Thursday, July 2, 2009

I Need New Friends

This is the first year I've ever gotten a pool pass for my family. I've never felt comfortable watching all of them around water until this year. Finally, I feel that most of them are old enough and good enough swimmers that I can concentrate on the little ones and let the older ones go on their own. My first 5 kids have never been afraid of the water which is not necessarily a good thing. I mean, I didn't want them to be scared, but a healthy respect for water would've been nice. From the time each of the first 5 kids could walk, they'd make a beeline for the water and jump right in without a second thought. Joe and I have spent many years chasing after little ones to keep them out of the pool, and jumping in after ones that we didn't catch in time. Thankfully, Brooklyn is a bit more timid. She's not scared of water, but she's never taken off for the high dive either.

So this year, we've been spending a lot of time at the pool and I've come to the conclusion that I'm way too fat to be hanging around the pool my friends are far too thin. Really, who are these moms who wear bikinis to the pool? Have they had extensive plastic surgery? Do they live on water and carrots? Do they work-out 8 hours a day? Or are they the worst kind of all - the kind who are just naturally thin even though they never exercise and they live on pizza, donuts, and beer? As I'm standing there talking to my friends, I non-chalantly glance over their shoulders, trying to find someone, anyone, who looks worse in a bathing suit than I do.

Then it hit me. That's why I have so many friends! I'm the token fat-girl that everyone likes to hang around to make themselves look better! They don't like me because of my sparkling personality, my fascinating conversation skills, or my sense of humor. Nope, they stand next to me because the extra pounds on their thighs don't look so bad when compared to my tree trunks legs. They may think they have a little arm jiggle, but when they see me wave to my kids and my flabby arms actually catch a breeze and inflate like the sail of a boat, they feel much better. Somehow the tiny bit of extra skin on their stomachs doesn't seem so bad when they overhear someone ask me when I'm due and I answer, "Three and a half years ago."

Yep, I either need to move someplace much colder where I can wear jeans and sweatshirts every day or I need to start working out and losing weight. Nah, I'll just find some fatter friends to hang around.

36 comments:

jules said...

shame i don't live closer I am bigger and you could hang out and look amazing near me *g* Am sure my Luke and your Clay would hit it right off to lol

JDub said...

Amen sistah!!

Nikki said...

Dawn, you need to go here-http://www.prankplace.com/coverups.htm and buy one of those. I'm seriously thinking of getting one of the bathing suit ones to wear at the pool and then one of the lingerie ones for a sleepshirt. My hubbie has a pretty good sense of humor!

Meag said...

AW! Don't say things like that about yourself! I've been an avid reader of your blog,(I even have you on my "Morning Coffee" application on Firefox...it opens up my favourite websites to view every day), and I've seen pictures of you, and you're a BEAUTIFUL woman! You have a great smile and you glow in every picture I've seen!

And believe me, your friends are just that because of your sense of humour, and your personality! That's why I read this blog, anyways. :)

Meag in Canada

Tim King said...

Hi, Dawn. Actually, I've found that most people (at least people I know) hang around with others who are like them. So 20-somethings hang around with other 20-somethings. Skinny people hang around with other skinny people. And so forth.

Of course, that avoids the real question: "What is 'looks worse'?" While the rage in the U.S. right now is to see young, skinny women as "beautiful," it hasn't always been that way, nor is it so everywhere in the world. Many men like wealthier-looking women, rather than the poverty-and-starvation look. Me, I don't think there's anything I wouldn't find attractive as long as it's a feature of my beloved.

So, all humor aside, I think it's worthwhile feeling beautiful no matter how you look.

-TimK

Kristen said...

You are too funny! Both my 2.5 yr old and my 1yr old have no fear of water, so I know what is like chasing kids around water. I would like for them to have a healthy respect for water too. It sure would make my life a little easier.

Mrs Salonga said...

Oh my gosh. I was honestly laughing to the point of crying reading this. Lol.
You are NOT fat, not AT ALL!!! But holy cow, the way you describe things has me in tears.

Catherine said...

You can be my friend. I'll make you look fantastic. BTW those Bikinis just leave more skit to burn. :-P

Jennifer said...

It's hot here. And I can promise that I'm bigger than you.

confused homemaker said...

oh, i have had that feeling. i dread being a bathingsuit this summer.

Tammy said...

I think I'd qualify! LOL I wouldn't be caught in a swimsuit in public for anything less important than oxygen. Thankfully, my kids are still satisfied with the sprinkler in the back yard! Ha.

Keri Jackson said...

Totally with you on that one!!! I have the same kind of skinny friends that wear bikinis!!!

Robin said...

Don't be so hard on yourself! You're beautiful just the way you are.

Michelle said...

I find actually being IN the pool helps because the water "distorts" the way I look. No one sees the rolls or the flab that way. But most moms don't go in the water. And sadly few of my friends belong to the club I do, so we tend to hang out mostly with the wee ones. But YEAH there are a lot of ladies in bikinis -- including some who really should NOT be in a bikini.

At least with this 60 degrees, there's no desire to go to the pool, right?

Shelley said...

Dawn, we should so be friends. It's too bad that CO to IL is so far away. I would make you look FAB in a bathing suit.

Midwest Mommy said...

I think we live near each other we can meet up and make each other feel better. I swear at my pool when I see moms in bikinis I do think they are either the nanny or were blessed with their children through adoption.

Aimee said...

Yea, they need to have "no bikinis allowed" pools that we can take our kids to! I'm sick of seeing those bikini moms too!

Your post was hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!

Rebekah K said...

