My Brush with the Law

I had to run to Target for toilet paper and laundry detergent, you know, because I go through like a roll of toilet paper and bottle of detergent a day. Of course, I left with not only the tp and detergent, but a couple pairs of capris (so I don't have to wear shorts in public and scare poor innocent people), like $100 of makeup, Diet Coke, Twizzlers, orange juice, shaving cream, mint toothpaste (did you know there are people who think cinnamon toothpaste is weird? I know!), generic Advil, you know, I just realized that I don't really need to share my entire list with you. It really doesn't have anything to do with this story. My only point with the list is that I bought way more than I went in for. As usual. Ok, moving along...

So, I'm driving home from Target and suddenly there are these lights behind me. I look in my rearview mirror and see a cop weaving around cars trying to get...where is he trying get? Is he trying to get to an emergency? I move to the side to let him pass. He doesn't pass. He gets on his loudspeaker (probably because he likes to hear himself talk) and says, "Driver, move to your right up ahead." What? He's pulling ME over? What did I do? I actually wasn't speeding for once at all. I pulled up and over to the side. He took time to touch up his makeup, finish his fries or whatever the heck police do that takes them so long to get out and walk up to your car.

"License and insurance card," the officer, who looked like he was eighteen, said.

"Hi to you too! Beautiful weather we're having, huh? Not into general pleasantries and small talk, I see. Okay then," I rambled as I searched for my cards.

"I stopped you because you rolled through that stop sign back there," he said. I snapped my head around to look at him and opened my mouth to tell him he's an idiot and that I've never rolled through a stop sign in my life. Speeding - yes. Rolling through stop signs, cutting people off, tailgating, failing to wear a seatbelt - never! I somehow managed to clamp my mouth shut and say nothing as I started searching for my insurance card. He looked on as I thrust my cards at him, all the while clenching my jaw and biting my tongue.

I bent over to clean up the stuff I'd tossed out of my purse while looking for my license and muttered under my breath, "I did NOT roll through that stop! He's full of crapOhYou'reStillThere," I finished as I straightened up and saw the officer with way too much hair gel still standing at my window. Oops.

"You know, I usually just give a warning for stuff like this, but after that comment, I'm going to give you a citation when I go back and review the video."

He walked away. Me and my darn mouth. Just never know when to shut up. But I seriously did not roll through the stop. Wait, did he say "video"? It's on videotape? YES! He'll see that I did nothing wrong! But he'll probably still write me a ticket because I said he was full of crap. Darn mouth!

A few minutes later, he walked back to my car, unceremoniously handed me my license and insurance card and mumbled, "I can admit when I'm wrong." With that, he turned on his heal and left.

Oh yeah! I'm innocent! I'm right and he's wrong! I'm awesome! He probably just pulled me over so he could check me out. Yeah, that's it. He thought I looked hot driving by and tried to think of a good reason to stop me. I'm sure that's it! My happy dance was interrupted by a text from Jackson, who was at home, that read, "Ha ha, you were pulled over! Are you going to jail?" Boy, news travels fast!

When I got home, I realized that the officer forgot to give me back my insurance card. I searched through my purse where I'd put my license. I dumped my purse out and double-checked everything. Grrr, he forgot it! I toyed with the idea of speeding around town and blowing off stop signs in an effort to flag him down, but opted to call the police department instead.

I explained to the officer on the phone what had happened and that the officer who was WRONG about my blowing off a stop sign, FAILED to return my proof of insurance. He asked me, "Are you certain you don't have it?" Ummm yeah. That's why I'm calling. Duh. He got in touch with the cop who had pulled me over and called me back. The officer insisted that he'd returned my card. I gave up and decided to just call my insurance company and ask for a copy.

About an hour later, I drove Austin to his baseball game. Know what I saw in my glove box? Where I put it. Where it's supposed to be. Yeah. But unlike the officer, I can't admit when I'm wrong. What? It's MY blog!