New New Year's Resolutions

Remember way back to when we made our new year's resolutions? Anyone? Anyone? Buehler? I remember mine. Vaguely. Hard to believe it was just a month ago. How is everyone doing with their resolutions? Are they going well? Are you keeping them?

I've been doing, umm, a little less than stellar. However, instead of admitting failure, I've decided to make some little, small, tiny, revisions to my list of New Year's resolutions. Since making my revisions, I feel so much better. I'm not nearly the slacker I was before I edited my list.

1. I will lose 50 pounds this year.
Due to non-compliance, this resolution has been modified to now read, "I will lose 3 pounds this year." DONE!

2. I will not lose my temper with my kids.
This one has been changed to, "I will not lose my temper with my kids more than 20 times a day." SO FAR, SO GOOD!

3. I will keep my house clean.
This one has been amended to read, "I will keep my house clean from midnight until 7:00am on days that begin with 'M'." I HAVEN'T DONE THIS YET, BUT THERE'S ALWAYS NEXT WEEK!

4. I will not let my laundry pile up.
This is now, "I will be entirely caught up on laundry at least once this year."
AGAIN, THIS HASN'T HAPPENED YET, BUT I HAVE HIGH HOPES OF KEEPING THIS RESOLUTION AT SOME POINT!

5. I will find a doctor and get a physical, I will go to the OB/GYN, and I will get a mammogram.
OK, I haven't changed this resolution because if I do, I'll have 5000 well-intentioned ladies yelling at me to do it. :0
THANKS TO DEAR OLD MOM(and by "old", I don't mean that she's OLD. She's young. She's very young. And she looks even younger! It's just an expression, folks. Really), I NOW HAVE THE PHONE NUMBER OF A DOCTOR OF INTERNAL MEDICINE. I ALSO FOUND THE NUMBER OF MY OB/GYN. SO YAY. NOW I JUST NEED TO COORDINATE POSSIBLE APPOINTMENT TIMES WITH WHEN MY HUSBAND WILL BE HOME OR WHEN I CAN GET A BABYSITTER. I'M WORKING ON IT!

6. I will be sure to make time for date night with Joe once a month.
New resolution - "I will try to find five minutes of peace and quiet in which to talk to Joe this year."
SO FAR WE'VE HAD 37 SECONDS. ONLY 4 MINUTES, 23 SECONDS TO GO!

7. I will get out with girlfriends once a month.
No amendments needed here.
CHECK!

8. I will write my second book.
This resolution hasn't changed.
I ONLY HAVE 45,000 MORE WORDS TO WRITE!

9. I will get more than 4 hours of sleep a night.
This resolution has been changed to, "I will get more than 4 hours of sleep this year."
SO FAR, SO GOOD!

10. I will wake up before 7:00 am every morning.
This has been changed to, "I will wake up."
I'M DOING FINE WITH THIS RESOLUTION!

11. I will finish things that I start.
This is now, "I will finish things that I start within a

I Resolve to Make a List of Resolutions...in a minute

Four more days until I start my annual diet, follow it for a couple weeks, get a hankering for Lou Malnati's, and decide that delicious pizza is much more important than eating healthy and getting fit. It's a tradition. Who's with me?

Seriously, I feel a heart attack coming on every time I scale a set of stairs. I run out of breath chasing the kids around the house. I need a small crane to help me get up after playing with the kids on the floor. This can't be good.

Putting on jeans, fresh out of the dryer, takes a feat of Herculean strength. My fat rolls have developed rolls of their own and if I gain one more pound, I fear I'll need the jaws of life to extricate my butt from the seat of the plane the next time I travel.

Why is it such hard work to lose weight? You have to really pay attention to what you eat. You have to make wise decisions and choose the stinky ole fish over the cheeseburger with 1400 grams of fat. You have to *ugh* exercise. It takes so much effort to lose 5 pounds, yet you can gain 5 pounds in a single day without blinking an eye. It's really not fair. Why is that?

So, anyone else trading in ice cream for nonfat, plain yogurt; cheesecake for an apple; pizza for broiled fish and steamed broccoli?

Maybe I should add some more attainable resolutions to my list. Yeah, that's not a bad idea. Hmmm, let's see. I can resolve to not lose my temper with my kids.
Oh wait - scratch that one.

I can resolve to keep my house clean.
Hmmm, nah, that's no good either.

I could resolve to save money, or read every night, or not let my laundry pile up.
I don't think so.

I know! I can resolve to stop procrastinating.
Ugh, I think I'll just make my new year's resolution list later.