What was I Going to Write?

People ask me how I come up with ideas for my blog. "How do you think of something new to write every day?"

I'll let you in on a secret. When my kids do something crazy or an idea suddenly comes to me, I usually stop at some point during my day and jot down a few key words so I remember it. Today, I had a great idea for a blog post. I didn't stop and write it down. Do you think I can remember for a second what I was going to write tonight? The idea completely flew out of my brain.

Was it about going to the doctor's office? No.
About my book? Nope.
Maybe it was about something Clay did? Maybe. I can't really remember anything specific though.
Was I going to write about how my son was practicing his saxophone while my middle son was asking me the same question he'd asked me fifty times this afternoon while my daughter was blaring her music in her room, while I was trying to pay bills, while the phone was ringing, while my husband was working, and while the youngest three were running through the house like lunatics in a game of hide and seek (or notsomuch hide and seek as hide and then scream at the top of your lungs "COME AND FIND ME! I'M IN THE BATHROOM!") No, I don't think that was it.
Perhaps I was going to write about how my baby wore her coat in the house all day long....BINGO! I remembered! (Seriously, it just came to me while writing this! I love it when my brain turns back on like that!) I was going to write that today was officially Winter Coat Day, the first day of the season that you have to drag out the winter coats. When I drove the kids to school this morning, it was 34 degrees outside. That meant, scrambling to find the winter coats and even more searching to find hats and gloves.

"Mooom, these gloves don't match."
"Sure they do."
"One is Spiderman and one is Cinderella!"
"Do you have a left and a right glove?"
"Yes, but...."
"Then you've got a matching pair. You're going to lose one before recess anyway, so don't worry about it."

What makes Winter Coat Day extra fun is the fact that you now have to readjust all the car seats because the straps no longer fit your child and their puffy coat. I suspect this is something you southerners never fully experience. School starts at 9:10 here. That means I usually get my kids to school at 9:11. Because I had to adjust three car seats this morning, I got them to school at 2:30 today. Ok, I'm exaggerating. Actually, car seats are much easier to adjust today than they were just a few short years ago. You no longer have to take them out of your car in order to loosen the straps or move them up a notch. And now, as long as you have a relatively new car (I don't) you can simply latch them in. What a great invention that is! I still have to do it the old fashioned way. You know, you kneel on the seat while you nearly amputate your arm on the sharp edges of the plastic as you try to thread the seatbelt through the little hole at the back of the seat. Then you bounce up and down on the seat a little as you use Herculean strength to make the buckle snap into the receptor. And if your seats recline to much, you have to wad up towels or use pool noodles so the car seat sits nice and level. Fun times, fun times.

Thirteen years ago, when I had my first baby, car seats were super easy to use. You just pulled the bar (much like on a roller coaster) over your child's head and buckled it in. Ta da! I absolutely cannot imagine how my parents did it without car seats at all. How do you concentrate on driving when your kids are bouncing around all over the car? Hmmm, I'll have to ask them this some day.

Anyway, Winter Coat Day only pertains to the little kids who need car seat adjustments to accommodate their poofy coats. The older kids don't celebrate Winter Coat Day because they're impervious to cold. Seriously, watch the kids walking home from junior high some day. These kids amaze me. It's 30 degrees outside and here they come walking home wearing shorts. Oh, there's one wearing a hat! And shorts. Here's a guy with a sweatshirt at least. Oops, too late. He's taking it off and tying it around his waist. Shorts, shorts, jeans and a T-shirt, jeans, shorts, a windbreaker, jeans and flip flops. One out of every seventy kids has on an actual winter coat. Why is this? Is it uncool to be comfortable? To be cool, do you have to literally be COOL? I'll never understand teenagers. Nor will I understand why I continue to live in Chicago when it gets so darn cold here. I didn't use to hate winter, but I think the years of bundling up kids, strapping them in car seats only to hear them say, "I have to go to the bathroom," the minute you start your car, has seriously impacted my idea of winter. I think I could get used to Christmas lights strung on a palm tree.

