11 Things You MUST Know Before Dating A Woman Fluent In Sarcasm

Sarcastic women aren't THAT funny. Just kidding, we totally are. (That was sarcasm.)

I've been told I'm sarcastic, but I just call it an intolerance for stupidity. Most of my friends appreciate my quick wit even if it can be snarky at times.

Now and then, I run across someone who doesn't get my humor. I had a date with a guy I'd met on an online dating site last week. We started talking and he asked, "How many kids do you have?" I responded, "I have 6. Yeah, it seemed like a good idea at the time."

The waiter stopped by to take our order and my date asked me, "Do you drink?" I answered with, "Did you not hear the part about 6 kids?" He continued to stare, solemn-faced, waiting for me to answer him. I knew right then that there was no chance of a relationship with this guy.

 

Not everyone can appreciate the utter brilliance of a sarcastic person. Not everyone "gets it." Not everyone can handle dating someone with a sarcastic sense of humor. Can you?

Here are 11 things you need to know before embarking on a relationship with someone whose primary mode of communication is sarcasm.

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21 Struggles Only Chronically Late People Understand

I had a date last week. We were supposed to meet at a restaurant at 7 p.m. At 7 p.m., when I was still miles away from the restaurant, I texted the guy and said, "This might be a good time to mention that I'm one of those annoying, perpetually late people."

Way to make a first impression, right? The thing is, I really thought I'd be on time. In fact, I thought I'd be early.

I was late for a variety of reasons: my hair looked crazy, my kids needed to tell me a very long, involved story about hunting for Sasquatch right as I was about to walk out the door, the place we were supposed to meet at was 40 minutes away, I got lost, I got stuck behind a train, and I was also dealing with the paradoxical "extra time."

 

The struggle is real, people. Here are 21 struggles of perpetually late people:

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That Time I Got To Do Laps With Johnny Unser In A Corvette At Cooper Tire

I had the privilege of attending the Cooper Tire Ride-n-Drive event in Texas last month and I learned so much valuable information while I was there! If you missed it, you can see my post about TIRE SAFETY HERE! It's chock-full of really great tips that will benefit anyone.

While I was there, not only did I get to test drive vehicles with different tires, but I got to do some hot laps with veteran race car driver, Johnny Unser. That was FUN! I want that job - testing Cooper tires by racing around the track! Here's a video from my laps in the Corvette Stingray with Johnny. He told me we were going about 90 mph. That may not seem all that fast, but when you're flying around corners at that speed, it's like the most awesome roller coaster ever! (Note how Johnny stays upright in his seat while I flop around like a ragdoll. Ha ha!)

80s Movies on Netflix

I believe it’s my duty as a parent to teach my kids all they need to know to grow up to be conscientious adults and well-adjusted, contributing members of society. I also believe that education just wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t share the classic movies of the 80s with them. I mean, John Hughes defined a generation! What kind of parent would I be if I didn’t share those iconic movies with my kids? Enter Netflix! My kids and I have watched The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Adventures in Babysitting, The Goonies, The Karate Kid, and many more on Netflix. And you know what, they love those movies as much as I do! Okay, maybe they don’t love them quite as much as I do, but they do have an appreciation for them. Hmmmm, maybe they just humor me and tolerate them . . . Nah, that can’t be it. I’ve heard them quote the movies (sad and demented, but social) so I know they like them. Plus there are lessons to be learned from each movie!

Here are some of the 80s movies you can catch on Netflix right now! The only question is - which one will you share with your teens first?

Dirty Dancing – Who, when confronted with a cute boy, hasn’t completely frozen up and stuttered something ridiculous? “I carried a watermelon.”

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off – “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Girls Just Want to Have Fun – I’ve used this sentence as my go-to topic changer for as long as I can remember. I think I probably originally got it from this movie. “So! How about them Cubs? I think it's their year!”

Labyrinth – You have to kind of wonder what kind of drugs everyone was on when they made this movie. This is a good lesson for your kids. Don’t do drugs. “You remind me of the babe. What babe? The babe with the power. What power? The power of voodoo. Who do? You do. Do what? Remind me of the babe.”

Top Gun - "I feel the need, the need for speed!"

Heathers

Footloose - You can't go wrong with a choreographed dance number.

Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure




Stand by Me



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