Thanks for the Little Things

A couple days ago, Joe decided that the inside of a couple closets needed to be painted. Immediately. So, he emptied out these closets and painted the insides of them. Well, why not? Makes perfect sense to me. I looked around the house at all the half-finished jobs and things that really needed to be fixed. I saw chipping paint, a bathroom that was primed last year, but still hadn't been painted, a gaping hole in the threshold of the back door, a couple holes in walls, etc. I bit my tongue and realized that once again, I have no idea how the male brain works. I don't understand my husband. I don't pretend to understand him on any level. How could he look around at the house and somehow miss all the obvious things that needed repair and yet feel an overwhelming compulsion to paint the inside of a closet? How?

Getting ready for the kids' birthday party last week, Joe came home from work about 20 minutes before we had to leave and said, "What can I do to help? What needs to be done?" Now, I know he was trying to be helpful, but I was on a mission to finish Brooklyn's cake, get everything together, and hop in the shower. I knew what I needed to do and I just didn't have the time to stop and give him directions. That's how I work. It drives me batty when I have to give him instructions like one of the kids. Why doesn't he just know this stuff? Seriously, why do I have to tell him everything?

On the flip side, Joe probably thought, "What is her problem?! Why is she stomping around, looking all ticked off when I'm standing here, asking her what I can do to help? What, does she think I can read minds? All she has to do is tell me what she wants and I'll do it. I don't automatically know what her plan is."

I'm pretty sure that men and women are different species.

After the birthday party, this escalated into a full blown argument. "I did everything for this party. Everything! I booked the party place, I bought the decorations. I sent out the invitations. I ordered the food and made the cakes and bought the presents. And you don't appreciate it! You can't ever acknowledge what I do and say thank you!"

"Why should I thank you? It's just a birthday party. Do you thank me for going to work every day? Do you thank me for dumping the garbage? Do you say thanks when I change the oil in your car?"

Boy, it's easy to start taking each other for granted, isn't it? It's easy to get in the habit of thinking, why should I thank you? It's your job.
Even though the little tasks we do: doing laundry, taking out the trash, grocery shopping, making doctor's appointments for the kids, paying bills, car maintenance, etc., might be our "jobs", it doesn't hurt to acknowledge them.

And ladies, we all know our husbands aren't going to suddenly start coming home, saying things like, "Wow, that's one sparkly toilet! Good job, cleaning!" or "I really appreciate that you helped the kids with their homework tonight." But, I bet if we started telling our husbands, "Hey thanks for taking out the garbage", or "thanks for giving the kids baths tonight", they might just pick up on it and reciprocate. That's my theory anyway. And wouldn't it be better if you both hear those little "thank yous" now and then? And wouldn't it be better if you were both happy and felt good about yourselves and each other?

So thank you for changing the oil in my car and getting me iced coconut coffee today, Joe! And I love the inside of the closets! I don't know how we went so long without painting them! ;)

Now Where Did I Put Those Keys?

I've been set straight. A gentleman wrote me and informed me of my grievous error. Apparently there is one man, a shoe salesman in Passaic, NJ, who can multi-task. My apologies to him. Now seriously, of course I made a generalization. There are men who multi-task very well. There are women who don't. That said, I still stand by my original assessment that men (in general) don't multi-task well, and women (in general) do. There have been several studies on this topic, in fact, that have arrived at the same conclusion. Now, this is not necessarily a bad thing, guys. Although most men can't juggle many things at the same time the way most women can, they do tend to focus on one task at a time, respond more quickly, and complete that task faster than a woman would. Most women can half listen to a couple different conversations going on at once. Most men will tune out all but one conversation and completely focus on that one, which is why you never attempt to talk to your husband while he's watching t.v. Which is better - getting bits and pieces of two conversations or getting one hundred percent of one conversation?

Take my grocery store example. I tell my husband to get a package of size 3 diapers, some bananas and a gallon of milk. Yes, he comes home with 3 packages of diapers in various sizes and a banana cream pie, but he does this in under ten minutes. If I'd given him one task at a time, he would've made three trips to the store and still gotten everything home in under half an hour.

Had I gone to the grocery store on the same mission, I would've come home with a package of size 3 diapers, some bananas, a gallon of milk, some strawberries because they were on sale, a bottle of creamer because I remembered that we were out, some Pop-Tarts as a treat for the kids because they were extra well behaved today, some razor blades because they were on clearance, a new bar of soap because ours has been magically transformed into a ball, a package of chicken to put in the crock pot for dinner tomorrow, a couple magazines to read while I'm at the hospital with my son next week, and a princess headband for my daughter just because it was cute. This trip would take me approximately two and a half hours because I'd have to compare prices and look for my coupons, and assuming I was able to run out without the kids, I'd just enjoy my time going up and down the aisles giving sympathetic smiles to parents shopping with kids in tow. And of course, I'd have to stop and chat with every friend I ran into.

See? My husband was on a mission and shopped quickly; I was slow. He was lacking in accuracy; I added unnecessary extras to the cart. Not one method is better than the other. They're just different. My husband will be the first to tell you that he doesn't multi-task well. Give him a specific job (one at a time, please) and he's on it. He stays calm, focuses on that one job, and does it quickly. I, on the other hand, can do half a dozen jobs at a time, but I must admit, I don't always do them well. For example, while I was cleaning my sons' room and conversing on the phone yesterday, I screeched into a man's ear, "It's a hotdog!" Not one of my finer multi-tasking moments. Oftentimes when I clean up around the house while talking on the phone or checking homework, I can't remember where I've put something. Keys? What keys? Oh yeah, I think I remember seeing keys somewhere. Now where did I see them? Where on earth did I put them? (By the way, if keys go missing, blame it on the baby. It works every time.)

So, in conclusion, men, don't be upset if you don't juggle multiple tasks well. You have your own method of doing things and it's not bad. It's simply different. I know I plan on keeping my husband around despite the wrong size diapers he brings home from the store. I have to keep him - he can open the jars of KoolAid pickles, reach the stuff on the high shelves, and change my oil. ;)

My son didn't erase my petrified hotdog picture afterall! I just couldn't find what folder he'd put it in.

The J. Peterman Underwear Hat

Some people simply have style. Perfect for swinging at the park, running in the backyard on a warm summer day, or wreaking havoc at the local grocery store. Red elastic waistband doesn't bind. Holes for air circulation. Soft cotton fabric for stylish comfort. Boys sizes 2T - 4T.

(not really a J. Peterman hat.)