Oh and to all of you who pointed out that Tupperware has a lifetime guarantee, thank you. I actually sold Tupperware for several years. I was pretty good at it too! I earned a cruise to the Bahamas and drove a company car, in fact. So I know that Tupperware does indeed have a lifetime guarantee. However, I also know me. The last time a plate cracked, I set it on my kitchen counter, intending on finding my nearest TW consultant so it could be replaced. That plate sat there for six and a half months before I admitted that I was never going to get around to finding someone to replace it, and so I tossed it. This time I just cut to the chase. I know - sad.

Lastly, thank you all so much for your wonderful congratulations and well wishes!!! :)

Check out what's new at Mamaslike!

Guess What!

I awoke this morning to the sound something crashing. I jumped out of bed and as I headed toward the family room, I could hear my middle son laughing hysterically.

"What are you doing in here? What did you throw?" I demanded.

"Baby," came his one word answer.

"Baby?" I rubbed my eyes and tried to clear my head. The baby did it? He threw the baby? Wait - the baby's still sleeping. What is he saying? I think to myself that I really should take time to brew a pot of coffee before continuing with this line of questioning.

After interrogating him, I learned that he and my oldest son who had just escaped out the door to walk to school with his friends, had been whipping my daughter's baby doll across the house at each other. What a great idea, boys! In their game of catch, actually scratch that. In their game of Let's See if I Can Maim my Brother by Knocking Him Unconscious With a Doll Who Blinks, Drinks and Wets, they managed to knock over a large vase of flowers sitting on the kitchen table. Water was now dripping off the edge of the table and onto the floor. Water was dripping between the leaves in the table and onto the chairs.

Although I'd be ticked if they did this any time, I was especially irate because I don't do mornings. I loathe waking up to screaming, fighting, arguing, and flying dolls.

Fast forward. The oldest four are at school. The youngest two have been fed. I put a movie on for them (because I'm a bad mom that way) and came in my room to do a little writing. Approximately three seconds later, I saw the three year old go skating past my bedroom door on a couple of plastic plates. Why not, right? He cracked one of the plates. My Tupperware supply is dwindling thanks to stunts like this. I had him toss it into the recycling bin while I explained that plates are not skates. There's a Dr. Seussish book for ya! Mom says plates are not skates. Don't put them on your feet. Don't scoot across the street. Don't strap them to your shoes or you'll fall and get a bruise. Plates are not skates.

Anyway, you wanna know why I had a vase of flowers on the table to begin with? Because my husband brought them to me! Know why he gave them to me? Because a publisher made me an offer and I accepted!!! Or well, my agent accepted. Or my agent brought the offer to me and we both said, "Oh yeah!"

I'm so excited to be working with Guideposts in publishing my first AND my second books! The first one will be coming out in the fall of 2008! These folks have some really fun marketing ideas for the book and I can't wait to share them with you guys!
Hooray! It's official now! I'm getting my book published!

Questions, Questions, Questions

Time to answer some questions again....

I do have a question. Do you feel overwhelmed by all this attention you are receiving? Do you feel "invaded" at times by all these people hounding you for writing a book, sitcom writing, etc.? Just wondering how you balance it all out and still feel sane.
First of all, I never claimed to be sane. I have to admit it was really overwhelming at first. I mean, it's not everyday you get an email from Harpo Productions in your inbox. When I was doing a couple radio interviews a week, it was a bit nervewracking, but I finally put it in perspective - I have six kids. You can't scare me!
Before this happened, I'd been spending a lot of time praying that God would somehow turn around our financial situation and show me a way I could help out with bills. Now I spend a lot of time praying, saying, "Umm are you sure about this God? Do you really want me to do all this? Maybe you could just let me win the Lotto instead?" In all honesty, I think things happen for a reason and although it's really hard to fathom why at times, I'm just trusting that things will work out somehow.

Okay, aside from feeling a tad bit jealous that you are pulling in $4000 a month just from ads, I am wowed at your level of energy. I have half the children you do and a quarter of your energy!!
Oh how I wish I was pulling in $4000 a month. I did make almost that much one month, but it was an isolated thing. As far as energy goes - it isn't energy. It's coffee.

Hi Dawn, I loved your interview. You did not look as bad as you said you did.
Ummm thanks? LOL!

