Sunday Sound Out

OK, here are 2 week's worth of reader's questions...

How do you get "picked" to go on these cool trips/tours like the Campbells tour? Does the company call you and offer to have you come to their location, or do you call them and beg them to let you come tour their facility so that you can get a break from the kids??? Also, who pays for these trips?
LOL, I've never called anyone and begged. Companies find me. I'm guessing it's because of the amount of traffic I get. The smart companies are figuring out that mom blogs are a great way to spread the word. Speaking of, I still have more to tell about my Campbell's trip. And I've got some giveaways too! I'll keep you posted.

we are planning on going to FL for spring break. We have one day to spend in Orlando. I have 3 kids (16, 13, and 11). Can't decide on a day at Disney or SeaWorld. If we go to Disney, which park would be the best in your opinion? We've never been there and my kids LOVE roller coasters. Let me know what you think, please! Thanks!
I'm no Orlando expert, but if you told my kids they could spend one day at some Orlando park, half would say, "Discovery Cove" and the other half would say, "Magic Kingdom"! I've heard Universal has a lot of roller coasters and attractions for older kids. I've never been there myself though. I'm sure my readers will have some good advice for you!

okay now, where are the pictures that you promised to show off?! you gave us one to see, but then never mentioned them again.
OK, I just have no idea what pictures you're talking about. Anyone? Anyone? Buehler?

Now that you finished the book and have so much free time and all! Is there a potential third book in the works at some point, or are you just focusing on getting the first two out?
Right now, I'm waiting to hear from my editor to see how much the manuscript stinks. Then it's time to rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. After that, well, I'm not sure. I have an idea for a book that I really, really want to write. We'll see, I guess...

You SOOOO need to find a way to get a Duff cake for your launch party. And I so want to invite myself along -- and not just to see a cake in person.
Well, anyone who is in the vicinity of Chicago, mark your calendars for April 4th. Save the date for my book launch party. Details to be announced!

do you find yourself having to limit TV a lot with your kids, especially the younger ones? My 4 yr old would stay glued to the thing all day long if I let her!
Heck no! I encourage them to watch TV. Unfortunately, they're usually too busy goofing off, destroying the house and experimenting with soap, diaper wipes and household appliances to watch TV. ;)

do you get hate mail or hateful/ridiculous comments ? Probably not too many, but if you get some, I bet some actually pretty funny. Maybe future blog material???
Oh yeah, I get plenty of hate mail. I generally ignore/delete it. Once I responded to a piece of hate mail I got and I received a whole bucket of hate mail for responding to it! Generally it comes from people who think they know everything about me and my life from reading the little snippets I share here and it's ignorant so I just ignore it.

I'm thinking you sleep like a rock most nights! I hope that is the case!
Nope, not exactly.

does your family have/had any pets?
We've had a dog, a newt, fish, snails, hermit crabs, and frogs, but right now we have nothing and I'm good with that!

I just thought of this: someday, when our kids are older and our houses are quiet, we'll have plenty of time to call our friends. And I bet we'll miss the messes a little.
Yeah, you go with that. Let me know if it works.

How have you allocated chilodren to bedrooms? I note from previous posts that you have a 4 bedroom house, and that Savannah and Lexington share a room. From your recent 'bedrom cleaning' post it looks like perhaps Jackson and Clayton share a room? Does Austin have his own room? When Brooklyn isn't sleeping with you, where does she sleep? My husband and I are weighing up adding an extra bedroom to our house or having kids share a room.
I'll be doing a video blog about this soon, but yeah, Savannah & Lexi share, Clay & Jax share, Aj has his own and all Brooklyn's stuff is in my room.

Will your book be available on the Kindle on Amazon?
I have no idea!

Is there plans for an audio version of your book that you know of? I have no idea! You'd think I'd have a clue about this stuff, huh?

I thought the plan was to release the book around Mother's Day? Yep! April 1st is around Mother's Day. It gives husband's plenty of time to shop for it! ;)

is that a picture of its a small world ride in WDW?
Yep, be thankful I didn't put the video on my blog! "It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all, it's a small world after all, it's a small, small world...."

I won't ask for your opinion on recent events since you've been quite clear you don't blog about outside news, and I respect that. But say, what would have been your reaction had you been expecting...say...triplets? (Assuming you weren't on fertility drugs and the chances to naturally conceive more than triplets are very slim).
Triplets the first time around would've been ok. Surprising and scary, but ok. Triplets after having 5 kids would've probably sent me over the edge. And yes, I think the single woman who had 8 through fertility treatments after already having 6 is clearly not thinking straight. I can't fathom her life.

