IT'S HERE!!!

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for!

:::drumroll:::

Coming to a store near you November 2! Amazon is taking pre-orders now. Click HERE!

Guess What!

I awoke this morning to the sound something crashing. I jumped out of bed and as I headed toward the family room, I could hear my middle son laughing hysterically.

"What are you doing in here? What did you throw?" I demanded.

"Baby," came his one word answer.

"Baby?" I rubbed my eyes and tried to clear my head. The baby did it? He threw the baby? Wait - the baby's still sleeping. What is he saying? I think to myself that I really should take time to brew a pot of coffee before continuing with this line of questioning.

After interrogating him, I learned that he and my oldest son who had just escaped out the door to walk to school with his friends, had been whipping my daughter's baby doll across the house at each other. What a great idea, boys! In their game of catch, actually scratch that. In their game of Let's See if I Can Maim my Brother by Knocking Him Unconscious With a Doll Who Blinks, Drinks and Wets, they managed to knock over a large vase of flowers sitting on the kitchen table. Water was now dripping off the edge of the table and onto the floor. Water was dripping between the leaves in the table and onto the chairs.

Although I'd be ticked if they did this any time, I was especially irate because I don't do mornings. I loathe waking up to screaming, fighting, arguing, and flying dolls.

Fast forward. The oldest four are at school. The youngest two have been fed. I put a movie on for them (because I'm a bad mom that way) and came in my room to do a little writing. Approximately three seconds later, I saw the three year old go skating past my bedroom door on a couple of plastic plates. Why not, right? He cracked one of the plates. My Tupperware supply is dwindling thanks to stunts like this. I had him toss it into the recycling bin while I explained that plates are not skates. There's a Dr. Seussish book for ya! Mom says plates are not skates. Don't put them on your feet. Don't scoot across the street. Don't strap them to your shoes or you'll fall and get a bruise. Plates are not skates.

Anyway, you wanna know why I had a vase of flowers on the table to begin with? Because my husband brought them to me! Know why he gave them to me? Because a publisher made me an offer and I accepted!!! Or well, my agent accepted. Or my agent brought the offer to me and we both said, "Oh yeah!"

I'm so excited to be working with Guideposts in publishing my first AND my second books! The first one will be coming out in the fall of 2008! These folks have some really fun marketing ideas for the book and I can't wait to share them with you guys!
Hooray! It's official now! I'm getting my book published!

Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad Wolf?

A lot of you guys have been emailing me to get the details on my book. There isn't too much to tell yet. I've spoken with a couple of publishers. They're looking at my proposal and deciding if my book will be a good fit with their publishing house. Within the next few weeks, I expect I'll have some offers from one or more of them. Then my agent will go through the offers and figure out which one is the best for me. I did learn something interesting though. The earliest my book will be out is fall of 2008. That's the EARLIEST! Crazy, huh? It's even crazier because I've almost finished writing it! Who knew that the books we buy in the bookstore were written at least a year or two before they went on sale? The good news is - when I finish up this book in another couple weeks or so, I can start on my second book! :)
Anyway, that's where my book stands now. I'll be sure and let you know when I sign with a publisher in the next couple months or so.

My daughter brought home a list of common and not so common fears the other day that I'd like to share with you.

First off - I'm not making fun of anyone who actually has one of more of these fears. Everyone's afraid of something. These are just more uncommon than most and I find some of the names humorous. (Yes, it's sad that I have to preface my post with this disclaimer, but I just know someone's going to comment that I'm a horrible, cruel person for making fun of those who are afraid of air or something.)

Ephebiphobia - fear of teenagers
I think I might have a touch of this.

Geniophobia - fear of chins
Avoid Jay Leno if you suffer from this affliction.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - fear of long words
Anyone else see the irony in this? How do you think patients feel every time they see their diagnosis?

Mycophobia - fear of mushrooms
After seeing the Dirty Jobs episode where they showed how mushrooms are grown in poop, I may just develop this fear.

Optophobia - fear of opening one's eyes
Must make driving pretty difficult.

Pantophobia - fear of everything
Man, that would sure stink.

Pentheraphobia - fear of mother-in-law
No comment.

Phobophobia - fear of phobias
Guess the profession of psychologist is out for these folks.

Scolionophobia - fear of school
I think a lot of kids have this one.

Technophobia - fear of technology
Oh yeah - this one fits me too. In fact, I kinda fear people who don't fear technology too.

