What on Earth IS Uniqua?

Thank you all for your well wishes and prayers! You guys are so great! You know how you're always thanking me for making you laugh or making you feel better? Well, it works the other way around too! You guys always make me feel so much better! :) We're all on the mend here. No more fevers and no one has thrown up since (knocking REALLY hard on wood) two nights ago. Last night I dreamt that I was pregnant. I must have been delirious with fever. Savannah came home from school today with a project for her health class. She's to keep track of all the bad words (stupid, idiot, shut up, buttmunch) she hears this weekend. After being home for all of two hours, her notebook was full. I'm so proud.

Because Austin was puking and fevery yesterday, he stayed home from school today. So Austin lay there on the couch watching cartoons with his little brother and sister. Austin is the kind of kid who cannot watch cartoons without pointing out all the little idiosyncrasies he sees.

"Why doesn't Little Bear wear clothes? His parents wear clothes. Why does he run around naked all day?"

"Austin, it's a show about talking animals. A little girls hangs out in the forest with an assortment of talking wildlife and that's ok, but the fact that Little Bear doesn't wear clothes bothers you?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"How can Spongebob go to the beach when he's already under water?"

"So the whole talking sponge, starfish, crab, and squid are ok? A squirrel who somehow built a dome under water and lives in the ocean is ok, but the fact that Spongebob goes to the beach under water is absurd?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Where are Max and Ruby's parents? Why aren't they ever on the show?"

"For real? The whole 'talking bunnies who can take a bus to the store by themselves' is fine and dandy, but the fact that their parents are never shown is troubling to you?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What on earth is Uniqua?!?!?!"

"OK. ya got me there. I have no idea what she's supposed to be! What on earth IS Uniqua?!"

For more laughs, read:
Into the Tunnel of Darkness: My Colonoscopy

Adventures in Grocery Shopping

How I Stopped the Cockroach that Nearly Ate my Face Off

Not for the Weak of Stomach

Yes, I know I haven't written in a couple days, but I have a good excuse. I'm dying of the flu. Ugh, fever, back hurts so much, headache, yuckness. Yesterday I slept until 10:00am, got up and then went right back to bed at 12:00. I slept until 5:00, had a piece of toast and some tea and then went back to bed at 8:00. Thank God Joe was able to stay home from work or the kids probably would've burned the house down because I couldn't move. That's actually the good part.

Yesterday morning, Clay threw up on the couch. This is the same couch that the kids broke this summer. I knew there was a reason I hadn't replaced it. Thankfully I was sleeping and Joe got to deal with that.

Then, after lunch yesterday, the school called to say that Austin was in the nurse's office with a migraine. He gets these now and then and nothing but Advil and sleep in a dark room will make them go away. Joe picked him up from school and before he was able to drive the 3 blocks home, Austin puked all over himself and Joe's truck. Delightful. It's not uncommon for Austin to throw up when he has a bad headache so we thought that's all that was. Notsomuch. He continued to get sick from both ends all night. That's still not the bad part, however.

Last night, Clay and Brooklyn fell asleep in bed with me. I was awakened around midnight to the sound of water running. Or so I thought. My foggy sleep-induced brain thought, "I hear water. I think it's water. Wait. I'm in bed. It can't be water. Oh no! Brooklyn's throwing up! I reached over in the dark to see if I could feel where Brooklyn was sleeping. My hand hit a pool of vomit. I came to my senses real quickly then! I realized that it wasn't Brooklyn, but Clay, who was throwing up. ON Brooklyn! Nothing says brotherly love like a giant puddle of barf all over you! If you've been reading this blog for a while, you know that I don't do barf, so naturally I freaked out, ran out of the room and called to my husband who had fallen asleep in Clay's bed.
Joe entered our bedroom to see Brooklyn lying on the bed covered in Clay's mess and just crying. The poor thing! Clay wasn't doing so hot either.

I would have left and gone to a hotel room right then and there if it wasn't for the fact that I had a fever and felt like crap. Instead I gave the kids a bath and can proudly say that I didn't throw up myself while doing it even though I gagged a dozen times and had to leave the bathroom twice. Joe had the nasty task of taking apart our bed and rinsing stuff out and washing it. In fact, he spent today getting his car detailed (I keep envisioning the B.B.O. Seinfeld episode and I fear his car will never smell the same). He also had to remove the pillow top on our bed and take it to a laundromat to try and get it clean. After 2 hours, it's still not dry. Maybe sometime next week it'll be dry.

This is all after Lexi and Clay had the flu last week - fevers, aches, colds.

Ugh, as I was writing this, I just got a call from the school. Looks like Jackson is the next victim. Sending Joe to pick him up... and perhaps some orange juice, and maybe some crackers, and a big vat of Lysol....

On the bright side (because there's always a bright side, right?) thank God this didn't hit me until after my speaking engagement at Fremd High School and after I finished my revisions and handed my manuscript to my editor!