I have to admit I do love texting! I normally spell things out and my almost 12 year old is good about it too! Now when I twitter and I have too much to say I will use "2" in place of two, to or too!
OK, I will admit that I use shortcuts occasionally when I Twitter because Twitter only allows you very few characters to get your point across.

My biggest nailbiting words are LOSE and LOOSE. It drives me batty when someone writes, "I need to loose weight." I could scream and I see it at least once a day when reading blogs online. In fact, I've seen it VERY recently...that's all I'm going to say....
Oh no, please don't tell me I messed up that one! PLEASE!

Why is it that I have to imagine Milwaukee looking like the set from Laverne & Shirley? Totally can't bring myself to think of it as up-to-date! Bottles going by on a conveyor belt, a glove on top of one of them...
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Sclemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated. We're gonna do it!

Okay that's funny - your room looks 99% identical to the room I got at the Hyatt across from Woodfield for our reunion. But the question is....did your honor bar have one of those handy dandy "intimacy kit" thingies that upon first glance looked like a tin of Altoids?
Ummm, no. LOL! Knowing me though, I would've thought they WERE Altoids! That would've made for some funny blog material though!

Oh...and my name is Adrienne, and my son's name is Jalen, not Jaden...but close enough.
I'm so sorry Adrienne! I'm TERRIBLE with names. I've always been awful at remembering names. Your son, Jalen is adorable!

You've stated several times that you only planned on having a couple children and ended up with a litter :) I'm a mama who has always wanted a litter and have ended up with only a couple. I want more and am interested in adoption by haven't felt God calling us in that direction yet. But I digress. I know it's different for every person/couple but I'm curious how you and/or Joe decided whether or not to have another and another? And how you two knew your family was complete?
Good question. After our 4th was born, we decided we were done. God had other plans though. Hmmm, I dunno. I guess we just thought 6 was a good number and probably couldn't handle or afford any more. The DVT I got while pregnant with my 6th didn't exactly make me want more either.

Who is Oata in this story?
Sorry about that. I didn't even realize I'd written Oata. "Oata" is what the kids call Brooklyn. I don't even know how it started, but they've called her "Oata", "Oat","Oatlin" for over a year. If you call Brooklyn by her real name, she'll look at you and say, "My name is Oata." I have no idea. Nicknames are unavoidable.

I Wanted to Wonder , one of Because I Said So's loyal advertisers, has a special going on for my readers right now. Save 15% on everything in the store (except custom shoes) until Sunday, February 22. Use coupon code DAWN15! And speaking of advertising, contact me HERE if you're interested in information about advertising on Because I Said So.

Strike Up The Band

I went to Savannah's band concert last night. Both the 5th grade band and the 8th grade band played at this concert. We first listened to the 5th grade band play 18 songs. That was fun. You know, if you like hearing Hot Cross Buns played by, well, by 5th graders who have had their instruments for 4 months. The contrast between the bands is really amazing though. I remember when Austin (and later Savannah) was in the 5th grade band. I remembering listening to the 8th grade band and thinking, "Thank God! There IS hope! The older kids sound so much better! In fact, when the older kids play, I don't feel my fillings vibrate at all."

When the 5th grade band began to play, Brooklyn covered her ears and kept crying, "It's loud! Mama, it's loud! It's loud, Mama!" This wasn't a problem while they were playing because they were indeed loud and no one could hear Brooklyn's complaining. Unfortunately, she kept talking at the same volume in the silence between songs. Yeah. Fun.

At some point, both Brooklyn and Clayton realized their big sister was down there playing in the band and they started shouting, "Nana! NANA! SA-VANN-AH!!!!" Poor Savannah wanted to crawl under her chair as half the band turned to see where the commotion was coming from. I think this is about the time Brooklyn found a Lego in her pocket and decided it would make a good snack.

Clay was intrigued by the band playing and he watched the director intently. He warned Brooklyn, "It's going to get loud now," or "Don't worry Oata, it's going to be quiet now."

I asked him, "How do you know when the music is going to get loud or quiet?"

"When that guy raises his stick up high, the music gets loud and when he puts the stick down low, it gets quiet," he informed me. Duh, everyone knows this, Mom!

"Where did you learn that, Clay?" I inquired. I wondered if he'd picked that up simply from his observations. Wow, this kid is a genius, I thought to myself!

He answered me. "Curious George."

"Curious George taught you when the music would get quieter and louder?"

"Yep."

And there you have it. The monkey knows.

Jackson had brought his PSP and popped in the movie Daddy Day Care. He handed Brooklyn his ear phones. She took them, rubbed the ear buds together like defibrillator paddles and proceeded to "shock" her knee. So Jackson put the ear phones on Brooklyn and started the movie for her. Not realizing just how loudly she was talking, she laughed out loud and, indicating the movie, squealed, "He pooped!!! Mom, he pooped!" Good times, good times, oh yeah, another half an hour to go...