Telephonophobia - fear of telephones
I only have this fear when my bills are overdue

Tocophobia - fear of pregnancy or childbirth
I have definitely developed this one!

Zemmiphobia - fear of the great mole rat
Seriously? There are enough people with this fear that they had to give it a name?

Xanthophobia - fear of the color yellow
What do these people do when they pee?

I think I've come up with some more. These should definitely be added to the list of phobias.

Styrophobia - the fear of styrofoam

Uncomfyshoephobia - fear of pointy-toed shoes

Flushophobia - the fear that one of the kids has just flushed a toy down the toilet

Scalophobia - fear of looking at your bathroom scale while standing on it

Pajamaphobia - the fear that someone will see you dropping your kids off at school in your pajamas

So, what's your biggest fear?

Check out Mamaslike for unique gift ideas from the Rocking Pony, Simply Lovely Gifts and more! See what contests and freebies are being offered here!

WOLF! WOLF! COME QUICK!

I'm feeling a bit like the boy who cried wolf. Except I'm not a boy. And I didn't cry wolf. I cried, "Turn on your VCRs because I'm going to be on the news tonight!" For those of you, who tuned in, thank you and I'm sorry it didn't air again tonight. For those of you who missed it, well, you didn't actually miss it after all.

My toddler had been running around like a monkey on fire all day. Why is it that a toddler (and this really isn't exclusive to toddlers) can sit there watching TV, looking at a book, or playing with a toy and then suddenly, as if they were just poked in the butt with a pitch fork, they'll jump up and scream and take off like a shot? It's as if, out of nowhere, they become possessed and turn into raving lunatics for a few minutes (or hours, if you're so lucky.) The sweet child who was intently watching a video two seconds ago is now running through the house at warp speed and yelling in a foreign toddler language at the top of his lungs. Is this just a stress reliever? Is it to fight boredom? I think I'm going to try this the next time I'm at a boring PTA or church meeting. I'm just going to jump up in the middle of a dull speech and run across the room screaming, AAAAAAAEEEEUEUUURRRRGHGHGIIIIEEYYYYY!!! That should give everyone the proof they need to send me away for a nice long vacation in the nut house.

It wasn't just my toddler acting like a wackadoo today. My baby had to get in on the act too. She never stopped whining which wasn't so bad until she attached herself to my leg so I had to drag her everywhere I walked. Still, it was fine for the first, oh say, five hours and then I snapped. "That's it! We're getting out of here!" We headed to the library. I'm not sure about the kids, but I needed a change of scenery. I was obviously not getting any writing done at home anyway.

So, I went to the library this afternoon and bought my very own water damaged copy of Just Going to the Dentist. I joke that I've paid enough fines over the years to finance a new wing at the library. Today I walked in to see that they really are doing construction on the building. I knew it!

At the library, we picked out a few new books to buy borrow, then the kids hit the play area while I sat down to people watch. So often, I'm in a hurry when I stop at the library or the park or wherever. I feel like I'm forever telling my kids, "Not today. Not now. We're in a hurry. C'mon let's go!" I was so happy to be able to sit down and relax and give the kids something new to play with and let them have fun exploring the different toys. I had no plans of leaving until it was time to pick the older kids up from school. Then I smelled something. The baby had picked that time to fill her diaper. No problem. I'll just change her diaper and....oh no. I didn't bring any diapers with me. No diaper bag at all. No purse. Just my library card and my keys.

I make fun of the new moms who pack the entire nursery into their diaper bags just to go for a walk around the block. Well, here I am with nothing. I've been packing diapers for almost thirteen years straight and yet didn't think to bring one today. I could either stay there, let them continue to play, offer the other patrons gas masks, or I could disappoint them again and drag them home. I dragged them home with the promise that we could play at the park when we picked the older kids up from school.

Remember to always, always pack a diaper (well, I guess you don't have to do this if your kids are in high school). And remember to sometimes curb the urge to say, "Not now. We don't have time," and replace it with, "Let's play!"

Questions From you, the Viewer

Here are the answers to life's my blog's most pressing questions -

When will the ABC World News show air?
The producers probably saw the footage shot at my house and decided it was just too bad to show on national t.v. and the tape now sits in the recycling bin.
Actually, I still don't know. I'll post about it on my blog as soon as I find out.