Can I Take Your Order?

I spoke at a local high school today for their Writer's Week program. All week, students and actual honest-to-goodness real writers share their work and their insight with an audience of students and teachers. And then there was me. I stood up there, palms sweating so much I think they made a puddle, and I talked. I don't even remember all that I said. I guess it went ok. I mean, no one boo'd me or threw rotten produce at me, so that's good, right? My sister videotaped me speaking so that I could see what not to do the next time I speak anywhere, but I didn't have the software to transfer the video to my computer. I'll try to get a video on YouTube soon.

Last night I had a dream. It was actually more of a nightmare. I used to have this dream frequently back when I was a waitress, but I haven't experienced this dream since 1992. Except for a few variations, this is how the dream generally goes...
I'm working in a crowded restaurant and the hostess has seated me like 8 tables at once. Everyone is demanding something from me.
"Miss, can you take our order now?"
"Oh miss! What is your soup du jour?"
"Where are our drinks?"
"Can I get the bill?"
"Where is our food?"
"This isn't what I ordered."

I was running around in circles, trying to get everything for everyone, but I just couldn't keep up. I went to the bar to wait for my table's drinks, but the bartender forgot how to make a martini and had to look it up in his bartending manual. He couldn't look it up though because he didn't know how to spell "martini" and no one had a clue. I kept trying to tell him that it started with a letter "M", but he didn't believe me and meanwhile, my customers were getting angry. (At least I could spell in my dream.)

Instead of waiting for the bartender, I started adding up customer's bills, but I couldn't do the math. The calculator was broken and I couldn't figure out how to add the bills. I kept looking at the tickets, but they were written in another language and I just didn't understand the characters that were supposed to be numbers. The sommelier, who was Gary Cooper wearing a cowboy hat in my dream, came by and told me that I was stupid and not only did I have no clue about wine, but I couldn't do simple addition. I almost cried.

The next thing I knew, I was trying to ladle out bowls of soup, but instead of soup, the containers were filled with water. A gentleman, who had been seated at one of my tables, walked into the kitchen to get his own soup.

I decided that I had to run to the grocery store to buy soup for the restaurant, but while I was there, I realized that I was missing my bowtie. Suddenly I wasn't in the grocery store anymore, but I was at the mall trying to find a bowtie so I could go back to work and take care of my tables. I was running from store to store in the mall, freaking out that I had tables who were impatiently waiting for me and I couldn't go back until I found a stupid bowtie. (Yes, I know it makes perfect sense to leave your job in the middle of a shift to go shopping for formalwear.)

I awoke feeling frustrated, feeling like I needed to do something, feeling like everyone wanted something and I wasn't able to get a grip. I was dropping the ball and messing up everything. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. It's sometimes difficult to juggle everything. It's so hard to keep up with housework, to pay bills on time, do laundry, make doctor appointments, and make sure your kids have clothes they haven't outgrown. Then there's getting the kids' pictures taken, arranging birthday parties, planning out Sunday school lessons, going to the grocery store, making school lunches, and cooking dinner. And let's not forget making sure you spend enough time with the kids together and individually, helping them with their homework, reading to them, making sure they do their homework, and practice their instruments, ensuring they eat a balanced diet. And if you work outside the home, there are the meetings, the paperwork, the business trips, and the phone calls to deal with as well. It's a wonder we don't all wake up in cold sweats in the middle of the night after having the waitress dream!

After thinking about this for a while, I came up with these suggestions to help beat the stress of feeling like you just can't do everything and make everyone happy.

1. Delegate - This is where you tell the kids, "You WILL clean up your rooms, vacuum the family room, and set the table, or I will lose it and run away from home, leaving you to eat nothing but Fruit Loops and Kool-Aid fish for the rest of your lives.

2. Say no to non-essential things - "Hey Mom, can you go to the grocery store? There's nothing to eat in the house."
"Sure there is! Look in the couch cushions. Those Cheerios can hold you over for at least another week."
Or "Hey honey, are you going to do laundry sometime soon? I don't have any clean clothes."
"Eh, I've got your old boy scout uniform packed away in the attic. Just pull that out and wear it."

3. Make a list - I find this especially helpful. Make a list of everything you want to get done during the day, then cross off tasks as you complete them. If you do something that isn't on the list, write it down and then cross it off. Trust me, it'll make you feel like you're really accomplishing stuff. Make sure to add all ordinary things like brushing your teeth, going to the bathroom, and drinking a cup of coffee to the list.

4. Baby steps - Break tasks up into smaller chunks that are easier to handle. Like cleaning one room instead of worrying about cleaning the whole house at once. Or like eating just one piece of pizza at a time instead of trying to devour the entire thing at once.

4. Take a deep breath and relax. Remember what's important and things will fall into place. If they don't, just take some time out and escape the stress for a little while by going shopping for bowties at your local mall.

