Monday, October 6, 2008

SPIDER!!!

I knocked a good 5 years off my life today. I was in the shower just enjoying a few moments to myself; trying to quickly wash my hair before my kids began banging on the door to tell me something important like, "Mom, Clay called me an ogre!" Suddenly I had this creepy crawly feeling on my shoulder. I rinsed the bubbles from my eyes and glanced over my shoulder. Eeeeeeeee!!! A spider! A SPIDER!!! A freaking SPIDER was on my arm!

I moved in a way that no human body should be capable of moving and ended up banging into the shower door which swung open. I flew out the door and landed in a contorted heap on the floor. The fact that I'd probably broken half a dozen bones didn't even cross my mind. Being a complete and total dork completely rational person, I just wanted to make sure the spider was off me! It was still there! But wait...wait a minute...that's not a spider. That's not a spider at all! It's...

Yep, that's right. It's amazing I'm not bald with all the hair I lose in the shower. So, here I am, a grown woman, freaking out because I have a few strands of hair on my arm. Sounds reasonable and well-adjusted to me.

And, to top it off, my kids all wondered what the heck I was screaming about. I tried to think fast and come up with a good lie an explanation as to why I was screaming.

"Umm, there was a bee. Yep, that's it! There was a bee in the shower and since I didn't have my Epi-pen handy, I freaked out a little. You know, because of the bee. And me being allergic to bees and all. You understand, right?"

They gave me blank stares and said dubiously, "There was a bee in the shower, huh?"

"What? It could happen!"

56 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Dawn! I would have freaked too. We have spiders that actually look like that in Arizona. And they all insist on setting up their webs in my house. If I don't do a spider-clearing exercise every couple days, our house looks like the Munsters!

When something is tickling our skin, we are hard-wired to respond exactly the way you did. This reflex keeps us safe from venomous bugs, poisonous plants and big scary hairy hairies.

Sandy in Tucson

Gail said...

ohmygosh, that made me laugh...

I've done similar things...only what I see is usually my tattoo! You think I'd know by now, it's been there nearly 4 years!!

KAT said...

There could have been a bee in the shower - that is how I found out I am allergic to bees. We had been on our honeymoon and we came home after a week away. As I was getting out of the shower I wrapped a bee filled towel around myself - 8 stings later i found out i am allergic to bees

luwanna3 said...

LOL!!! You are the GREATEST!!! I was in need of some humor therapy, and you provided . . . Thank you for sharing :)

Diana said...

Yep, been there, done that. Well, maybe not the falling in a contorted heap part, or the small story to the kids part. But the screaming and dancing around in the shower part... yep, that's me. I don't know why I have any hair left, either.

Nicole said...

I can so relate!!! I am afraid of spiders and the thought of one crawling on me freaks me out. I hate to admit it, but I jump when I see even the tiniest spider in my house. I have done the same thing, it is an easy mistake. It is amazing how alike a few strands of hair and a spider appear to be in the early morning shower. You are totally sane and I love reading your blog!!!

Kerri-Anne C said...

TOTALLY totally understandable! I do it all the time! I am severely afraid of spiders so it isn't hard to imagine anything as one. LOL

Glad you survived your hair err...spider...I mean bee attack!

Kerri-Anne C said...

I meant to add you picture does give me the creeps a little bit *shudders* LOL. So it was a very real impersonation!

Wendee said...

Seriously! I lose so much hair in the shower to! I wonder why that is? lol I always brush it to just before I go into to get the lose strands lol ;)

Duckygirl said...

Yep, it could totally happen...the one and only time I've ever been stung it was by a wasp while I was in the shower NO JOKE...it sucked :)

laura

Foundmom said...

You're not the only one to see "spiders" in the shower - if I don't have my contacts in, I see all kinds of creepy-crawlies in there! Makes it easier not to see the mildew in the grout, too. Seriously, if you're losing a lot of hair, you might want to get your thyroid checked - who knew such a little (nonfunctioning) gland could cause such a lot of trouble!

Gayle said...

Dawn, this is classic. I love your blog and this has to be one of the funniest entries I've read in a long time. Can't wait for your book to come out.

Nancy said...

Sorry that reminds me of a Raffi song:
There's a spider on my neck, on my neck. There's a spider on my neck, on my neck. Oh, I'm gonna be a wreck, I got a spider on my neck. There's a spider on my neck, on my neck.

Jennifer :) said...

Don't feel bad. I have freaked out over that too! It DOES feel like a spider or something crawling on ya! I've done it in the bed though...never the shower!!!

Jannet said...

Haha-that's hilarious. They really do look like spiders.

About your last post-- I have all the Friends quotes memorized in a special place in my brain. Really, I can quote something from each episode. LOL.

Dawn said...

I just recently described the very same critters to a good friend 'cept *my* spiders were stuck on my clothes. BOY do I JUMP!

Amber Narae said...

*Laughing my butt off* Dawn, you don't know how many times I've done exactly that... It's worse when you run straight out of the bathroom, naked and dripping wet, and run into your uncle, though... Thank you for sharing!

Amy said...