I was wondering how many vacuums you go through? Or if by chance you have any pets? Other then squirrels and critters. A dog makes a great vacuum!
We used to have a dog, but don't have any pets right now. My middle son begs for a dog every day. He's one of those kids who gets stuck on an idea and doesn't drop it. Ever. I think we'll probably get another dog at some point, but not quite yet. It's a trade-off, you know. Dog hair, no crumbs on the floor. Dog hair, no crumbs. Dog hair all over the place, no crumbs. Hmmm, I need to think about this some more.

I thought this was great, Dawn. You come across as such a warm person. You also come across as someone who is totally unflappable, even though that's hard to pull off with little ones running around.
Ahh yes, that's me. Completely unflappable. Yep! Yessiree. I never lose my temper and scream like a lunatic at my kids who have been burping at the dinner table and kicking each other's chairs and blowing bubbles in their milk. Nope, you'll never see me do anything like that.

Do I really get to be first? Thank you for posting the video. It took me long enough to find it on the ABC site.
Umm no. You're not first. Sorry.

This part cracked me up, said by the reporter...something like, "Moms today are turning to other moms for advice rather than the experts."
Ha! "the experts"....
How can they not get it?
Other moms ARE the experts!

I love the segment, and think you kept it real. Thanks for sharing it!
When is the book coming out, and have you picked a title yet?
I should know more details about the book in the next few weeks. Right now the working title is Because I Said So but that could change. If you want to get news on my book, you can sign up for updates to the right -----> I haven't sent out any updates as of yet because there hasn't really been anything to talk about. As soon as I sign with a publisher, I'll let you know.

FYI, with regards to your posts that you are holding back for your book... is this something that your editor is requiring (anything for the book shouldn't be on your site)? If not, please consider putting some of them on your blog, even if in condensed form and not all of them. I miss hearing some of the hi-jinx, and I can promise you that it won't keep me from reading your book!
Well, there's a fine line there. I am using some material from my blog and expanding on it, making it into an actual chapter. I really don't want anyone to buy my book and say, "Hey, I've already read all this stuff! What a rip-off!" There will be more new stuff than blog stuff in the book.

So if you are saving all the good stuff for the book what are we supposed to read about now? I can't wait for some book! My 4 year old son learns his sense of immediate gratification from me!
Patience, Young Jedi.

It still blows my mind that you get so many hits.
You and me both!

Just a thought...
People read your blog for the long stories about your hectic life. If you discontinue sharing such stories, fewer people will read your blog, and thus, fewer people will purchase your book.
Oh! What a great idea! So I can take care of six children, a husband, and my house. I can do the laundry, cleaning, shopping, cooking, homework checking, Sunday school teaching, and dishes. I can write an additional 20,000 words this month for the publisher, I can review products and websites from work-at-home moms and write up reviews on Mamaslike, and I can come up with long, funny stories for you to read every day. Sounds like a plan!

Dawn's World News Tonight Appearance

I started to write a post about my trip to the grocery store today, but after the first thousand words, I realized that my trip was really book material. Sheesh - at this rate, I'll have an entire chapter of shopping adventures! I'll just let you know that it involved an evil bank that takes over a week to clear checks that you deposit, yet checks you write, get put through instantaneously. It also involved a rendition of Funiculi Funicula with ah, new and improved lyrics, and an incident with crackers.

And for a few people who have been asking me for this, here's my World News Tonight appearance. Thank you so much Kelli, for getting this on here! You're AWESOME!!!

These Are the Things You Don't Say to Your Wife

I went on a date last night. Yes, my husband knows about it. It was with him. My church sponsored a couple's date night. They provided babysitting, showed a short, humorous video, and talked about communication before handing us a sheet with discussion topics and sending us out on a date. Although we were tempted to drive home and take a nap, we decided to make the most of our kid-free time. I have to admit, my husband and I started our date by running some errands. Hey - we were together and we were talking uninterrupted by the munchkins, so it still counts. We ended our evening having dessert while chatting at a little coffee shop. We didn't even fall asleep at the restaurant, so it turned out very well in my opinion!

This is something we don't do nearly enough. We never even went out for our anniversary this year. It's sad really. If I could give only one piece of marriage advice to young people out there, it would be to take time for each other. It's so easy to get wrapped up in everything that needs to be done. There are always the kids and work and sleep (a very precious commodity to be sure) and household chores. You can certainly see how a couple could put off and/or forget about taking time for each other. The problem is - the couple starts to become disconnected. How can you be good parents and set a good example for the kids if you and your spouse don't take time each day to talk to each other? How about if you don't take time once a month or so to spend time alone together? My husband said, "Well, the kids come first, right?"