As we were leaving the concert, I asked Jackson, "You don't want to be in band next year, do you?"

Go Back and Be Happy Winners

Thank you to everyone who left a comment about Go Back and Be Happy!
Here are the random winners who will get a copy of Julie's book, Go Back and Be Happy.

Random Integer Generator
Here are your random numbers:
211
170
149
109
151
Timestamp: 2009-02-12 04:15:16 UTC

109
Anonymous said...
What an amazing story! I would love to read this!astierman@tconl.com

149
myless said...
What an amazing story. I'll have to mention it to my book club

151
Goldibug said...
I most definitly have to get myself a copy of this book. It sounds amazing. Courageous and inspriational are the first thoughts that come to mind when I hear of this story. I can't wait to read this!

170
Krys72599 said...
Would absolutely LOVE to read this inspiring story! You might want to try Don Piper's story, 90 Minutes in Heaven. Another inspiring tearjerker.

211
Diana said...
This story sounds fascinating. I would love to read this book.Diana GRomeoville, IL

Congratulations! Please email me at mom2my6pack@aol.com by Friday night with your shipping address or I'll choose another winner.

I Help, Mama!

It was 60 degrees today! SIXTY! It felt like spring! I know it was just a temporary gift and we'll be back to freezing temps and snow in no time, but it was so enjoyable today. I just love driving with my windows open and the music blasting.

Unfortunately, along with the warm weather, comes melting snow, mud, and in turn, dirty floors.

"Ugh, guys! Do you know how to wipe your feet? Shall I teach a class on shoe wiping? See this floor mat? Do you know what it's for? No, it's not just a decoration. You can actually scoot your dirty shoes across the mat, thus wiping off some of the filth before marching across the kitchen floor. See how that works? Pretty cool, huh? Give it a try!"

As I cleaned the floor, Brooklyn offered to help me. "I help, Mama!"

See how she "helped"?

That's about 60 diaper wipes. She grabbed a wipe, took a little swipe at the floor, then crumpled it up. Again and again and again.

It's nice to have helpers.

You've got a few more hours to enter my drawing for an HP Photosmart Wireless Printer HERE! It ends tonight at 11:59 pm (Pacific).

Where Are We Going, Mama?

Do any of you guys have kids who like to repeat the same questions fifteen-thousand times a day? Brooklyn is such a broken record these days. I think it's just a phase she's going through and I should just smile and enjoy it. But there are days when, after repeating myself a million times, I get frustrated and I feel like an idiot saying the same things again and again.

As I walked Clay and Brooklyn into the preschool today, Brooklyn began drilling me with the same set of questions she asks me every single day.

"Mama, why is there salt on the road?"

"To melt the ice."

"The salt melts the ice?"

"Yes," I sigh. She's asked me this same question every day for the last 2 1/2 months.

"Mama, does Clay have to hold your hand?"

"Yes, he has to hold my hand in the parking lot."

"So a car doesn't hit him?"

"Yes, I don't want him to get hit." I've heard this question since September.

"Are we late, Mama?"

In all honestly, we usually are running late (shocking, I know). Today we were actually on time.

"No, Sweetie. We're on time?"

Confused, she asked, "We're not late???"

As we walk down the hall to Clay's class, Brooklyn asks the same questions she repeats every day.

"Can I have water, Mama? Look a frog! Is that a bus? Look snowmen! Is that a bear?"

"Sure, I see the frog, yes, it's a bus, I see the snowmen, yes it's a bear." It's my running litany.

After doing the whole "I have to give Clay and kiss and a hug - no, not outside his class - INSIDE his class - AFTER he sits down" thing, we left to run some errands.

"Where are we going?" Brooklyn asks.

"We have to go to the bank and the grocery store," I tell her.

"We go to the bank?"

"Yep."

"And the grocery store?"

"Yep."

"Oh."

She pauses a minute and then asks again, "We go to the grocery store, Mama?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Where are we going?"

"The grocery store and the bank."

"We go to the bank and the store?"

"Still yes."

After getting in the car and telling me to turn up the radio until the windows are rattling, she asks me once again, "Where are we going, Mama? Are we going to the bank now? I like the bank. Are we going to the bank?"

Please tell me she's just a creature of habit and feels comfort in repeating the same sentences again and again and again...

On the bright side, Brooklyn's daily conversation is generously peppered with, "I love you, Mama!" Now, there's something I never grow tired of hearing or responding to.