Sunday Sound Out

Now I bring home SMALL amounts of sand and it's in my carry-on where there's no question about what it is. Where are you headed next? (For the next SSO!) Chris

I wish I hadn't brought home that sand. Oh my gosh did it smell nasty when I got home and opened up that plastic bag! Blech!

And let's see here... I'm not sure where I'm going next. Possibly New Jersey; possibly the nuthouse; if I'm lucky, to bed.

I love Kelli's "I think of recipes as more of guides. This dish is kind of an amalgam of a couple different recipes." :D Hehe....Recipes are more like guidelines.....:) Liz's Random Thoughts http://lizsrandomthoughts.blogspot.com/

LOL! Kelli's funny! And she tells the most amazing true stories about her life. Every time I think I've heard it all, she tops it with another wild tale. She has lived through some really incredible stuff in her short years. She needs to finish her book!!! (Hear that, Kelli?) Oh and she did post that recipe on her blog here.

Ahhh, that was SOO funny! Thanks for that. Did you make any of those up? Brilliant! 2OutsideTheBox http://2outsidethebox.blogspot.com/

(This was about the phrases people googled which brought them to my blog.) Yes, yes I sat around one day and thought to myself, "what would be a really funny thing for someone to google in order to find my blog? How about playland pee pants! Yeah, that's the ticket!" LOL - I couldn't make that stuff up if I tried!

A whole bunch of you asked me how I found the keywords that people googled which brought them to my blog.

I use StatCounter.com. I really don't know much about this kind of stuff. I think I just googled stat counters and this popped up. There may be better ones out there. I really don't know. Anyway, I created a free account at statcounter.com. I can login there and see how many impressions my blog gets on any given day, how many of those hits are from new people and how many are repeat visits, what city/state/country they came from, what sites they came from, what keywords brought them to my site, and more. It's kind of fun checking out all that info.

P.S. Have you ever thought of becoming a surrogate mother? 2/19 is the 1 yr birthday of the twins I delivered last year via surrogacy. Rayven http://www.stay-a-stay-at-home-mom.com/

OK, this may sound strange coming from a woman who has given birth to six kids, but I hate being pregnant. I find nothing fun about heartburn, sciatica, weight gain, aching hips and back, bleeding gums, stuffy nose, and giving myself shots in the abdomen twice a day. I think I'll pass.

The question is, what did people do for butt-cleaning, gel-like substance, pee-smelling hamper related questions before Google???Occidental Girl http://the-occidental-tourist.blogspot.com/
4-1-1?

Speaking of moon, do your kids act out worse when there's a full moon? Sherry http://strideright1988.blogspot.com/

Nope, they're pretty much crazy every day.

Runs in the family, huh?? Your parents made you sleep on a shelf, & you make your kids sleep on a shelf! :-) Kim

Oh my gosh how do you remember that post??? That was from a long time ago! I'm impressed.

Our possums look nothing like those lol roseys madhouse http://roseysmadhouse.blogspot.com/

You're in Australia, right? According to my son (the missing Kratt brother) possums live in Australia and Opossums are the only marsupial to live in North America. I found these pictures of the differences...

Opossum from North America - looks like a giant rat

Possum - prevalent in Australia - looks more like a bush baby.

This concludes our zoology lesson. Spin you later!

I wanna know, do which kid get along better with which one? Seems like Clay and Brooklyn are partners in crime :) Corrina

Hmmm, it depends on the day, or hour, or minute sometimes.

OH my GOSH! We had a lunar eclipse here too! We must be looking at the same moon! Weird. *lol* Thanks for making me laugh by saying that you had one there. Erica

Ha ha ha. Although I say stupid things on a regular (daily) basis, I wasn't totally dumb about this one. People in Australia couldn't see this eclipse and folks in parts of Asia and Alaska could only see a little bit of it.

Hi Dawn, I have a few question's for Sunday sound out. #1. How long have you and Joe been married?

Too long

#2. Did he propose to you in a unique way?

I don't remember.

#3. What time do you put the kiddo's to bed on school nights and weekends? Kristine in Michigan.

It doesn't matter when I send them to bed, it always takes another 2-3 hours before they actually fall asleep.

What did you do with the critter? Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life http://lynnewsnyder.blogspot.com/

Possum Stew

one recently caught possum, skinned and cut into small pieces (you can use roadkill scraped off the pavement but be sure it's fresh. If it's covered in flies, don't use it for this recipe. It would be better suited for Possum Hash)

4 medium taters, cubed

3 carrots, sliced thickly

2 ribs celery, sliced thickly

1 medium onion

2 cloves garlic, minced

3 cans stewed tomaters

4 slices bacon

salt and pepper to taste

Cook bacon slices in heavy, deep pot until crisp. Remove bacon and crumble. In reserved bacon drippings, cook onion and garlic until tender. Add tateres, carrots, celery, cans of tomaters, salt, pepper, bacon, and possum meat. Bring to boil. Lower heat, cover and simmer on low for 4 hours. Enjoy with a nice jug o' moonshine.