I think that's true in one way. On the other hand, they always tell you to put your oxygen mask on first so you can help others. If you don't take care of yourself and your marriage first, you won't be any good to take care of those little ones counting on you, right?

This is something my husband and I have sadly neglected for too long. We've decided to make an effort to get out for a nice dinner together once a month. I figure we'll make it until January before we forget about our little pact.

I'm sharing part of this funny marriage video by comedian, Tim Hawkins. I love his song at the beginning. It's hilarious! Enjoy!



Check out Mamaslike!

Busting Myths While Busting Out of Your Pants

OK, for the hundred or so of you who wrote me asking what the heck a palindrome is - it's a word that reads the same forwards and backwards. Eye, Bob, Dad, and Racecar are all palindromes. The really, really, really long comment was an insanely huge palindrome that didn't make a whole lot of sense, but read the same way backwards as it did forwards.
OK, this concludes our English lesson for today. Join us tomorrow when we explore the fun and exciting world of alliteration!

So, I was watching Mythbusters with my family this evening. My older kids love this show. Although I find the show entertaining, it scares the snot out of me that one of my kids will try to imitate one of their experiments. I just know I'll walk into my son's room some afternoon and see him with a scale model of the Hindenberg on fire, or a rocket made from a scuba tank, or a pig's stomach filled with Coke and Pop Rocks, just waiting to explode.

So, I'm watching the show tonight and they're testing a myth about shrinking jeans. The myth was that if you put on a pair of tight jeans and sit in a tub of hot water for six hours, your jeans will shrink so much that they'll cut off your circulation and you could either lose a limb or develop a blood clot.

I have to admit that I didn't pay a whole lot of attention to the results of this experiment as I was still stuck on the WHY? of the whole thing. As in - why on earth would anyone want to purposefully shrink their jeans?! I can't think of a single reason. Jeans shrink enough in the dryer, thankyouverymuch. I actually think it's a bad thing when you have to lie flat on your back on your bed, suck in your abdomen until your stomach actually hits your spine, exhale, use a pair of pliers to grab the zipper and pull with all your strength. If you succeed in getting the pants fastened, you then have to find a way to get up off the bed. I've found a crane works well.

OK, so your pants are fastened and you're standing upright. Now you have to learn to walk like Frankenstein because you can't bend your legs and God forbid you breathe or eat anything while wearing your tight pants of death. The extra food in your stomach could cause your jeans to stretch just a millimeter too far resulting in a dangerous situation. If the button holding your pants up should pop off, it could ricochet at speeds over 100 mph and seriously injure an unsuspecting passerby. These things have been known to poke out eyes.

Anyway, my point is - if you think your jeans just aren't tight enough, you
1. have obviously not had six kids
2. have not eaten enough of your kids' Halloween candy
3. may be a super model
4. are testing out a Mythbusters theory, or lastly
5. you're this guy...










T-shirts, and pillows, and bracelets, oh my!

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

Because I'm too tired to write anymore tonight - here, in no particular order, are some of my favorite comments from last night's post.....

quiescentaphobia- fear of what's happening when my kids are quiet!!
Ain't that the truth!

i am 37 and starting to develop a double chin. i frighten myself.
I often frighten myself too!

Long toenails of "The Lost Boys" proportions on other people also totally skeeve me out.

commentaryclaustrophobia- the fear of what comment might come out of your child's mouth while you are trapped in a small, crowded elevator.

I am afraid of wooden spoons.
Thank goodness for harmful toxin-releasing plastic spoons! :)

"Turningintomymotherphobia"
My sister and I have found a way to cure this. We have a pact. If either of us does/says something like our mom, we just slap the other one. I think it's working so far. Although, come to think of it, I did go out of my way to avoid making a left turn across traffic the other day....

What is it called when you to to the Planetarium & you're afraid to get spontaneously sucked up into the dome? Or on a crystal blue cloudless day (yes it has to be crystal blue & cloudless) you're afraid you'll suddenly get sucked up into the sky?
Crazy? Just kidding - it must be really scary to be afraid of this.