Go Back and Be Happy

I'm sorry, but there's no sound out tonight. I just can't write right now. I wanted to share an incredible story with you instead...

When I was at the Books & Such retreat in Sonoma back in October, I met 2 amazing women. Well, actually, I met, many, many amazing women, but I want to introduce you to 2 of them here. The first one is Julie Papievis. Julie lives near me, just outside Chicago. In 1993, Julie was in a horrific car wreck. A doctor and an off-duty paramedic happened to be nearby at the time of the accident and immediately tried to assist Julie who was unconscious. Her pupils were fixed and dilated, she didn't respond to pain, had a palpable blood pressure of 80, and an elevated heart rate of 120. After cutting her from the car with the jaws of life, the paramedics delivered her to the hospital. As they handed her over to the trauma team, she started posturing, she urinated all the water from her body, and started agonal breathing, the last breaths taken before dying.

Julie shouldn't be alive today. She shouldn't be, but she is. Before she awoke from the coma she was in for FOUR weeks, she saw heaven. She saw her 2 grandmothers who told her, "You can't follow us. You have to go back. Your body will heal. Go back and be happy."

from Julie's book, "I know that I must return. I don't belong here yet. It isn't my time to be in heaven. I have to go back and finish my life and find happiness. God must have a reason and purpose for me not to stay. I trust him. I feel such hope. I feel such unconditional love. I know that whatever happens I will be okay. My faith is no longer 'blind'."

In this inspirational book, you learn of Julie's time in heaven and her struggle to relearn everything after coming out of a coma. I have to admit that I had the TV version of a coma in my head where the patient lies there motionless and then suddenly wakes up, refreshed and ready to get on with life. Not so. Not even close, in fact.

I read this book on the way home from Sonoma. I couldn't put it down and finished the whole thing on the plane ride.

Meet Julie Papievis from Go Back and Be Happy.

DAWN: When I met you at the retreat, I never, in a million years, would've guessed that you'd been in a coma, suffered major trauma to your brain, been paralyzed, and endured years of rehabilitation. Do people have that reaction a lot?

JULIE: Always!

DAWN: What was the hardest part of your rehabilitation?

JULIE: Rehabilitation, as a whole, is the hardest work I've ever done. I just finished rehab. for my left eye this year. Every year, they pick a new body part :)

DAWN: A triathlon! I've never participate in a triathlon. Or even a marathon. Oh, who am I kidding? I've never even run across the street! I'm just so impressed that after suffering such a severe brain stem injury and having to relearn how to walk, that you were able to come back and finish a triathlon. How did you feel finishing it?

JULIE: Finishing the race, I said to myself "your body has healed" just like my grandmothers in heaven told me it would.

DAWN: The chapter that talks about when you died and saw your grandmothers in heaven just sends chills down my spine. What an incredible experience. Can you describe what it was like?

JULIE: The way Margaret describes it in the book is perfect! If I had to use 2 words to describe it, they would be "perfect peace". Trust me, we all want to go there :)

DAWN: What is the best thing that has come out of this?

JULIE: I got the chance to reinvent myself :) Don't we all wish we could that? :)


The other person I want you to meet is Margaret McSweeney who put Julie's story down on paper. As Margaret says, "I tried to be the voice of Julie's heart."

DAWN: How did you hear of Julie's story?

MARGARET: I heard about Julie's story through her Aunt Kathy. We were both active in a local chapter of Infant Welfare Society. At that time I
wrote a neighborhood column for The Daily Herald and featured Julie's
story along with a fund-raiser for Midwest Brain Injury Clubhouse.

DAWN: What made you decide to write Julie's story?

MARGARET: After the article, Kathy, Julie and I met for lunch in Oak Brook.
She asked me if I would consider writing her book. As I was sipping
my iced tea, Julie told me about her near death experience and waking
up from the coma. One of the first questions she asked the nurse was,
"How is my yellow Toyota?" Years after the accident, she still had no
idea why she had said that since she didn't ever drive a yellow Toyota
and she didn't know anyone with a yellow Toyota. I about spewed my tea
across the table. My first car was a yellow Toyota! That was
definitely an indication that I was supposed to write her story. I
tried to be the voice of her heart.

DAWN: Do you have any other writing projects in the works?

MARGARET: My next book is Pearl Girls: Encountering Grit Experiencing Grace to be released in July 2009 by Moody Publishers. Just like the oyster, women get "grit" stuck inside their lives, but God's nacre of
love and grace covers the pain and turns it into a pearl. This book
features essays by women about the difficulties they have faced. Any
proceeds I receive will go in full to two charities: WINGS and Hands
of Hope. WINGS provides a Safe House for women and their children
fleeing from domestic violence. Hands of Hope is helping to build
wells in African villages.

