My son has a band concert this week so naturally, he told me that he didn't have black pants or a white shirt that fit yesterday. Thanks for the heads up, hon. So, I took him out to the mall after school yesterday to get the black pants and white shirt that are the required uniform for band concerts.
As we walked into the mall, I had the nerve, the sheer audacity, to touch Austin's shoulder. He jumped away from me, his body convulsing as he recoiled from the poison of "mom cooties". I stupidly tried again to put my arm around his shoulder. Again, he jumped away from me and gave me a look that said, "What is wrong with you, woman?! You're embarrassing me!"
I told him, "Ohhhh boy. You don't have any idea what embarrassment is." Then I said, so everyone within a 20 mile radius could hear, "THIS IS MY SON! ISN'T HE CUTE? I'M SO PROUD OF HIM! I LOVE THIS GUY!"
"Moooom!" My son freaked out. "You're so embarrassing."
"That's not embarrassing. When I do it tomorrow in front of all your friends at the band concert, that will be embarrassing."
He wasn't amused.
I haven't been clothes shopping with Austin in a long time. I usually just pick up jeans and bring them home for him while I'm out shopping. Now I remember why.
I grabbed some black pants in a couple different sizes and told him to try them on. "Let me see them after you have them on."
He did the required eye roll and disappeared into the dressing rooms. He reappeared after a while wearing a pair of pants.
"Well, those look ok. They're a little bit long, but I think they'll be alright with your shoes. Are they comfortable?"
"You don't know? Do they feel ok???"
"Ugh. Put on the other pair and let me see the length."
Another eyeroll as he trudged back to the dressing room.
He reemerged with the other size pants on. "Hmmm, I think these are just a little too short."
"I like these. They're comfortable."
"Do these fit better than the first pair 'cause they look a little short?"
"I like these better."
I lifted up his shirt so I could see how the pants fit around his waist. They weren't even fastened! They were too small and he couldn't even zip them up! They didn't fit at all and there he is saying that they felt fine and were comfortable. What the...???
"Ummm hello? Are you going to have your shirt tucked in and your pants unfastened when you stand up there in front of a gym full of parents to play your solo?" snort Yeah, that wouldn't be too embarrassing.
On the bright side, I think I've discovered an effective punishment for him. "Clean your room and finish your chores or I'm taking you to the mall to try on twenty pairs of pants."