Fractophobia -- Fear of Fractions. 95% of all high school students have this.
I absolutely have this one!

Lackocashaphobia...fear of not having enough money to get through the month.
Oh yeah. Who doesn't have this one?

I have a sevenpmpmphobia aka as nightlymarathonphobia - the fear that once you come home, you will have to complete the following tasks: cook dinner, feed the kids, bathe them, put pj's on two squirming toddlers, and nurse a toddler with full set of teeth to sleep - all in one hour.
I almost wrote about this one last night!

Fear of Escalators......my family makes fun of how I get on and off and of how I just stand there stiff the whole trip up (or down). It stems back to a childhood injury where I actually sat down and got my youknowwhat pinched....and another time as a child when I pushed a red button to see what would happen......and it stopped and the security guard yelled at me. So, with that said, I fear escalators.
I have this fear too! But I was never injured and I never had any scary incidents with the escalator. I'm just a dork. In fact, I took my daughter shopping at the mall this evening and we had to take the escalator. To this day I still stand there for a full minute while I try to time my jump onto the escalator just right so it doesn't eat me. They're scary! I mean, what's with the glowy green light that emanates from beneath those moving stairs?

Sippycupunderthecouchforaweekophobia - fear of curdled milk

Callingmybluffophobia - Fear of your children finding out that you won't really pull the car over and make them walk.
LOL!

Itsfridayandsomeonesgottocleantheican'taimwithagameboyinonehandwhilebeingshotatwithanairsoftgun bathroomaphobia.
This one wins the award for the longest word ever.

And thank you to the person who wrote an entire Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia song! LOL!


And my favorite one of all....

aibohphobia: fear of palindromes

Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad Wolf?

A lot of you guys have been emailing me to get the details on my book. There isn't too much to tell yet. I've spoken with a couple of publishers. They're looking at my proposal and deciding if my book will be a good fit with their publishing house. Within the next few weeks, I expect I'll have some offers from one or more of them. Then my agent will go through the offers and figure out which one is the best for me. I did learn something interesting though. The earliest my book will be out is fall of 2008. That's the EARLIEST! Crazy, huh? It's even crazier because I've almost finished writing it! Who knew that the books we buy in the bookstore were written at least a year or two before they went on sale? The good news is - when I finish up this book in another couple weeks or so, I can start on my second book! :)
Anyway, that's where my book stands now. I'll be sure and let you know when I sign with a publisher in the next couple months or so.

My daughter brought home a list of common and not so common fears the other day that I'd like to share with you.

First off - I'm not making fun of anyone who actually has one of more of these fears. Everyone's afraid of something. These are just more uncommon than most and I find some of the names humorous. (Yes, it's sad that I have to preface my post with this disclaimer, but I just know someone's going to comment that I'm a horrible, cruel person for making fun of those who are afraid of air or something.)

Ephebiphobia - fear of teenagers
I think I might have a touch of this.

Geniophobia - fear of chins
Avoid Jay Leno if you suffer from this affliction.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - fear of long words
Anyone else see the irony in this? How do you think patients feel every time they see their diagnosis?

Mycophobia - fear of mushrooms
After seeing the Dirty Jobs episode where they showed how mushrooms are grown in poop, I may just develop this fear.

Optophobia - fear of opening one's eyes
Must make driving pretty difficult.

Pantophobia - fear of everything
Man, that would sure stink.

Pentheraphobia - fear of mother-in-law
No comment.

Phobophobia - fear of phobias
Guess the profession of psychologist is out for these folks.

Scolionophobia - fear of school
I think a lot of kids have this one.

Technophobia - fear of technology
Oh yeah - this one fits me too. In fact, I kinda fear people who don't fear technology too.

Telephonophobia - fear of telephones
I only have this fear when my bills are overdue

Tocophobia - fear of pregnancy or childbirth
I have definitely developed this one!

Zemmiphobia - fear of the great mole rat
Seriously? There are enough people with this fear that they had to give it a name?

Xanthophobia - fear of the color yellow
What do these people do when they pee?

I think I've come up with some more. These should definitely be added to the list of phobias.