I have 5 copies of Julie's book to give away here. Just leave me a comment and I'll draw 5 random winners on Wednesday, Feb. 11. In the meantime, you can check out her website and/or order your own copy HERE.

Baby Expo - Part Two

Well, I'm back home from the Baby Expo. Overall, they had a really nice turnout especially since this was the first year they had it in Milwaukee. The turnout of people who sat down to listen to me speak, on the other hand.... Well, let's just say, we had QUALITY not QUANTITY. Hee hee. It wasn't so much speaking to a large group, but more like telling a few friends some stories. It was nice. I think. I have my voice back, at least. Well, actually, I don't have MY voice back, but I have someone's voice.




Here's Michelle and her cutie little girl. She's a blog reader I got to meet!


Here's Jenny & Joe. Are they adorable or what?

And I don't think I got this woman's name (or I forgot because my brain is a sieve these days) with her sweet, cute little 12 week old baby, Jaden (I think I spelled that right.)

Meeting some blog readers was the best part! Thanks for coming out guys! :)

The hotel I stayed in, however....yikes! I stayed at the Hyatt Regency Milwaukee. When I got to the hotel, they couldn't find my reservation. Vicki, the Baby Expo organizer took care of it right away, but it was a little aggravating that the hotel had screwed up.

The hotel is undergoing major renovations, but it says nothing about this on their website. Not a word. The hotel reeks of paint and there was a layer of drywall dust on every surface. Even the counter in my bathroom was covered in dust. I checked into my room and saw the following letter on the desk. (I've added a bit of translation in red.)

Dear Guest (schmuck who is staying here amid the wreckage),

Thank you for choosing the Hyatt Regency Milwaukee. (I guess the fact that we weren't forthcoming about the renovations on our website worked!) We hope you enjoy your stay. (We hope you don't come down from your room and complain too much.)

On Friday, February 6th, 2009, certain guest rooms will experience intermittent water interruption as part of the hotel-wide renovation. (If you're here on Friday, you're screwed.) The rooms that are affected by the interruption will experience a lack of water sometime after 9a.m., which will last for several hours. (You won't be able to shower, flush the toilet, or wash your hands, but that's not really important, is it? We've done our part warning you, so if you're stuck in the shower with shampoo in your hair when we turn the water off, it's your own fault.)

We apologize for the inconvenience this may cause and appreciate your understanding of this situation. (Please don't beat us up.) Please contact a member of the front office staff with any questions or concerns. (We will ignore you and offer you stupid platitudes, but please feel free to contact us.)

We hope you enjoy the remainder of your visit to Milwaukee, and look forward to serving you in the future. (Other places in Milwaukee you may want to visit are the Hilton, the Sheraton, and The Best Western. We know we'll never ever see you again.)

Sincerely,

The Staff of Hyatt Regency Milwaukee

And then, last night I requested a wake-up call for this morning. Thankfully, I woke up on my own long before my scheduled call because they never called me. And, and, and, their tea burned my tongue and their coffee spilled down my front and burned my boob! Ok, fine, I can't blame that on them. That was my own stupidity. But still...

Seriously, check out the dust on the tissue box!

OK, I'm done ranting now.

Baby Expo Part One

I drove up to Milwaukee today because I'm speaking at the BABY EXPO in the morning. I wasn't paying attention and missed my exit. I realized I missed it when I started seeing signs for Green Bay and Fond du Lac. Oops. Thankfully I was able to get off the highway backtrack before I hit Canada. I parked in the garage, grabbed my suitcase (which has 4 outfits in it because I don't know what to wear and I'm just dorky like that) and headed for the elevator. I pressed "2" because that's the floor that has the skywalk over to the hotel. As soon as I pressed the button, the lit-up "2" went off; the doors never closed. I tried again. I pressed "2". The number lit up and then turned off immediately once again. I looked up and lo and behold, I'm already on level 2. Right there is the skywalk. RIGHT THERE! Duh.

I went to the lobby to check in and the hotel didn't have a reservation for me. Hmmm, I was supposed to be here today, right? Right? I quickly tried to remember the date. Yep, I'm supposed to be here now. Hmmm. I asked the hotel clerk if it was under the event organizer's name. "Nope", she informed me. She's already checked in and there was only one room under her name. I started thinking that perhaps I'd dreamed the whole thing. No, I assured myself. My picture is definitely on their website. I'm sure I'm supposed to be speaking here tomorrow.

Well, long story short - I did have a room, the hotel messed up, the event organizer fixed it so it's all good.