OK a bunch of you guys asked me how I did the cakes. Here goes...

I usually use this recipe for buttercream. I don't know if it's that good or not because I hate frosting. Other people tell me that they like it though.

2 1/2 pounds of 10X powdered sugar

3/4 - 1 c. water

1 t. salt

1 t. clear vanilla

1 t. almond extract

1/2 t. butter flavor

1 c. shortening

(You can use butter in place of the shortening; just omit the butter flavor. Or you can use half and half, butter and shortening. This will not produce a white-white frosting however. Use the shortening if you want pure white like for wedding cakes.)

I dump 2 # sugar in my mixer. Then I add the salt, vanilla, butter, and almond flavorings. I put 3/4 c. water in and blend on low until combined. Scrape down the bowl and add the shortening. Blend until mixed well. Add the last half pound of sugar and blend some more. If the icing is too thick, add a little cold water a T. at a time until it's the desired consistency. Don't overmix or mix on high. You don't want to beat a lot of air into it and you definitely don't want a cloud of powdered sugar to coat every surface in your house.

A crumb coat is a thin layer of buttercream (or you can use other things like piping gel or apricot glaze, but I use buttercream) that you apply to your cake. Any crumbs that come up get stuck in this thin coat of buttercream creating a smooth, crumb-free surface for icing. After letting the crumb coat dry, carefully ice the cake with enough buttercream that you don't scrape down to the surface of the crumb coat thus tearing up bits of cake. I don't think that makes a lot of sense. It's a lot easier to show someone than it is to explain it in writing.

I make my icing smooth by letting it set up just a bit, then using a smooth, untextured paper towel, I gently rub over the surface of the cake. Again, hard to explain in writing. The next time I make a cake, I'll try to remember to video tape it.

How in the world do you find the time for such cake masterpieces? Have you figured out how to add hours to the day?? haggardmom http://haggardmom.blogspot.com/

No and I've been working around the clock to try and figure that out! If anyone here knows how to add hours to your day, please, please, please (I'm begging you!) let me know!

Wow!!! Excellent job! Did you take a class? I can't even get icing on the cake without tearing the cake up. Angie

I did actually. I took 2 continuing education cake decorating classes at a local college for fun about 13 years ago.

Is there anything you CAN'T do?!?!!! fourmonsters

Let's see... I can't finish everything I need to do on a daily basis. I can't stop procrastinating. I can't lose more than 3 pounds apparently. I can't sing. Seriously. It's scary how bad I sound. I'd make a Youtube video of me "singing", but I had to promise the US government that I would never sing in public. Part of some noise pollution bill or something...

Here's MY question...did your red frosting taste bitter? If not, how did you manage to get Red Red (and not pink) without the taste being just awful? Stretch Mark Mama http://stretchmarkmama.blogspot.com/

Nope. I used no-taste red coloring from Wilton. Totally not Feingold approved, btw.

Question for the Sunday Shout Out: What do you do when all the kids want a "corner piece" of cake? (I try to keep some extra buttercream in the fridge so that all of my pieces are corner pieces...lol!) Kim W.

Actually, they don't all ask for a corner piece, but if they did I'd probably say something nice and comforting like, "Eat it and like it! There are starving people around the world who would be thankful for any piece of cake!"

Do you make cakes for people outside your family? You could have a whole (very profitable) side business going!! BarbJ

I used to, but it was really not profitable. I takes a loooong time to do each cake and at the prices I charged, it was so not worth it. I began to dislike making cakes when I was doing them every weekend. Plus, people tend to frown when they pick up their cake and there are little kid fingerprints in it.

I'm with the cupcake makers - and my poor Jib had to have her cupcakes decorated by her big sisters, because I waited til the last minute and didn't have time! I'm a terrible mother... Julie http://juliekirbyblog.blogspot.com/

You're not at all a terrible mother! I just really enjoy making cakes for my kids, but let me tell ya, there have been many a time when I had Savannah slap some frosting and sprinkles on cupcakes because I just didn't have the time or energy to make a cake for some function.

OMG, you are one talented woman! You rock! Happy Birthday kids! Who is gong to make your cake for your birthday? Sue http://ascapecodturns.blogspot.com/

Ewww, no cake here. I'd prefer a birthday tirimisu or a birthday cookie or a birthday margarita thankyouverymuch.

YOU'RE MY HERO. (remember that line from Ferris Bueller?) Margee

But of course!!! LOL!

For Sunday:What are (in your pictured opinion) the best birthday cakes you have made? And do you like to eat/work with fondant? Chelf http://chelfspace.blogspot.com/

I've used fondant in the past, but I'm not real proficient at it. I think fondant, when done well, looks awesome and you can do so much with it, but I don't really care to eat it. Wilton makes a premade, packaged fondant that tastes like glue. My own recipe is a million times better, but I still find it strange to eat a cake topped with something chewy.

