Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I Need a Clone


Jackson had a hockey game, Austin had a baseball game, and Savannah had a softball game last night. At the same time. At fields across town. This is why I have a strict "One Activity Per Child, Per Season" rule. Still, I'd pay big money for a cloning machine right about now. And I'd send one of my clones to the games until the weather warmed up and I no longer needed a down coat and a cup of coffee to keep warm.

I might send in a clone when my kids were pitching too because I find it very nerve-wracking watching them pitch. For some reason, all the pressure of the game seems to ride on the pitcher's shoulders. If the team wins, then hooray for the pitcher! If the teams loses, then it's all the pitcher's fault. Or so it seems.

Of course, I might have to send a clone when it gets really hot and humid too. I mean, I've seen players pass out from the heat in June and July. Yeah, that would be a really good time to send a clone, I think. And why stop there? While I'm at it, I think I could use a clone to do my laundry. Oooo, and I could use one to yell at the kids when they put their clean, folded clothes back in the hamper before they've even worn them simply because they're too lazy to put them away. I'm getting really tired of doing that. A clone to cook dinner would be nice. I think one to do the grocery shopping, one to clean the bathrooms, and one to run errands would be a good idea also.

That would leave me with plenty of time to play unending hours of dress-up, "restaurant", Hi-Ho Cherrio, and Rock Band with the kids. I would always have time to play one of Brooklyn's favorite games called "put on Polly Pocket's clothes, take off Polly Pocket's clothes, put on Polly Pocket's clothes, take off Polly Pocket's clothes, put on Polly Pocket's clothes, take off Polly Pocket's clothes". I'd also have all the time in the world to watch the kids play catch, or H-O-R-S-E in the backyard. I could watch Clay for hours when he says, "Hey Mom! Watch me!" as he skips off on one foot while flailing his arms in the air. "Did you see me, Mom? Were you watching? Can you do that, Mom?"

Yep, more of me is what I need. Well, actually I don't need more of me as in "I need to gain weight so there's more of me." I really need much less of me in that sense. But I could use a couple clones to help me out. That's what I want for Mother's Day. Are you listening, kids? Hint, hint.

23 comments:

Cheri-Beri said...

I tell my husband all the time that I need a wife. Someone to take care of all the details. Someone to make all the arrangements. Someone to keep me smelling fresh as daisies!!!

Anonymous said...

The polly pocket game name made me laugh. My father babysits my 4 year old niece a good bit---i bet in all his life he never thought he would someday be the grandpa that is good at helping dress/undress polly pocket!!

ShellyBlake said...

LOL Dawn - take off Polly Pocket's clothes, put on Polly Pocket's close, repeat. I live that too!

Anonymous said...

Okay....about the clean, folded clothes back in the laundry because they're too lazy to put them away. I'm pretty sure that's a common thing! At least my kids did it when they lived at home and the baby is 28 and hasn't lived at home for 10 years!!!!! I finally got smart around the time the youngest was in 8th grade and told them they all needed to do their own laundry! Worked pretty well until the 16 year old hosed off his car mats and put them in the dryer........... Long story short, after spending 4 hours cleaning the dryer out because of the dried on mud, I realized the motor was burned out and I had to buy a new dryer......... Just *food for thought*........

imtcbbaby said...

Hahahaha! Have you seen the movie Multiplicity with Michael Keaton? If not, you should! Cloning at it's comedic best! Or heard the song "I Need a Wife" by Mary Chapin Carpenter (I think)? one of the lyrics goes something like 'I need another ME in my life!'

Jennifer in Wisconsin said...

My friends and I have been thinking that polygamy may not be a bad idea after all. More moms to help with the cooking, cleaning, childcare, etc. You can go take a moment for yourself and someone else can care for the kids and regular duty. The only thing we would add is at least one more husband to the mix. I guess they were correct when they said it takes a village to raise a child.

Gen said...

Dawn, you're awesome!

kimikki said...

If you get a cloning machine for Mother's day, will you ask where they got it so the rest of us can get one, too?

Juneau Poole Party said...

Have you seen the movie Multiplicity with Michael Keaton?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117108/

It is about this very topic - and a very funny movie! I love it when the clone makes a clone of themselves - not quite as sharp as the original!

Linda Davis said...

I used to have the same rule in my house. Only 1 sport and 1 non-sport activity at a time. But I only had 2 children, so I can't imagine what it's like for you! This is when hubby REALLY has to step up to the plate! Spring is the most stressful time of year due to sports, end of year school activities, getting things done around the yard, etc. Good luck!

the6horns said...

You said it sister! That is exactly how I feel! Have you been peeking in my mind?

Blessings!

Anonymous said...

So, do we get the real Dawn, or the clone at the Ice House tomorrow? :)

Karen

Anonymous said...

Dawn,

I was driving to the metro bus stop this morning at 4:30am, TX time, and I heard a promo on KSBJ that you will be the special guest today on the Joey K. show. I can not wait to hear you!
Jenny F. in TX.

MommyChris said...

I say this all the time. I'm always telling my boss or my husband that I need a Doug. My bosses' boss was the only one that got it at first. I think I'm going to have to rent Multiplicity soon.

M said...

My DD used to do that too, put clean folded clothes in the hamper. They went right back in her room. One time I made a pile of her dirty clothes and compared to the pile of everybody else's clothes COMBINED, hers was higher.

Sherry said...

On laundry... our oldest started doing her own laundry when I got tired of washing her clean clothes. I just told my kids to get the Polly pocket stuff off of the stairs where they were playing with it... "that's okay mom, they're rubber so you can't hurt them." It's not them I am concerned about, I don't want to fall! Oh.

mommeeof9 said...

Have a responsible daughter old enough to drive is wonderful. I knew there was some reason I let her survive being a (pre) teen hormonal brat. :)

Theresa Wiza said...

I was a single mom raising four children alone. I definitely feel for you. How I would have LOVED to have had clones of myself for the shopping, cleaning, and laundry. Being in four different places at the same time before, after, and in between my work hours for all the practices, games, and events required calendar skills beyond my level of training. Looking back, I still wonder how I did it. Your excellent sense of humor will carry you through.

Michelle said...

Polly pockets are big enough to dress and undress?...hmm. I must be old. I remember the time when the little polly pocket kits came in little 4 inch round hinged things and the polly pockets themselves were only slightly bigger than the diameter of a marble. Must have presented a cholking hazard (sarcastically *ya think?*).

Shellie said...

Someday, you might have a clone but they will be taking care of your grandchildren without a clone of their own too. Oh how I've wanted to clone myself! About as often as I've wanted to light a match to the house and start all over.

dorthyinoz said...

Have you ever seen "Multiplicity", that is what happens with clones, LOL.

Jkhb said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one that sooo LOVES to play that polly game! I've played it with Barbie, and littlest pet shop too!

Michelle said...

Hey, if you get that present, make sure your kids pass along the store they shopped at. I'm a little too far behind for my liking! Happy Mother's Day!

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