Last week, Vicki, the organizer, had mentioned going out to eat this evening, so she called me tonight and asked if I still wanted to grab a bite. Are you kidding? Going for food that isn't prepared by me? No kids? No husbands? Uhhh yeah! We went across the street to a little Italian place where I devoured a whole pile of gnocchi. I had to restrain myself from licking my plate. Seriously, it was yummy1 Vicki, on the other hand, had been feeling a little sick from the stress of organizing this whole event and didn't have much of an appetite. I think she ate 2 bites of her ravioli. I felt so bad for her. (And no, I didn't scarf down her remaining ravioli.) This is the first year for Milwaukee to host this Baby Expo. She's got a ton of interesting and unique vendors, goody bags, giveaways, and an awesome speaker with laryngitis. How can you beat that? Plus, the event is free! So if you're anywhere near Milwaukee come on out tomorrow or Sunday! HERE'S THE INFO.

As always, here are pictures of my room...




2 beds this time. I think I may have to jump between them. Kidding, just kidding. No really.



View from my window of tropical downtown Milwaukee. (It was really was tropical today! It got up to 40, I think!)






OK, I'm going to bed early tonight and praying I have my voice back in the morning.

Oh yeah - my giveaway for an HP Photosmart wireless printer is still going on HERE.

I'm Losing It!

...my voice, that is.

I've had a cold all week. Nothing too bad, just a stuffy nose mostly. Today I woke up with a headache. I took some Advil and felt much better by lunchtime. But I started losing my voice this evening. It was fine this afternoon, but it's now all scratchy and low. I call it my "Demi Moore" voice. I'm pretending that it's sexy. No one needs to correct me and tell me I sound like Roz...

"I'm watching you Wazowski; always watching..."

I'm drinking buckets of mint tea with honey (right, Kelli?), and I've decided that I shouldn't speak a word until Saturday. What? It could happen. I can just text my kids. I can be hip and happenin' and say things like, "ur making 2 much noyz!" Or maybe, "wat do u want 4 dinner?" Or perhaps "idk, go ask ur dad." And then I can end with, "g2g ttyl."

Actually, scratch that. It was physically painful to write that stuff. I just can't write "ur" for your or you're. I can't do it. Now I'm far from perfect, but I meet more and more people every day who just can't spell. Do you think our texting generation of kids will have a clue how to spell by the time they get to high school? Instead of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're", will we have to explain that "ur" isn't actually a word? Or, worse yet, maybe the powers that be will decide that "ur" should replace both "your" and "you're" and it will (gasp!) be added to the dictionary! Oh, I cringe to think of it.

I'm going to bed early before 2:00 tonight. I have to get my voice back before Saturday because I'm speaking at the Baby Expo in Milwaukee. If you're in the Milwaukee area, stop by and say, "Hi!" You can find me HERE!

(By the way, my spell check just blew up after going over this post.)

6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon

"You - you did a movie with Val Kilmer?"
"No, but Val was in Top Gun with Tom Cruise and Tom was in A Few Good Men with me. Huh, that was a short one."

OK, so like the fun-filled game of 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon, it's a small world. Case in point...

I wrote an article for the April issue of Guideposts Magazine. I'm so excited to see my story featured in the magazine! I mean, it's Guideposts!!! How cool, right? Anyway, so I wrote this article and then Rick, an editor at Guideposts, made it sound 4000 times better than I had originally written it. (I just LOVE editors!)

Because of this article, Guideposts sent a photographer out to my house this summer to get some pictures of the family. I never did see all of those pictures, come to think of it. But it was a CRAZY photo shoot! Guideposts wanted to capture all the craziness in my house so the poor photographer (who has no kids and thanks to us, probably never will) tried to get pictures with the kids doing stuff like coloring on the walls, jumping off the couch, climbing the shelves and being their typical wacko selves. It was LOUD. It was insane.

Anyway, flash forward a couple months and I'm getting my hair cut by my friend Gin, who happens to be Brooklyn's godmother. As she's cutting my hair, she mentioned that her husband, who works at an advertising firm in the city, was looking through portfolios of potential photographers. As he flipped through this one portfolio, he came across a picture of my family.

"I know these people! They live by me."

The photographer went on to explain how he was trying to capture the chaos with the shots. My friend insisted, "Yes, I know. I know these people! I'm her godfather," he said as he pointed to Brooklyn.

So, that's my small world story. I guess it wasn't quite as interesting as I first thought. Hmmm, let me fix that. Let's see here... Um, the photographer's girlfriend once waited on this girl at a restaurant and that girl's boyfriend changed the oil in this guy's car that he bought from William Baldwin who was in Flatliners with Kevin Bacon. Yep, that's better. Anyway, it's a small world.