I don't know that these are my best cakes, but here are a few pictures I found...

Hmmm you really can't see the details of the lace and the morning glories. Oh well.

Here's the other Nemo cake I was talking about.

Sorry it's crooked. This one was one of the best. It had a removable corsage of gum paste flowers and ribbon. It was covered in fondant and had ribbon insertion, and delicate string work (that's hard to see in the picture).

I'm ready!

A wedding cake - hard to see detail

A princess castle cake I made for Savannah a long time ago. Ugh, I wish the detail showed up better. Oh well. You get the general idea.

Just monkeyin' around

A birdhouse with chocolate dough roses

A cake for a benefit at the Arlington Park race track

Cheeseburger in paradise...

Let Them Eat Cake

We had a joint birthday for Clay and Brooklyn tonight. I spent the whole day making cakes.

Clay's cake - Here I have 2 layers. I have just finished trimming and shaping it and am starting to crumb coat it. Can you tell what it is?

Here I've got it shaped the way I want it, I've put a crumb coat over the whole thing and I've got the red icing on and smoothed out.

I've added the white and blue windows.

Here I've got almost all the decorations on.

Ta da! Lightning McQueen. It turned out pretty well, if I do say so myself! And yes, I do know that Lightning McQueen is number 95, but I put a 4 on him because Clay is 4 and I'm just so clever that way.

Think Duff would hire me at Charm City Cakes? ;)

Top view

Yes, I know - it's more pink than red. I forgot to make the frosting up ahead of time.

Side view

Back view

After working on Lightning McQueen all day, I realized I only had an hour left to do Brooklyn's Nemo cake! I slapped this thing together and Nemo ended up looking stupid. I've done much better Nemo cakes before. I was disappointed with this one.

My two year old birthday girl on the merry-go-round

My four year old birthday boy on the merry-go-round

My mom with my totally cute nephew, Dominick

Scattered Pictures

You asked if all my kids shared bedrooms. Nope, I just put them on the book and game shelves to sleep.


Ni-night kids


Hibiscus blooming in February! The picture turned out pretty light, but it was absolutely beautiful in real life.

The night I got home from Texas, I tucked Clay into bed and walked out into the family room. Immediately, he started yelling, "There's something outside my window! I'm scared. I don't wanna go to bed." Used to his stalling, I, of course, replied, "There's nothing outside your window, now go to sleep." He seemed pretty freaked out though, so Savannah took pity on him and went into his room to settle him down. A second later, she yelled, "There's something outside his window! There's an animal!" We all rushed back to take a look. This is what we found sitting on the window sill...

An opossum! It's not like we live in the woods or anything. I have no idea where this little guy came from, but he posed nicely for his picture, didn't he?


Last night we had a full lunar eclipse here. Austin and Savannah went out and took pictures as the eclipse progressed. Cool, huh?





OK I'm off to make birthday cakes...

It's A.....

OK, I've had like a thousand people email me asking me if I was ever going to reveal what the gross food was. I guess you missed the part where I wrote, "I'll announce the winner on Friday." You guys pay attention like my kids do! ;) Since I've already gotten a correct guess though, I'll go ahead and tell you the winner tonight. But first.... I was really amazed at the number of comments I deleted from people who wrote, in a really nasty way, that I was a terrible mother who never changed her kids' sheets. They assumed the food had been there without a container for months. Now these comments didn't really bother me because I knew the whole story behind the food whereas they did not. It just surprised me at how many self righteous people out there feel the need to judge someone else. 

I don't share stuff on my blog so that people can rip me apart. My readers don't share their comments to be judged and put down either. I share stuff to let everyone know that they aren't alone. I tell it like it is. I love my family, but I'm not perfect. I don't pretend to be. I like to share the crazy things my family does and I hope it helps you to find the humor in the everyday, crazy things in your life. I just want to tell my readers that it's ok if you have laundry piled to the ceiling. It's ok if you gotten nothing done in your house because you just spent the whole day holding your sick, feverish toddler. And it's ok if you've somehow managed to miss a chunk of lasagna in your child's bed for a couple weeks! ;) LOL Just keep in mind, when you're reading a blog (be it mine or anyone else's) that as a reader, you're only getting a glimpse into the writer's life. The writer doesn't share every detail of every story because, let's face it, that would be extraordinarily boring. Reading blogs is fun. It isn't necessarily a study in nonfiction. Stories are not necessarily the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. They are a mere glimpse into the writer's life and nothing more. So, come on everyone. Let's play nice and support each other . . . Or you'll be grounded until next month! Because I said so! 