Styrophobia - the fear of styrofoam

Uncomfyshoephobia - fear of pointy-toed shoes

Flushophobia - the fear that one of the kids has just flushed a toy down the toilet

Scalophobia - fear of looking at your bathroom scale while standing on it

Pajamaphobia - the fear that someone will see you dropping your kids off at school in your pajamas

So, what's your biggest fear?

Check out Mamaslike for unique gift ideas from the Rocking Pony, Simply Lovely Gifts and more! See what contests and freebies are being offered here!

Curious George and I Went out Tonight

I got to meet my agent in person tonight! Yay! She took me out to dinner at a really nice restaurant. Ya gotta love a restaurant that doesn't have a clown wandering around making balloon animals or peanut shells on the floor or ball pits and tunnels.

So I met with an editor at a publishing house near me. Guess what the first thing she said to me was. Give up?

"So, let me see your shoes." LOL! She reads my blog! That just cracked me up! And I didn't even wear the really pointy shoes I'd just gotten. She, on the other hand, had on very pointy shoes, in case you're wondering. The other editor in the meeting was wearing tennis shoes. Ahhhh, comfort!

So, even though I managed to wear nice shoes and nice clothes, I just had to accessorize with a Curious George bandage. Right before my meeting, I sliced off part of my thumb while cutting up an apple for my son. These were the only bandages I could find. Oh well.


Oh! For those of you asking how I made the bacon, I used rolled fondant. I tinted half of it reddish-brown and I left the other half white. I randomly threw down pieces of each color on my table dusted with powdered sugar then I took a rolling pin and rolled all the pieces together nice and thin. After I had a thin sheet of reddish/white fondant mixed together, I cut bacon sized slices. Finally, I thinned out the edges a little bit so they curled up some like bacon does when it starts to cook. Viola!

It's Not a Party 'til Someone Gets Hurt

We had Austin's birthday party yesterday. He's going to be 13 on this week. I'm going to be the parent of an official teenager! I don't know how that happened. It seems like I just had him yesterday.

Anyway, the party was fine until Savannah fell off the bunk bed. She was sitting on the top bunk, leaning back against the guard rail when the wood snapped and she fell backwards off the top bunk and landed flat on her back on top of the broken wood. It knocked the wind out of her. For the next hour she cried that her chest hurt and she couldn't take normal breaths. I really thought she was just bruised, but how do you know that nothing more serious is wrong? I had my mom, mil, aunt, grandma, and everyone telling me to take her to the ER, so I took her in and they did x-rays and an EKG to make sure her heart wasn't bruised. Everything looked fine. There were no broken bones. She's just bruised and really sore.

Honestly, if I'd had to guess which of my kids would go flying off a bunk bed, I would've put money on Clay. Oh well. It's not a party until some furniture gets broken and someone winds up in the ER, right?

My almost teenage son refused to tell me what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, so I made him this one...





Yes, it's a bacon cake. Not terribly creative, but the kid likes bacon. What can I say?





This was his cake last year. The most warped version of the Simpsons ever!
Check out the Tuffet, Clinique's personalized bottle of Happy perfume, Pipsqueak shoes, Colour me Family personalized labels, Sugar Britches diapers, and Lillian Grace tutus at Mamaslike!

If the Shoe Fits...

OK, those of you who know me, know I'm not a fan of shoes. These are what I wear when I have to wear shoes. I wear these until we have several inches of snow on the ground at which point I change to tennis shoes (or sneakers, or gym shoes, depending on where you're from.)

I have a meeting with an editor coming up. I figured I should at least pretend to have some class for this meeting so I went out and got these shoes. After all, Stacy and Clinton always tell people to get pointy-toed shoes. I have to admit that it was kinda fun trying on shoes like these. The only problem is....

This is my foot. Do you see how these new shoes are shaped NOTHING like my foot? It's OK though. I have a plan. I'll continue to wear my Crocs through the winter and the snow. I figure I'll lose two or three toes to frostbite by February and then my new shoes will fit perfectly.



Check out what's new at Mamaslike!

