app.detail

This tool is great! Doesn't cut your foot at all. Just removes the rough spots! What's left in the file is like baby powder, but gross!

And I hope you took that sandwich back and got your money back! The nerve of some people!!!

I am Trish Marie said...

I am always convinced the women at the nail salon are talking about me....but in all fairness, since I know sign, I tend to sign about people a lot. Often. In front of them. I am sure one day that will catch up to me!

TheHMC said...

I've always wanted a pedicure, but being a complete freak about other people's germs, decided a couple of years ago that I'll never get one due to 3 different (ex) co-workers of mine that got some kind of fungus after going for pedicures. Ew!

Sucks that your sandwich was all soggy, but glad to hear that you got out for a bit on your own and were able to find some pants that you like(I HATE shopping for clothes because of the size of my ass).

Mari-jane said...

Okay, I miss your blog for a few days and what happens?! You totally freak me out.. I read about the maternity shirt, know there has to be a catch, read back some more.. uh oh, you've been hurling alot.. maybe you ARE preggers.. read some more.. ok, NOW I get it.. shame on me for getting behind!! Glad I was able to clarify that without making a fool of myslef! Love the blog! It makes me feel sane!

Jill said...

Another legs-too-short-for-regular-pants reader here! ALL my pants are missing about an inch or two off the back because they drag on the ground, and if by some miracle I find a pair that DON'T drag on the ground, I don't buy them because they "feel weird" actually fitting correctly. And capris...yes, come all the way down to my shoes. Which would be fine if they were cut like normal pants. But they're not. So no capris for me.

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