So I got on the scale for the first time in a month and I came to the shocking realization that I'd gained slightly less than a metric ton. I have no idea how this happened. My diet is exemplary. Today, for example, I had two cups of cream with a little coffee for flavor and a donut which was stale so I'm pretty sure it doesn't count. At church, we celebrated a birthday with cake after worship service. I think the cake was blessed and holy cake can't have that many calories. Of course I had to finish my son's slice as well. Waste not, want not. For lunch I had a peanut butter sandwich, about 70 pretzels (but they were the little skinny stick kind so they don't count) and half my weight in chocolate. The chocolate didn't even taste very good, and if you don't enjoy the food you're eating, you don't have to count those calories. I had a big, fat cheeseburger for dinner along with enough fries to keep Idaho in business, but I ate that while standing up and doing dishes because I was in a hurry to leave and play chauffeur to my daughter and everyone knows that food consumed while standing doesn't count. Plus I washed it all down with a Diet Coke which negates the calories in the cheeseburger, so really I think I should be losing weight.
On the menu for tomorrow is water for breakfast, lettuce for lunch, and a Tic Tac for dinner. Now I'm off to search for a snack. I've already looked in my fridge twice, but perhaps the food fairies have come and left something good to snack on while I was writing this. Hey, it's not Monday yet.