Get in Bed!

“Ni-night, girls. Sweet dreams.  Get some sleep. School tomorrow. I love you. Kiss kiss!”

“Night, Mommy,” my youngest girls said as they threw their arms around me and kissed me goodnight.

I left their room, walked out to the living room, and collapsed on the couch. After getting about four hours of sleep last night, waking up early to find eggs, cooking a big brunch, and cleaning and organizing my garage in preparation for my garage sale, I was pooped. I sat down and and started reading email. No sooner had I opened my laptop when Lexi walked into the living room.


“Um Mom?”  (They always have to begin with, “Mom?” even though I’m sitting right there, looking at them. That isn’t good enough. I must assure them I’m paying 100% attention by answering in the affirmative.)

“Yes?”

“Um, I um. . .”  She trailed off as that universal kid ADD kicked in and she became glued to the TV.

“Hello?” I prompted, bringing her back to her reason for getting out of bed.

“Oh yeah!  Um, you know what my five favorite smells are?”

blink blink

“Chicken pot pie, ham, baby lotion, Suave shampoo, um, and, um, hmmm, I can’t remember the other one.”

“Lexi?”  I said, using her technique of attention-getting.

“Yeah, Mom?”

“GO TO BED!”

Why, oh why, do these most important things pop up when the kids are supposed to be sleeping? It doesn’t matter if I’ve taken time to create a relaxing bedtime routine: snacks, teeth-brushing, story time, snuggling, or if I’ve had a hectic evening and just told them to get in bed. No matter what, they inevitably come up with some very important, life-or-death matter they must discuss after being tucked in.

“Mom, I um, Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Um, Mom, look at me.  This is my super happy face!”  major cheesy smile

“Charming.  Good night.”

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Do I have school tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Um, I forgot.  Oh yeah!  Mom?”

“Still yes.”

“Um, I can’t sleep.”

“That’s because you’re standing here.  Now get in bed!”

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“How many more days until my birthday?”

“You’re not going to make it to your birthday if you don’t get your butt in bed.  I mean, three hundred and thirty-some days.”

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Um, I have to do my project for school.”

“Isn’t it due in two weeks?”

“Yeah.”

“Go to bed!”

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Can I have a hamster? Where do rhinos live? Do whales sleep? I think there’s a spider in my room. My jammies are itchy. I need to go to the bathroom. I know what I want to be for Halloween now. Where’s my blanket? Can I wear my black shoes tomorrow? Can I get a drink of water?”

This is the point when I give up, walk to the fridge, pour myself a glass of wine, and simply tune them out until their mouths get too dry to talk anymore and they fall asleep.  Kids have no clue. If someone told me, “Go to bed and get some sleep while I do some work and clean up the house,” I’d be asleep before my head hit the pillow. Sleep is totally wasted on the young!