I stopped counting after the first three thousand pieces of email I received today. Although the auction is over, people are still leaving me tons of comments through Ebay.
Time for a little more question and answer - the part of the show where you ask me questions and I answer.
YOU: How old are you?
ME: Would you believe 29? No? My kids don't buy it either.
YOU: Did you grow up in New York?
ME: Nope. Although my three year old says "coffee" like his godmother (and much like Coffee Talk's Linda Richman) on Long Island.
YOU: Was the picture of you as a kid sitting by that statue taken at Wisconsin Dells?
ME: Nope, it was taken at Knott's Berry Farm in San Diego.
YOU: Would you like a job listing auctions on Ebay?
ME: Oh gosh no!
YOU: Do you homeschool?
ME: Are you outta your minds?! I know there are many benefits to homeschooling and kudos to all you who do (and from what I've read, there are many of you), but I really don't think I could give my kids a better education than what they're receiving in school. Oh yeah - and then there's the fact that I hardly have the patience to help them with their homework.
YOU: Are you a professional writer?
ME: No. I'm a professional diaper changer. I didn't go to college. I've never taken any writing courses. I actually wrote up that auction in about a half an hour.
YOU: How many kids are you planning on having total?
YOU: Can you tell us how you made that cake?
ME: Yes. I'll write it in the comments under the cake post. It might take a day or two before I get to it.
YOU: Your husband must really cherish your sense of humor.
ME: I try not to let him see it for fear that I'll lose all power if he thinks I'm a pushover.
YOU: In reference to the picture of my three year old in the Stitch costume with the Darth Vader mask How can that poor kid see to walk?
ME: That poor kid has never walked. Ever. He runs.
YOU: Are you always sarcastic?
ME: I'm never sarcastic.
During a parent/teacher conference when my oldest was in kindergarten, his teacher told me, "Aj has an interesting sense of humor. He's sarcastic. Kids this age don't usually "get" sarcasm." Blushing guiltily, I replied, "Umm yeah, it comes from his father."
YOU: Would you consider doing a reality t.v. show?
ME: NOOOOOO! Are you kidding? You guys think I have patience now. If there were cameras following me around all day, you'd see that I lose my cool and yell at my kids on a regular basis.
YOU: Can I put a link to your auction/blog on my blog?
ME: Of course! From my stat counter I can see where people are coming from when they visit my blog. Although there were several from digg, fark, and reddit yesterday and this morning, they seem to have left and now I'm getting all these hits from mom's groups. Lots and lots of mom's message boards and parenting forums and such from across the world.
YOU: You're invited to join our group. Please stop by.
ME: I would love to join all your wonderful groups, but alas I don't think I could possibly find the time to contribute anything. When things settle down, I will stop by though.
YOU: Do you really shop at the Target on Randall in Algonquin?
ME: I have no idea where this is. I'm not sure where everyone got the idea that I shop there. I guess all the packages of ground round with fingerprints in them.
YOU: Which do you dislike more - taking your kids to the grocery store or to the post office?
YOU: Alton Brown had Kool Aid pickles on his show and they're big here in Mississippi. Have you ever tried them?
ME: Are you serious?! You EAT these?
YOU: You should be on Oprah.
ME: ROFL ROFL PIMP!!!!!!!
And the number one question from YOU: Did the person who won pay you for the cards?
ME: Well, funny thing about that. The person who won the cards was actually a friend of mine! She changed her Ebay ID so I wouldn't recognize her. She has five little ones under the age of eight and her husband is in the military so she often has to go it alone. Now she understands how a grocery trip can drive you to drink. She wanted them for posterity and for the laugh. And yes, she popped a check in the mail so Paypal wouldn't take a cut.
And a couple of my favorite quotes from your mail...
"I have been mostly dead all day."
"It's inconceivable how a person could not like that movie!"
In reference to the woman with the kids who always behave perfectly "Her kids only behave because they're afraid of being beaten by the stick that's up her butt."
In reference to parenting "The days are long, but the years are short."
I want to apologize because apparently I've made a lot of moms wet their pants today. I'm sincerely sorry from the bottom of my heart. Having six children myself, I know what it's like to have to cross your legs when you laugh or sneeze. I will put Incontinence Warnings on my posts from now on.
I also want to thank all the military folk out there. So very many of you wrote to say that your husbands were deployed and you were going it alone. Thank you to your husbands for serving and protecting! And thank you to you for going it alone so they can serve and protect.