"Yeah. We're supposed to write down everything we eat for the week."
"Ohhh. Is that for health class?"
"You're making up stuff, right?"
"Huh?" Savannah looked up at me, confused.
"You're not writing down what we have really eaten for dinner this week, are you?"
"Yes," she answered innocently.
Crap! Why did I ever teach my kids that lying is bad?! I obviously never thought that one through. I glanced at her paper. Listed almost every day for breakfast was "a handful of Cheez-Its". Yeah, that's nutritious. Nothing gets your day started like highly processed, fake cheese flavored crackers. Vitamins? Nope. Minerals? Nah. Fiber? Not really. Protein? Notsomuch. Partially hydrogenated soybean and cottonseed oil with TBHQ, yellow #5, yellow #6, and monosodium glutamate? Check!
I continued past Savannah's nutrition packed breakfasts to dinner. I've had a less than stellar week in the cooking department. Her list read...
chicken pot pie
double cheeseburger from McDonalds
grilled cheese sandwich
Oh yeah, that looks great. I envisioned Savannah's health teacher being so shocked and appalled by Savannah's menu that she'd soon be sending me a packet filled with 5 pounds of nutrition information including menus, charts of vitamins and minerals needed to support development, and a BMI calculator. I was sure she'd soon be calling me to discuss the importance of the food pyramid (which, by the way, did not exist when I was a kid. We didn't have any pyramid. We had the bread group. Cookies and cakes were part of this group. We had the dairy group. This included milkshakes. We had the fruit and veggie group which included French fries and strawberry-banana smoothies. And finally we had the meat group which contained cheeseburgers.).
"So you don't want to write baked salmon, steamed asparagus with a lemon drizzle, herbed new potatoes and a cup of fresh pineapple for dessert? OK. OK. It's ok. How about we just add some details then? It's not really lying if you're just adding details, right? Here we go..."
Nachos: made with low fat corn tortillas, fat free beans, low fat cheddar, tons of lettuce and tomatoes and NO greasy beef, sour cream or high fat cheese
Pizza: made with a whole wheat crust, fresh plum tomatoes and basil, and a sprinkle of part skim parmigiana cheese and NOT sausage and greasy pepperoni
Lasagna: made with whole grain pasta, lean ground turkey, ricotta, and spinach and NOT Italian sausage and 6 pounds of cheese
Double cheeseburger from McDonald's: made with, umm, made with, hmmm, ok, I got nothin' here.
Every time one of my kids has brought this particular project home from school, it's been a fast food/quick-what-can-I-throw-in-the-oven kind of week. Every time! Why don't teachers give us a head's up and let us know that every bite our kids eat is going to be analyzed so we have time to
Oh and I thought I had a most wonderful idea for curbing my late night sweet tooth attacks! My plan was to make myself a cup of wonderful, sweet dessert tea in the evening when I got a craving to munch on something sweet. So, tonight I put my plan in action. Mmmm Sweet Coconut Chai Tea with a little milk and sugar. It's like a dessert, right? I sat down and inhaled the spicy, coconutty aroma and felt the steam on my face. I took a sip of the rich, creamy goodness. And then I decided that the tea would go much better with a cookie. So much for that plan.