OK, the gross food was a turkey and cheese sandwich on wheat bread. Joe and I believe it was only setting out for four days. The reason it got so nasty so quickly is because of the diet we have Jackson on - no artificial additives or preservatives. Have you ever made fresh bread? You know how fast it goes bad, as opposed to the store bought varieties made with more chemicals than flour. Jackson brought his uneaten lunch home from school and carried the sandwich, which was sealed in Tupperware, to his room so he could have a snack after school. Knowing Jackson, he got side tracked, forgot about his sandwich and left it there for a few days. Here's the whole picture of the "sandwich" in the container...  

 Congratulations to morninglight mama who was the first person to guess turkey and cheese on wheat. She'll be getting some new Tupperware containers courtesy of Barb at Tupperware! Thank you Barb! Check out her website to order your own containers or to book a party so you can get some free Tuppergoodies! Oh yeah, if you like giveaways, check out the contest Angie's got up on Mamaslike right now. Thank you to all the people who voted for my blog in the Blogger's Choice Awards. My blog is currently in first place for Best Humor Blog and Best Parenting Blog It's in third place for Best Blog of all Time and Hottest Mommy Blogger. Thank you!!! I'm so flattered! Oh yeah! I cannot believe the amount of folks who googled the terms I wrote about today!

How Did You Get Here???

I like to check my stat counter now and then. It's fun to see what keywords people use in their Google searches that bring them to my blog. Here are a few from this week...

playland pee pants
It's the new Chuck E. Cheese.

my kids are so bad

Join the club.

gaterdad
Upon waking and seeing his reflection in the mirror,

Mark googled this.

dime a dozen for big butt

Twelve big butts for 10 cents! Get 'em while they're fresh!

if you never wanted to talk you should have said so

Wouldn't you have to talk to do that?

hamper wet clothes odor urine

the answer is - your kid peed in his pants and threw them in the hamper.

do you work at a grocery store? no. then why are you checking me out?

Lame pick-up lines for $400, Alex.

my son had a diaper full of clear gel like pellets

You might want to stop feeding him clear gel like pellets.

best way to clean in butt

For real? Someone had to google this?

ok so who has the best mom site

I do, of course. ;)

(The next three must have been done by the same person!)
if i touch the plastic covering right above the styrofoam piece, the styrofoam piece falls and may dance some more

why did you go you could have let me no so now im all along what will it take to make you come back home

you know who i said i do she said you do i said do but i really don't because it's you that i really want.

Friends don't let friends google drunk.

how to cram feet into shoes

Are there really websites out there devoted to this?

popsicle stick hamster coffin

Yes, I think Martha Stewart had a special on popsicle stick furniture recently.

the song that gets on your nerves

I bet this is what came up...http://mom2my6pack.blogspot.com/2007/11/ultimate-diet.html

spaz purse

Forget Coach, Fendi, Vuitton, and Prada. The Spaz purse is all the rage this season.

hair in your butt crack

Naturally my blog came up on this search - probably because of all the time I devote to talking about the topic of hair in your butt crack.

eat butt paste

I frequently post recipes for this ingredient.

photos of horses butt hole

I don't know why, but I feel a little sorry for the person who googled this.

my mom said to pick the very best one and this is it

Interesting way to pick a website. I wonder if she "eeny meeny miny mo"ed her husband.

can blogger see who has looked at blog

Yes. We can see who typed in stupid search phrases on Google too.

i wish there a way to go into the world of pokemon

You know, he needs something to do now that he's reached the highest level in Dungeons and Dragons.

stomach srapels

I've heard that these are even safer than staples.

my cat is dragging his butt hold across the carpet

Is anyone else noticing a disturbing amount of butt references?

i put honey on my infants pacifier continuously 10 days, and just read that honey is not good for them, what can I do?

First off, you can type 90% less words in your search.

inconce

My blog came up in this search??? What the crap is an inconce???

look what i can do blogspot



how do you decide to have 6 kids
Not by reading my blog, that's for sure!

why does cheese ruin your voice
If the person who googled this saw my pictures from last night and thought they were of cheese, I can understand their belief that cheese could indeed ruin one's voice.

lightbulb shaped bottles
Now there's a bright idea.

i resign
Me too!

Gross Food Find Contest

Inspired by my friend, Michelle over at My Semblance of Sanity, I'm doing a Gross Food Find Contest. You know, since I can't manage to go a week without finding some disgusting food item left somewhere in my house.
Joe found this in Jackson's bed while helping him look for his tin whistle. Leave me a comment with your guess as to what on earth it is and the first person with the most correct answer will win. I'll annouce the winner on Friday. The prize will be a set of new Tupperware containers to help keep your food fresh even when it's been in a backpack for a month. :)




Mmmmmm, now that's good eats!

Sunday Sound Out

Home sweet home. Thank you Kelli and Dennis for your awesome hospitality! I had a wonderful time in Texas, but it's nice to be home. Savannah and Lexi got sick while I was gone and they have fevers. :( Although I was only gone 2 1/2 days, and Joe was perfectly willing and capable of caring for our kids, I felt guilty about leaving. I honestly think it's a good idea to get away for a little bit now and then whether it's to a movie with your girlfriends, or dinner with your sister, an overnight retreat, or a short weekend away. If you can swing it (and believe me I know it's not always possible to find the time, money, or child care to do this) I really recommend it. There's just something about escaping for a little bit that can clear your mind, refresh and renew your spirit, and make you really appreciate what you have. That said, I have to admit that I felt guilty leaving. Why is that? Why do moms feel so bad if we take a little time for ourselves?