Why does it take a year and a half for your blog to load?
I have no idea! It does the same thing for me. In fact most blogs on blogspot.com take a long time to load for me. My suggestion is to click on my blog then go pick up the cereal on the floor, change the laundry, throw something in the crockpot, refill your coffee cup (adding Bailey's Irish Creme is optional), unload the dishwasher and try to figure out why you're suddenly missing eight spoons. When you return to your desk, it should be fully loaded.

What is wrong with the first people who commented on your post last night?
Nothing at all. As soon as I published my post, I realized I'd messed up and I went back to edit it. The pictures without the captions showed up for them which is why they thought it was a riddle. What does a snake skin, a big orange ball, and a wad of tangled up hair have in common? The answer, of course, is - my kids spent the afternoon with dad! Need I say more?

Do you really teach your kids to read in the bathtub?
Yes, I teach them to read in the bathtub as much as I teach them to run with scissors, put nailpolish on the t.v., and dart across the street without first checking for traffic.

Can you show us a picture of your daughter's impromptu haircut?
I can't right now because she's sleeping. I guess I passed my cold onto her. I had to pick her up early from school today because she had a fever and a croupy cough. The poor school nurse. Every time she calls me, I answer in a less than enthusiastic, "Which kid is it this time?" My middle son just likes to visit the nurse, I think. She now has strict instructions from me as to how to deal with him when he walks into her office. She's to ask him, "Are there any bones protruding from your skin? Are you unconscious? No? Then go back to class. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200." Seriously, she's a very sweet woman and I don't blame my son for wanting to go hang out in her office every now and then.

How can I find out more about your book?
Well, it's going to be written on paper. I'm pretty sure it will have a title. Oh and a cover! It will definitely have a cover. That's about all I know right now, but I've got a little form on the right side of my blog where you can feel free to sign up for information about the book.

You mentioned moms whose husbands work long hours and moms whose husbands are deployed. What about us single moms?
I didn't intentionally omit the single moms. Of course it would be difficult for single moms to find some "me time" every day, or even every month, I imagine. So to every stay-at-home mom, working mom, work-from-home mom, work-from-home dad, stay-at-home dad, working dad, grandparent, godparent, single parent, married parent, living together in some sort of arrangement parent, mom of few kids, mom of many kids, anyone with the letters M, O, and M in their names, and anyone else I might have forgotten about, pat yourselves on the back! You're doing a very important job and you're awesome! Repeat after me, I'm good enough and I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me.

Will you be doing a book give-away like the one you just did when your book comes out? I'm sure I will! :)

Why do you make your smiley faces with a semi-colon instead of a colon, like this :)? Huh? Smileys? Ohhhh, so that's what those are? I had no idea. I just thought that was a fun way to punctuate a sentence.

P.S. If I was going to make a smiley, I'd use a colon. If I was going to make a winking smiley, I'd use a semi-colon. ;) Got it?

That banana looks familiar. Did you steal it from my car? Ummm yes. Yes, that's what I do in my spare time. I break into other people's vehicles and steal decomposing fruit because I just don't find quite enough of that stuff in my own house.

Now it's time for me to ask a question. A few of you have said that you've given me an award and to visit your blog to get it. That's so very sweet and thoughtful of you! However, I'm really slow here. Explain in simple "a 2 year old could understand" terms as to what I'm supposed to do with it. I'm sorry, but I'm just not familiar with this. Remember I just started this blog a couple months ago. Thank you for your help!

Because September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, I want to post he following text taken from an article written by Brian and Stacey Ledwon.

Childhood cancer is not fair. It is not fair to the children that suffer from it each and every day. It is not fair to parents who try to do what is best for their children under extremely difficult circumstances. It is not fair to siblings that have their life suddenly turned upside down. Our family knows firsthand how ugly childhood cancer is, as our 5-year old daughter Lindsey has been battling a rare brain cancer since September 2004. Did you know:

• 12,500 children will be diagnosed with cancer this year

• Cancer is the leading cause of death by disease in children under 15

• 2,300 children will die from cancer this year

• Incidence of cancer among children in the United States is rising about 1 percent each year, however, survivorship is also rising

• 1 in every 330 Americans develop cancer before the age of 20

I have a button on the right side of this blog for St. Jude's Research Hospital. If you are able, please consider making a donation. One dollar makes a difference. Think of how many people have read this blog this past month. There have been nearly a million hits! Imagine a dollar, just ONE dollar per hit. Wow!