1. The number to Poison Control is 1-800-222-1222.
2. A two year old can eat 20 children’s vitamins without having to have his stomach pumped.
3. A two year old cannot drink a bottle of cough syrup without having to go to the ER.
4. Baseballs are magnetically attracted to windows.
5. You have to tell a four year old to pick up his Legos at least twenty times before he will do it.
6. Stepping on Legos in the middle of the night, makes you scream like you’ve been shot.
7. Screaming in the middle of the night is not a good idea, as it wakes up everyone in the house who will then insist they can only go back to sleep in your bed.
8. A toilet makes a nice size swimming pool for Barbie and her friends.
9. Barbies do not flush well.
10. Two year old boys do not mind having their fingernails painted pink.
11. Their fathers mind.
12. In one minute, a two year old can open your trunk and hood, turn on your hazard lights, windshield wipers and turn signals, and turn the volume on your radio as high as it will go as they get into their car seat.
13. It takes an adult six and a half minutes to find the switch to turn their hazard lights off.
14. You can easily fit an entire box of Cheerios in a floor register.
15. Ants like Cheerios.
16. So do mice.
17. Carpets that have a bottle of lotion dumped on them make squishy sounds when you walk on them.
18. Nail polish, surprisingly, sticks to the inside of a toilet filled with water.
19. It’s not a good idea to use nail polish remover on a tv screen.
20. Plastic toys shoved into a VCR will not necessarily break it. The VCR, however, will be completely destroyed when you try to retrieve the toy.
21. Putting soda pop in a sippy cup will make the cup explode.
22. Toothpaste does not make a good window cleaner.
23. Blue popsicles will dye skin, counter tops, and fur blue.
24. Dogs do not look good with blue fur.
25. Eating things like blue popsicles, blue French fries, and blue juice will produce neon green contents in a diaper the next morning.
26. A fifty pound boy can be launched off one end of a teeter totter by his brother.
27. A boy flying through the air after being launched off a teeter totter can break his arm.
28. Our local hospital has a great pediatric emergency room.
29. It’s never a good idea to use the clothes line to repel down the side of the garage.
30. The doctors at our local hospital know us by name.
31. If one tries to climb a Christmas tree and breaks a glass ornament in the process, pieces of glass can get stuck in one’s eye.
32. The doctors at our local hospital are good at removing foreign objects from eyes.
33. Rocks, gum, chocolate, and earthworms should never go through the washing machine.
34. Never leave the keys in a golf cart when there’s a 2 year old, who likes to “go fast”, standing nearby.
35. It costs $600 to replace the awning on your camper after your 2 year old drives a golf cart into it.
36. It’s impossible to get butter out of carpeting.
37. It takes a very long time for hair to grow back.
38. It’s not a good idea to put yogurt in the gas tank of the lawnmower.
39. It’s really not a good idea to fill the lawnmower’s gas tank with water until it overflows and spills out all over the garage floor.
40. Watering plants with a tank of diluted gasoline will kill them.
41. If the kids are getting along and playing quietly in their rooms, it is NEVER a good thing. They’re up to something.