Bless his Heart

My husband, bless his heart (Southerners tell me that you can say anything you want to as long as you add "bless his/her heart". That somehow negates the insulting nature of the comment. For example, "That dress makes her look like Shamu, bless her heart." Or "Her cooking's so bad, it could kill a horse, bless her heart.") Anyway, my husband, bless his heart, is making me insane. He's basically a good guy. He doesn't go out drinking with the guys. He doesn't feel the need to watch sports on TV twenty-four hours a day. He's had the same job for over twenty years. He cleans up after himself and he's pretty good with the kids. No complaints really.

So why does it make me absolutely insane when he does something like eat ice cream? Seriously, the sound of his spoon clinking against the bowl sends me over the edge. It's a perfectly normal reaction to want to jam the spoon down his throat when he does this, right?
I'm sure it's a perfectly well-adjusted reaction to want throw his toothbrush in the toilet when he leaves globs of toothpaste in the sink or when he walks around taking a tour of the house while brushing his teeth instead of just standing over the sink like a normal person.

When he talks to me while I'm typing, it also makes me nuts. It isn't the talking so much that bothers me as it is the "hovering". I hate when people hover over my shoulder while I read my mail or type anything. It's not that my mail contains any top secret government documents or that I'm writing private letters to secret admirers. I'm really not sure why, but it just drives me up a wall. It makes me want to type something like, 'tonight is the night. I'm going to poison his dinner...' just so he'll stop reading over my shoulder. My kids do this all the time too. Actually, they come in my room, flop down on my bed and sigh repeatedly until I ask, "What's up? What do you want?" in an effort to get them out of my room so I can finish typing. Inevitably their answer is, "I'm bored."

"Oh you must have seen the sign on my door that reads, "Entertainment Committee". Please, come in, come in, and let me find something fun for you to do. Let's see, you could fold those twenty baskets of laundry I haven't gotten to. No? You can wash the dishes that are piled to the ceiling or scrub the bathroom floors. Not challenging enough? Perhaps you'd like to go around the house with the magic eraser and eliminate all traces of your siblings' artwork from the walls. Oh! I've got a good one for you! How about you practice your instrument that I paid a million dollars for and is now collecting dust! Do you even remember how to put it together?"

They usually decide they're not that bored after all at this point.

Here's the thing about having a computer tucked away in your bedroom. Everyone wants to come in your room to see if they're missing out on something. That's fine. I can (usually) deal with all the interruptions. The thing I don't deal with very well is the fact that they never just walk in my room to ask me a question. No, they bring half a dozen toys with them every time. And they leave them there. On my floor. As if I don't have enough piles of mail and homework and other stuff to go through, now I either need to pick up dozens of toys every time I walk out of my room or I need to get the kids to pick them up. Maybe I should put some of those airport security bins outside my bedroom door and make them empty their pockets, deposit all toys, books, food items, shoes, and socks before entering my room.
I am SO saving up for a laptop.

Lex just came in my room singing a song that had the melody of the alphabet song, but she didn't name any letters. Instead she sang nonsense words in an unknown language.
"What do you think Mom? Do you like my song?"
"Yes, that was interesting. What were you singing?"
"The alphabet song."
"Really?"
"Yes, I was singing in Hawaiio (sounds like a combination of Hawaii and Ohio)."
"Ha-wai-oh?"
"Yes, it's like Spanish."
"I see."

After Lex left, Clay ran in full speed ahead (the only speed at which this kid moves), banged into my wall, fell back on his butt, and said, "I wish I was a hot rod."

Do you know what this is? It's a medicine holder. This morning when I gave Lex her penicillin, instead of drinking it, she poured it in this case. Not in the sink or the toilet or even the garbage can. Nope, she poured it in here because obviously I'm too stupid to possibly catch on to this little trick. Every day, twice a day, Lexi screams and cries and otherwise tries to get out of taking her medicine. Today, she walks away with the cup of medicine and returns a few seconds later, the cup miraculously empty, not a tear in sight. Yeah, I'll never have a clue that she didn't drink it. This, my friends, is why you never let a child out of your sight to take their medicine. This is also why there's always an extra tablespoon or so of medicine when your child has finished their course of antibiotics. Doctors and pharmacists just know that the kids are going to spit out or try to dump a dose somewhere along the way.

Thank goodness I have my new super soft cloth diaper to put on my baby since her butt is the color of this Barbie case. Yep, diarrhea is what happens when you let your baby have just a bit too much candy.