I'm not a mom, but I love your site! Your humor, insight, and wisdom make me check it every day to see if there is something new. Don't get down on yourself too much. You have a beautiful family, normal children, and a thriving career! I couldn't even find your book in the book store cause it was sold out. And don't worry, many of us are the bigger girl, but we are just as beautiful!

Suburban Correspondent said...

Going to the pool is not for the faint of heart. At least, not if you are a middle-aged mom...

noexcuses said...

Where I used to live there was a place called "Mother's Beach" where only kids and moms could go. No teenagers, no men, only moms with kids. We all were accepting of each other (even the ones who got their Pre-Kid shape back). Maybe there could be a pool somewhere that could be designated like this. Nah, probably not, but it's a nice thought, no?


You have so much going for you, Dawn, but I know exactly how you feel. I've been there, and I am still there. (This is why you will not see any photos of me on my blog -- only the kids.)

There are a lot of really cute tankini type suits, or even shorts/t-shirt sets, out there. I'm sure you could find something you liked... check out Lands End at Sears.

It's nice not having to worry anymore about the kids in the pool. It takes a lot of weight off your shoulders...now let's work on our batwings, okay? (Me, too!)

Juliana said...

Well, it looks like I am not the only one you can hang out at the pool with!! I will make you look like Suzanne Somers--withOUT having to use a thigh-master.

heather said...

I was thinking the same things today! Moms with kids younger than mine who looked like they had never even given birth a year ago.
So, I made myself feel better with a big tub of ice cream.

Shellie said...

Guess what? They hang out with you because of your great conversation skills, sparkling personality and wit, plus, I'm sure you're a good friend to them. How do I know this? You don't look fat on the internet at all and you have a lot of people hanging out with you here. Plus, as one of those people who used to be able to eat whatever and stay skinny before turning 40 and her body turned on her, I never hung out with heavier people to look better, but because they were so wonderful. Plus also as JBJ says, they don't look bad to me. I don't envy their struggles to achieve or maintain a healthier weight, but I have always admired their curves :). It's sort of like how curly haired people want to have straight hair and straight haired people want curly hair. Go ahead and make new pool friends if it makes you feel better, but keep the old poor straggly skinny ones too. I bet most of them didn't go through 6 pregnancies either, so use that as an excuse all you want.

Anonymous said...

Hi Dawn, I noticed this year when I put my swimsuit on for the first time when I stopped walking my butt kept walking :) Kristine in Michigan.

ClistyB said...

Dawn I have had plastic surgery on both my bubbies and my tummy. My bubbies, because my natural ones were too porny (theres that word again). My tummy because I had 5 kids. And I still wouldn't be caught in a bikini.
I'll tell you what, if you look real close to the moms in the bikini section, they have some serious jiggle in the middle.
love you, lady

Moms Fighting Fat said...

LMAO!!!! Head on down here and I'll be the token fat girl that makes you look extra fabulous in a bathing suit! :-)

My friend, LaVender Williams, from MOMSWEB told me about your blog...how funny that the first post I read happens to be about bathing suits...we're heading to the beach in about an hour where I'll be wearing my swimsuit after shedding 31 pounds--but I'm still 199! LOL

Great blog, I look forward to reading more! :-)

~ Sandy Winn

Meg said...

Aw Dawn - you are so NOT FAT! Come to my pool - you'll get a whole new reference for FAT. It's a little scary, but OTOH, it makes me feel not so bad.
And I'm sure they hang around you for your personality not because you might be larger than them.
Pools are so hard on us 'may never see pre-baby weight again' moms.
Hang in there! You are AMAZING!

Katrina said...

I know exactly what u mean, but hey I'd much prefer to be having fun and have a personality than to be one of those plastic mums

Charlene Austin said...

Oh it's been waaaayy too long since I visited your blog....can't let that happen again!! Thanks for the good laugh. I call my legs tree trunks so that was funny. I went to the city fair yesterday and then tried to count calories on a tracker when I got home and it says I ate 3 days worth of food! OMG...no pool for me. Ever.

mommeeof9 said...

I still own my string bikini I wore pre kids 20 years ago. I wear it at home for Hubby. :) I would never wear it in public, as I might scare people with my pale, flabby post 10 children abs. :)

Amy in Douglas said...

OMG! Absolutely HILARIOUS! We live near a small town that lets you rent the public pool for 2 hours, with life guards present. So, I pay $65 to rent the pool for my son's birthday each year. That way, I can control who sees me in a swimming suit. It's so worth it to me that I've considered renting it once a month throughout the summer so that I can swim in peace. Plus, then I only have to deal with my crazy kids splashing me in the face!!

Winona said...

Since I'm currently a pregnant beached whale, come hang by me - you'll look great and I'll be the one waddling about ten steps behind!

Sue said...

Dawn, You're gorgeous just the way you are. Your real friends won't care about your weight.

I love the new font, BTW. It's much easier to read.

Sue

Stephanie said...

Laughing out loud!!! I feel your pain. :D

Molly said...

Amen sister!! I live in Las Vegas, try heading to the pool with your kids here! I the only mom in a one-piece, with cellulite and all my original parts. I also don't have a nanny to chase my kids. Which means I have to run to catch my monkies causing a ripple effect as my chub bounces around. I'm pretty sure they stare at me like a side show. But I swear back in Michigan I didn't look that bad. LOL. Did I mention that the moms here wear bikinis and often thongs to the pool. I think I'll start taking donuts to throw at them :)

Anonymous said...

Well, if you really want to move, it's pretty chilly here in Alberta. In fact, I haven't even pulled out my shorts yet this year, and it's the middle of freaking JULY!!! Today was the warmest day we've had in a while, and I would describe it as comfortable room temperature out there.

I don't think I've worn a bathing suit at an outdoor pool or beach since I was a teenager.

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