Anyway, I got to the tiny airport in Corpus Christi about 45 minutes before my flight. No problem because the airport is small and there were only 4 other people in the whole place. So, I go through security where the guy tells me that my driver's license is going to expire in a couple weeks. Yes, I'm aware of that, thank you. As my belongings are going through the xray machine, the TSA guy asks me, "Do you have any liquids with you?"
I answered, "Yes, right here in my quart size, zippered bag, duh." He didn't buy it and made me open my suitcase so he could rummage through it. I was a little put out, thinking that the guy was wasting my time and I needed to get to my gate. I know the drill. I had my little baggie of 3 ounce bottles separated from the rest of my belongings.

He looked through my clothes. That's fun - having a stranger look at your underwear in the middle of the airport. He pulled out a gallon size ziplock bag holding my Sonic cup filled with sand and seashells. He gave it a strange disgusted look and put it back. And then he pulled out the little bottles of hot sauce. Oops. I had totally forgotten that I'd bought them! I felt like an idiot. Everyone behind me in line pointed at me and implied I was a terrorist for trying to smuggle hot sauce into Illinois. Ugh.

The TSA guy escorted me out of the security area so I could go check my bag where the lady at the counter helpfully informed me that my driver's license was going to expire soon. Then I got to walk through the whole security process again. I walked through sheepishly, head hung low, for forgetting about the hot sauce and the TSA guy reminded once again (in case I'd forgotten in the last 5 minutes) to take care of my driver's license when I got home.

On the second leg of my trip, from Houston to Chicago, I got to sit next to Coughy McCougherton. Oh man, did that gross me out! Want to take bets on how many days until I get sick?

Oh yeah! I joked that I'd probably have sand and hot sauce all over my luggage when I got home. Well, the hot sauce was ok, but the sand....notsomuch.

OK, here are this week's questions...

Dawn, I just LOVE that you do this. Are you always this quick on your toes? - BoufMom9
Oh yes, I'm especially quick on my toes trying to catch up to my friend Gin when we go "walking".

When you were pregnant with your kids did you ever have morning sickness? We want to have more kids but I had morning sickness so bad when I was pregnant with my first that im not sure how it will affect how I take care of my son. Any tricks you had? - Angela
I had morning sickness to some degree with all six of mine. Things that helped me were eating sour candies, drinking ginger tea, and eating almost constantly (which may have had something to do with now lovely physique.)

Seriously - how did you plan the kids that way? I've seen you post it twice already, the first time I thought it was a joke, then you said it again and I am now guessing you are serious. - Anonymous
Well, if you eat red M&Ms while you're pregnant, it will be a girl and if you eat blue ones, it will be a boy. (I'm sorry. I just couldn't resist.)

Oh, and a SSO question for next week, how long do you actually follow through with grounding your kids? You say your oldest is grounded until the second coming. My mom could efficiently ground me for a whole month before it wore off (gradually), but I have a hard time grounding my kids for more than a week. (Is it just circumstances or am I really that weak? LOL!) - Anonymous
Good question. It's really important to say what you mean and mean what you say. Although on my blog I said that Austin was grounded until the second coming, I actually told him that he was grounded from TV and going out and doing anything fun until he was caught up with all his missing assignments. I stuck to that one. He's just now gotten his TV privileges back. I also told him that he was grounded from video games until March. I've stuck to that one also. I know it can be hard sometimes, but I think it's very important to follow through with what you say, not only when you dish out a punishment, but if you make a promise to do something also. Your kids won't respect you or trust you if you aren't true to your word. Like I said, it's easier said than done... This is why it's imperative that you think first before laying down the law. For example, it may not be a the best idea to tell your 3 year old that he can't watch tv for the next year. Really, who is that punishing? You obviously won't be able to stick to that without landing in a nut house. Try to make the punishment fit the crime, and make it age appropriate. Yes, I took video games away for a long time, but I give my 2 oldest kids a fair amount of freedom when it comes to school work. They've always brought home As, with the occasional B. They've always completed their assignments, therefore, I don't hound them about homework. Austin slipped up and blew it. He showed me that he'd made poor decisions with his time management and chose TV, video games, and goofing off instead of completing his work. Because of this, I limited his options, so he would have no choice but to do his work if he wanted the freedom to play games. When he proves that his brain is functioning once more, I'll give him more freedom to make his own choices with his time again.

