Thanks for the Little Things

A couple days ago, Joe decided that the inside of a couple closets needed to be painted. Immediately. So, he emptied out these closets and painted the insides of them. Well, why not? Makes perfect sense to me. I looked around the house at all the half-finished jobs and things that really needed to be fixed. I saw chipping paint, a bathroom that was primed last year, but still hadn't been painted, a gaping hole in the threshold of the back door, a couple holes in walls, etc. I bit my tongue and realized that once again, I have no idea how the male brain works. I don't understand my husband. I don't pretend to understand him on any level. How could he look around at the house and somehow miss all the obvious things that needed repair and yet feel an overwhelming compulsion to paint the inside of a closet? How?

Getting ready for the kids' birthday party last week, Joe came home from work about 20 minutes before we had to leave and said, "What can I do to help? What needs to be done?" Now, I know he was trying to be helpful, but I was on a mission to finish Brooklyn's cake, get everything together, and hop in the shower. I knew what I needed to do and I just didn't have the time to stop and give him directions. That's how I work. It drives me batty when I have to give him instructions like one of the kids. Why doesn't he just know this stuff? Seriously, why do I have to tell him everything?

On the flip side, Joe probably thought, "What is her problem?! Why is she stomping around, looking all ticked off when I'm standing here, asking her what I can do to help? What, does she think I can read minds? All she has to do is tell me what she wants and I'll do it. I don't automatically know what her plan is."

I'm pretty sure that men and women are different species.

After the birthday party, this escalated into a full blown argument. "I did everything for this party. Everything! I booked the party place, I bought the decorations. I sent out the invitations. I ordered the food and made the cakes and bought the presents. And you don't appreciate it! You can't ever acknowledge what I do and say thank you!"

"Why should I thank you? It's just a birthday party. Do you thank me for going to work every day? Do you thank me for dumping the garbage? Do you say thanks when I change the oil in your car?"

Boy, it's easy to start taking each other for granted, isn't it? It's easy to get in the habit of thinking, why should I thank you? It's your job.
Even though the little tasks we do: doing laundry, taking out the trash, grocery shopping, making doctor's appointments for the kids, paying bills, car maintenance, etc., might be our "jobs", it doesn't hurt to acknowledge them.

And ladies, we all know our husbands aren't going to suddenly start coming home, saying things like, "Wow, that's one sparkly toilet! Good job, cleaning!" or "I really appreciate that you helped the kids with their homework tonight." But, I bet if we started telling our husbands, "Hey thanks for taking out the garbage", or "thanks for giving the kids baths tonight", they might just pick up on it and reciprocate. That's my theory anyway. And wouldn't it be better if you both hear those little "thank yous" now and then? And wouldn't it be better if you were both happy and felt good about yourselves and each other?

So thank you for changing the oil in my car and getting me iced coconut coffee today, Joe! And I love the inside of the closets! I don't know how we went so long without painting them! ;)

These Are the Things You Don't Say to Your Wife

I went on a date last night. Yes, my husband knows about it. It was with him. My church sponsored a couple's date night. They provided babysitting, showed a short, humorous video, and talked about communication before handing us a sheet with discussion topics and sending us out on a date. Although we were tempted to drive home and take a nap, we decided to make the most of our kid-free time. I have to admit, my husband and I started our date by running some errands. Hey - we were together and we were talking uninterrupted by the munchkins, so it still counts. We ended our evening having dessert while chatting at a little coffee shop. We didn't even fall asleep at the restaurant, so it turned out very well in my opinion!

This is something we don't do nearly enough. We never even went out for our anniversary this year. It's sad really. If I could give only one piece of marriage advice to young people out there, it would be to take time for each other. It's so easy to get wrapped up in everything that needs to be done. There are always the kids and work and sleep (a very precious commodity to be sure) and household chores. You can certainly see how a couple could put off and/or forget about taking time for each other. The problem is - the couple starts to become disconnected. How can you be good parents and set a good example for the kids if you and your spouse don't take time each day to talk to each other? How about if you don't take time once a month or so to spend time alone together? My husband said, "Well, the kids come first, right?"

I think that's true in one way. On the other hand, they always tell you to put your oxygen mask on first so you can help others. If you don't take care of yourself and your marriage first, you won't be any good to take care of those little ones counting on you, right?

This is something my husband and I have sadly neglected for too long. We've decided to make an effort to get out for a nice dinner together once a month. I figure we'll make it until January before we forget about our little pact.

I'm sharing part of this funny marriage video by comedian, Tim Hawkins. I love his song at the beginning. It's hilarious! Enjoy!



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