So, grab a copy of Guideposts Magazine come April 1st! (Which is incidentally, the date my book launches. Should I be disturbed by the fact my publisher is launching my book on April Fool's Day?) Not only is it an amazingly inspirational magazine that will make you cry, but they've got some fun giveaways (including some from V-Tech, Lands' End, and Johnson's Baby!) for the release of my book! Can't beat that, right?


(As I inserted the links to Guideposts Magazine, I realized my editor's picture is right there on the home page! Beth is AMAZING!!!)

And then go check out my giveaway for a Wireless HP Photosmart printer HERE!

Another Episode of Insane Googlers

It's time to do a post about the crazy things people google that bring them to my blog. Before you ask, I use statcounter.com to see these phrases. Enjoy...

Clay goose poop
Things my son has picked up off the sidewalk

easy way to make a toilet cake
Why would you want to make cake for a toilet?

balmex in the carpet
Oooo, so close! The answer we were looking for was Desitin on the couch.

9x13r2d2 cake
Cake or math formula?

spam cordon bleu
Yeah, making it French-sounding doesn't change the fact that it's SPAM!

Stomach stapling mouth
Hmm, interesting concept - stapling your mouth instead of your stomach to lose weight.

Because I said so couch
Does it look something like this?


Causes of diaper rash on pineapple
??? I didn't even know that was possible

Bird poop in house good luck?
No, that's just what people say to make you feel better because a BIRD POOPED IN YOUR HOUSE!

Does matthew perry have a tattoo on his ankle
Oooo, did someone say Matthew Perry? Have I mentioned how I brushed up against him? Yes? Well, I'm mentioning it again.

The diarrhea song lyrics from parenthood
When you're slidin' into first and your pants begin to burst, diarrhea (cha cha cha) diarrhea (cha cha cha)

Doritos anal seepage
Let me guess, you're taking Alli?

The weirdo's blogspot
HEY NOW!

Staple swallowed child


Get rid of smell of rotten food in a backpack
Impossible. Just throw it out. Not that I know from experience or anything. A-hem.

Moms diet plan
Breakfast: caffeine
Snack: handful of kids' animal crackers
Lunch: realize you haven't eaten when 2:00 rolls around, make a healthy salad, then finish the kids' macaroni & cheese and hotdogs as you clean up the dishes
Snack: gum
Dinner: too busy driving the kids around to eat, grab a cheeseburger on the fly
Snack: wine, lots of wine

michigan
tangerine! (Oh sorry, I thought we were just doing random words)

When mom is mean
Did you google this, Savannah?

Safe to bring laptop to Disneyworld
Yes, bring the laptop; leave the kids behind

haircut pixie cut youtube butt pixie haircut
the first 2 lines of a Haiku?

Hilarious why did the chicken cross the road jokes
According to my kids, the chicken crossed the road because a bat farted on it. I know, I know, but if you tell your kids, they'll crack up. Trust me.

Superglue to get kernel out of ear
ideas that may seem good at first, but after the alcohol wears off, you realize just how stupid they were

what is a “mom's time-out” when you’re about to go off the deep end
lock yourself in the bathroom with a glass of Chardonnay. Or so I've heard...

you're, like, really really pretty. and i'm, like, really really proud of you
Awww, this was written just for me, right? Right???

what happens if i leave l'oreal preference hair color in longer than the instructions say?
You hair turns out looking orange like this...


DISTURBING GOOGLES
tracing digestion of pizza
uniqua's butt
weird stuff in toilets
Boys in dresses


I HOPE THESE ARE SONG LYRICS OR YOU PEOPLE ARE JUST INSANE

the day you died, the day i tried, was hard to face as there i lie, buried beneath the covers wishing to be one and all.

a book about a person who is a cleaning person, but he see this girl that he loves and does many things while her friends want her to go with another boy that he doesn't like

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Oooo, Oooo, Oooo, head on over to my review blog HERE to see my review of the HP WIRELESS printer! I have a giveaway starting at 12:00 AM (PST) on February 4th. Leave me a comment (after midnight PST) for a chance to win this awesome printer!

What Did You Do All Day?

Today, I read where a woman who had no children wrote a question to an answer column in a paper basically asking, "Why can't my friend who has children find time to call me? What does she do all day? Don't tell me she has laundry, cooking, chores, etc. because I have to do that too. Why can't she manage her time as well as I can?"

The columnist answered her nicely, but told her pretty much, that it takes twice as long to get anything done when you have kids.

I thought I could illustrate this point. Here's what happened today. This is not an isolated incident. This is pretty much what happens every day in my fun-filled life.