Are you kidding me? You were able to answer all those without thinking? I hurt my brain on the first one! (Thinking, "Back seat? The one directly behind the driver? Or the one all the way in the back? Good lord, I haven't climbed back there since the fam came back from their Thanksgiving exile -- er, trip! I wonder if that's where that haunting smell is coming from. Or -- wait, this couldn't be asking about all four rows of back seats, could it?")Thanks for the invite to take the night off from thinking, Dawn. Yeah, thanks a lot. - Kalynne
You think too much, Kalynne! :)

Your blog has become daily humor therapy for me! Just wondering - do you receive more or less e-mail now then you did during the Pokemon auction? - Janelle
I get less now than during the auction, but I get more insane ones now.

okay, so aquamarine *reminds me of a movie my daughter watched on Disney...I think* is your birthstone...which means March...when is your birthday and what do you want? - Bre's Mama
You are right! And I'd like a house someplace that doesn't get snow. :D

Question: Do the normal folks in your life know of your online success? (Such as your pastor, doctor, grocery store check out girl) Or, is is still safe for you to go outside the house without paparazzi following you? - Angela
LOL! My pastor, the pediatricians, and a couple check out girls do actually know about my blog, but it's no big deal. I'm just a regular ole mom who goes to the grocery store in jeans, and t-shirts smeared with peanut butter, her hair stuck up in a ponytail, a bunch of kids hanging on me.

Have fun! Of course you found the glasses! Are you going to see Mimi? - Grandmother Goddess of the Garden
I would LOVE to see Mimi in person, but no I didn't get to her neck of the woods while I was in Texas. I think we may be meeting up soon though... :)

Do you think you can get that recipe for the curry dish? I love Thai and curry and it sounds wonderful. - Deb in OPKS
LOL! I told Kelli that I had readers who wanted her recipe and she said, "I think of recipes as more of guides. This dish is kind of an amalgam of a couple different recipes." She promised to try to remember how she made it and post it on her blog though.

You flew into Houston and drove to Corpus? - rusrhi
I flew into Houston and then walked 8 and a half miles, took a bus, a tram, and a helicopter to get to the other side of the airport so I could change planes just for fun and fly on to Corpus Christi.

Actually Joey got stage fright, you needed Chandler to step up and do the job. Because, yeah, He stepped up! But really, we should never, ever talk about it. - Julie Oh my gosh! My face is red! I can't believe I messed up my Friends trivia! You're right! I kept picturing Joey saying, "That's right! I stepped up to the plate!" but I forgot that he got stage fright! LOL!!!

Do you find yourself saying dumb stuff, out of habit, as if the kids were there? "Oh, look, an airplane!" "See the horsie?" - Suburban Correspondent
I totally do that! This weekend, I also grabbed for a diaper wipe in my camera case and it took me a second to realize that I didn't have the diaper bag with me!

Pardon my ignorance (I've never been to a beach and apparently skipped biology class), but what happens when you touch a jellyfish? And are those jellyfish alive or not so much alive? - Raising Country Kids
According to Kelli, they were still alive, waiting for the tide to carry them back out to sea, but I believe you can still get stung if you touch them even when they're dead.

Check back here tomorrow for my great contest!

The Prairie Sky is Wide and High

Kelli and I are so brave, so confident and secure about ourselves that we can show you these pictures. Now brace yourselves. They aren't pretty. You've been warned.

Before Texas humidity...

After Texas humidity!!!

Note the Texas oil well look on our faces. So pretty and shiny!

So, that's why the folks from Dallas looked like this!

Kelli and her husband Dennis, drove me to Padre Island where we walked along the beach and collected shells. I kept seeing these strange blue balloon-like things all over the beach and had no idea what they were. They were odd looking. I bent down to pick one up when Kelli told me, "Ummm, you might not want to do that. Those are jellyfish." Duh! The beach was covered with jellyfish! It was really neat. The only jellyfish I've seen have been on SpongeBob and they're always pink. How should I know those blue balloons were jellyfish? Amazingly I didn't step on any (because of course, I was barefoot). It's a good thing too because Joey Tribiani wasn't around to pee on my foot.

A gift shop that looks like a cool sand castle


Another gift shop - you walk through the mouth to get inside. I guess you get vomited out when you leave.

the beach

jellyfish

bird

a little crab

Remember the black hole at my house? The one where all my lost items go? Well, I today I learned where the black hole empties out! At the beach on Padre Island!

a lightbulb covered in barnacles

looks like another jellyfish, but it's a balloon


a big drum of something or other

motor oil

Now I'm told that the beach is lovely during the summer and it isn't littered with garbage that's washed ashore. It's really sad to see all the junk that ends up in the ocean.


Check out the road! It looks like it goes up and then just drops off the face of the earth!

Check it out! They have Jack in the Box too! We don't have those anymore. Oh and I apologize to the many angry readers who pointed out my horrible, grievous error. I'm sorry for saying we don't have Sonics in IL. Apparently southern IL does. Who knew?

Oh yeah - note the wind in the palm tree!