Just be glad it wasn't a centipede! My hubby had a centipede on him in the shower a few years ago. I've never seen the man move so fast! :-)

Cat-a-holic, Laila and Minchie said...

How coincidental! I had a bee in my shower just the other day too. Hahaha!

Dawn, I was in hysterics reading this. Not at you but with you. I can so relate!

Peggy

Knitty said...

Thank goodness I have lived quiet, dignified life void of spider hysterics.

What? Dawn can lie to her kids and I can't stretch the truth just a wee bit? ;)

Alicia From De said...

Hahahahahahahahah oh hahahahahaha my sides hurt!! LOL, OMG, FUnny, but you know what, I always think there is something crawling on me, I have long hair and strands touch it and I freak out, LOL, this was tooo great, hope you didnt hurt yourself too bad!

Sarah said...

LOL I'm so right there with you. I've been growing my hair out to donate to Locks of Love and my hair is it longest it has been in like 12 years. Not only am I seeing spiders in the showers, I'm feeling them whenever my hair touches my back or arms. Ewww!

Baby Tunnel Exodus said...

I'm so outrageously arachnophobic that I jumped off a second story balcony because there was a spider on the door. And by jumped off, I mean I climbed over, hung down thinking it wouldn't be that big of a drop, looked down saw I was directly over a concrete slab, tried to pull myself back up, realized I am a total "indoor girl," wasn't going to happen, kicked back a few feet so I wouldn't break my legs, landed on my tukus in the grass, nearly breaking my tailbone. AND I WOULD DO IT AGAIN. Yes Ma'am.

Blessings, Whitney

RefreshMom said...

Lol! Even without seeing the picture I knew exactly what kind of 'spider' you had in your shower. I have them too. And on the couch. And in the car. And at the grocery store. I think I actually AM going bald of late; enough so that I'm finally going to get my thyroid checked to see if that's the real reason I'm grumpy, tired and sleepless with dry skin and brittle nails. If that's not the explanation, I guess I'm just shriveling up and getting old while trying to raise kids young enough to be my grandchildren! (That might be explanation enough, I guess!)

Anonymous said...

So funny. I scream over pieces of black lint if I don't have my glasses on and do a crazy dance. I hate spiders or any creepy bugs. I can relate to your shower story but it actually was a spider. Sad and embarrassing part was I was using a camp ground shower with only a shower curtain separating me from total strangers. With the freak dance I did the shower curtain came right on down!!

FREIDA said...

Excuse me... I think I just wet my pants a little.... that was such a funny read... thanks I needed that tonight! No, really... I needed a good laugh... I'm pretty sure I would get the worst mom award for the night... yep, one of those nights.... I hate those nights... but they happen I suppose.

Have a good night! =)

Rick said...

Believe me, if you had a hairline like mine you would rather run into a spider in the shower, than a clump of hair. I'd even prefer a bee or two.

Diana said...

LOL thank god I am not the only one who does things like this!

The bad thing is that it happened at work one time (in a barn) I saw a spider right in front of me. I FREAKED, jumped high in the air, and backwards a few feet and screamed. Only problem is that there were about a dozen guys all standing nearby and so saw the entire thing lol.

Beckie said...

That is TOO funny because, I danced a jig the other day trying to get away from the 'spider' when I was sweeping....yep, hairball as well. Althought, over my front door last night was the biggest grossest looking spider I have seen in a long time. Now the kids are having fun crawling their fingers on me to tease me. Someone may die.....LOL

chantal said...

I have done this before in the shower too. My hair falls out all the time and i freak out just to find out its my own hair. but I have never actually fallen out of the shower from freaking out so bad!! That is too hilarious!

Elizabeth said...

Hey, it could have been a spider. In fact, you could have just been practicing in the event that a spider did viciously attack.

We call them spider drills at our house.

Mary G said...

We may have been separated at birth. I am petrified of spiders, and we moved into a house that had been empty for a year and a half!! EEK around every corner!

Anonymous said...

Hi Dawn, My dad is deathly afraid of spiders. My mom used a black marker and drew one in the corner of the shower. That one got him good! Only because she is afraid of snakes and he brought one in the house on a leash. Another good one is to unroll the toilet paper and draw one on and roll it back up. It's April fools day year round here. Kristine in Michigan.

Elleah said...

Good, I'm not the only one who has done that. I also can't see in the shower because I wear glasses, so I often think that dark spots of any kind are spiders and bugs!

Anonymous said...

This reminded me of my favorite quote from the movie "Calendar Girls":

Annie: None of us have been here before, love. I mean, for God's sake, my John didn't see me naked until the spring of 1975.
Chris: What happened in the spring of '75?
Annie: There was a lizard in the shower block at Abergele
[pause]
Quite a few people saw me naked that morning.....

MaBunny said...

HAHAHA, I've had hair spiders before, and they are scary!

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOD THAT'S SO FUNNY HAHAH!!!!

Eternal Sunshine said...

We always have hair spiders everywhere (That's what they're called, hair spiders) My mother started it - she had LONG black hair, and so began the hair spiders. My husband was less than pleased to learn about hair spiders when he married me...