On my agenda for today was cleaning (because my house always gets trashed over the weekend), paying bills (groan), doing laundry (I had 8 loads to do because I let it slide over the weekend), writing up 4 reviews that I committed to last month, and a little Tae Bo (because I'm sick and tired of looking like I'm pregnant when my youngest child is almost 3).

I grabbed a cup of stupid tea because I decided to try and give up coffee. My reasoning behind this stupid plan was that I generally drink a cup of cream with a teaspoon of coffee for flavor and I decided it would be a good plan to cut out those calories. Yeah, I don't know. It seemed like a good idea when I came up with it last night around 2:00 in the morning. Note to self: never come up with ideas past midnight. They're never good.

So I sat down with my stupid tea after getting kids off to school. I'm in flannel pants and t-shirt, no make-up, and unshowered at this point. The little kids are eating the wonderful, nutritious breakfast I prepared for them - granola bars. I checked my mail and started writing up a review. Before I could finish this ONE review, I had to get up because the little kids were pushing the kitchen chairs over to the pantry so they could grab some fruit snacks. Their plans foiled, I sat back down to write. A few minutes passed and I was interrupted with,
"Mom! Mom, can you get this toy for me?"

"Sure, honey," I said while still sitting on my butt writing, hoping they would forget about the elusive toy. No dice.

"Mom, please can you get this toy?" they pleaded.

I got up and got them the requested toy. Then they asked me to grab the Snoopy Snow Cone maker off the top shelf of the closet for them. Know why they have a Snoopy Snow Cone maker? Because evil people without children got it for them.

OK, back to my review. By the time I figured out what the heck I'd been writing before the interruption, my dryer buzzed indicating my laundry was done.

I got up and switched loads and folded laundry. As I was folding laundry, I noticed about 4000 toys on my bedroom floor. Sidetracked, I picked them up and put them away. While putting the stray toys away, Clay called to me, "Mom, come listen to my song!"

As Clay called me to listen to his song, Brooklyn asked me to help her put some Barbie dolls in an airplane with no seats. I tossed the Barbies in the plane.

"No, they have to be sitting down!" she corrected me.

"But there aren't any seats. Go find the chairs, Brooklyn."

"No! I don't want chairs. Make them sit here," she instructed me. After 10 minutes of playing Barbie and trying to figure out just where exactly they were supposed to sit in the empty plane, I gave up and went to listen to Clay's song.

Clay, however, had completely forgotten about the song and was crouching in the corner of my room inhaling fruit snacks. Well, duh, I had left him alone for 10 minutes. What else would he be doing?

I sent Clay to his room to get dressed and clean up, then I grabbed some more lacking-in-caffeine-tea and sat back down to write. I looked through my notes to research some information about Campbell's soup for the review. Before I'd written a single sentence, my dryer buzzed again. Back to the clothes. Switched loads, folded clothes and started back to my computer. I was sidetracked because the kids were neglected and wasting away and starved.

"Will you make us some macaroni and cheese, Mom?"

After telling Clay to get his butt dressed (again), I made some macaroni. While the macaroni was cooking, I opened some mail and went through some paperwork. The kids were off playing. When the macaroni was done, I went to find the kids to tell them lunch was ready. Where did I find them? In the bathroom, of course. Note exhibit A.

EXHIBIT A

Know how much water a roll of toilet paper can hold? A stinkin' LOT! I picked the toothpaste off the floor, tossed out 2 water-logged rolls of toilet paper, picked up 4 damp towels from off the floor, grabbed a toothbrush that was stuck to the wall with a suction cup and put it away, and cleaned the mystery purple goo from off the lid of the toilet seat.

Meanwhile, were the kids eating their macaroni and cheese? Oh no. That would make my life much too simple. Nope, they were rearranging the kitchen furniture and had somehow managed to move the kitchen table almost into the family room.

At this point, I nicely told them to sit down and eat, "SIT DOWN AND EAT ALREADY!!! OHMYGOSH YOU GUYS ARE DRIVING ME LOOPY!!!"

I switched loads of laundry once more and dared to take a minute to go to the bathroom. Note Exhibit B.


EXHIBIT B

Apparently I didn't get the memo regarding "Fun With Toilet Paper Day".

This, my friends, is why when lunchtime rolls around, the only thing we've done is a few loads of laundry and a paragraph worth of writing. It's called DAMAGE CONTROL!

(Know how many times I was interrupted while writing this post? Neither do I! It was THAT many times!)

P.S. I did finally finish one review. You can see it HERE. Watch Chef Tom make chicken soup!

And, as long as I stay up until 2:00, I'll have another review/giveaway for an HP printer up tomorrow. Check back.