I'm Awesome and My Teachers Were Clueless

I had a discussion with Austin about how his attitude toward school
SUCKSleaves something to be desired. Austin shot back that I'm a procrastinator too. I told him he was grounded until he's 40.

But it got me thinking. Is his laziness hereditary? Did I pass on procrastination genes to him? Nah, I'm sure I wasn't that bad in high school. I mean, I remember my mom complaining daily about "my attitude problem". I know I heard the phrases, "if only you'd apply yourself", and "if only you'd work up to your potential" on an hourly basis. But I couldn't have been that bad in high school.

So, I searched through my box of papers, stories, art projects and such from when I was in school. I expected to find some evidence of my lack of enthusiasm for academia when I got to my high school report cards, but I was fully unprepared to see such negative reports starting in kindergarten! Kindergarten, for crying out loud!




This first one is really faded so I'll translate for you. It says, "Dawn has been having some difficulty in her peer relationships as she tends to want to lead and make all the decisions."

In my defense, it's not my fault everyone else was stupid and wrong. Someone had to lead that group of five-year-olds in the right direction! Sheesh! Clearly she was just jealous of my highly coveted leadership skills.

Now, let's move on to second grade, shall we?



"Dawn needs to cooperate with others without resenting the correction."

I would've had no problems cooperating if they'd just done things my way, which was the right way, of course. It seems obvious to me that everyone else had the problem.

Moving on to third grade.




"Socializing continues to take up too much of Dawn's time which could be put to better use."

Better use is really an objective term, don't you think? My teacher may have thought that memorizing my times tables was a better use of my time. I say, "That's what calculators are for." All that talking and story telling was really just research and practice for this blog.



"Dawn needs to continue to work on improving her work habits. Alot less socializing would give her the time needed to complete her work."

Yeah, yeah, again with the socializing. I'm telling ya, it was research! And my teacher really had no room to talk here since she thought "alot" is a word.

Now, let's see how I did in fourth grade. Surely, there has to be a good report somewhere in here!



"Dawn has made a lot of friends this years and has gained much more self-confidence. She has shown good progress in fourth grade. I have especially enjoyed her very creative stories. She needs to work on the above checked areas next year. Have a fun summer!"

Finally! A teacher with the good sense to enjoy my "very creative stories"! Why'd she have to go and ruin it by checking assumes responsibility, observes school rules, listens attentively, works steadily at a task, and finishes assignments? I know! I bet she didn't want to make the other students jealous with her love of my stupendous creative writing so she had to make up something negative to balance it out. Yeah, that's gotta be it!

Let's see how I did in fifth grade.



"Dawn is working hard this year. Occasionally, she is not prepared for class, and she may snap at her classmates, but we have discussed both of these topics and I am hopeful that these incidents will occur less frequently as time progresses."

Yeah, well, I'll tell you why I snapped at my classmates! Because they were stupid and annoying! It's hard putting up with such idiocy. How can I be expected to learn when the people sitting around me are saying their buttered popcorn scratch 'n' sniff stickers are better than my puppy puffy stickers? How can I concentrate when the girls at my table are flipping their beaded ribbon barrettes around and making irritating noise? How can I even see the board when the boy sitting in front of me is blinding me with his Mork striped suspenders? Yeah, that's what I thought! Case dismissed.



"Congratulations to Dawn and the Damalas family on her selection to continue in the Young Author's Contest. That's great!"

Oh yeah! In your face! I rock! I was selected to go on in a contest I don't even remember. But I'm sure it was the highest honor! In fact, it was such a high honor, my teacher couldn't even bring herself to find anything bad to say about me. My awesome writing prevailed! Finally!



"Dawn, I will always remember your contributions to our reading discussions. You always seemed to have the answer I had in mind! Carry that talent with you into 6th grade and you'll do a great job! Carry a smile too!"

Yes! Two good reports in a row! Finally, a teacher who appreciates my brilliance and understands that geniuses such as I, sometimes need to put the stupid people in their place. What? No, I am not reading between the lines! That's what it says!

After those glowing reports, things must go well for me in sixth grade! Let's see.



"Again, Dawn has produced basically good work this grading period. A greater emphasis on listening attentively to the teacher and organizing time wisely would result in even better grades."

Clearly, she had spoken to my mother before writing that comment. Just never satisfied. Always wanting me to do better. What happened to those glory days of fifth grade? "Basically good work" Humph!



"I can repeat what I've stated before. If Dawn listens carefully and follows directions, she does a good job academically. (She also avoids some of the "0"s she receives when she doesn't!) She has the basic skills and ability to achieve in junior high. It's up to her!"

It was up to me. All up to me. And I remember which path I chose. I decided to stop reading my old report cards at this point because I'm pretty sure it all went downhill from there. And now you know all about me. I'm a bossy, talkative person who likes to lead and make all the decisions. I don't use my time wisely and sometimes I don't complete assignments at all. I can tell a pretty creative story, but in the end, I guess I'm a pain the butt. Thanks to everyone for putting up with me anyway!