Janci said...

That sooooo would've been me! I can totally relate! Petrified of the stupid things, and have had similar mis-diagnoses! LOL!!

tommygirl said...

Oh that is FUNNY! I would have done the same thing. All spiders freak me out. I rather deal with snakes then spiders.

Barb said...

That sounds exactly like something I'd do... actually yesterday there was a bee.. out by the pool and it went right at my 9 y/o. I told her to run and she did ~ right into the pool, towel and all! I was laughing so hard and she got so mad!

Anonymous said...

Dawn one time I woke up in the middle of the night, screaming because I was certain there was an animal in bed with me.... like a rat, or a tarantula or a big spider or....something. Of course, I woke my hubby up..... and we discovered it was his hairy leg! He likes to say he's the "animal"! :)

kimikki said...

I can deal with bats, snakes, bugs, rats,....but spiders? No way! I was sitting in our claw-foot tub one evening and a spider was walking around on the edge of it. I was creeped out, but okay, until he dicided that he needed a bath, too! He fell in, I jumped out, water everywhere. Yukyukyukyukyuk!!!!!
I also had a bat hit me in the nose once. That was interesting.

Anonymous said...

Hi Again Dawn, I am a hair designer and thought you and your readers might like to know that a human head sheds about 100 hairs a day. That's alot of drain spiders huh? Kristine in Michigan.

Liesl (NJ) said...

So nice to know I'm not the only one to freak out over spiders -- and I have had many "false alarms" due to long hair.. But my best "spider freak out" was just after we moved in to this house, I was in the bathroom and a very large spider (okay he was only about as big as a nickel) crawled out from under the toilet seat onto the top of the seat --- RIGHT BETWEEN MY LEGS!!!!!!! I have never jumped so fast!!!

diddlesgirl said...

ah, the hair spiders! my two year old finds them in the tub after daddy's showers (poor thing, we won't be geting hair spiders much longer) they terrify her! of course i would NEVER react by screaming and trying to stand on the sides of the tub nd wait for someone to come kill it . . NEVER!
just for defense, where i grew up the wolf spiders from the countryside around us would crawl up our drain pipes on a regular basis. you had to kill one every time you went to take a bath.
so, i am justified in my fear, I mean hair spiders look just the same, right?

Jaclyn said...

Hi. I've actually gotten behind in reading your blog, but it's in my "favorites" so I can just click on it. Anyways, going back quite a while ago, I use a stoneware bar pan & fix bacon in the oven. I loved the cooking outdoors tip. Your sarcasm (spelling?) makes me laugh & reading your blog really makes my day! Keep up the awesome work!

Shellie said...

Ha ha! That kind of reminded me of a bloggy buddy's post-read it and you will feel better about the spider incident. http://merrianne.blogspot.com/2008/09/smarty-pants.html

I Play Outside The Box said...

"There was a bee in the shower, huh?" Sounds like you may have under estimated your childrens ability to reason. lol

D'sMommy said...

Better to freak out then not in case it was a spider. One time I thought my hair was just sliding down my shoulder, at the time it was pretty long, and didn't think twice about it. Then I looked, I was going to put it all front, and it wasn't my hair! It was a frickin' flying cockroach that apparently decided to land on me!!!! Yeah, I jumped up quick and freaked out b/c I hate bugs and growing up in TX I REALLY hate cockroaches of any kind. I wasn't at my own home when this happened but if it had I would have sprayed a lot of bug spray on his butt!

Ken said...

Um, is it wrong of me that I am now imagining you in the shower...?

Tammy said...

Oh, Dawn. Don't you know you need to thoroughly inspect the shower before you get undressed? That way if you do find something, and have to run away, you don't flash any of the kids. At least it wasn't like the girl from Australia who thought she felt a spider crawl across her. She turned on the light and found a snake wrapped around her neck and it bit her on the arm! I would have died right then and there. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,433732,00.html

Burgh Baby said...

I did that EXACT thing this morning with a hair knot that must have fallen off my brush onto the counter. Totally freaked out because obviously it was very near to killing me just for looking at it. Obviously.

Michelle said...

OMG that is one of the funniest things I've read in quite awhile. And I know exactly the hairball you're talking about although mine is MUCH bigger. That's all the hair you lose in a shower? Now I really am worried!

Angie said...

Oh Dawn, this post is sooo stinking funny! Some of your readers comments were super funny too! I got a double dose tonight! Thanks! I needed that!

Karla with a K said...

Dawn,
I'm glad you pointed here, because I hadn't had the chance to read all the comments. THANKS A LOT, GUYS! Now I'm all freaked out thinking things are crawling on me!

No, really - Raffi - HAHA!

And freakin' Rick about your hairline!

And the poor Anon camping girl who had the shower curtain fall on her. Eww! AND a spider!

I get a hairball your size. I wash my hair (you know, once a week on shower day =D jk.) Then drive the kids to school (3 different ones.) Come back home and it's still not dry. You know, Rick, maybe you should try bangs. They hide my forehead, which is almost as "high" as yours :).

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